IV. Shattered Truth
Rei Hino sat with Mamoru Chiba inside the small cafe. He had invited her there so that they could talk about their current situation. A situation she never saw coming. He had just finished calming her down. She wasn't the type of woman to burst into tear, but when he had told her that he and Usagi were divorced she didn't know what else to do. She felt like she was ruining everything. In reality it wasn't all her fault, but she felt like she was. The truth was that Mamoru had stopped loving Usagi at some point. It was a gradual fall. As he realized that he didn't love her, he tried his best to fake his feelings. She wasn't sure how long he had done so but it was for quite some time. She had noticed first the growing distance, not even Usagi had realized the change. It was so subtle that she could only sense the difference in his attitude.
She confronted him about it and he told her the truth. She wasn't really expecting what he had said so she was taken aback. She didn't know how to console him. He felt bad about falling out of love, but worst that he might be the cause of changing the future. At first he was only going to play along. He wanted to give everyone the future they deserved but the more he spent time with her, the closer they became. She wanted to be his confidant but ended up falling in love with her friend's husband and like every cliché affair one thing led to another. She found herself in a relationship with him and it was spiraling out of control.
In the heat of the moment they had done something that she could never forgive herself for doing and to make it worse Usagi had walked in on them. She had betrayed her friend in the worst way and there was nothing she could do to make things better. She had come to tell Mamoru that she couldn't be with him. There was no possible way for her be in a relationship and still be Usagi's friend. It was the reason she had decided to speak with Mamoru, but it didn't work out the way she thought it would.
Before she could even tell him that she couldn't be with him, he had told her that he and Usagi were divorced. Her heart wanted to cry and rejoice all at once. It made her sick to know that she was happy and she began to cry, arguing with him that they couldn't do this to Usagi. She had even got up to leave, but Mamoru stopped her and the words he said to her only made her hate herself more for the happiness that spilled forth.
"I love you, so please don't go..." and she didn't leave him as he kissed away her tears. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't ignore her heart could she? It was the very reason she was in the predicament she was in. She'd ignored all the signs telling her she was in love with Mamoru.
"What do we do? How can we do this to everyone?" her words were soft as she gained composure. She definitely wasn't this type of woman. She didn't easily cry but at that moment she had just destroyed everyone's future and the prospect of peace. How else was she to react?
"Odango!" Seiya said chasing Usagi as she ran through the streets blindly. She had almost been hit by a car and fell down a couple of times. He was finally gaining ground and was almost in arms reach of her. When he was just close enough he grabbed her by her arm and yanked her sharply to stop. She fell backwards into him and tried to escape, but he was hugging her too tightly and it only made her want to cry more. The storm had finally stopped, but it was late in the evening. The sun had already gone down and it was only getting colder as nightfall.
"Stop running. Stop running from me!" he turned her around to face him and she avoided his eyes. He continued, "I'm sorry Odango... I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you. I knew what I was doing but I couldn't stop myself. I promise I'm not here to steal your heart. I just wanted you to feel better. I wanted to see your smile. So please...trust me once more."
Usagi's heart skipped beats and she was sure it wasn't from the running she had done. Seiya always did that to her. He made her feel like she was special. She pressed her face into his chest and held back her tears again. She didn't want to cry anymore. Her heart had taken all it could, so she sagged against him completely drain of all her energy.
"I want to go home..." it was all he needed to hear from her. He picked her up bridal style and only asked that she directed him. Usagi only spoke when she needed to direct him. Seiya was taking her home and she was happy to be going there.
Once they arrived at her apartment Seiya sat her down on her feet so she could open the door. Her hands shook as she tried to open the door. It took her a few minutes but she finally managed to get it open. She dragged herself into the freezing room. Its temperature differed only slightly from the temperature outside. Seiya didn't follow behind her and she turned looking at him with a questioning look.
"I don't want to intrude." he gave her a gentle smile.
"C-come in, this is my new apartment. I just moved in." she took off her shoes as she spoke to him. He came in and closed the door making sure it was locked and took off his shoes as well.
Her apartment was small and nothing like the one she shared with Mamoru. Seiya couldn't see Usagi living by herself but it was a reality. He wasn't sure she had accepted her situation.
