AN: Okay, so from here on out it starts to get more graphic. Just as a fair warning.
Jack watched the flames in the fire with intense interest. Tonight would be their last night at their little sanctuary. They were ready. Tomorrow, they would be moving out, since they were as equipped as they could be. Daniel was resting, inside, as he was still sometimes a little weak. Jack would have liked to have stayed until his partner was completely better. It wasn't going to happen. They just didn't have the time, and with his recent trauma's, it would take a lot longer than they had for Daniel to heal completely. His own weakness and tiredness had eased off about two days after their trip down Daniel's memory lane.
The Trial had passed a bare week ago, and it still overwhelmed Jack's thoughts. They hadn't discussed it, except to wonder about the new Stargate addresses. During the Trial several new addresses were revealed, and Daniel had insisted on writing down as soon as he awoke.
Jack hadn't pressed the matter, knowing that Daniel needed time to process everything that had happened. Perhaps, he did too. Only, he knew he wanted to talk to Daniel about it. He had witnessed some terrible moments in those memories. Watching so many take advantage of the helpless boy Daniel had rankled his nerves even now. Watching Daniel sacrifice his chance to relive his happier memories the sake of the Program had been even harder.
So many terrible moments. Jack wondered again how Daniel could see himself as anything less than a miracle. He could have become so bitter, so angry, and would have had every right to do so. But Daniel had come out above it all. In the end, despite how many people had tried to kill the spirit of that young boy, Daniel had been victorious over all of them.
There was fallout. Jack knew Daniel had some deeply rooted personal issues that needed to be worked through. The young man had not come away unscathed. Jack was also very aware that it was the uncertainty their relationship which caused Daniel to be so silent this past week.
They both missed their friends and teammates, but there was nothing to be done about it now, and they refrained from even mentioning their names. Daniel was worried that they would find the jewel and attempt to follow them. Jack was worried that they would not.
Of course, Jack knew, the General would have been forced to give up the search by now. The higher ups didn't like having their resources expended with such a small chance of success. He hadn't mentioned it to Daniel, but he suspected the other man knew it anyway.
Jack looked up, startled that Daniel had managed to sneak up on him like that. Smiling, Jack pointed toward the last of the tea.
"Saved you some."
Daniel chuckled, and squatted down to pour himself some. Then, to Jack's utter amazement, sat down in between Jack's widespread knees, leaning back against him. Warmth flooded through the older man at this simple act of trust, and he took a sip of his own tea to help the lump that had lodged in his throat move down.
They sat in silence, enjoying the tea, and their closeness. Daniel seemed deep in thought, and Jack was afraid that if he spoke, Daniel would move. He had craved this. Lately, he had needed it. It shouldn't surprise him that Daniel had somehow known that, and acted on it, but it did.
"You were lost in thought when I came over. Care to share?" Daniel asked, finally breaking the silence.
Jack hesitated, unsure how much to tell his partner. Yes, he needed to talk about what had happened, but he had been waiting for Daniel to bring it up. Was this his chance? Or would it drive his lover away from him, and deeper into himself?
"Danny, I need to talk about what happened. I can understand if you don't want to. Not yet. I just wanted you to know, so you don't try and bury it inside again. I'm sorry-."
"No!" Daniel interrupted harshly, then his voice gentled as he continued, "No, don't be sorry. I knew you needed to talk, I just wasn't ready for it. To be honest, I'm still not sure I am. It's one thing to walk around knowing those memories are there, but it's quite another to have someone you care about share them with you. I'm feeling a little exposed, at the moment, but I will try. What did you need to say?"
Jack coughed, trying to force that lump down again. "The things I saw, the things that have happened to you... I can't bear it, Daniel. I'm terrified, and I don't even know of what. You survived, you're here. I know that. And you've beaten them all by being a better person than they could ever hope to be. They never broke you, Danny. No matter what's happened to you, they never broke you."
Daniel listened quietly, knowing Jack was trying to sort things out in his head. A large part of him wanted to move away. But Jack needed him where he was, for the moment. He settled for mentally preparing himself for whatever else might come next.
"I admire that, you know. Jesus, Daniel, if there was any way to love you more than I do for it, I would. I've been a soldier all my life, and I've rarely seen a natural courage like yours. But I'm afraid too. I'm afraid that I'll lose you to it. That in trying to hold it all in, in trying to protect me from it, you'll become lost."
