Sorry for the delay but I'm really busy with school and I just started to watch Friday Night Lights and I'm hooked. But I finally decided that it wasn't fair to make you wait too long, especially after all the supportive comments, and wrote that chapter. I hope that you will like it, even though I should probably have spent more time on it. But you wanted some happier interaction between Deacon and Rayna, and that's what I'm giving you! (and by the way did you notice how I had totally predicted that scene in last week episode where Rayna receives a phone call in the middle of the night because Deacon is in trouble? that's too bad she didn't pick it up though)
When Deacon opened his eyes the next morning, it took him some time to realize where he was and why. His headache was a good hint but also a terrible one. He couldn't believe that he had really been drinking. How could he have ruined all the work he had done on his sobriety in one night? No matter how much the news of Maddie being his daughter had shaken him up, he should never have been drinking. It wasn't the solution, it never had been. To go further with that thought he could even say that it was what had put him in this situation, because if he hadn't been an alcoholic, Rayna would never have hidden it from him and they could have lived happily ever after. But he wasn't going to follow that train of thought though, because he really didn't want to find any excuses for her right now.
For now he had been happy with being angry at her. It allowed him to push back all of the other feelings he was experiencing in a far off corner of his mind, and to only focus on his anger. But when he saw her sleeping in that chair, next to the bed he was on, he couldn't help but feel that this wasn't fair on her. She shouldn't have hidden his daughter from him, but still she had been there and she still was. She had been looking up for him all night long, even though he had probably been awful to her (he couldn't remember exactly what he had said, but was ready to bet that it hadn't been really nice) and that she would probably get in trouble with Teddy later for it.
But what dulled his anger the most wasn't the fact that he was touched by her being there. It was more profound than that. He just couldn't stay mad at her. When he was looking at her like that, sleeping innocently, her long magnificent hair covering her face, he couldn't help but love her. He had always loved her and it seemed as if it was never going to go away. He had tried to get rid of this feeling, because that was what she wanted, and what he wanted the most was to grant all of her wishes. But it didn't matter how much he wanted it. She was the love of her life and it could never be any different.
Furthermore, when thinking about it, this whole deal with Maddie wasn't something to get mad about. It meant that he had a daughter. Sure, he had not been in her life the way he would have wanted to be for all these years, but she was still young and there was still so much he could teach her. So much moments he could spend with her, and so much love he could give. He would never have thought of himself as ready to be a dad, but it was clear to him now that this was all he had ever wanted. He had so much love to give and nobody to give it to. He had to take that chance to change his life around. It wasn't going to be easy, but with a clear goal you can go anywhere. Clear eyes, full hearts can't lose, right?
But first he had to go to an AA meeting. He would never find a way to get to his daughter and to the love of his life by plunging back into the dangerous world of addiction. He sighed, this was really one world he thought he had left a long time ago. He had been weak last night and he was hating himself for it. He slowly came out of the bed his friend Nick had let him use last night and the headache just got worse. Drinking was definitely something he wasn't missing in his life. This hangover was bringing back so much memories of how self-destructive he used to be, and it made him respect Rayna even more for sticking at his side through it all.
She opened her eyes when she heard him standing up. She gently smiled, willing to overlook what had happened last night and trying to start this new day on a better note. She grabbed his hand as he passed her chair, totally unaware that she wasn't sleeping. "Where are you going?"
He turned towards her and smiled at her sleepy head, which kind of surprised her after the way he had been treating her last night. "AA." She nodded but he didn't move. He was thinking about the fact that he might not get the chance to speak to her in a private environment like this one before quite some time, and that he should probably make the most of it. "We should probably talk."
"Yeah." But she didn't add anything. Actually she didn't really know what to add. She didn't want to upset him like last night and her mind wasn't really working at its higher level in the morning. So she just stared at him, a small smile still plastered to her face.
He sighed and sat on the bed, facing her. He actually wasn't really certain of what to say himself. What would someone say in such a situation? They both nervously laughed at their awkwardness and it made him a little bit more relaxed about it all. After all, it was Rayna in front of him. They could usually talk about everything. Well, almost everything. Their romantic relationship was a topic they were usually trying to avoid. But still, they were friends and they would try to work everything out. What he would say wouldn't change that fact, so it didn't have to be that awkward.
"I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have been drinking, it was a mistake."
She nodded and the smile disappeared as her eyes darkened. "I'm sorry too. This was all my fault."
"No. Me drinking is never your fault. It's always my fault. No matter what happens I should never drink and that's completely on me, so I'm sorry for last night. As for Maddie, I just don't know what to say."
They were met with silence again. It was one slippery slope and neither one of them wanted to start a fight. But it wasn't changing the fact that they needed to talk about it. This was a big deal and they couldn't pretend that nothing had happened, especially not when Maddie was all confused about it.
Deacon locked eyes with Rayna and decided to ask the question he had been asking himself ever since he had found out about all of this. "Why did you never tell me that you were having my daughter? And please, be honest."
Her first instinct would have been to blame it on his addiction. He couldn't be trusted to raise a daughter then and she had Teddy who was going to make a wonderful father. But he had asked her to be honest and that's what she wanted to be. "Honestly? I was with Teddy back then and I thought that if you knew about Maddie you would never give up on me. And I wanted you to give up on me because if you had continued on fighting I would eventually have gone back to you, and it was scaring me. I knew that when you would see that I was having a beautiful daughter with my perfect husband, you would let me go and have that life I had always wanted. If you had known that it was your daughter, it would have been different."
"You're right. It's completely different. I have always thought that Teddy was better for you because he was a steady man and he was the father of your children. But the truth is, he is not that much better than me. He lost all of your money and is entering that dirty business of politics with your father. And I'm just as much of a father to your children as he is. I was a fool for giving up the fight back then and I would be even more of a fool for giving it up now."
Rayna was surprised by the resolution in his speech, and she was afraid to see where this was going. "What do you mean, Deacon?"
"I'm going to fight for you. And for Maddie. And even for Daphne, I love that kid too. You're the best thing in my life and I'm done with letting you go."
"Well, you see, I'm not sure that I agree with that."
He laughed at her perfect accent and, before she could understand what was happening, he went to kiss her. He had been dreaming of her lips for so long now, and he had to control himself not to look to hungry. She didn't really respond at first, she was even ready to push him off. However, she didn't know if it was the lack of sleep or his intoxicating smell, but she finally caved in and intertwined her fingers in his hair, pressing their lips together even more, wanting for that kiss to never stop.
Eventually he drew back, having made his point, and went in direction of the door. He looked at her one more time and smirked. "And I am totally sure that you agree with that."
And then he was gone.
So? What did you think?