AN: This FanFic uses the dialogue from the actual first goodbye scene at Bad Wolf Bay (the one when the Doctor has just lost Rose, and she nearly fell into the void), and is an imaginative interpretation of what the Doctor's thoughts might have been. I do not in any way own Doctor Who, its characters, monsters, locations, plotline, or anything else associated with it. I have full respect for the copyright owners of everything associates with the show. This work of fiction was written for pure entertainment purposes, with no intention of profit.
A special thank you must go to the fabulous author A Who Down in Whoville ( u/2667105/A-Who-Down-in-Whoville ), who's "In His Head" FanFics inspired me to write using this method.
Where are you?
Does it matter where I am? I'm alone. Loneliness is a place, to me. A destination that I arrived at, as soon as you disappeared. But physically, I'm...
Inside the TARDIS.
There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection, I'm in orbit around a super nova.
I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye.
I'd burn up a whole galaxy, the whole UNIVERSE, if one of us could come through completely.
You look like a ghost.
I might as well be. I wish I were dead. That would be a lot easier than this. This loss, this emptiness. But you wouldn't want me to be like that.
If I just use setting 394, scramble the thallium hydroxide ions using a bichrominomical frequency, then I should be able to send through a clearer image. Steady does it... A Ha!
Can I t-?
I wish. But that would require too much energy. It's taking enough to bend the light particles to create an image and to resonate sound wavelengths through the air . There's no way I could restructure the air particles into a solid form with the limited amount of energy I can send through the crack in the universe.
I'm still just an image. No touch.
Oh, but if we could touch. Where we would touch... No. Stop it. You'll never see her again. These sort of thoughts will just make the regret worse.
Can't you come through properly?
I can, technically. If I just reconstruct the vortex manipulation belt in the heart of the TARDIS, and reroute the spatial disparity sequencer and connect it to the tranmigaform abstropilator. Mind you, I probably wouldn't survive the process, and the other side effects...
The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse.
At least two universes. But the effect might spread, it could affect the whole or reality. And then we'd be in trouble.
That's my girl. But we wouldn't be able to escape in time, we'd both die instantly. Which would kind of defeat the whole purpose.
Where are we? Where did the gap come out?
I can't say I've seen this part of the universe before. Although, if I'm right, which I usually am when it comes to these sort of things, judging by the blue sky, the beach, the ocean, the grasses, and the fact that Rose and the others are here, it's probably somewhere on earth. Somewhere away from the equator, judging by the fact that they're wearing warm clothes.
We're in Norway.
Nice place, Norway. Home to the earth parliament in the forty-third century, although it looks a bit different by then. And technically, it's no longer called Norway, it's part of the New Scandinavian Republic.
About fifty miles out of Bergen. It's called 'Dårlig Ulv Stranden'.
What?! Did I hear right...?
Please no. Please no. How could they be there?! And if they're here, Rose is in danger! And I can't stop it! And they're all going to die! And ARGH WHY DO THESE DALEKS KEEP BEATING ME?!
Dårl-IG. It's Norwegian for 'bad'.
Right. I should know that. Why isn't the TARDIS translating? Must be something to do with this image being in another universe to her. Oh well, I took basic Norwegian back home at the Academy. Ulv Stranden... Ulv Stranden... it means...
This translates as 'Bad Wolf Bay'.
Ah. Nice. But then, I suppose that means it was always coming to this. An unfortunate destiny.
How long have we got?
Too short! We should have forever, or longer than that. If only we were together, we could have that long! I could bring you to the best hospitals in the universe, keep you young and healthy. If only. But I'll only get to see you for...
About two minutes...
Can't do much in two minutes. Even if we could touch...
I can't think of what to say!
It's always the way. It's much harder to do something urgent. Only a few more minutes, and then we'll both be all alone. Well, I'll be alone. Rose still has her family, and...
You've still got Mr. Mickey, then?
Stop it, jealous green monster. You can't have her, so Mickey will keep her company. He loves her, and he's a nice guy. But still...
There's five of us now. Mum, dad, Mickey... and the baby.
No no no no NO! But I thought we were safe! We were both on those unisex pills from the thirty-eighth century; they should work for both of us. Unless her and Mickey are back together, but I doubt that's the case.
Carrying a Time Baby, that's just not safe! They'd dissect her and it, use them as scientific experiments! I can't have that happen to my Rose!
But then, Pete owns Torchwood. Perhaps he could make sure they are safe. And if Rose has a little part of me with her, well, that wouldn't be too bad... would it?
Phew. Rose is going to have a sibling! She'd make such a good big sister. Mind you, she'd make a good mother too...
She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way.
Well, at least Jackie gets a happy ending. A sibling would be good for Rose, it will keep her busy, give her something to keep going for. Not that she'd give up. She's stronger than I am.
And what about you? Are you...?
Are you doing anything? Are you having a fantastic life? Please be doing something fantastic.
Yeah, I'm- I'm back working in the shop.
Okay, not so fantastic. After all that we've done, the shop?! Does she think that it'll all happen again, that I'll grab her hand and tell her 'Run' like I did last time? That's not how it works, surely she should know that.
But still, be happy for her. It's her choice.
Oh, good for you.
I suppose it is good for her. She'd be earning a steady wage, lots of people her own age to talk to. Think of the positives, think of the positives.
Shut up. No, I'm not. There's still a Torchwood on this planet, it's open for business.
I think I know a thing or two about aliens.
Oh Rose. My Rose. Of course she's not working in the shop. She's trying to humour me. I don't know how I'm going to cope without her humour in bad situations. She made me better.
Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth.
Once a hero, always a hero.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D)
You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead.
The long, long list. Of people I couldn't save. All those lives, all those people. Each one so very important. But none as important as Rose.
Each body was given a grave. Most were filled, although some of them were missing their brains. They had already been converted. But Rose's grave remained empty, an empty place to mourn. And yet she's not lost.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D)
Here you are.
Living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.
I nearly had it, back on Krop Tror. Sometimes I think it would have been better to be stuck there. Stuck with Rose is better than free without her.
Am I ever gonna see you again?
Only in your dreams. Literally. You don't even have a photo of us. Oh Rose, please don't forget me. I promise I won't ever forget you.
I can still see her, though. Thankfully. This is a time machine, I can go back and watch from a distance. Relive the memory over and over again. And I have pictures. But you physically can't. Not with your eyes.
What're you gonna do?
Fly the TARDIS into a black hole, or sacrifice myself saving a planet or destroying an enemy. But Rose wouldn't want to know that. Make something up, something that sounds reasonable, and that she can be happy with.
Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords.
That's why I've got to keep going. So that they live on within me. But the pain...
On your own?
Yes, all on my own. No one could ever replace Rose. And even if someone did join me in the TARDIS again, I'll always be alone.
I love you.
Don't cry, Rose. Love is not a sad thing. For a while I thought it was, and I ran from it. But now...
Quite right, too.
Of course it's quite right. Of course she loves me. She should be allowed to love me, I shouldn't push it away. How could I have been so blind as to not see it? We feel the same way.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D)
And I suppose... if it's one last chance to say it...
I should have said it long ago. It shouldn't be that the first time that I say it out loud is also the last time. I've shown her, I think. But still, words have power.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D)