He took off his coat and shivered. Since the inside of his coat was wet from Usagi using it, his clothes had gotten damp. Usagi took off the wet jacket she wore as well leaving it in the entrance hall. She then took the items to a small laundry room. After that she turned on the heat and went back to where Seiya stood. Both of them were shivering from the cold but she was worse than he was.
"You should take a hot bath first, so you won't catch a cold." He said nudging her forward. He was only damp, so he was fine waiting for her to finish. She only nodded as she and hurried to the bathroom so she could start the water. Seiya sat on the carpeted step in the entrance hall while he waited. He looked around at the apartment.
She really had just moved in. There were no personal items around and everything with in the apartment felt impersonal. She was starting all over and knew she couldn't handle it. He remembered Usagi being strong when she needed to, but she was also an emotional person when it came to relationships.
She was falling apart over Mamoru and he didn't know if she would survive without some help. If he could just get her to let Mamoru go she would be okay. It would be hard but he was positive he could help her if she really wanted to move on, but at the moment she was in no shape to think about complicated things. She had lost her daughter and that was what was weighing so heavily on her heart. He had to put his own feeling aside to help her. It was all he could do because she seemed to be closing everyone else out. He had a chance to really help her and he wouldn't mess up that chance again.
When she finally came out of the bathroom she realized that almost an hour had passed. She hurried over to Seiya. He was on the phone with someone. She assumed it was Taiki or Yaten. Gently pulling on his sleeve she got his attention. She told him that she left the bath ready for him. He smiled at her and nodded as he continued his conversation on the phone.
She left him and went to make some tea. Her hand shook slightly but it was only from nerves. She'd had a long day and was really tired. At the end of it all she realized that she never did rent her favorite movie. As she looked back on the events of the day she realized she should have just stayed home. If she did, she wouldn't have saw Mamoru with Rei, but then she wouldn't have met Seiya. Deep down she was really happy that he had come to save her from her anguish. She needed to apologize for her outburst. She was letting her frustration and sadness out on him. It wasn't fair. He was only trying to help her.
As she made the tea she hoped it would be a good peace offering, though she was sure he didn't blame her. She still felt like she should say something. When he finally went to the bath she took his clothes and washed them. Then she dried the clothes in the dryer and folded them up leaving them in the basket so he could get to them.
After about an hour Seiya returned wearing his fresh clothes. Usagi looked up from her kotatsu. She motioned at the tea that sat on the other side. Seiya could see the guilt on her face as he sat down under the kotatsu. He sipped the tea before saying anything.
"Odango…" he finally started, "This is really good."
"Really?" she asked in disbelief. It wasn't the normal brand she brought, so it tasted odd to her.
"It is." He said reassuring her. He could see she wasn't ready to talk about Mamoru or anything like that so he made she he kept a casual subject. He didn't want her to feel pressured to talk about what was happening.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you." She said with her head down becoming depressed.
"And for leaving right after dinner, and running down the street while I chased you, don't forget almost giving me a heart attack after you nearly got hit by a car." He finished and began to drink more of the tea.
Usagi's only respond was a low stated 'sorry', which made Seiya look up and pay more attention to her. He leaned over the table some and plucked the tip of her nose. She looked up at him unsure of what to say.
"I'm teasing you Odango. I know you didn't mean to yell at me. You're in a trying situation and I won't hold you accountable for your actions as long as you forgive me for mine." He looked away from her ashamed. He was really pathetic for trying to steal her heart away from Mamoru right after they had broken up.
"It's okay, really it's okay." she said looking down at the table. She hadn't felt this awkward since she was younger. Her cheeks felt hot and her heart was thumping loudly against her ribcage. She knew her feelings were normal but it was too soon. She didn't want to give up on Chibiusa or Mamoru. She had to talk to him one last time. She had to know everything before she made the decision. The decision to give up on everything she knew the future held.
"Don't worry so much, it'll make you look old." he once more teased her and got her to laugh some. Seiya was happy she was smiling more and she didn't look like she was falling apart at the seams. He knew deep down she had emotional scars that would take years to heal.
He stayed until it was really late. It was one o'clock when he finally got her to sleep. She was snuggled deep in her futon under thick blankets. Her blonde locks all around her unbound from the odangos she wore. She had a gentle smile on her face and he knew she was having sweet dreams.
