Disclaimer: I slept with your- Oh wait no, sorry. I don't own this crap.
Mama, a well known Genwunner and a former member of the 'I love sausage patties' society, woke up in the middle of a dark room, grumbling. A dizzying sea of darkness surrounded him, blocking everything from view. The Genwunner rubbed her (or his!) eyes, blinking in confusion.
Last he remembered, he had been trolling the ever loving crap out of some random forums, and now he (or she!) was stuck in some random dark room.
It shook it's head. Like most thing's in his life, suck as traffic cones and paper towels, this didn't make any sense.
Suddenly, a set off odd, tapping footsteps rang out loudly across the dark, empty room, echoing. There was a strang break in the sound, problably the cause of the mysterious person, or perhaps even thing, stumbling, before it finally fell at ease, right in front of Mama.
"Greetings, Papa." Black grinned, a random stage-light shining down upon him. "I'm so glad you could make it. Not that you had an option, of course."
"Actually, that's Mama." Ruby informed him from one side of the room. "I killed Papa."
"Aww, why'd you do that?" Black sounded upset.
"He made fun of my Milotic, what did you expect?"
White, who was standing by the door, spoke up. "That's not some kind of creepy innuendo, is it?"
"Anyways," Black went on, turning back to the Genwunner. "I'm here to prove to you that Generation one sucks more then my mom on a-"
"Stop. Now." Ruby warned.
"GEHUURASGON VUN HUS AWSHOM! YOUG VERENT DARE TO EXPEERENCE IT!" Mama screamed, jumping to his (her?) feet.
Around him, all the other Genwunners, which were apparently there, did the same.
White exchanged a glance with Ruby.
"What the hell are they saying?" She asked.
He shrugged. "Something about gardens?"
"YOUU VOULDNTT GUnDr/Andfyt;::fF;4(;;d((f;;;~!" The genwunner's screamed.
Black stomped his feet in anger, giving the losers a collective mental spanking.
"WHY ARE YOU ALL YELLING?!" He yelled. "I HATE YELLING! YELLING HURTS MY EARS! GOD DAMNIT, WHY DO INSIST ON YELLING SO MUCH?! IT'S SOOO DISRESPECTFUL!"
The pretty boy winced. "Can you please stop saying that?!"
"SAYING WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR, SOMEONE KEEPS YELLING!"
"I wonder who that would be." White muttered sarcastically.
"Yelling. The word yelling. Stop saying it!"
"WHY ARE YOU YELLING THEN?!"
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Someone yelled from the back of the room.
"Germany?" Everbody exclaimed at once, with the exception of the Genwunners, who only made some unintelligible noises.
"Uh, no. It's me, Blue." The guy pointed to himself, looking confused.
The Genwunners had a collective gasp. Several started crawling towards him, drooling like crazy. Blue's eyes grew wide as they grabbed onto his arm, licking it with exitment.
"What... Exactly... Are they doing?"
"You're Blue." White reminded him. "Or Green, I'm not sure. But anyways, you're almost half as cool as Red, and that's saying something. Or at least in the eyes of these losers."
"Hey! What do you mean 'half as cool'?"
"I said almost."
"Anyways," Black said forcefully, ignoring his prisoners strange behavior. "I'm going to show you the exact reasons why your generation simply isn't as good as you make it out to be!"
White groaned. "Black, please don't."
He ignored her. "Alright men, and Ruby, follow my orders! White, you guard the door. Red Link?"
"Yes sir!" A little boy wearing a red tunic answered joyfully.
Everyone in the room stared at him oddly.
"Ewww... Crossovers." Ruby shuddered.
Blue glanced at the blond kid. "Crossdressers?"
"That's not at all what I said!"
"Whatever you do, don't salute me. Ever." Black finished.
"Yes sir!" Red (Link) said again, saluting his master.
The boy was curled up in the emo corner, sobbing.
"I've failed you..."
Black didn't seem to care. "Blue, you keep doing what you're doing-"
"I'd rather not..."
"-And Ruby, keep filing your nails, 'cause sweet Arceus those look gorgeous!"
"Why thank you. I added sparkles for added effect."
There was a pause.
"Well alright then." Black's expression suddenly turned evil, a manical grin planted underneath two disturbling small pupils.
Spinning around, he faced the Genwunners, giving them his best rape face.
The Genwunners all exchanged confused expressions, muttering incantatios nonsense as Black walked towards a large presentation board, it's content hidden behind a large black sheet. Mama turned to his (or her) army, sneering.
"HEZ ISZ B3INGG DOUCHY!1!?' W33 SHAA11 KEELL HIEM!"
