-Set during season 5 post "Changing Channels"-
A Request of Heaven
Dean stepped out of the bathroom, padding across the dirty floor, yawning, weary from the past week of almost no sleep. A soft flutter turned him away from his bed and toward the door.
"Cas?" The angel was kneeling on the floor, facing away from him, silent. He stepped closer to him, frowning. He watched Castiel's back for a moment, repeating himself. The angel stayed stationary as if he hadn't heard him. "Cas, what's wrong?"
"I can't do it anymore, Dean," he said finally. "I can't keep putting forth so much effort into a meaningless task. I'm obviously not worthy enough to locate my father. I'm…I'm not good enough, Dean." Dean frowned, watching his head bow further.
"So, you're upset?" He said softly. Castiel nodded.
"I am deeply disheartened," he looked up at him, eyes bleary. "Is it customary to feel as if someone is continuously punching you in the stomach?" Dean knelt beside him, licking his lips.
"Cas, you can't lose hope in this, okay? Not you. You're-"
"There's two things in this world I have faith in anymore, Dean," he whispered, looking away again. Dean's brow knitted.
"God. And…" He paused, looking up at him. Dean's heart clenched, staring back at him. Castiel turned his eyes back to the floor. "I wish that just once I would do something significant. Once without failing."
"You got me outta Hell," he offered. "Didn't screw that up."
"I got to you too late," he hissed a soft, choked sound jumping from his throat. A sob. "It was my mission to get you out of Hell and I got there too late. I could have saved you some pain, Dean."
"Hey." He turned his chin, meeting his eyes. "I know it's hard, I know you're pissed and hurt and don't understand why it has to be this way or why you gotta look for your dad in the first place but…You'll find him, Cas. You might be disappointed when you do, but you'll find him."
"How can you possibly know that?" He rasped. Dean shrugged, still holding his face.
"I found mine," he offered. A tear trekked down the angel's cheek that Dean thumbed away, chest aching again.
They were still staring at each other, the angel unblinking, Dean unable to move away. "Dean?" Castiel breathed, feeling them getting closer to each other. Dean was obviously nervous, breathing too hard, heart thundering to try and keep up. They'd done this before; kissing wasn't new or unwanted but they could both feel something much more stewing here, something primal and deep that was intensified by Castiel's need to be near him. "Where's Sam?" He said, softer than before.
"Not here," Dean said gruffly. "Won't be here."
Any of Castiel's following words were shoved into a soft whimper as their lips finally met, Dean's hand on the back of his head holding him incredibly close. Slowly, as if he was unsure if he was doing something correctly, he snaked his arms around Dean's neck, leaning up on his knees, standing when Dean urged him to. "Cas."
"Don't stop," he pleaded, not more than a breath away from him. Dean put his hands on his waist, pulling them flush to each other, kissing, touching, trying not to think too much. Castiel leaned into his mouth, fists clenched. "Dean, I-I don't know what I'm doing.
"It's okay, Cas," he whispered, still kissing him. "It's alright." The angel grabbed both sides of his face, kissing him hard. "Cas, do you want…?"
"Yes," he gasped, eyes wide. "I-I think that's what I want." Dean kissed him again, carefully easing his lips open, sliding his tongue past his shaking lips, teasing his, inviting. Slowly, Castiel responded, mimicking Dean's movements, hoping he was doing it correctly.
Dean moaned softly at his sudden enthusiasm, sinking deeper into his mouth, shuddering a little. Castiel felt the tremor, realizing his hand fisted in Dean's T-shirt, clinging for dear life.
"Mm, Dean," he breathed. The hunter attacked his neck again, nipping at him as he went. He sucked at his skin, tasting the angel, urging the trench coat and the blazer off his shoulders.
"Damn it, Cas, why do you have so many friggin' clothes?"
"Sorry," he gasped, his hands wandering inside his shirt, fingertips barely reaching is skin, scared. "Dean…"
"It's okay," he nodded, smiling gently, face so close he could count his freckles if he wanted. And he would, given the chance. "You okay?"
"I-I must admit, this terrifies me," he gulped.
"I'm not gonna hurt you," he assured, his own hearth thundering. "And if you get too freaked out we can stop at any time. Just…try and let yourself feel, okay?"
"Shh, hey," he urged, a steadying hand on his cheek to try and calm him. "You wanna stop?" He shook his head.
"No," he shook his head, desperation in his tone. "I want this."
"Okay," he nodded, kissing him again. He felt him relax against him, muscles unwinding. "It's alright, angel." His chest clenched again when he heard the name, calming a little.
