*Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling!
*Sorry for being so long on the update! Hope I didn't kill any of y'all making you wait!
**Title of the chap comes from "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" by 'The Offspring'. Leave a review!
Teddy finally opens his eyes and looks at me. "What's wrong?" he questions, noticing the pensive look on my face as he yawns. Teddy kisses my forehead , and dark turquoise stubble tickles the top of my head.
I shrug, glancing up at the ceiling. It's dark in Teddy's room. The blankets are pulled up to my chest, and my hands are folded over my stomach. "We can't do this forever," I inform him, my voice gravelly from sleep.
Teddy nods solemnly, wrapping one of my curls around his finger. It seems he likes to play with my hair. "Can't do what?" he asks curiously, wrinkling his eyebrows.
"We can't keep sleeping together. Honestly, I just came over to talk to you, and this happened. We can't act like this is okay to do, because it isn't," I tell Teddy.
"Who's acting? I know this isn't okay," Teddy mutters nonchalantly. He places a kiss on my neck. "But I don't mind it, either."
"Then why won't you break up with Victoire?" I demand suddenly. "What are you waiting for?"
Teddy gives me a blank look. "You and Holden haven't broken up," he points out.
"Well, we're a lot closer to it than you and Victoire. Merlin, Teddy, you don't just get to be with me on the side because you're frustrated with her!"
"It sounds like you're more frustrated than me," Teddy mutters, giving me a confused look. "Where's all this coming from?"
"It isn't fair," I whisper, avoiding Teddy's gaze. "She gets to wake up to you all the time and I don't. She doesn't deserve someone who loves her as much as you do."
Teddy nods suddenly, giving me a slow kiss. He lets his lips linger near mine. "I know. You deserve that."
"I don't want this to have to be a secret forever," I tell Teddy. "I love you."
"I know. I love you, too. But we have to work things out first, okay?"
"How long is that going to be?" I wonder, my voice sounding much more like a whine than I intended.
"I'm not sure, honestly. But it will be worth it. You know that, right?"
"Yes," I nod. I purse my lips in thought. "Teddy?"
"How do you do it?"
Teddy furrows his eyebrows. "How do I do what, Belle?"
"Make me feel like you love me so much. It's only been a few weeks. I've been with Holden seven years, and you still love me just as much," I explain. Ever since I met him, Teddy has always been so caring and understanding toward me. Still, I never thought his actions would result in this.
"I guess I always did love you," Teddy admits. He looks a bit embarrassed to admit it, but not at all ashamed of how he feels. "It was just something about you. A vulnerability, I guess."
I'm sort of shocked when Teddy tells me this. When I think about it though, I suppose it was feasible. Maybe that was the reason he always was so kind to me. "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask.
"You were in love with Holden," Teddy reminds me. "That wouldn't have been what you wanted."
"And look where doing what I wanted got me," I mutter sarcastically, rolling my eyes. I glance up at the ceiling.
"You didn't know this was going to happen," Teddy reminds me, his voice reassuring.
"I'm not just talking about Holden, I'm talking about always- and now. How can you even look at me, Teddy? You say you're Holden's best friend, but are you really?"
Teddy nods, seeming slightly confused. "Of course, I am."
"You can't be. If you really were such a good friend to Holden, you wouldn't be with me right now. Do you understand?" I question.
Teddy frowns. "That doesn't mean we aren't best friends, Belle. Remember how you said whatever we did, you would still love Holden?" he counters. I don't like Teddy's tone of voice. It sounds like he's arguing with me.
"That's different," I sigh.
"You know that Holden and I- that we're..."
"That you're what?" Teddy turns over on his side and props his head with his elbow, looking at me with interest. His expression frustrates me.
"We're taking a break from each other," I say. "You're just ignoring Victoire. That's even worse."
"I don't think either is worse than the other," Teddy tells me. "We're both equally wrong. You don't think so?"
Teddy trails his finger lightly over the space between my collarbone. "I know it's wrong, Teddy, but it's just that... I mean, I feel terrible, but at the same time I don't, and that makes me feel even more guilty."
"What?" Teddy questions.
I take a deep breath. "Do you remember, Teddy, when I thought my Dad was cheating on Mum, and how upset I became? And now I'm doing the same thing. I should be disgusted with myself, but I'm not. Why is that?" I questions. At first, I felt completely terrible for cheating on Holden. Now, I don't feel as bad. I just want to know why my mindset has changed so much.
"Maybe it's because this makes you feel better? Because you felt as if you were lacking something with Holden?"
"Respect?" I mumble. Teddy pretends not to hear me, but I know that he does. "And what are you lacking with Victoire?"
Teddy bites his bottom lip. "Belle, that's between-"
"I told you, now you have to tell me," I reason, giving Teddy a pleading look. I learned it from Hugo and Nina.
