I do not own Gintama. Yamazaki point of view in this chapter.

Things Can And Will Get Worse

By WonderlandIsAnIllusion


The demon Vice-Commander now looks like a teenager and it's because of mayo. Of course said mayo must have been cursed or blessed or a mixture. It all happened on Halloween. I was there, but no one really noticed or cared. The Vice-Commander had gulped the mayo down last night on Halloween and turned into a teen. If I was playing around or not doing my job it is always the Vice-Commander doing the scolding which involves beating me up or yelling my name or both...

"I never knew that Vice-Commander was a very pretty boy when he was a teen. A few would say the Vice-Chef looks like a girl." One of the Shingenguim members commented and sometimes it is best to keep your mouth shut when the Vice-Commander looks pissed off, but I guess he doesn't see the Vice-Commander otherwide he wouldn't have said those words out-loud. It is true the Demonic Vice-Commander looks really pretty and some would go as far as saying he looks like a girl. The Vice-Commander didn't yell or swear...His eyes look deadly, he grabbed the Shigenguim member by the neck, and I could only watch.

"Who looks like a girl?" Vice-Commander asked in a low voice. His voice has changed a little bit too, but the tone of voice is still enough to make chills run down a person's spine.

"Uh-Uh-Uh, no one. Everyone's a man here." The Shingenguim member managed to say. The Vice-Commander drops him to the ground and he looks at me.

"Yamazaki, You are coming with me." He informed me.

"Yes, Vice-Commander." I commented calmly. What does he want with me? Did I do something wrong? Was it because I was standing around doing nothing at all...

"Kondo ordered me not to go alone. Like hell I'll ask Okita to come with me that sadist bastard." He stated firmly, teeth clenched together, and his arms crossed across his chest. "I'm going back to the store that sold me that mayo."

It was a quiet walk, I was nervous, and wondered what the store looked like...The Vice-Commander has a determined expression on his face, but then he stopped and pulled out a thing of mayo. He swallows the mayo down, there is slurping sounds, his face obscene as always, and some people are staring...they have nose-bleeds...

"Hello, You looked really hot swallowing that white liquid down. Want to swallow a different kind of white liquid?" A Guy asked while looking the Vice-Commander up and down with his eyes.

"He's jailbait. Do anything sexual with him and you'll be tossed into prison before you could even moan." I commented before the Vice-Commander could injury the guy or kill him...

"Damn, I would have loved watching him suck my cock. He would make a good whore." The Guy commented and he looked sulky. Oh, Shit.

"You fucking perverted son of a bitch!" Vice-Commander yelled loudly, his eyes flashing, and he is glaring at the guy.

"Um, Vice-Commander. You shouldn't make a scene." I said in a low voice and he punched me in the stomach. Ouch. Yeah, He's completely pissed off. I don't really blame him and he is beating the guy up now, but it looks like that guy is a masochist and he's enjoying it which is making the Vice-Commander more pissed off.

"You might end up killing him." Captain Okita said calmly and the Vice-Commander gritted his teeth. When did the Captain get here? Or was he watching the scene from a hiding place? "He is a complete masochist so punching him is just turning him on."

"Oh, Yeah. Keep on hitting me, sweetheart." The guy moaned. "It feels so damn good. Please give it me nice and hard."

Vice-Commander stood up, kicked him, and walked away with clenched fists.

"Hey, Sweetheart! You have a nice ass and I think you would make a great whore with your beautiful looks! You could make a lot of money by selling yourself!" The guy yelled out to the Vice-Commander. The Captain looks pissed which is rare and I decided to go after the Vice-Chef. The Captain is the King of Sadists and I'm pretty sure he knows how to take care of a masochist. I managed to catch with the Vice-Commander and it looks like he is trying to cut his hair with his sword.

"Damnit looks like I'm stuck with long hair until this fucking curse is broken." Vice-Commander said bitterly and he looked at me. "I have turned everything to cut my hair, but nothing works."

We walked to the store in silence. The outside of the store looks really nice, friendly, colorful, and...there are several posters of mayo. I can see why Vice-Commander came inside here.

"I tried to warn you not to buy that mayo, but you didn't listen to me." A woman stated flatly and shook her head.

"Is there a cure?" Vice-Commander asked her. She thought for a moment and handed him a sword. "I think holding the sword will cure you..."

