Whoa. It's only been a couple of hours since I put this up, and I've already got 15 reviews. Maybe I should post controversial stuff more often... (it's a joke, don't get your panties in a twist.)
So this chapter is mainly for Dean's POV, and also to answer to my reviews.
Thanks to those people that understood the point of this story, and here's my answer to those that didn't:
I agree that sometimes Sam has moments when he seems like a selfish, whiny dick. I agree, believe me, because sometimes I feel that way too. But there are also moments that show who he truly is as a person. Throughout the series Sam has repeatedly done selfless things for others despite realizing the consequences for himself. There are millions of such moments, but it'd take a long time to write them all down, so I'll just write down the ones most noteworthy, at least to me:
S1 - he volunteered to take on a demon-infested airplane alone, when Dean seemed hesitant. He also did whatever it took to make sure Dean would live, after he got electrocuted and wasn't expected to live. He'd have done it even if he knew it meant another person would die, as long as it meant Dean would live.
S2 - he volunteered to kill himself when he thought he was infected with the Crotoan virus, and insisted on refusing to let Dean stay with him. Didn't work, but point made.
S3 - he spent the entire season busting his ass trying to find a way to get Dean out of the deal, even when he knew it would result in his own death.
S4 - he tried to sell his soul so that Dean could be released from Hell. Everything he did in Dean's absence - training under Ruby, the demon blood - it was all so he could avenge Dean. Not the best way, I'll give you that, but it's his intention that counts.
S5 - he. jumped. into. Lucifer's. cage.
I haven't seen S6, so I can't say.
S7 - he forgave Dean for killing his kitsune friend. He didn't go and burn Bobby's flask behind Dean's back, which is more than what I can say for Dean, who went and killed Amy behind Sam's back. "If it's supernatural we kill it" apparently applies to people Sam cares about but not to those Dean cares about.
Do you people honestly think that the moment Dean disappeared Sam happily skipped off to fuck the first girl he could find? Nowhere does it say that Sam didn't look for Dean. When Dean asked him he didn't reply, and so everyone assumed he sat back on his ass and did nothing. There's only been five episodes out so far, and there's a lot we don't know about what happened after Dean vanished and until Sam hit that dog. Can you honestly look at Sam's face after Crowley tells him he is well and truly alone, and say that he doesn't care about Dean? Honestly?
No, I disagree vehemently with those who say Sam's selfish. Also those saying he doesn't care for Dean? Bullshit. In In My Time of Dying he tore into John for not helping Dean - granted, he was wrong, but like I say, the intention. He cried when Dean's heart stopped. Season 3, the whole "I have to save Dean" thing. He was ready to sell his own soul to bring Dean back. He was suicidal without Dean.
I know the show portrays Dean as the type who doesn't show his emotions, preferring to pretend everything's all right, but the fact is that Dean shows his emotions more than Sam does. Sam deals with it and keeps his own mouth shut so that Dean doesn't have anything extra to worry about. That's selflessness, not selfishness.
I also think as a character Sam is less given to self-pity than Dean. Most of the time he chooses to listen to Dean express his feelings, while keeping his own hidden. Again, see the above paragraph.
Also, I agree Dean hasn't had a childhood since he was 4. But Sam, he's lived a hunter's life ever since he was six months old. Dean at least has some memories of a normal life and a mother. Sam doesn't even have that to hold on to. You can't really blame him for wanting normal. Also, when he went to college - that was his choice and he had a right to it, though I do disagree with how he completely ignored Dean and John. Here I'd also like to add that John didn't realize Sam's value until Sam left. Dean did, and Sam shouldn't have ignored him, but that's a whole other debate. It also sort of puts Sam and Dean on an equal basis, in that that Dean had a normal life for the first 4 years of his life, and Sam had one for 4 years too, at college.
AND FOR THE LAST TIME, I DON'T HATE DEAN. DID YOU EVEN READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE BOTTOM BEFORE STARTING A TIRADE? IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME FEEL FREE TO CHECK OUT THE REST OF MY STORIES. I just disagree with him as a character. I do that with Sam too. Also, I apologize for my canonical mistakes - I'm relatively new to Supernatural so there are a lot of episodes I haven't watched, but instead read about them on Wikipedia. Once again, I apologize, and I've corrected that.
FOR THOSE REVIEWERS WHO HAVE AN ACCOUNT BUT CHOSE TO HATE ON SAM ANONYMOUSLY - GROW A PAIR.
With that note, I end this excessively long A/N.
Dean drove away, taking extra care not to look into the rearview mirror. He wasn't sure he'd be able to go if he saw the look on Sam's face. Dammit, those eyes. How could a thirty-year-old man still make a puppy dog face?
But he steeled himself. Benny needed him. Sam didn't, for now.
Maybe he didn't, at all.
Dean didn't want to believe it, but he couldn't put it aside either. Sam hadn't even looked for him. Granted he hadn't actually said it out loud, but what else could a silence like that mean? He'd just moved on so easily, gotten himself a girl and a dog and lived a perfect, apple-pie life. Even when Dean had been with Lisa and Ben there had been this tiny little voice in the back of his head that insisted on reminding him of his little brother every five minutes. Dean had looked left, right and center for a way to bring Sam back, so how could Sam have just sat back and done nothing? How could he have given up on hunting, on Kevin?
Yeah, okay, he'd done it too. But those had been different circumstances.
Dean understood the kid's wish for a normal life, he totally did. What he didn't understand was why Sam insisted on trying to have one, when he knew better than anyone what happened every time he tried. He just didn't understand that some things weren't meant to be.
And now Amelia. Dean hoped to God he was wrong, but he had this niggling voice assuring him that if she stayed with Sam something bad would happen to her. Dean wasn't one for signs, but this was one if ever there were any. A normal life just wasn't for them. He'd accepted that, but Sam wouldn't, couldn't. He didn't want to.
Why, though? Why? Why couldn't he just suck it up and sit tight, hunt and save lives? Why couldn't he, for once, ever consider what Dean wanted? Dean was ready to do anything for Sam, but for the first time in his life he doubted if Sam would do the same for him.
He didn't like this Sam. This Sam was too independent, too confident - and he didn't seem to need Dean anymore. Dean missed his Sammy, the one who relied on him for everything short of wiping his own ass, the one who was his little brother and not this self-assured, stubborn man. He missed the Sammy who was still a child despite his age.
He sighed, and he stared at the road ahead of him, and he hoped. He hoped for himself, for his Sammy, for Benny, for Amelia. He hoped for everything he had, and for everything he didn't. He hoped for everything that could be, everything that was, everything that couldn't be.
He hoped for everything he was, and everything that wasn't.
Short, I know. But I'm not the type of person who'll write something she doesn't believe in, simply for the sake of reviews. This was written mainly to give you all Dean's POV, and to answer my reviewers.
Again, thanks to those who reviewed, regardless of whether they were positive or not. You took the time to review and give feedback, and I appreciate that. And for that person who flamed anonymously - yeah, bro, if you have an account and STILL reviewed anonymously, shame on you. Sorry, that isn't a review, that's hate. At least the others who didn't like offered reasons.