Jack broke off, still trying to gather his thoughts. He wasn't thinking as he spoke, just going with what he felt within his heart. He felt Daniel tense and, in response, Jack wrapped his arms around his lover tightly.
"I've seen it. You survived, Danny. So will I. Please, don't shut yourself away from me now. You need me, and I need you. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, and that includes helping you fight your inner demons. I know things will take time. I know it'll take time for you to believe me when I say I love you, and to believe me when I say I'm not going anywhere."
"Jack, please, don't," Daniel swallowed hard, closing his eyes. It hurt to hear Jack put into words what he already knew to be true. All of it, even though a large part of him didn't want to hear any of it, knew it couldn't be true. Daniel Jackson simply never got the good things in life, and Jack was an over abundance that simply could not last.
"I need to hear you say it, just this once, Danny. I need you to promise me you won't shut me out. That you'll let me help you. It won't be easy, I know. You've had to survive a hell of a lot in your life, and you've had to do it alone. I want you to understand that you're not alone anymore. I'm here. I'll always be here. In love, in friendship. However you need me, I'm here."
There wasn't anything Daniel could say. Warmth filled him, and he offered a small chuckle, desperately trying to lighten things up.
"'Til death do us part?"
Jack snorted, but leaned down close to Daniel's ear. "And even after," he whispered gently, not taking the bait.
Turning around, Daniel searched those beloved brown jewels. He saw the truth in all of it, saw the love shining through to him, and only for him. Tentatively reaching out, Daniel ran his fingers lightly over Jack's lips. He enjoyed the shiver of his lover in response. Leaning in, Daniel kissed him.
Jack accepted the kiss, yet was suddenly surprised. This was more than the comforting, loving kisses Daniel had given him before. It had started out as a taste, then a demand, and it was now a need.
Jack responded to each, determined to let Daniel set the pace, but when the need became possession, he tried to gentle the kiss. It was torture, having Daniel kiss him like that. The hunger was going straight to his groin.
Much to Jack's surprise, Daniel refused to be gentled. He was pressing down on Jack in a very clear way. Daniel wanted him on his back. Jack hesitated only for a moment and tried to remember this wouldn't go very far. It would probably end up being very frustrating, but the thought kept slipping from his mind.
"Danny," Jack pleaded. He wouldn't ask Daniel to stop outright. He knew Daniel would, and there was a part of him that really wanted to see where this would go. But another part of him was afraid. Afraid Daniel was using this as a distraction, as a way of trying to get Jack to forget the things he had seen.
"Please, Jack," Daniel whispered, and devoured Jack's mouth. That was it. What little will power Jack had was gone. He leaned into the kiss, prepared to offer Daniel anything he wanted, or needed.
Daniel's mouth moved away from his, and continued along his jaw line. Jack couldn't stop the shudder that went through him as Daniel nipped his ear. Or the moan that followed as Daniel's hands moved lightly down his naked chest. Jack was very glad they had agreed long ago to give up wearing anything except their boxers in order to preserve their regular clothes. Jack groaned softly as skillful fingers combed through his chest hair, thumbs lightly grazed sensitive nipples. All the while, Daniel's feather light kisses continued to explore his face, moving down to his throat.
There was no stopping his reaction. Daniel had to feel his erection as the multiple PhDs proved how well he could multi task. He kept waiting for Daniel to stop, to move away. But it didn't happen.
He felt those lips moving down his chest, and suddenly a tongue lapped his nipple while hands softly explored. It was all gentle, curious, but underlying there was the feeling of raw need radiating from his lover. Jack couldn't pretend to understand what was happening, but he would give in to it, to whatever Daniel asked for.
Jack closed his eyes as he gave himself up to the sensations coursing through him. A small part of his brain registered that the sand beneath him was soft, before that too went south. Hands that had been exploring moved down to his boxers, ready to remove them.
Daniel moved his hand around the rim, knowing that he needed this, for Jack, and for himself. Looking up, he saw his partners eyes closed, and knew from the moans coming from Jack that his lover was finding pleasure in what he was doing.
This was for him, but Daniel knew that if he was going to stop, he needed to do it now. There would be no turning back. But he needed this, wanted this. Even if he wasn't aroused himself, he wanted to do this.
Jack opened his eyes, and looked into two impossibly blue eyes that were asking for his permission to continue. Smiling, he nodded. "Please, Danny."