He looked at his watched and stood up. He stretched a little to unwind his muscles and then turned to leave but stopped. What if she had a nightmare? He tried his best not to talk himself into staying but ultimately failed. He sat back under the kotatsu and watched her sleep. She didn't have a bed yet so she slept in her futon in the living room.
As he watched her sleep his own feelings started to surface. He needed to bury them, so she could trust that he only wanted to help her. Deep down he wanted to take her. He would have never allowed her to get hurt the way she did, but she loved Mamoru so there was nothing he could do. Before he could begin to contemplate his feelings and thoughts he fell asleep.
Usagi opened her eyes when she felt the sun hit her face. She blinked several times before she decided she would sleep a little longer. She tucked her head back under the comforter. After a couple of minutes passed, she popped her head back out of the covers and looked over to her kotatsu. Seiya was sound asleep on the small table.
She sat up and yawned, pulling herself out of the bed was hard since she didn't want to get up. Once she was on her feet she went and got a blanket for Seiya. She draped it over his shoulders. A small smile graced her face without her knowing it. It was odd but she felt better than she had in a long time. She was determined to find peace with Mamoru. She decided she needed to speak with him.
She wanted to know when he stopped loving her and if he truly wanted to destroy the future they had seen. There were questions she needed to know the answers to. There was also a truth she needed to admit to herself, but she couldn't. She wouldn't admit it to herself until she heard Mamoru's truth. She didn't want to think about what she truly felt.
Ignoring any further thoughts about her situation she went to clean up. After that she got dressed and made something to eat. She made enough for Seiya and wrapped it up leaving it on the table with a note. It wasn't exactly breakfast but she hoped it would do. She also left a note for Seiya because she didn't want him to worry. She wanted to talk to Mamoru by herself. She left her apartment and headed to Mamoru's apartment.
She knocked gently on the door and then waited, when Mamoru finally came to the door Usagi was about to lose her determination. She looked up from the floor and bit her lip. It ached in response to her biting. This was the moment she was waiting for. It was time for her to hear the truth, even when that truth might tear her apart emotionally she needed to know.
"Mamoru...is this really what you want...Is this really okay?" she asked. Her voice was shaking and so were her hands. The moment of silence that passed between both of them was enough to make her even more nervous. Mamoru looked down at her then away from her. Was he ashamed, or did he have regrets?
"Is this really okay, is it okay to do this to everyone. I want to know why you want to destroy everything! I want to know why you don't want her..." Her words struck a chord in Mamoru and he turned away from her completely. "Why...why!"
"Keep your voice down." he took her by her arm and pulled her into the entrance hallway of the apartment. He wasn't prepared for her visit. He didn't want her there at that moment.
"You really love her don't you?" her words were soft and barely audible. Mamoru couldn't face her. He couldn't look at her when she made that face. He was hurting her and he couldn't stop. No matter the cost he couldn't keep living a lie.
"I do." he said truthfully and he watched as her eyes began to water. "Usagi..."
"You don't love me?" she asked knowing that she was digging her own grave.
"No." there was no hesitation in his voice. "I can't do this...I can't continue to live a lie for everyone's happiness. Why do I have to fool myself into loving someone I don't? Why should I do that to you? Why should I have to hurt you that way? I don't love you Usagi and I don't want to keep hurting you by making you believe I do."
"But I...I love you. I love you so much. We're supposed to love each other, right? That's how it's supposed to be. If we don't then what will happen to Crystal Tokyo. What will happen to the future-"
"I don't care! I don't care what happens to the future! It's a future I don't want. I honestly thought I loved you but I didn't. I loved the person you would become and then after a while I realized that I don't love her either. All of my feelings were faked. Small remnants from Prince Endymion, everything I felt were just lingering feelings of a dead prince. I don't want to be a slave to those feelings any longer. You will never be the person I love and I can't keep pretending you are." his words injured Usagi's heart once more but it hurt her more than she thought it would. She really felt pain, as if someone had shattered something inside of her she didn't know existed.
"I can't...I can't." they no longer looked at each other. Both were lost in their thoughts as a silence settled in.
"Okay..." her voice cracked under the pressure, "I should go."
"Usako..." he couldn't think of any words to soothe her and he knew that anything he said would be meaningless.