Teddy shakes his head, then looks at me and sighs. "My God, how can I say no to that face?"
"You can't." I give Teddy a small smile.
"Well, Victoire and I never really say eye-to-eye," Teddy starts.
"I thought the only person she ever was agreeable with was you?" I question. Teddy seems like he wants to laugh. "So why do you love her, then?"
Teddy shrugs. "You know those people you just love, but you don't know why?"
"No." Everyone I love, I have actual reasons for doing so. "If you can't think of any reasons, then perhaps you don't really love Victoire. Maybe you've just been with her so long that you don't feel as if you can break up with her?" Sometimes, I feel as if that's the case with Holden and I.
"I don't know," Teddy mutters. "I mean, I guess. Sounds like you and Holden, hmm?"
"Well, Holden was my first boyfriend, and only so far. Was Victoire your first?"
"No. And I definitely wasn't Victoire's first," Teddy informs me, his face falling a bit.
I study his face. "Why did you say it like that?" I ask.
Teddy's quiet for a while. "Well, Victoire had a bit of a... reputation a while ago. Some things happened with a few blokes, and she sort of turned to me. We'd already pretty much grown up together, and we were already friends, so it kind of just went from there," Teddy explains. He sounds like he pities Victoire a bit, and that makes me a bit jealous. I have to remind myself that I'm not yet officially anything more to Teddy than someone he can share his bed with.
"So, yeah," Teddy mutters, filling the silence. "It's not like it wasn't her fault, though." Victoire is rather talented at causing problems for others.
"Oh." Teddy and I remain silent for a while. He glances down at me. My body's curled into his, and my head is on his chest. Teddy has his arm around my shoulder, rubbing small circles. It's calm, and quiet, and relaxing. It's just what I need.
"Aye, Ted! You up?" A voice shouts, stirring both Teddy and I. I'd know it anywhere.
My eyes widen, and Teddy nearly falls out of the bed. "Shit!" he curses under his breath. "It's Holden!"
"What am I going to do?" I whisper back. "I can't leave! My cloak, my shoes- they're all in your living room! He'll know I was here!"
Teddy hastily tugs on a pair of trousers. "Just... stay here a moment, and get dressed," he tells me, doing his best to stay calm.
"Teddy? You can't still be asleep!" Holden calls.
"Er... I'm coming!" Teddy replies, shooing me away from the door with his hand. Teddy steps out and closes the door, locking it behind him. I press my ear to it. I can hear Teddy and Holden begin to talk. Their voices carry from the hallway.
"Did I interrupt something?" Holden asks cautiously. Merlin, did he ever?
"No, I was just in bed... sleeping in," Teddy answers, doing his best not to sound like he's making everything up.
"It's nearly eleven," Holden points out. "Besides, it sounded like you were talking to someone. Like a girl, Ted," Holden says suggestively. Oh, damn.
Teddy's silent for a moment. "Well, I-"
Holden starts laughing. I'm not sure whether this is good or bad. "I get what's happening."
"You do?" Teddy sounds choked up.
"Yeah, course I do," Holden repeats. "If you've got Victoire over, you just have to say so. I won't mind." I let out a sigh of relief.
"But-" Teddy starts.
"Nah, it's fine. I remember Belle and I used to be like that," Holden tells Teddy in a flat voice. Who's fault is it that we aren't that way anymore?
"And now you aren't?" Teddy questions, shaking his head.
Holden sounds like he wants to laugh again. That hurts my feelings. "God, no. I don't even know what Belle and I are, anymore. I mean, I love her, but I can't deal with her all the time, y'know?"
"Yeah," Teddy mutters. "But she really is trying."
"How do you know that?" Holden questions skeptically. Teddy has to answer without giving anything away.
"Because I know Belle, and so do you. Just be patient with her," Teddy says.
"I shouldn't have to be. I have to be patient with my nine-year-old sister. I shouldn't have to be patient with my twenty-one-year-old girlfriend. Especially when she keeps making the same mistakes over and over again," Holden replies. I'm not sure what to think. It isn't like Holden's never told me any of this before. It just frustrates me that he'll so easily repeat it to someone else. Can we have no privacy?
"Well, you have to look at it from Belle's perspective. She never really had anyone to teach her those kinds of things. She didn't have a relationship with her parents like you do. She still doesn't," Teddy reminds Holden.
"I know that, and I knew it then, too. But I fell in love with Belle when she was fourteen. She still isn't any different." Teddy doesn't say anything back. Holden clears his throat. "Yeah, well enough of that. You gonna be ready to go soon?"
"Go?" Teddy repeats. He sounds just as confused as I am.
"Victoire must have really done a job on you. We're going to the Tornadoes match, remember? Had the tickets for months."
"Oh, yeah. I just blanked, I guess," Teddy replies. I can tell that the still doesn't remember making plans for this weekend.
