Note: Okay. Even though this IS a Jori love story (Duh. I am the one writing it, after all), it's still a whole lot different from anything else I've written. Basically, just leave your brain at the door, sit back, relax, and enjoy the craziness to come.


Scissor me Jaded

The floor creaked beneath her foot, sending an immediate growl vibrating through her throat. The coffee cup held out in front of her nearly fell as she lost focus for a brief second. Tori Vega stopped just inside the threshold of the door and took a moment to calm her nerves, keeping her eyes on the coffee and taking a deep breath. She found herself growling deeper, longer and louder with each day that passed. The door closed behind her and she immediately felt a little trapped. It was a Saturday, and work was the last place she, or anyone she had ever met, wanted to be on a Saturday. It didn't help that she hated her job in the first place, but more notably, her boss.

She was trying her hardest not to crumble under the weight of her own frustration, but she was particularly aggravated this day and the coffee that she had tried so hard to keep in the air started to shake. Admitting defeat, she reached forward and grabbed the cup out of mid air, retracting it with a long sigh.

But, a little bit of pride joined with her current emotions. She was never actually that good at using her special gift, and how she ever got into a school for the supernaturally gifted she would never know, but today she managed to lift the coffee cup in front of her for a good five minutes. It hurt using her ability, giving her a migraine the moment she let go of whatever she was trying to move with her mind and up until recently, she had only ever achieved moving small object an inch or two across whatever surface they sat upon. This last year, however, she had gotten considerably better, even walking around with things held in front of her like she had begun to do with her boss' coffee on a regular basis.

Whoever told her that her gift was like a muscle, and that she would have to use it over and over again to strengthen it, apparently never decided to tell her that it would take so many years to make it only slightly better.

She finally started moving again and turned to her right, opening the stairwell door and taking the stairs all the way up to the seventh floor. It was the preferred workout in comparison to getting on a treadmill every day and since her boss decided to make her run multiple errands per day, it worked out nicely. The familiar burn flowed mildly through her leg muscles and it was easily one of her favorite parts of the day. She used to work her anger out after her old friend, Jade West, would frustrate her and found the solution to still hold similar results, even five years after she had seen the Gothic girl.

But never in all that time did she think she would find someone that aggravated her more.

Mr. Assot, or Ass hat as Tori liked to say behind his back, had her run to get his coffee two times a day, never failing to issue the order to his assistant at the same exact times. And today was no different, aside from the fact that it was a Saturday and she had never been called in to work on a Saturday. He also made sure that she knew to bring the coffee on her way to work this day, surprisingly changing his routine, and that they had special things to talk about. Tori knew what he wanted. He was hoping to get laid and was far too obvious about it, always watching her intently as she walked away and licking his lips at the sight of her backside.

Tori wasn't even quite sure what it was that her boss did for a living, something with bonds, or stocks, or something, but whatever it was, she knew that he had never come in on a Saturday to do it. So she was angry. Not that someone was eyeing her so intently in a sexual manner, but because she wanted to keep her job. She couldn't imagine keeping it after she rejected the poor, old, fat man. Because there was no way in hell that she was going to sleep with him. Not even if it meant getting fired.

He was a troll, a goblin, or anything else out of a Lord of the Rings movie that she could think of; disgusting, huge, and preying on the weak. She could just picture it in her mind. Gigantic, ugly, slimy, stupid and angry. It fit the man's personality perfectly.

The seventh floor door was finally reached and she opened it, turning the corner and coming face to face with the very thing she was just thinking about. Not her boss, no, a monster. But it wasn't as big as she had been imagining it. It was actually quite small, standing next to and sniffing the copier. The large machine was actually taller than it was and for a second, a very brief one, it actually looked kind of cute to Tori. But then she smelled it and glanced downward, catching a glimpse of something that revealed the thing as a male and its ugliness came crashing back. She exhaled a gagging breath and ducked behind the corner she had come from.

She slowly peaked around with wide eyes, scared that the beast might have noticed her. It stood at no more than four feet tall with short stubby limbs, green skin, and a seemingly mashed in face. One jagged tooth protruded out from what Tori figured to be it's mouth and saliva dripped almost fluently from the gaps made by the tooth. Shredded cloth hung from it in various places, barely managing to hide its dark, green skin.

And it was covered in blood. A lot of blood.

