Hi! Well this is a diary entry I wrote for my IB English Assessment but I (stupidly) uploaded it into fanfiction and now can't use it as it is on the Internet...
Anyway, this is about Masons feelings while Tex is in the hospital. It was supposed to be 600 words but as I am not longer going to present this as my work... Screw it I'll make it longer. Maybe I'll write a second chapter.
Hope you enjoy it! :)
Honestly, I don't even know how to start this or even write it. I mean I don't even HAVE a diary; this is just a paper, a piece of paper I probably won't see ever again. Seriously, those guys who write about their feeling and that: I'm most definitely not one of them. If you would have told me before that I was someday going to write a diary entry. Well, let's just say it wouldn't have been a nice conversation. But today I'm not the same Mason. Today I just needed to write this.
Wanna know why? Easy: My kid brother was shot.
Right now I really think this all is my fault. I could've avoided all this. I could've told him before or just kept my mouth shut. But I didn't…
I'm so mad at everyone: at the person who shot him, at Lem for taking him there, at Pop for making him run away and at me for not stopping him. I could have ran after him and avoid all this...
I'm such a lousy big-brother.
Texas is a great kid and I don't deserve him. I really meant it when I said he was my brother even though he isn't my dad's son. Tex is my family. He's all I've got.
I should've told him all that before.
If Tex were here, he would probably tell me to take it easy and he would worry about my ulcer getting worse and that. But he's not here.
Right now my 14-year-old little brother is in the hospital. I'm waiting in the cafeteria for his doctor to let me see him as he says Tex needs to rest and that I'd get to see him soon. Tex doesn't deserve this. He's just a kid for crying out loud!
If anything Lem should be the one in the hospital.
Lem… He's such a fucking idiot! He almost got Tex killed and all he cared about was his stupid drugs and the police finding out about them. Well, at least I got get back at him. I kinda beat the crap outta that guy. Can't say he didn't fight back but I was winning by the time the police broke us up.
I swear I could've killed him in that moment. What the heck was he thinking about?! Scratch that: Was he even THINKING?! Taking my kid brother to one of his "jobs"! I knew the drug thing was going to brought us problems. I just never thought this would happen. If I had known my little brother was going to end up like that because of Lem's stupidity I would have knocked some sense into him the moment I found out about his little "business".
I have to admit I nearly had a heart attack when Cole Collins called and said Tex had called his house, claiming he had been shot. I practically broke a thousand traffic laws on my way to the hospital. I drove so fast that by the time I arrived the ambulance wasn't even there.
At first I wasn't allowed to see Tex but then a doctor came and told me he was asking for me so they would let me see him before he went into surgery. He was really out of it. He kept mumbling: "I don't hate you, Mason. I don't hate you." Why would I think he hated me?
Anyway, while Tex was being operated I just sat in the waiting room not talking to anyone. Really I didn't feel like talking. I was too worried. Jamie told me that when Tex had called her house he had wanted her to give him our house number to talk with me. To be honest that only made me feel worse. After what seemed like forever the doctor came out and told us Tex's going to be ok. I have to admit: I broke down. I was so relieved I just couldn't stop crying. I cried so much the doctor had to give me a shot.
That's why he told me to write this when I woke up. Said it may help.
Well, I have to stop writing here. The doctor says I can go see Tex now. Writing this wasn't that bad… Maybe I should start a diary. I'll sure think about it.
Till next time,
So how was it? Did you like it? No? Review and tell me! :)
Love to everyone (except the IB Program :I )