Dean swallowed, working the knot off the tie down before slipping it off. He gently kissed his up his neck, reaching the hollow behind his ear. This was actually happening. He was about to take an angel –his angel's- virginity. He didn't want to hurt him, not ever. Hell he didn't think he could if he wanted to. He'd punched him as hard as he could before and nothing happened, but…
"Dean!" He gasped, breaking him from his trance, panting. His shirt was half open, the tips of his fingers trailing down his skin. He looked up at him, mouth going dry. His eyes were closed, head back, cheeks flushed, a thin sheen of sweat working over his skin.
"Cas, you sure-?"
"Don't stop, don't stop, please." He'd never experienced anything close to this before, and there was no one in the universe he'd rather lose this to. Dean forced himself away from the angel, grunting in frustration, fumbling with the buttons on his cuffs.
"Do you need some assistance?" Castiel asked, dipping his head to meet his eyes.
"Shut up," Dean smiled, still struggling, breaking into a fit of giggles. He laughed with him, at the absurdity, at how breathtaking he was when he grinned. He gave a triumphant chuckle when they broke free, finally able to get it off, looking up at him. He pressed his forehead to his, catching his mouth again, both still smiling as it warmed to deeper passions.
Dean's hands gently moved across his skin, unable to keep away from his neck. He pecked down to his chest mouthing his collarbone. Castiel whimpered into his touch.
"Oh, Dean. M-more, please." The hands that had so hesitantly stayed on the hem of his shirt plunged inside to touch the smooth flesh beneath. Dean's breath hitched, wondering why he wasn't more wary at the thought of being intimate with another guy.
It's just Cas, he told himself. No judgment, no expectations, no preferences or anything elaborate. Just pure, sweet Cas.
He shook his head, a surprised moan jumping from his throat when those inexperienced hands exploring him so feverishly barely touched his nipples, shooting heat to his groin, arousal growing more obvious by the moment.
"Dean, what's happening to me?" Castiel shuddered, stilling his hands and unwittingly allowing Dean to breathe.
"You mean here?" He whispered huskily, cupping the front of his pants. He whimpered, legs wobbling.
"Oh!" They buckled. Dean caught him, kissing him hard. "Yes…yes, there."
"That's supposed to happen, angel. It's okay."
His pupils dilated, body trembling in Dean's arms. He steadied himself, tearing the shirt from Dean's torso, salivating at the sea of skin in front of him. His hands roamed over it, tentative at first. His fingertips traced the handprint he'd left there all that time ago, watching Dean's eyes fall shut, a low hum in his throat.
He couldn't help himself anymore. He went to his neck, trying to give the same treatment he'd received moments before, hoping it had half the effect it had had on him.
Dean's breath left him, body shaking a little. His hands found his back, scratching, scraping, kneading. "Uhn, Cas, that's good. God, that feels good," he squeezed him closer, fingers carding through his hair, tugging gently. He paused, unsure, confused.
"Dean, I still don't…I don't understand," he admitted, looking at him, pleading.
"Shh…" He soothed, kissing him tenderly, guiding him to the bed and carefully sitting down with him. "It's alright, Cas. Just let it happen." He pecked the corners of his mouth, trailing butterfly soft kisses down his chest and stomach, carefully undoing his belt and his pants, sliding them from his waist, staring at the bulge in his underwear and not taking his eyes away until Castiel swallowed audibly. He looked up at him, seeing how nervous he was under the gaze. "This okay?"
"Yes," he nodded, trying to breathe. "Yes, this is…very acceptable."
He hooked his fingers in his waistband, his own heart pounding. "Bear with me for a second, okay? I haven't exactly done this before."
"I don't understand; you've fornicated before," he whispered, propped on his elbows.
"Not with a guy, and-" He stared at him, licking his lips again. "Not with someone like you." He cocked his head.
"Like me how?" He breathed. He cleared his throat, glancing at him before he answered.
"Someone as…as special as you, Cas. You're important. You're really important, okay?" He said. "I don't wanna screw this up for you. I really don't, but you'll cut me some slack, right?" He nodded.
"I-I am pleased with whatever you'll do to me, Dean," he swallowed, still sweating. "But please, do something. I-I can't take this much longer."
Dean kissed down his belly, being sure to taste his skin as he went, slowly working the shorts off of him.
He gasped, exposed to open air, to Dean. He shut his eyes, fingers clenching the sheets so hard. Dean stared at him, wide-eyed, gawking, nearly drooling. "Wow," he whispered, gently touching his hips, slowly raking his eyes up his body to meet those wide blue pools.
Castiel stared at him, wondering. "Is-is there something wrong?"
"No," he cleared his throat. "God, no, Cas. Just a little nervous."
"Wh-why are you anxious?"
"Makin' sure I don't screw this up, angel."
"Nothing you could do could make me think less of you, Dean. I trust you," he said breathily. Dean kissed him on impulse, pressing his own clothed hips to his. The angel's entire body jerked, a whimper jumping from his throat. He ground into his skin, hands digging into his shoulders, hot breath on his neck.