Either something, or someone, had been harmed by this thing and Tori immediately decided that she didn't want to be next. Though she was quite calm about the situation, knowing that things like this were actually possible and did happen. Most of the world wasn't privy to the supernatural world hidden beneath but for a select few, such as Tori and everyone else who had attended Hollywood Arts, they knew the truth.

And it also wasn't the first time weird or unexplainable things happened around her. Like the time her friend Cat made them go and pay respects to a dead woman, who arose as a ghost upon their arrival. Or when her other friend Robbie's puppet actually did come to life and the only person who wasn't shocked was Robbie himself, believing the thing to have been alive the whole time. And even April fool's day, when the most random and impossible things happened for no apparent reason and no one seemed to even notice, as if it were a dream that's strangeness only became apparent upon waking up.

So, calmly, she started to take steps back towards the stairwell. But her damned conscious got in the way. With a silent curse, she closed her eyes tight and hesitated. She hated Mr. Ass hat, yes, but that didn't mean she wanted the man to die. And it could even be his blood that was coating the monster at the copy machine. If he was wounded then he would need help, pervy jerk or not. She was turned around and peering back around that corner again within seconds.

It hit the machine, apparently deciding that it hated the thing and was happily amazed at the crushing noise it made. So the thing struck harder and continued to do so as Tori pulled out her phone, taking advantage of its distraction.

Being in the loop when it comes to all things supernatural, Tori had learned that there were people to call that would take care of these types of situations. Monster hunters of sorts. She pulled out her phone and dialed 911, not knowing what else to do, and simply hoped there was some sort of secretive way that calls such as hers would be heard and dealt with.

The operator's voice was gone the moment Tori uttered the word "monster".

Instead, another voice came onto the line just as Tori took another good look at the thing with a hatred for copy makers. The female voice sighed before asking in an obviously practiced and professionally bored voice, "Scissor me Jaded, what's the problem?"

There was a twinge of familiarity in the voice and Tori found herself narrowing her eyes and at a momentary loss for words. "Wait, Jade?" she finally whispered, watching as the monster stopped what it was doing.

And then it grew, at least an inch or two.


It was her. Tori's once frenemie, Jade west, was the person at the other end of the line. Five years after high school and this was how they come in contact with each other again. Tori almost smiled at the coincidence.

And the thing grew even bigger, it's muscles popping into fearsome shapes. Tori finally noticed it's growth, nearly a foot this time as it stood a good bit over five feet tall, matching her own height. Somehow it was getting bigger, and Tori's fear increased.

"Um," She gulped before whispering her response back into the phone. "Yeah, hi. Look, there's a big, green ugly thing at the office where I work and it's covered in blood. Oh, and angry. Did I mention it's angry?" She finished her increasingly fear filled rant with a nervous laugh.

Tori could hear the snicker at the other end of the line. "So it's the Hulk then?"

"Damn it, Jade! I'm not messing around." Tori's anger got the better of her and she nearly yelled, barely keeping her voice at a harsh whisper. "Apparently you're someone who deals with this stuff. So come deal with it!"

There was a pause, giving Tori enough time to realize that she had cursed at Jade. Which would definitely be a surprise since she had never cursed in front of the girl before. But five years can change a person.

"Well," Jade finally started. "Seeing as though you asked so aggressively, I'll be right there."

Tori sighed in happy relief. And the thing grew another foot.

"It's getting bigger!" She said, trying to hurry the conversation along. "The address is-"

"Yeah, I know where you are."

Tori recovered from the interruption and found herself getting angry again. "What? How?"

Jade laughed her favorite evil laugh, which had gotten considerably more sinister, Tori noticed. "You can't be in the monster slaying business without a few tricks, Vega. Now be good little bait sandwich and distract Mr. Hulk until I get there."

She hung up with another sinister laugh. Tori had to fight off another growl as she pocketed her phone.

The office was a wide one, and there were plenty of cubicles and things that she could hide behind as she tried to make her way to her boss' office. The thing, Bob, as she decided to think of it as, had luckily stopped growing. It sat down with a plop and grabbed at the crushed and scattered pieces of what was formerly the copier and started to play with them, like a child. It made dumb noises and even tried lazily fitting them back together, probably so that it could smash it all over again.

