There's a sign in the window
that he struck you- a crescendo
he came into your apartment
he left a bloodstain on the carpet
then you ran into the bedroom
you were struck down
it was your doom
[Smooth criminal- Glee cover]
Do you know what it feels like, to find your reflection staring back at you in the mirror, and all you can see; feel is this numb separation from what you are and who you see? It's as if you're no longer a person, but just an object to be toyed with, played with. But like all childhood toys sooner or later you'll be discarded and you'll be left barely breathing. – Bella's Journal Entry
Sitting on the floor of my bedroom with bridal magazines spread out in front of us, I felt the same sense of being overwhelmed with color schemes and patterns that I have every other time we looked over magazines.
"Look at this one!" Alice's voice was high pitched, her perfect shaped eyebrows arched in giddiness. "It would be perfect for you!"
I smiled and looked at what she was pointing at, and I couldn't see it. The way everything was supposed to come together- into this perfect forest wonderland she could picture in her mind. "It's okay," I said going back to my own magazine.
"Bella! This is your one and only wedding, you can have more of an input!" she paused; there was a minute of silence before she started again, more quietly this time. "It's forever you know,"
I looked up shocked to see her look so sad especially with a bridal magazine in her hands "There isn't any going back once-"
"Alice, "I laughed, she smiled at me "Just be sure this is what you really want Bella."
She smiled warmly at me, "Good!"
"Oh Bells, I miss you" my mom's voice cracks with emotion and I shut my eyes pretending it's just the static from being on the speaker phone. "I miss you too. Are you settled into the new house yet?"
"You should see it here Bells, It's beautiful. I never thought I'd be happy here, Virginia of all places but it feels like home. It really does."
"I'm happy for you mom."
"Oh, Bella I'm so happy for you too, baby. Moving to Forks wasn't easy, but the way everything turned out... I'm so proud of you Bells."
"No, I mean it Bells" she sighed, "I know I haven't always been there for you; I'm so proud of the life you made for yourself. I know Charlie isn't thrilled with the engagement, but he's just worried about you baby" she chuckled, "It's a parents job to worry, but he loves you honey. From the moment the nurse put you in his arms," she laughed "I don't think I've ever told you this, but he was a nervous wreck. He watched that nurse like a hawk, getting ready to catch you if you would happen to fall. That's a parent's job, to always protect their child even if that child doesn't need it. And one day you'll know-"
She laughed, "Bella, its simple math. You're getting married. I'm not saying right away, but sooner or later you'll and Edward will decide to have a baby. And when they put that baby in his arms" My stomach twisted into knots at the thought of a child in his arm.
"The way he is so protective of you, I know he'll hold onto that child and never let it go. Just like Charlie-"
"He's nothing like Charlie" I snapped.
"Oh baby, I know. I didn't mean-" She paused "Charlie is a great man honey, I know he isn't one for talking and he works way to hard but he loves you Bells. It didn't work between us, but I never in my life thought he wouldn't be a good father to you."
"I know mom," But what could I tell her, that isn't why I snapped at her. "I have to go, I'm meeting Edward"
"Oh, alright. Well, call me tomorrow okay?"
"I can't do this anymore Edward," I twirled the engagement ring on my finger, "I can't pretend that everything is okay" the tears started to fall as I pulled the ring all the way off my finger "You need help, you need-"
"No!" he screamed, "You can't just walk away from everything we have! You love me! I know you love me!"
"I do," I nodded, "I love you so much, that I was letting you destroy me, but I can't."
"I'm sorry! Just don't leave" his voice broke "I need you, you just need to understand that-"
"That you need to get help,"
His face turned to stone, "You don't know what you're saying, and you don't mean it"
"Edward," I put the ring on the picnic table between us. "It's over. Until you get help, I can't be with you. Not like this."
"Isabella, look at me" he took my face in his hands, cradling it between his palms. I realized that if someone from the park looked on it would seem to be a lover's embrace; romantic even. But it didn't feel that way, his hands were cold and strong on my jaw and cheeks and I couldn't help but think all it would take is one second, and with a snap of his wrist I'd be dead.