"Easy, sweetheart, easy."
"More, I need more, Dean. Please," he begged, clawing at the fabric of his underwear.
"Okay, okay, shh…" He soothed, slipping them off. Both of them keened when they touched, skin against skin, bodies totally flushed.
"Oh, Dean, oh god, Dean, please. Mmn, mmph, please." Hot, wet kissing, sloppy and needy. Dean nipped at his lips, his jaw and his neck, losing himself.
"You want more? You want me to touch you, babe?" Dean asked.
He nodded, gasping. "Don't mock me, Dean, you know what I- I want you. I want you to help me forget what's happened. Please." He stared up at him, eyes raw and pleading, body as vulnerable as his gaze, pleading with Dean to help him forget the weight in his chest and let out some of the awful emotions that had been stewing inside him for months.
"Okay," he breathed, gently pecking his lips, bringing him back, his eyes drawing him back in. "Shh…" Gentle, slow, touching him delicately, tenderly. Castiel hummed into his mouth, gasping softly. Dean's arms snaked around him, holding him tight, raking his fingers through his hair, tangled together with another naked man, sweaty, eyes so bright an intent. He looked so soft…He was soft.
"Touch me?" He said softly. Dean caressed his cheeks, snaking down his neck and his chest, just feeling him, trying to memorize every line and feature because God knows they could die tomorrow. He forced himself away with a frustrated grunt.
"Hang on, just hang on a second. I need to get…just hang on." He kissed him again, rushing to his bag, rifling through it as quickly as he could.
Condom, condom- Wait. Do I need a condom? Cas is an angel, does he-? But Jimmy was- Not goin' there. Not…
Fuck it. He grabbed the bottle that had been tucked away in his bag for some time now, some crap a chick had given him awhile back for when he saw her again. He didn't have the patience or the heart to tell her he'd never see her again. Shut up, not important.
He climbed back into the bed, giving him a reassuring smile so he didn't panic or feel uncomfortable. "Alright, Cas, I need you to trust me on this, okay?"
"I-I've always trusted you, Dean," he gasped. Dean fought off a blush.
"Then close your eyes," he goaded, still holding his face. "Close your eyes and just breathe."
"Okay," he gulped. Dean gently lifted and opened his legs, occupying his lips to keep him grounded and calm. "I've got you, Cas. If you want me to stop you tell me so, okay? Just say the word and I'll stop."
Castiel gasped and whimpered, eyes rolling back when Dean's fingers started to work him open, slicked and warm. "Wh-what is-? What are you doing? Ohn!" He shut his eyes again, breathing hard. Dean kissed him, still gently working him open.
"Making sure I don't hurt you," he whispered. His mouth ghosted over his jaw and his neck, free hand caressing his leg. Castiel moaned, trying to open his eyes, forcing them, his entire body tingling. Dean was flushed, concentrating on the task at hand, his eyes bright and intent, calloused hands so gentle.
"Dean, this is…something's…" He grunted, the pressure in his groin uncomfortable and tight, everything around him hot…too hot. "I don't know what to do."
"Shh…" Dean set his attention to it, fingers still working diligently inside him. His free hand wrapped around him, slicked with lubricant and hot. Castiel's entire body clenched, arching into his hand. He moaned and writhed as he started to stroke him, all of it so new and so welcomed.
"Dean! Oh, Dean…"
The hunter moved slowly, gently, watching an angel usually so composed fall apart under his touch, writhing naked on this rickety bed in this dingy room and knowing he deserved more. But Cas wanted a distraction, he want ed to know someone out there cared about him and wanted him to be happy. And that was precisely what Dean was going to do.
Castiel inhaled sharply when Dean's finger slipped inside him, trembling and licking his lips, tensed and stiff, waiting for another. He shuddered when it did, bringing his hips down, sobbing out his pleasure in short spurts of breath. "Yes, yes, Dean, mn!" He bit his lip, entire body drenched in sweat. "Oh, Dean, what's happening to me?"
Dean shook his head, waiting for his voice to return. "Your body's supposed to feel this way. It's good, right?" He nodded, his own hand finding Dean's arm, holding it to ground him.
"It feels so good, Dean," he breathed, voice growing in pitch. "I-I understand why humans do this now, wh-why you- ah!" He jerked his hips into Dean's hand, simultaneously grinding onto his fingers, the sensation much too good to pass. He no less than screamed when Dean's fingers brushed against the bundle of nerves inside him, eyes wide in surprise, releasing over Dean's fingers and his own stomach.
Dean sighed, smiling gently, mildly disappointed but understanding. He snatched his still-damp towel from the floor, cleaning them both off. "Not too bad for your first time," he chuckled. "You lasted longer than I thought you would-"
He was cut off by a hard kiss from the angel, his lips fiery and needy, body alive again despite that it had only been minutes.