It's head turned in the direct opposite direction of Tori and she took her chance. Ass hat's office was on the direct opposite side from where she had first seen the beast, with it directly in between at the copier against the wall. She bolted away from her corner as light footed as possible and found cover behind the first cubicle. She transferred along a few more of the miniature offices before a piece of the machine smashed into the wall a few feet from her and a loud and angry roar came from Bob.

He had failed at piecing his toy back together, apparently.

Tori froze. She hoped and preyed that it hadn't noticed her. She remained behind her current cubicle for what seemed like forever before slowly peeking around to see if it was aware of her. It wasn't. She continued her journey across and around the office, finding that it seemed far larger than she remembered it being. Finally reaching the closest cubicle to Ass hat's office, she took a final deep breath and made a bolt for the office.

Her decision to go back for the man was instantly made clear to have been a mistake.

Blood. It was everywhere. She stood frozen in the doorway with wide eyes. All over the walls there was blood, with small chunks of some sort of flesh scattered about as if something had exploded. She almost puked again, and took involuntary steps backwards, right out into the open again. She couldn't help it, the smell was horrible. And she gagged, louder than she intended to, but she still gagged.

Yet again, she froze. This time more horrified than when she had stepped into the bloody room. She turned her head slowly upon hearing a deep, guttural growl. Bob was looking right at her. It turned, placing it's full frontal body in her view, and roared long and loud.

Whatever clothes that had been on the thing when she had first seen it was even less now, but shreds still remained, most notably a tie. A black tie that hung tightly around Bob's neck. Mr. Assot always wore a black tie, Tori remembered. In her fear induced stupor she also noticed a watch. It was a gold watch. One of those that is obviously fake but made to look somewhat like a high end expensive one. Just like her boss always wore.

It hit her like the Hulk. This was her boss. Bob was officially an Ass hat.

Tori felt like her breathing had stopped. She stared ahead to Bob hat, just as Bob hat stared menacingly at her. Everything around the beast in front of her went black and all she could see was it. She didn't move, didn't dare to, and unlike her, the six foot thing in front of her breathed heavy and fast.

It was waiting for her to move as if it were some sort of challenge. A stand off of sorts.

She couldn't remember ever being as scared was she as now. Sure, she had seen some crazy stuff in her life, but never had a literal monster with obvious anger issues stood in front of her. Not just that, but the damn thing was her boss, she was sure. Did it remember her? And if it did, did it want to do something a whole lot worse with her body other than beat it to death?

No. Tori wouldn't let that happen. Screw fear. Jade would be here soon and she specialized in killing these things, right? All Tori had to do was wait for her former friend to show up.

Thinking about Jade distracted her for a moment, and when her fear began to change to confidence, her vision cleared. Something was floating to her side. An office chair, she noticed, and when Bob hat's own eyes glanced to the object, Tori reacted. It was instinctual, somehow finding her fight mode activated and stronger than ever. The chair flew forward like a bullet and smashed into the thing's face.

But Tori ran as fast as she could to her right the moment the chair started moving, choosing to ignore however the hell she had found the power to do that in the first place, as well as the ache in her brain that her ability had caused, and focused on surviving instead. She ran along the same path she had taken to reach Assot's office in the first place. There were plenty of walls, desks, and chairs to slow the monster down and it seemed to work.

Bob hat had roared an ear splitting roar when the chair hit, flinging it to the side like it was nothing. While the small, fragile female thing in front of him had stared, daring him to charge, he grew even bigger. His strength grew ever more along with his height and size and he did just that; he charged. He went straight for the puny thing, tearing apart and throwing aside all objects in his path. But there were many of them and a few managed to trip and stumble him, giving the small girl more time to run and escape from his instinctual bone crunching.

For a moment, Tori didn't think she would make it. The thing came close to grabbing her once, but she narrowly dodged him as he fumbled over a cubicle wall that was now shorter than him. He had somehow grown again without her noticing, standing easily above eight feet high. But his size in comparison to the confined office was to her advantage and she reached the stairwell within seconds. Momentary relief washed over Tori and she allowed herself to slow a bit as she neared the bottom of the first staircase.

It was her second mistake of the day.

The seventh floor door exploded behind her, shooting down the stairs and she barely escaped it by bounding around the corner and down the next staircase. She could hear Bob hat crashing, roaring, and even falling down each flight of stairs that she had already escaped down, once again finding it's own size to work against itself in the narrow hallways. A good distance was put between the two and she reached the bottom floor, flying out of the doorway and into the main lobby of the building.