"Yeah, so go get dressed," Holden tells him. "They start at noon. I'll just watch T.V. or something while I wait."
"No!" Teddy says quickly. "Er, I mean, can you go make some coffee? I'm still not fully up yet."
"Um... okay," Holden agrees cautiously. "You sure you're okay, Ted?"
"Yeah, fine. I'm just going to... shower now." I hear Teddy's footsteps grow closer to the door. "Alohomora," he whispers, opening the door.
"How did you forget he was coming over today?" I ask angrily, keeping my voice low.
Teddy sighs. "I don't know, I just haven't thought about it, I guess. Look, Holden's in the kitchen right now. Just go to the living room and get your things-"
"What if he sees me?"
"He won't," Teddy assures me. "Just be quick, because I don't want-"
"Because you? Holden's my boyfriend," I remind Teddy. "Besides, why can't I just summon them? It isn't like we're muggles."
"Holden will definitely notice objects flying around my flat. Belle, I'm sorry," Teddy apologizes. "I'll see you later."
I don't say anything back before I open Teddy's door. He pulls it closed quietly. I can hear Holden moving around in the kitchen. Doing my best to be completely silent, I tiptoe through the hallway until I'm in the living room. I stoop down to grab my cloak from the sofa, and slip on my shoes. I glance over my shoulder to make sure Holden hasn't heard me. So far, so good.
Now that I've got all my things, I can leave. This went better than expected.
"Going somewhere?" My heart nearly jumps in my throat as I look up. It's Holden. He has the television remote in his hand, and a coffee mug in the other. He frowns at me.
"Home," I answer nonchalantly. If I act nervous, Holden will believe I have a reason to be.
"Why're you here in the first place?"
"I came to speak to Teddy," I answer. That isn't a lie. It's just not the entire truth.
"This early? Seems like you've been hear a while. I mean, your hair looks rather slept-in. And your clothes don't."
I brush off Holden's comment. "Why does it matter? You've made it quite clear you don't care about me. Now if you'll excuse me."
Holden looks absolutely enraged. He slams down his coffee mug so hard, liquid sloshes over the edge. He tightly grabs my arm. I wince.
"Holden, what are you-? Let me go."
"No. We're going to ask Teddy about this, because I don't believe you," Holden tells me, marching me to Teddy's bedroom. Without warning, he throws open the door. Luckily, Teddy's dressed. He's sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. Teddy's expression turns to one of pure shock when he sees Holden and I.
"What the hell is this?" Holden demands, raising his voice.
"Belle came over to talk to me this morning," Teddy answers quickly.
"I told you that already."
Holden ignores me. "Why'd you lie to me, Ted?"
Teddy furrows his eyebrows. "What?"
"You said Victoire was over."
"No, I didn't," Teddy shakes his head. He gives me a look, but I don't know what he means by it. It makes me feel guilty.
"You went along with it. Why?" Holden questions. I can tell Holden's growing angrier and more suspicious by the second.
"You didn't even give me time to get a word in. Look, I don't know what you're all worked up about-"
"You 'don't know'?" Holden shouts. "Belle is my girlfriend, she's at your flat, and the both of you are acting like there's something going on I don't know about! Why didn't you just tell me that she was over here?"
"Holden, calm down," I say gently, trying to pry Holden's hand off of me. Teddy looks on, seeming rather surprised. He must believe that this is what I've been going through with Holden the entire time.
"Don't tell me what to do," he snaps. "One of you better tell me what the hell is going on-"
"Nothing is going on! Holden, you told me that we weren't together anymore, so who else am I supposed to speak to? It was never a problem before that I spoke to Teddy!" I remind him.
"That's because you never talked to him in his sodding bedroom, Belle! Let's not pretend, we both know you can be a real whore when you want to be!"
I gasp at Holden's utter display of immaturity. No matter what, he shouldn't have said that to me. "Holden..." I whimper.
"Come on, Holden. That was uncalled for," says Teddy, coming to my defense.
Holden glares at Teddy. "Don't be stupid! See, this is what Belle likes to do! She likes making herself the victim! She just wants your damned pity!"
"Maybe she is the victim if this is how you treat her," Teddy points out, raising his eyebrows in a challenging manner.
Holden trains his eyes on me, waiting for me to say something. His grip tightens around my arm.
"Teddy, Holden loves me. I told you that," I mutter, staring at the ground. "Holden cares about me." I feel as if I'm reciting lines rather than saying what I truly feel.
"Really, Belle? Because I've never put my hands on Victoire, or called her any sort of name," Teddy reminds me. From what he told me earlier, that means a lot for him to say that. "She's more to me than that."
Holden shakes his head at Teddy like everything he's saying is bullshit. "Feel free to quit stroking her ego. You're just telling her what she wants to hear!"
"Yeah, the truth," Teddy counters.