"Dean," he growled attacking his neck, strong arms holding his back, scratching. "Can we do that again?"
Dean smiled, impressed. "That was quick." Castiel quieted him again, urging his lips open, both still so naked and wanting, Dean's own arousal aching, body on fire, desire overwhelming him. "Cas…" His fingers were tangled in his dark hair, watching those eyes once so blue and now taken over by pupils look back at him.
The angel rolled them over, putting Dean beneath him, touching his body, watching his face for any sign of whether he liked the attention or not. Dean allowed himself to let go, to trust the angel. He felt down his chest and the hardened, hot muscles that resided there beneath soft skin. He marveled at what he saw, going over each line, crest and crevice, bending to kiss and suckle his flesh, curious. He kept his hands on his sides, holding gently, squeezing softly.
"Cas…Oh, God, Cas…" He moaned, shivering. He gasped softly when his fingers found his nipples again, watching his eyes flick from his face to his hands, sighing when he lowered his head. His breath hitched when his mouth settled over the skin he'd been teasing. He carefully held the back of his head, stroking his hair and the rest of his body. "Mmn, come here. Come here."
He sat up with him, claiming his mouth again, fingers setting back to what they'd originally started. Castiel melted in his arms, eyes rolling back again. His shaking legs caused him to collapse in Dean's lap, rubbing their members together on accident. They moaned into each other's mouths. "Dean." That same husky, needy growl in the dark.
Castiel was underneath him again, eyes shining and beautiful, begging…anticipating.
Slowly, gently holding his hips, legs propped in the crook of his elbows, one hand holding his face, he edged his way forward inside of him. Castiel's breath hitched, eyes clenched shut, hand clenching Dean's shoulder.
"You okay?" He whispered, his own voice strained. He nodded, licking his lips.
"Yes, Dean. Please," he said, drenched in a sheen of sweat. He shuddered when he started to move, moaning aloud. Dean wondered briefly if the neighbors would hear.
The tight heat around him brought him back to where he truly was, a quiet grunt jumping from his throat, steadily moving faster, finding an even rhythm.
Castiel whimpered, buzzing everywhere, every touch and brush of skin absolutely maddening. His hand shot up to grab the back of his head, pulling him down to crush their lips together again, needing to taste him again, their cries of pleasure lost between their mouths. Their foreheads pressed tightly together, panting and dripping with sweat, sneaking kisses between gasps, the angel so lost and immersed in Dean's body he couldn't see clearly.
"Dean…Oh, Dean, please, yes…"
His moans were getting louder, sinking further and further into abandon, shameless and so beautiful. So raw in his movements, eyes still holding fragile vulnerability that Dean didn't dare take advantage of. He kissed him again, feeling teeth drag on his lower lip, sending shivers down his spine and quickening his pace.
"Cas…oh fuck, Cas…" He was so close, falling toward his release rapidly. Castiel licked his lips, keening when Dean's hand wrapped around him again, jerking in time with his thrusts, the wet sound of skin slapping together echoing through the room almost as loud as his own voice. His eyes fluttered, grip tightening, repeating his name over and over. Like a prayer.
Dean grinned, changing angles, catching the bundle of nerves inside the angel, eliciting a scream from his swollen lips. "DEAN! Dean, oh, YES!"
A few more jerks and Castiel was thrown into his second orgasm of the evening, everything going white and giving way to what his body was feeling.
The overwhelming heat that tightened around him hurled Dean into his own, hips staggering before coming to a halt.
They stayed there in silence for some time, just trying to breathe. Castiel fought to remember his name for a moment, hugging Dean's heaving body to his chest.
"Well," the hunter finally managed. "So much for that shower."
Castiel looked at him, overwhelmed. "That…that was…" He trailed off, unsure.
"I know it wasn't ideal," Dean said softly, apologetic. "But it wasn't too bad, right?"
"I couldn't imagine what could have been better than that," he breathed, sincere. "All I needed was you." Dean's eyes softened, usually put off by such a comment but it was Cas.
"Well good, 'cause that's about all I got," he chuckled, stroking his cheek. He kissed his forehead, incredibly tired but the last thing he wanted was to wake up in this mess. "Come on, we're gross."
"Dean," he held his arm, looking at him with that intense stare of his. He stopped, looking down at him. "Thank you." He gave him a small smile.
"I…I um…" He licked his lips, averting his eyes briefly. Castiel gave his own little grin.
"I know, Dean," he acknowledged. "Me too."
Half an hour later Dean was curled in the angel's arms, warm and secure, forgetting the world. Castiel held him, his own eyes closed, and for just a brief flicker in time, happy.
-A/N/: Please review!