Black raised a finger, shaking it disapprovingly left to right, tutting in what seemed to be disappointment.
"Really? I expected better from you, being such a 'high class' Genwunner. Anyone else of your sort would realise at you are all tied to your chairs."
White looked up from her spot at the door, blinking and shaking her head in astonishment.
"Black... I can't believe I'm saying this, but... You're scaring me!"
A shadow cast itself across his face as he gave White a sly grin, chuckling softly as the Genwunner's made odd gasps of surprise in realization that what he said was in fact, the truth.
"Struggle all you want, pathetic earthlings, because when I'm done with you, there'll be nothing left for you to struggle with!"
"Is that a Star Wars quote?" Ruby questioned, looking up from his sewing project.
Everyone starred at him.
After a few moments, Blue broke away, looking up at the master of the room.
"Uh, Black. How the hell did you manage to tie them all up? They were just-" He shuddered, "L-licking me..."
Black pointing an accusing finger that one who had dared speak, trembling with rage. He narrowed his eyes, growling. No one questioned him.
"YOUR OPINION DOES NOT MATTER TO ME!"
"That wasn't an-"
"SHUT UP BEFORE I STUFF YOU WITH MAGGOTS!"
The three other Dexholders exchanged terrified glances, the same thought running through all their minds. This really, really was starting to get to Black.
And that wasn't exactly a good thing.
"U ME3N CATERPEE'S111!'" Tihs, another Gen one noob spoke up, eyes rolling into the back of his empty head.
The brown haired trainer curled a fist, slowly turning his head to meet eyes with him. He twitched a little.
"I WILL CUT OFF YOU WEINER AND FEED IT TO THE SEAGULLS, IS THAT CLEAR?!"
Ruby frowned. "You mean W-" Blue quickly covered his mouth with his hand, causing the Pretty boy to scream some muffled incantation about "dirty hands!"
Tihs shrank back in his seat, shivering. Warm, salty sweat ran rivers down his pale complexion as brown eyes starred him down, unwavering. Heart in mouth and throat tight, he quickly nodded, not daring to take a breath.
Black smirked. "Good. Now," He stepped away from the genwunner walking over to the board thingy he had set up. Once he took his glance away from Tihs, the noob started to take long, deep breaths, cherishing the air as it flowed into his lungs. Black slowly reached up to the dark sheet that hid the contents of what he had prepared, an evil expression set upon his face. "This is what I am going to show you today!" He finished, throwing the curtain like material off the board.
As it fell to the ground, the other people who were sharing the room leaned in to get a glance, before leaning back again, murmuring in confusion.
"IZZHE TROLLLLING UZZ?!21" One known as Kcuf, growled, looking around angrily at his fellow Genwunners.
His friend, Dratsab, frowned, blinking as if to clear his eyes. "EYE TH1NKZ U R RIGHT. U WERS DO SMARHVT!/2(!3"
The crowd continued to murmur, not to the knowledge of Black, however, who merely stood, smiling proudly, oblivious to it all.
"I don't get it," White finally spoke up, her back pressed firmly against the closed wooden door, looking lost.
Black sighed wistfully, tapping his finger repeatedly on the picture of a Muk he had displayed. "Did I say I was done?"
"You didn't let me-"
"You see, all Genwunners arguments about later generations usually center around one thing," He looking around the room for a volunteer.
"Later... Generations?" Ruby offered, finally having managed to pry Blue's filthy, disgusting, rat's nest of a hand off of his beautiful face.
Blue glared at the author. "Excuse me?"
Black gave Ruby a long, disapproving look, before finally mustering, "I'm going to hurt you."
The pretty boy quickly covered his head with his arms, backing up. "Not the face!"
White raised an eyebrow.
Black finally lost what little he had left. "THE POKEMON!" He screamed, jabbing the picture with his pointer finger. "GENWUNNERS ALWAYS WHINE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW 'UNORIGINAL' AND 'STUPID LOOKING' OUR POKEMON ARE, WHEN THERE GENERATION SUFFERS FROM THE SAME THING! LOOK AT THIS!" Fuming, he tore the image off the board and held it up to show everyone. "WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TO YOU?!" Without waiting for an answer, he continued. "A PILE OF CRAP! THAT'S ALL IT IS! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO NE SO GOD-DAMN HYPOCRITCAL!" Black finished with a scream, breathing heavily.
Blue blinked, face still with shock. "Damn."
The Genwunners all gave each other terrified glances, not exactly sure how to respond to that.
Black inhaled, getting ready for another, long winded, fury fueled speech.
"Oh crap," Ruby hid behind the sparkly pink scarf he had been sewing, "There's more!"