"That game gets old!" I'm not even sure what's going on right now. What's Holden talking about?
"What game?" I ask timidly.
Holden rolls his eyes at me. "Are you really that blind? It's what Teddy always does! He likes to take the weakest girl he can find, and feed her a bunch of shit about how special or important she is just to make her feel good about herself. That's what he did to Victoire, and that's what he's doing to you!"
Holden's lying to me. He has to be. I don't care what Holden says, I know Teddy genuinely cares for me.
"No, he isn't. Some people can just be caring, Holden," I tell him. "And you don't have to speak to Teddy like that. He's your best friend."
"I would think that my best friend wouldn't lie to me," Holden says under his breath.
"Who's lying to you?" Teddy questions.
"Both of you. Do you really think I believe that you were just talking? You can at least make the bed when you're done."
I feel like I've just been slapped across the face or doused with a bucket of freezing water. "Holden, it's not- Teddy and I, we never-"
"Belle, you may be stupid, but I'm not. If you want to fuck your own cousin, that's fine by me. If your self-esteem's really that low, then that's on you. Just don't over talk to me again," Holden tells me. He finally lets my arm goo and takes two quidditch tickets out of his pocket. He thrusts them into my chest. "You two enjoy yourselves."
I'd much rather see Holden angry than disappointed. The fact that he's given up hurts me so much more. "Holden!" I cry, going after him. "Please, just let me explain-"
"Belle, there's nothing you can explain! You cheated on me with my best friend! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" Of course, it means something to me, but it also means something to me that Holden just wants to give up.
"This isn't just my fault! You hurt me!" I remind him.
Holden wheels around, and I fear that I made a mistake in pursuing him. "So that gives you the right to cheat on me? I may have wanted nothing more than to be rid of you at points, but I would have never cheated on you! Especially with someone you were close to!"
"I'm sorry! Holden, please don't do this! Please, don't!" I beg. "I love you!"
"I bet you told Teddy you loved him, too," Holden mutters. "Quit crying, I'm sure you weren't that upset before I showed up." The sad thing is, I did tell Teddy that. But it was Holden who made me feel as if I had to go to Teddy in the first place.
"You pushed me away. You treated me like shit, and I still defended you in front of everyone! Because I love you! You don't know how difficult it is, pretending that your relationship is going perfect when it isn't!"
Holden shakes his head. "Well, you can quit pretending now, because I'm done. I'm breaking up with you. You aren't my girlfriend anymore. You aren't anything to me anymore!"
I reach out to touch Holden's arm. "You don't mean that. You know you don't! Please, don't be so thoughtless!" I plead. Holden won't meet my eyes, and that angers me. I know I was wrong, but he owes it to me to at least listen. "Look at me, I'm speaking to you!"
Holden refuses to look at me.
I shake my head. "Fine, then I'm done as well. If you don't respect me, why should I even be sorry?"
I turn to walk away. Before I can, Holden's hand clamps around my jaw and turns my neck to face him. Holden's been angry with me before, but he's never put his hands on my face. Ever. "I don't respect you?" He demands, his eyes now boring into mine. I wonder if it's a trick question. "Belle, I respect you way more than you respect me! I respect you more than you respect yourself!"
I pray that Teddy doesn't see this. If he does, I'm not sure what he'll do. I take a deep breath. I don't even try to escape Holden's grasp. "You think this is respect? Holden, you can't put your hands on me, or call me names, or yell at me. And I can't let you. If that's what you think is all right to do, then I'm better off letting you go," I tell him quietly. It took every ounce of power left in me to speak those words.
Holden looks at me like he doesn't even recognize me. I can't say that I know who he's become, either. "Then it's over. For real," he says in an even voice.
I nod my head as best I can. "For real. Now please, Holden, let me go."
Holden's grip on my chin slackens and his hand drops. I close my eyes and exhale a shaky breath. When I open my eyes again, I see Holden walking away. He disapparates.
The next thing I know, I'm crying, and sliding down the wall until I'm sitting down, my arms hugged around my knees.
Teddy comes out of his bedroom and looks down at me. "Merlin, Belle, did he...?" Teddy's voice trails off, and he kneels down in front of me.
"He- he... left." Is all I am able to say. Teddy wraps his arms around me in a comforting gesture, and lets me put my head on his shoulder and cry some more. His expression seems troubled as well, like he wants to tell me something.
I know what Teddy wants to say, because I'm thinking it, too: We messed up.
(A/N: Sorry for not updating in forever! Been busy with school, and my science team (does that sound lame?) And today, I was busting my butt to get this chap up, and then for the first time in two years, it SNOWED! I just had to play in it like a little kid for a bit :).
So, the truth finally came out. Kinda expected,the way things have been going. Still, hope it kept you all on your toes! Love y'all, thanks for reading, leave a review letting me know whtat you thought! Hope I did this chapter right!