Ever since I can remember, I've been able to see the future. For vampires, it's supposed to be the other way around. Vampires are supposed to have perfect recall, to remember things from the past as if they happened yesterday. I can do that to, but I have no memories of my life before I became a vampire. My very first memory, the first thing that I can really recall, is a vision of Jasper. I knew then that I wasn't just seeing his future, I was seeing mine to. I knew the part he would play in my life. I also knew that he wasn't ready for me yet. So I waited for him to find me, and I can honestly say that he was worth the wait.
Not that the waiting was a piece of cake, mind you. I woke up alone after the change, and I knew from my visions that things would stay that way until Jasper found me. I hated that part - being alone, knowing that there was nothing I could do about it but wait. The worst times were usually right after a vision. One minute I would see us: smiling, happy, together. And then I'd come out of the vision, and I'd be alone again. At the time it seemed so unfair, having those brief moments of happiness, and then losing them again. But deep down I knew how lucky I was to have those moments. They gave me hope, gave me something to hold on to during all that waiting. I didn't give up because I knew it'd be worth it in the end. Jasper wasn't so lucky. He almost did give up before he met me because he didn't know there was anything better, didn't know that I was out there waiting for him.
I always knew that Jasper would love me someday. Jasper says it's impossible for anyone not to love me. But it's still a bit overwhelming sometimes just how devoted he is. I don't usually suffer from self esteem issues, but every now and then I start comparing myself to Rosalie. Her beauty is a lot closer to fashion industry standards, and Emmet for one is always teasing me about my short height and my equally short hair. I know that Emmet is just kidding around, but heaven help him if Jasper happens to overhear. If there's even a chance that my feelings were hurt, Jasper won't hesitate to give Emmet a piece of his mind. He won't say much. A glare and a warning growl are usually enough to get his point across. It's a little embarrassing sometimes, seeing Jasper get so worked up over nothing. But I have to admit, it's also a little flattering, and reassuring. It lets me know that I don't have to look like Rosalie for Jasper to think I'm beautiful. And I've never seen him look at another woman the way he looks at me. Jasper never complains about my shopping addiction either. He even offers to come along and carry the bags. What other guy, vampire or human, would volunteer to do that?
When other vampires look at Jasper, they see a body covered with scars. When humans look at him, they see the same flawless perfection that they'd see if they looked at any vampire. When I look at Jasper, it's like I can see both these sides of him at the same time. On the one hand I know that Jasper isn't perfect, that he's made mistakes. But at the same time I can't see Jasper as the monster that he sometimes thinks he is. The difference between Jasper and someone truly monstrous is that Jasper regrets his violent past and is trying to overcome it. Change isn't easy for any vampire. We're like bugs trapped in amber, stuck the same way forever because of the transformation. A lot of vampires probably wouldn't bother trying to change. But Jasper has. Every day he fights the thirst, and he's come a long way in resisting the pull of human blood. It's still hard for him, but that doesn't make him a failure or a monster, no matter what he might think sometimes.
I'm sitting in the living room, trying to focus on the magazine in front of me, but my thoughts keeping wandering back to Jasper. I know that he's outside, standing on the front porch, and I try to make up my mind whether to go out there myself or to stay here and not disturb him. My eyes unfocus for a moment as a new vision plays out in front of them. I see myself stepping out onto the porch and coming up behind Jasper. In the vision I wrap my arms around him and he turns to face me. I hear what he's going to say to me, and when the vision ends I stay where I am for a second, trying to think of something clever to say back. I don't want to say anything too sappy. Jasper's not big on sentimental mush because it's too easy for people to say those kinds of things without really meaning them. Then, in a flash of inspiration, I know exactly what to say. I'll have to get the delivery just right, so that it doesn't come off as smart-alecky, but the words themselves are absolutely true. I grin and step outside, knowing from past experience what this conversation will most likely lead to. And minutes later, when he looks into my eyes, I know I'm right.