"Woah woah woah woah!" White held out her arms, shaking her head with a disapproving scowl. "No, Black, bad. Don't you think that's enough for know?"
"Shut it!" He growled. "I'm tired of this! There's no way I can take going through all the pain, and humiliation that we're constantly having to put up with!"
"I know, I feel the same way," She confirmed. "But I think you might be just taking this a little too far."
"A little?" Blue scoffed.
"Actually, I don't think I've gone far enough," Black grinned, removing the Muk from the board to reveal what was underneath. Again, it was simply another image of a generation one Pokemon, only this one was a Voltorb instead of the unholy abomination that was seen before (which, by the way, I totally ship with Gold.)
White slowly brought her hand to her face in a type of face-palm.
"Why?" She muttered.
"Now," Black grinned, pointing at the ball Pokemon. "Can anyone tell me what this looks like?"
"A... Voltorb?" Ruby suggested from the back.
"Ruby, I swear to god I'm gonna-!"
"DAT ISZ A FANTASFIC POJEMAS!?(4,? :5.().gagas6/g/)/).))a)/)Sahel:$hszhhdhd:)shush:$sah!" Hctib, another spazmatic Genwunner gurgled, looking extreamly wasted. "I LIEK ROSESESE... HEHEH?,(,..."
"Look Black," Blue spoke up. "I know what you're trying to say, that Voltorb isn't exactly the most original thing on the face of the earth, and, to an extent, I agree with you, but doesn't gen.5 have a mushroom that looks like a Pokèball?"
"Kindly piss off." Black growled, glaring at him.
"...That's you're comeback?"
"I will show the world your closet full of stolen bra straps if you don't go screw yourself." Black threatened, voice rising slightly.
Blue's face paled. "I'm leaving."
Without glancing back, the spiky haired trainer quickly made his way over to the door White was guarding, only to have it quickly open up and smash the two of them into a nearby wall.
"Well... Oww..." White muttered, feeling her hand bone insert itself into her back.
"I'll ship it," Ruby shrugged, taking a few pictures.
"Screw... You..." Blue rasped
Black spun around, letting out a loud growl of pure irritation. "What the hell do you want you stupid peice of... Umm..." He trailed off, turning a bit white at the sight of the person at the door. "Oh, uh, HI Red! How... How are you today?"
Red slowly walked into the room, his black hair thrown across his face in a messy fashion, crimson eyes narrowed as he scowled down upon everyone in the room, but mostly Ruby, because c'mon, he has a GROUND type that he doesn't want to get DIRTY.
"Black," He hissed, looking infuriated. "You PROMISED me, that if I were to round up ALL the Genwunner's, you'd get me a sugar-coated Charmander." He twitched a little at the last few words. "I spent HOURS on FourChan, now where the hell is it?!"
All eyes fell on Black, wide with expectation.
"...Uh." He blinked. Thinking quickly, he ran over to a nearby table and grabbed the small red and white Pokèball that sat on it, hastily throwing it in the air. "Chuck Norris, I chose you!" He screeched.
The ball open up to reveal a bright flash of light, nearly blinding everyone in the room, and there stood, the legend himself, the creator of everything, the only person who can even have water fear him, the master of the w-
"We get it! Move on!" Ruby yelled.
No, but seriously. Black somehow caught Chuck Norris.
"DATEC ISK A UNORGINAL POFEKAN!11!1" Epiwssa, another Pokè troll, screamed at the top of her lungs, pointing to the godly hunk of man.
"Chuck Norris does not know the meaning of "unoriginal", because the word ceases to exit when it is in his presence." Chuck Norris Chuck Norrised.
"Yeeeah, this is going to get old quick." White muttered.
"Chuck Norris..." Red hissed, balling his fist. "We meet again."
"Really? I thought we were just celebrating your funeral." He smirked. "Ready to die?"
"I'm Red." He was reminded.
"And I'm Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris lowered his gaze. "Chuck Norris will not take that comment lightly."
White lowered her head. She could run away, she could run away and nobody could ever stop her, and yet, she was stuck in here, watching THIS. She didn't even know how to describe it. It was just THIS.
Red's scarlet eyes flashed with cruel confidence. "Chuck Norris is afaid to meet my eyes."
"Uh, no." The legend mumbled, not looking up. "Chuck Norris just finds the ground really interesting."
"Chuck Norris is lying."
"...No he isn't!"
Red looked about ready to comment, before shaking his head. "Nevermind, let's get down to business, right here, right now."
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!
Will Black regain his sanity? Will Ruby ever finish his scarf? Will I be able to ever stay on topic?
Oh hey look, a butterfly!
Also, who will win? Red or Chuck Norris? And does anyone actually care?