He tried not to be scared out of his wits. He tried not to be terrified throughout the whole 10 hour drive home.
But evidently he didn't try hard enough. After all, 10 hours is much too long to be alone without your mind wandering off and thinking of every terrible out come to every situation. He tried everything to keep from scaring himself. He had even tried loudly playing the Mouse Rat CD April had left in his car, and actually trying to understand the meaning of the lyrics, of course with no success.
And besides, that just reminded him of how happy he would be to no longer have to call the Dwyer residence home. And how in order for that to happen he would have to move in with Leslie. And how if she said no, he wouldn't get to.
But he knew he was being ridiculous. Leslie had been looking at a house for the two of them.
She wouldn't have done that if she wasn't already 100% sure she wanted to at least consider spending the rest of her life with him. Which was yet another thing he loved about her. Her planning. Sometimes it was overboard, even for his ridiculously over-cautious attitude, but he understood her reason for it.
Sometimes mistakes were simple, and easy to look past, but sometimes they were deadly. He had more than one unfortunate occurrence with deadly mistakes. The kid mayor fiasco, which had taken him nearly 18 years to finally come past, and the whole falling in love with Leslie had also created more than he thought was their fair share of difficulties. He understood why she might want to avoid any disastrous mistakes. Didn't everyone?
But if she said yes. If she just said those 3 simple letters then wouldn't it all be worth it? Wouldn't this be just what he had been looking for all his life? Wouldn't this be the end, of this uncertainty, and the beginning of a new, more wonderful kind of doubt in himself? He could see it all. He could see Leslie searching franticly for the misplaced car keys on their first child's first day of school as he laced up the tiny shoes on his (or hers', but hopefully his) tiny feet.
He could see himself cooking dinner, (Leslie wasn't much of a cook beyond pasta) while his (hopefully) son and he argued with her about the amazingness of calzones as she begged for breakfast for dinner for the 3rd night in a row, along with their barely able to speak daughter, who would grow up to be as strong and willful, if not more so than Leslie.
But he was pretty sure he would literally die if her answer was no.
And he was terrified when he saw her in the house that would hopefully soon have kids-their kids, running around in it. He was so scared he could barely say anything besides the speech he had rehearsed hundreds of times in his head. He was amazed that he had even managed to choke that out. And he was far far beyond terrified when she stopped him in the middle of his question.
No, the question. The question which would determine what his future would look like. The question that would determine whether or not he would get to wake up each day to the beautiful blonde, (who would ever have guessed he would end up ultimately with a petite, short blonde? When, as Chris had pointed out, and embarrassingly more than once in front of Leslie, he usually went for tall brunettes? ) who had already been up for hours. He had no idea how she managed to function on about 3 and ½ hours of sleep a night, but he couldn't wait to find out, to more carefully study her schedule to the point where he would be able to wake up even before her, and surprise her with home-made waffles, which he needed to convince her were as good as JJ's.
This question was the key to EVERYTHING. Because at this moment that's what Leslie was. Leslie was his everything. And he wanted her to stay that way.
And when she said yes, finally, yes, after making him kneel there at her feet in anticipation, he finally felt together, in a way that no words could possibly describe. Infinite. He supposed, to take the words of that kid in the Perks of Being a Wallflower movie Leslie made him watch so she could discuss it with him in detail over Skype. He finally understood what that feeling really was. And Leslie brought it on him. She made him feel infinite. And he couldn't think of any better feeling to start this wonderful new chapter of his life with.