"Yamazaki, I need you." Vice-Commander said while looking into my eyes and he suddenly hugs me. I have a bad feeling about this..."I need your cock inside me."

"Opps that was the Ultimate Uke Sword. It's a cursed sword." She said calmly and sighed to herself. "Oh, well...At least he'll be happy now or something..."

It figures things would get worse. Why couldn't Vice-Commander enjoy looking more youthful? What does she mean by 'At least he'll be happy now'? She looked for a minute around the store, grabbed a book, handed to me, and smiled.

"Anyway, Good luck and you will never see me ever again! Later!" She yelled loudly and raced away just like that..What am I suppose to do? I looked down and silently read the title 'Ultimate Uke Sword Guide'. What am I going to do? Should I call someone? Who should I call? Should I leave Vice-Commander here?

"Uh, Vice-Commander. What should I do?" I asked him.

"We should return back to the Shinsengumi." Vice-Commander stated softly and he held my hand. I notice his cheeks are flushed. I sighed and opened the guide book to chapter one. I read a little while walking and Vice-Commander was quiet. His cheeks were still flushed.

Hello, Seme (Hopefully you are not the type of Seme that would abuse a Uke! You would regret it, Bastard if you dare abuse the Ultimate Uke):

Anyway, This is the Ultimate Uke Sword Guide. There are many different kinds of Uke's: Badass Ukes, Clueless Ukes, Innocent Ukes, Sadist Ukes, Masochist Ukes, Completely & Utterly Helpless Ukes, and many more! You are the owner or temporary owner or...Master if you would prefer that over owner of an ULTIMATE UKE (By the way there are only two swords). It's better with an example: Your Ultimate Uke can change from being a Naughty & Daring Uke into an Innocent & Blushing Uke or some other type of Uke. Seriously, You never know what the Uke will become like next...So you have to be a strong Seme otherwise...You are screwed.

Anyway, your Ulimate Uke has several several split personalities and if your a weak Seme...Well good luck on not getting your ass kicked or being killed. Not our fault that your a weak Seme! We take no responsibility! It would be your own fault! Anyway, Be careful because that Uke might choke you while you are asleep.

The Creaters Of The Ultimate Uke Sword

"Yamazaki, Will you scream for me?" Vice-Commander asked while smirking and he has a grip on my hands. It is a really tight grip. "I'm sure your screams would be very enjoyable."

This must be the Sadist Uke personality! I'm doomed! I'm going to die! Good bye cruel world!

"Hey, Toshi. How are you?" Commander Kondo asked and my hand is released. What if the Vice-Commander goes after the Commander?

"I still look like a teen, but I have a new sword." Vice-Commander answered. You forgot to mention it's a Cursed Sword, Vice-Chef! Why are you no longer smirking and looking sadist?! You were crushing my hand before this Vice-Commander! What is with this change. "There is no cure."

"Oh, well. Looks are not that important." The Commander said camly and nodded his head. "It will be okay, Toshi. Anyway see you in the morning."

The Commander walked away. I better get away from the Vice-Commander, but he hugged me and suddenly he kissed on the lips.

"I love you, Yamazaki." He whispered softly into my ear...At least he is not trying to kill me or beat me up or wanting sex. I do not know what to say. I'm silently freaking out!

"This is interesting." Captain Okita commented and when did he get here. Did he see the Vice-Commander giving me a kiss on the lips?! Suddenly, I'm tossed aside and the Vice-Commander ran up to him. Why do I feel as if I have been dumped?

"Okita, I have been a naughty boy. Will you punish me?" He asked while being on his knees. What the hell?! All of the sudden he is a Masochist Uke? What is going on here? Is this what the big book meant by 'Temporary' owner/master? He wants the Sadist Captain now?

"Hey, Yamazaki what happened to him?" Captain Okita asked me.

"A cursed sword...called the Ultimate Uke Sword and there is a lot of personalities." I answered him and why is he smirking.

"Alright, I'll punish you." Captain Okita said to the Vice-Chef. "I won't hold back on you, Masochist Uke."

The Vice-Commander suddenly stood up, arms crossed, and smirked at the Captain.

"Oh, Okita. I want to punish you for wanting to punish me." He said to the Captain. I walk away because this will not end well at all and the Vice-Commander is now a Sadist Uke. It's so confusing, but it's not my problem...and besides the Vice-Commander dumped me or something like that...He literally tossed me aside as if I was trash.


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