"You can't leave me." His voice was smooth, stern "Everything that we worked for-" he stopped suddenly shutting his eyes "If you leave me Bella, I'll lose it." He opened his eyes- they were cold as ice. I couldn't see any emotion in them.
"okay," I whispered, having nothing else to say. I should be angry, I thought to myself; but I wasn't. In that moment I actually felt relieved.
"Hey Bells, can you come down here for a second?" Charlie yelled up the stairs, I took a deep breath and put on a fake smile. 'this is a happy time, be happy' I kept telling myself over and over again.
I walked down the steps "Whats up- Jake?" I forced the smile to stay on my face and paused on the bottom steps.
"Hey Bells," he smiled "Looking good."
I laughed, "What are you doing here?"
"We're going out on the lake-"
"Fishing," Jacob rolled his eyes.
Charlie nodded between us, a smile on his face "I'm going out to the truck- see you later kiddo" He walked towards the door whisling. We could hear the whistle even after the door closed behind him.
"Just tell me that he treats you okay Bells?"
"How can you even ask me that?" I threw my hands up in the air, "I love him Jake"
"I didn't ask if you loved his Bells, I asked if he treats you right!" his voice grew rough "I've seen the way you look when no one is watching- you look"
"I look stressed Jacob. Planning a wedding isn't easy."
"You look sad, Bells"
"I love him."
"Sometimes love isn't enough," he gave me a sad small smile "If you need to talk."
"I don't" I said stubbornly.
He smiled; taking two long strides towards me hugging me "I miss you Bells," In that moment, even knowing better it felt so nice having someone hold onto me, someone warm and caring and I lost myself by wrapping my arms around him and putting my head on his chest.
"Why was he here?"
I jumped at the sound of Edwards voice behind me, I turned around quickly. "What are you-"
"What am I what? Doing here? I came to see my Fiancée and I didn't think I'd find her with another guy"
"Let me guess, he was just here. You didn't know, you promise. Is that really what you're going to tell me again Bella?"
"I didn't! I swear!"
"I don't believe you!"
"Then don't Edward!" I shouted throwing my hands up in the air, completely drained.
"DON'T!" he yelled, "don't you lie to me!"
"Why Edward," I cried "What's the difference between a lie and a truth when you're just going to hit me again!" I screamed crying, "No matter what I say, no matter what I do!"
"If you would just do what I tell you!" he shouted back as he walked across the room. His face was red with anger, his hands clenched in fist. And for the first time I didn't care, I didn't care about the bruises or the anger or the way it felt when he touched. I just didn't care.
It was as if something broke inside of me, I no longer felt in control of myself or him. I had nothing left to lose, nothing at all. Not when I was already gone.
His arms wrapped around me, pulling me towards him. His body wrapped around mine; something that was once only done in love now suffocated me.
I tried to pull free, crying out for him to let go but he wouldn't- he never did. But I would make him this time, I kicked my legs, hitting him with my elbow and he dropped me surprised that I had made contact with him, never having fought back before.
I fell to the ground, he kicked me as I tried to get scramble away from him to get to my room, to lock him out.
"YOU ARENT GOING ANYWHERE" he screamed, his voice unbalanced as he grabbed at me again, but he missed; and I ran.
As my feet hit the steps, I could feel him behind me. His hand swiped at foot, I went down my head hitting the step, but I didn't let that stop me I kicked back even though pain was shooting through my skull.
I ran, with everything I had in me but he was still right behind me and I knew I couldn't make it to my room. So I went into Charlie's- the door slamming behind me I turned the lock.
"STOP IT! JUST STOP IT EDWARD! PLEASE" I screamed begging as he pounded on the door.
"YOU DID THIS! THIS IS YOUR FAULT" his voice came through the door.
I walked backwards never leaving the door from my sight, even as my back hit the wall.
"LET ME IN! BELLA" he kept screaming it like a chant, I felt my heart race and I knew that once he got in- and it was only a matter of time before he did; I would be dead.
Am I Evil, or what? :p
Thank you all for the alerts & the reviews! i'm glad you all like this story and I hope you stick with me through it, it'll be a bumpy ride but a good one :) SO let me know what you think & review :)