The morning sun glared through the glass entry way. She had to squint for a moment as she slid lightly across the floor after trying to stop her flight. A black van pulled up into the nearly empty parking lot outside and Tori immediately registered who it belonged to.

The "Scissor me Jaded" sign in very large font across the side gave it away rather easily.

And again, she made another mistake. She took a momentary breath of relief, believing that things were somehow better all of the sudden. But then the door she exited from exploded, and out came a ten foot hulking mass of a monster straight at her. He had grown further, apparently.

Jade stopped her van after seeing Tori Vega run out of a doorway inside the building, choosing not to keep driving like she had actually thought about doing. Her vehicle was completely black, aside from the red lettering across it's sides, and she was clad in just as much black. She casually took a drag from her cigarette before lazily throwing it outside of her open window with her "I got this" attitude. Her desired persona of bona fide badass was coming across well and you could practically hear the hardcore beginning sounds of Chimaira's "Pure Hatred" as she opened the driver's side door and stepped out. But that was just because it was playing far too loudly from her stereo, of course.

Both of Jade's black boots made it onto the pavement when a loud crash was heard and Tori was bursting through the building's glass front doors into the cold weather and screaming, "Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!"

The tanned half-Latina was just as beautiful as Jade remembered. She made it halfway across the lot to Jade before something huge was crashing through the same glass that Tori had come through, roaring and far angrier than Jade had imagined when she was on the phone with Tori earlier. Jade's smirk from witnessing Tori in distress fell in an instant and she immediately went into business mode.

Using her own ability, Jade's hand glowed a bright, yet dark, purple and something materialized in the hand. It was a bat. A Plain wooden bat. Tori would have taken the time to question Jade's item of choice had she not been running for her life towards the girl. Jade began taking long strides in Tori and the beast's direction, lifting the bat just as Tori passed by. A symbol, or a rune of some sort, Tori thought, was made apparent to her just at the end of the bat as she ran by and she knew what Jade was doing.

Tori suddenly made a sharp right turn, knowing full well that a vehicle was ahead of her and that a monster would be crashing towards her after the bat hit it. After all, an object imbued with a rune of the right type could be extremely powerful, as the girl's and all of their classmates had learned in high school. This one was more than likely imbued with the strength of thousands of bats, or some crap like that.

But just before Jade swung the bat; just before it could collide with the thing's leg and shatter it, only to have it slide face first into Jade's vehicle, the bat went limp. As she brought it swinging towards it's knee it turned to some sort of flexible rubber and simply slapped pathetically.

Bob hat ran past Jade a few feet and stopped so that it could turn to Tori, and Jade just stared at the bat in her hand.

"Seriously?" Tori yelled, continuing to run away. "You're still having that issue after five years!"

In truth, Jade hadn't experienced such a fault with her own ability in years; five years, to be exact. She took pride in how good she had gotten with it, finding herself able to store multiple small objects at a time in some unknown pocket of space, that she called the Void, and pull them out whenever she felt like. The Void was a tricky place and it had taken her years to perfect it and actually manage to pull things out of the crazy place still in tact. So she decided to re-store the bat and then pull it back out again, hoping that it would come out right the next time around, determined to prove to little Miss Vega that she could do it.

But, putting things into the Void made a hell of a lot brighter light than storing it did, and Bob hat noticed. The monstrous thing stopped it's chase for Tori and turned to look directly at wherever the bright and shiny had come from.

"Oh shit." Jade mumbled just as the bat rematerialized in her hand.

Tori had made it a good distance away from Jade and so had the big ugly green thing. There was no way that Jade could casually hit it like a badass as it ran by this time, so she sent her mind to work to try and find a quick solution to the dilemma like she had done so many times before in a tight spot. Her smirk returned as she looked down at the bat. She lifted it over and behind her head, hiking her leg up like a pitcher would do and she threw it, hurling it through the air straight for the monster's head.

Bob hat slammed his hand against a car in his roaring rage as he ran by, probably his own, if Tori took the time to think about it. Just after he passed it, the bat collided.

It definitely worked this time.

It was the second time that something had struck him in the face this day and the former Mr. Ass hat wasn't happy about it. Especially since this thing happened to hurt like hell. It made a loud bang of a noise, somewhere along the lines of what it might sound like if superman had punched him in the face, and he went stumbling backward and to the side. Tripping over the car, he fell behind it with an unflattering yelp.

