I. Dying

Time seem to have passed her by without her realizing it. At the age of 25 nothing went according to what she had seen in her future. Her marriage had ended in ruins, leaving her without a friend and husband. It was as if someone had ripped out her heart and gave it to her, just to see her expression. Three months had passed for her since that darkened time, but the scars were visible through her view of relationships and unfortunately herself. She was unsure if she would ever be herself again.

Usagi sat watching a star shower, a very rare occurrence. It was her first time watching one by herself, without her friends and without Mamoru. She gently wiped the unshed tears that were building up. They were ready to fall and make sad lonely pathways down her pale cheeks. She didn't want to cry because she had to be strong. She had to keep moving on toward the future even if things between Rei and herself were strained to say the least. She couldn't even look at her friend without seeing that one scene she wished she had the power to carve from her mind.

It was a scene she kept replaying over and over. She hated her memories more than anything. She couldn't seem to clear the depressing thoughts from her mind. So Usagi avoided her friend. She kept her distance from Rei to keep her sanity. It was the only thing she had control over.

Her friends didn't know how to respond to the events so they did their best to support her. But it didn't mean they could just break ties with Rei. Usagi didn't want that, even if she was the victim. They were all friends and she would never want them to pick between her and Rei. She wouldn't have the heart to do something so cruel.

Looking down at the papers in front of her, she picked up her pen. She had finally decided to make a choice. It was against all the things she stood for and all the people who stood by her side, but she wasn't the one that had put the paperwork together. Mamoru had delivered the documents that sat on the table in front of her.

He asked for the divorce that she had pondered over for the last two weeks. Her friends, even Rei told her to try and reconcile with him. They had no idea he was the one that wanted the divorce, he was the one who didn't want to give their relationship a chance. He was the one ready to leave.

After seeing them together she couldn't even speak. She shut completely down unable to do anything but run away from the scene. Her heart was broken but she still believed that they could make it work. Mamoru had made a mistake; it was what she had told herself. She was sure they could make things better but that was before he gave her the divorce papers.

She had to admit that she was undecided at first. Everyone knew what it meant for her to sign the divorce papers. It meant that the future was no longer written in stone. It also meant that the child, Chibiusa would not exist and that broke her heart just knowing. But she could not and would not keep Mamoru chained to her when he wanted her to let go. So in the end, she signed her name on the paper and she realized that she was erasing an existence that she loved dearly. Her heart broke the moment she finished writing the last character of her name.

"I'm so sorry..." she said pressing her hands to her face. She felt as if she had killed someone. The regret and pain was almost enough to make her tear up the documents in front of her. She couldn't even raise her hands to do so. No matter how much she wanted to. She could not suffer through a marriage to someone who didn't love her. Usagi was almost sure that Mamoru didn't want their child and she didn't want her child to suffer. So she made a choice to change her future and everyone else's too.

Sealing the papers in the proper envelop she stepped outside to watch the star shower that was taking place. Tears ran down her cheeks as she watched and she could barely control the sobs racking her body. She was crumbling to pieces and she wasn't sure she could fix the shattered remnants. She wasn't even sure if there would be anything left to fix.

Everything had fallen apart in a matter of moments. If she had never seen them, she would have never known. She would have remained oblivious to the affair that was taking place. She wasn't sure if that was fair; fair to her friends, to herself, even to Mamoru and Rei. Secrets would have only torn apart their friendship. It would have been to the point that it would be irreparable. Not that it was any better in the state it was in.

She tried to stop herself from crying so much lately. She would push the disturbing feelings to the side but now those feelings had become too much. She could no longer control the sounds emanating from her. In a useless effort to stop her broken sounds she covered her mouth with her hands. She sunk down to her knees then leaned over to hide herself. She only wanted to disappear at that moment, to not exist any longer if only for a few seconds. She needed those precious seconds to let out all the sadness she had bottled up.

"Usagi?" she heard her mother calling her.

She had moved back in with her parents, leaving the apartment to Mamoru. She didn't want anything but the things that belonged to her. Her family supported her but she felt like they also blamed her for not being able to keep Mamoru from straying.

She forced herself to her feet and away from the house. She hadn't let anyone see her cry. This was the one thing she wouldn't allow herself to do, which was cry in front of her friends. She had to be seen as strong. Her heart wouldn't allow them to see her in pain. For everyone's sake she hid that pain, even if they knew she was broken, she couldn't allow them to see it. She had grown up a lot since she was a teenager and she realized that they would always be a team that had to fight together. So no matter the internal problems they still had to fight evil whenever it came. They always needed to trust one another. But Usagi didn't trust Rei or Mamoru. How could she?

Everything would crash down on her if she were to have a breakdown in front of her friends. Their trust and love for Rei and Mamoru would waiver. It would cause problems for them all. She may have been avoiding Rei, but she understood how important it was to keep everyone together. She was sad and angry with her friend and husband but she would never allow anything to happen to Rei or Mamoru.

She looked up at the sky and it took her breath away. It was odd that the star shower was still going after two hours, but it was phenomenal. Something about its unearthly beauty calmed her and made her unbearably sad all at once. As the streaking lights disappeared she decided to make a wish. A wish that was completely selfish. She closed her eyes and wished upon the dying stars. The one thing she had thought she never needed to wish for.

'Please let me meet the one person who will truly love me.'

She lightly laughed at herself wondering if she was foolish for making such a wish. At the end of her laugh she smiled sadly and continued her moonlit walk down the street.

AN: This is my first time writing a Sailor Moon fanfiction so please bear with me. It takes place after the anime or manga ending (I'm not sure) and of course it will be a Seiya and Usagi fic. (Because I like that couple for some reason) Seiya will be a man during this fic but it is will explain how and why as the story goes on. So I guess this is AU.

Please let me know if you would like me to continue. I really love Sailor Moon (favorite anime and manga ever) so let me know how I can improve as well. I won't be bashing Mamoru or Rei, things will work out slowly and with a lot of drama. I wanted Usagi with Seiya so I had to get her a divorce first. I'm sorry if anyone is out of character this is my first time writing in this fandom.