"Mamo-chan...it's okay. I don't want to force you to do something like that. I don't want you to hate me..." her tears didn't have the chance to fall. She wiped them away as they continued to surface. "I just wanted to know the truth. Now I know but it's okay. Really it's okay because I wanted to give up on us too. I ignored all the signs and this is what happened. I was so foolish...I just wanted her to be born that's all."
He watched as she left the apartment but didn't follow. He stood staring down at the floor. He could hear Rei's footsteps from behind him and he sighed deeply.
He loved his daughter but he just couldn't fall in love with her mother. He hated himself for not being able to give everyone the future they deserved. He hated how weak he was to put his own happiness first.
Something had shattered. The thought kept recurring. When he'd said she could never be the person he loved she could feel something break. It had broken to tiny pieces that would never fit together again. Usagi was left with feelings of uncertainty. She traveled down the street toward her apartment. Her mind ran around in circles.
Something was wrong. It was as if she lost something that was irreplaceable and she had. Chibiusa was what was irreplaceable, yet there was something else that was missing as well. She couldn't explain it, like she had been grasping something important. She had been grasping it so tightly when she let go it hurt.
When she finally reached her apartment she realized that it was everyone's future. She and Mamoru had been holding the future figuratively in their hands. It was a future that offered peace and happiness for many. They held on to their future for so long that they had never realized the burden they were carrying. Many years had passed and they had continued to protect their future but both of them had let go now. Without the two key figures their future had been destroyed and it was irreparable.
She wondered if her friends would ever forgive her. How could they? She had destroyed their future and there was no way to fix it. Truthfully she didn't want to fix it. She truly didn't want to be with Mamoru any longer. He had told her the truth and she accepted the facts. He had realized he didn't love her and she wouldn't try to make him because even if he didn't love her, she loved him. She wouldn't hurt him because she didn't want him to hate her.
She reached for the door to her apartment. This was her home and the beginning of her life without Mamoru. She wouldn't cry, even though tears leaked without her knowledge. Her life was going to change and she was afraid. She was terrified of the future because now she knew her happy ending was only a fleeting dream. She could finally admit the truth she was hiding from herself. She always knew Mamoru didn't really love her. If he loved anything it was Queen Serenity. Admitting the truth finally shattered the remaining pieces of her heart and dreams. Before she could open the door Seiya opened it. He was looking down at her with concern.
"Odango-" he was cut off by the forceful cry that escaped her. It was full of anguish and loud enough for her neighbors to hear. Before he could hug her, she had pressed her face into his chest. Once again she was sobbing out her broken heart. The truth had been revealed and it was something she could barely comprehend
"No more! no more..." her words made no sense to him, but she continued, "I don't want to cry anymore! I don't want to!"
He pulled her into her apartment and firmly embraced her. Desperately he wanted to ask what was wrong and what happened but he couldn't get the words out. Her cries sounded broken and her crying from yesterday didn't compare to her tears now. It was as if someone had died and there was no way to bring them back. Usagi gripped his shirt so tightly her knuckles were white.
She cried continuously until she had nothing left and silence finally filled the room. Seiya sat on the floor with Usagi in his lap. Her body shook involuntarily from hiccups. Her sniffles were the only sound that filled the air. He gently patted her back and cooed her. He had even started to rock her side to side gently. He only wanted her to feel better. She cried so hard that she could barely breathe at times. It was heartbreaking to see her that way. When everything had calmed down she spoke in a whisper to Seiya.
"I loved Mamo-chan...I was happy...I was." she stopped to sniffle. "but he didn't love me, he didn't love me at all...I always knew...always."
Seiya could only hug her tighter as her words spilled out between hiccups and sniffles. He couldn't say the words he wanted to. It wasn't time. He couldn't speak to her about his feelings until she was ready and at the moment he could only be a comfort. It angered him but he couldn't do anything. She needed time and he was willing to give her as much as she needed.
"It'll be okay right? Everything will work out right?" she asked desperate for comfort. She was pressing her tear streaked face into his neck.
"You'll be fine. I'll be here for you. I promise." she nodded at his words because she could no longer speak. "Odango...I'm here for as long as you need me."
AN: Thank you for reading and please review if you like this story.