Tori began circling back towards Jade right as the girl had thrown the bat. "Seriously?" she yelled again. "I know that was powerful, but why not a gun?" She reached Jade in a few seconds and Bob hat was either unconscious or extremely dazed. "I'm sure you've got plenty stored in that purple place of yours."

"I can't kill it." Jade responded, eyeing the beast intently as she began to walk towards it.

"What? Why not?"

"Because this thing is special or something, I don't know. I have my orders, so shut it."

Jade was obviously upset that she couldn't blow the thing's head off, but apparently she liked keeping her job.

But Tori was persistent and stubborn, as always. "Well, how do you know it's special? It's a big ugly thing that was trying to kill me. Bob hat is a freaking monster. Shouldn't you kill monsters?"

"Look, Vega." Jade began after a growl, closing in on the bat that she had thrown. "I need to contain this thing before it's conscious again, so will you please shut the fu-…" Jade stopped, narrowed her brow and turned to face Tori. "Wait, did you say Bob hat?" She then bent town to pick up the bat at her feet.


"Right. Whatever. Just shut up, okay?"

With a huff and a crossing of her arms, Tori shut up and stood in place. After she said "okay", though.

Jade sighed in agitation and began to turn back to Bob hat, as Tori had called it, and actually made it a few feet, but both girls quickly found that Tori had made yet another mistake. If only she hadn't decided to keep using that big mouth of hers as a distraction.

The monster stirred, only to lift up with a groggy moan right after. Jade had underestimated the thing, having knocked everything else she had ever encountered unconscious for hours with that bat.

She blamed Tori.

Suddenly, the car was thrown out of the way and Bob hat was bounding towards Jade again, eager for revenge. Jade lifted her bat but it was far too close. It was on her in seconds. She had barely gotten the bat to a good swinging distance behind her when a hulking fist came rocketing towards her. But she found herself being flung to the side by some unknown force at incredible speed, the bat returning to it's home in the Void instantly as she lost focus.

Bob hat was confused. One second the puny girl was in front of him, ready to get smashed into bloody bits like any good thing should and the next, she was sliding across the pavement to the side.

Tori went to her knees just as the ten foot tall beast reared back with a dumb sounding confused noise. She grabbed at her head, clutching it in immense pain from using her power so effectively to move Jade out of the way.

Jade ignored the whiplash and the pain that sliding across the pavement caused her and she bolted up immediately at the first chance she could. The big thing in front of her was as stupid as it looked as it bent forward and waved a hand at the spot that Jade had been before she had vanished. For some reason, seeing Tori in such pain only served to fuel her anger and she closed the few feet of distance between her and her prey in a few seconds. The bat came back to reality, materializing in her hand as she reached the monster, slamming it as hard as she could into his head just as it noticed her.

Bones cracked and blood spewed. Jade had caved in the side of the thing's face and even sent him sliding across the ground, far across the parking lot and nearly out of sight. It officially had no head.

"God damn it, I killed it!" she yelled. "Now I'm not getting paid!"

"Can you stop yelling, please? It doesn't help my head situation over here." Tori added.


"Still not helping!"

Jade growled a long and deep growl before walking over to Tori and plopping down next to her with an exhausted sigh. "Whatever. Captures are never worth that much anyway. At least I got to see it's head pop like a watermelon."

Tori rubbed at her temple with the palm of her hand and scoffed. "Still as twisted as ever I see."

But Jade just ignored Tori. "And where the hell is my assistant? If she had actually been on time for once, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here next to you with no money to show for it."

"Who is your-"

Before Tori could finish asking the question, a blur of red flashed in front of her eyes and then suddenly Cat Valentine was standing in front of both girls. She had her big, stupid, and adorable smile on her face that Tori remembered.

"Oh, hey, Tori!" The red head said.

Tori gave up, groaning at yet another strange encounter and just accepted it without question. Cat was Jade's comic relief of a sidekick. Of course, it made perfect sense. With another defeated and completely exhausted groan, Tori let herself fall backwards onto the pavement without a word.

Jade just stared in anger at the perky red haired girl, giving her the most powerful death glare that she could.

"What?" Cat finally asked. "Did I miss something?"

I plan on making every chapter quite long, maybe not as long as this one, however, but... long. So was this good? Awesome? Big bag of crap? Was Bob hat a stupid character... thing? I shall like to know these things!