Diego sat on the wobbly stool in the darkest corner of the small restaurant. The bar next door to his hotel had been closed for days due to some kind of "health scare". He didn't know what that had to do with him because all he'd wanted was tequila anyway, but there it was. And here he was. Miserable. In an Applebees trying to drink away his shitty life.
"'Scuse me, Mister?"
Diego inwardly cringed. The voices of small children made him want to skip the beer and go straight for the liquor. All those years on TV had done nothing but score him a lifetime sentence of being a "role model" for legions of brats. A tiny throat clearing, and a tugging on the leg of his dirty jeans forced him to turn his attention to the kid.
"What's up, man?"
"You're Diego, right? The animal rescuer?" The child's large brown eyes and touseled hair reminded him of his own youth. Ouch.
"Not any more, kid. Better go find your mom." He attempted to return his eyes to the bottle, but the child was insistent.
"Can you please sign my Rescue Pack? Please?"
Diego was annoyed. "Look, kid-" suddenly it wasn't just the little boy standing beside him. A gorgeous woman with very unmatronly breasts spilling out of a tank top was squatting next to, what he assumed, was her son. She looked up at him with uncertain eyes.
As surely as this child had not heard of how his life had fallen embarrassingly apart after the Boots incident, he was pretty sure this woman had.
With a sigh and an eyeroll, Diego downed the rest of his beer and turned to the child. He slid off the barstool and crouched down. "Alright then, you got a pen?"
The kid looked like he would burst into tears. "Uh, I…"
"Here you go, baby," the mother said softly, her voice working its way through his anaconda. She retrieved a blue marker from one of those purses all mothers have that is miraculously filled with whatever they need.
The eager child beamed as he thrust his orange Rescue Pack at Diego along with the marker. With slightly drunken hands Diego signed his name as best he could.
"AL RESCANTE!" the boy yelled before dashing off hooting to his friends that he'd met the real Diego. His mother smiled and thanked him.
Feeling rather bold Diego grinned at her and said, "Want to give my anaconda a tour of your baby jaguar?"
The next thing he knew she was angry and her hand made contact with his face. "I heard about what you did to Boots, you filthy bastard. Go get bent."
Diego sighed and climbed back on the broke down stool. It was a metaphor for his life. He guessed no one would ever forget about Boots.
Monkeys wearing shoes simply could not be trusted with kinky secrets.
Author's Note: As you might imagine, this has not been beta'd and I just woke up from a very shitty nap. All my other stuff is on AO3.