Daniel searched his soul once again, making sure. Then he reached up to capture Jack's mouth again, as his hands deftly took down the boxers, then used his knee to get them off once he couldn't reach anymore. He couldn't break contact with Jack's mouth, his probing tongue found the reassurance that he so desperately wanted.
Jack moaned into his mouth as Daniel ran his fingers lightly over Jack's erection. Closing his hand firmly, but gently, around it, Daniel moved his hand up and down, while simultaneously thrusting his tongue into Jack's mouth with a matching rhythm.
Jack moaned, and closed his eyes once again, unconsciously bucking up into Daniel's hand. Oh god, it was near perfect. Tasting and feeling Daniel all at once. He let the sensations wash over him, and couldn't stop the sounds coming from his throat. He'd wanted this for so long.
But he still needed something. One thing, before he could accept this precious gift from Daniel. Breaking away from Daniel's mouth, Jack raised a hand to run a gentle finger down Daniel's cheek.
"Say it, Danny, please. I need to hear it."
Daniel ducked his head, and took a deep breath. In a way, this small thing that Jack asked was harder than what he was doing to his lover. But he could do it, because Jack needed it, and because, deep down, Daniel knew the truth of it.
"You're here, Jack, and you'll always be here. I'll try to run again, and you'll be two steps behind me. I'll fall, and you'll be there to catch me. I know it, deep down. I always knew it. I just need a little more time to believe it, that's all."
"Love you, Danny," Jack whispered, and bucked into Daniel's expert hand again. Smiling, Daniel removed his hand and moved down, slowly, never letting his eyes break contact with Jack's as he moved.
Tensing, Jack followed Daniel, and knew what his lover was going to try. He wasn't sure Daniel was ready for that, yet. It had featured prominently in some of those real bad memories.
"Daniel," Jack warned.
"Touch me, Jack. I need to know it's you," Daniel requested. He felt Jack's hand run through his hair, and Daniel moved into the touch for a moment, before going back to study his prize. Curious, he put his tongue to the slit which featured a pearl of precum. Tasting it, Daniel decided he liked it. It was a flavor that was distinctly Jack. Musky, earthy. Steady.
Jack shivered at the touch. He watched, spellbound, as Daniel continued to explore him with his tongue, as though cataloguing an artifact, and putting everything into memory. His breathing came faster, and Jack knew he wouldn't last much longer. He heard harsh moans coming from somewhere, and then realized they were his own.
"Daniel, please... can't last much... longer," Jack panted. Daniel smiled sweetly, and then sucked in all of Jack. He had the satisfaction of hearing Jack howl, and when Jack thrust into his throat, he moved with him, so that the thrust never actually deepened. The frustration made Jack cry out again as Daniel moved on him, slowly, taking his time, and enjoying his exploration. It humbled him to know he could make Jack lose control like this. He wanted more. He wanted all of it.
Jack panted harshly, desperately needing release, and yet never wanting it to end. Daniel was beautiful, he thought. It was his last coherent thought as Daniel took him all in once more, and sucked, while his tongue moved around every vein, every available patch of fiery skin. He wanted it all, wanted to explore every precious part of his lover.
"GOD!" Jack cried out, amazed at the talent. The mere fact that it was Daniel doing this to him was pushing him over the edge. He had dreamed of this for so long, and now the reality seemed too much to bear. Daniel sucked again, and Jack couldn't stop it.
"DANIEL!" Daniel swallowed the prize that flowed into his mouth, determined to have it all.
Jack fell back, a limp rag doll as Daniel licked him clean, and moved up his body again. Still breathing harshly, Jack pulled him into a kiss. He wasn't so totally gone that he didn't notice Daniel wasn't the slightest bit aroused.
The taste of himself on Daniel's tongue was almost enough to stir him up again. Well, it got a twitch, anyway. Jack was pretty sure he was thoroughly spent.
"Jesus, Danny," Jack whispered. Daniel said nothing more, and merely curled up to him, his head finding the hollow in Jack's shoulder that seemed to have been made especially for him. Jack closed his eyes and rode out the after shocks of the most amazing orgasm he'd ever had. It wasn't until he was sufficiently calm that he realized the tremors weren't coming from him.
Concerned, Jack tugged his lover to him. Daniel was shaking, but silent. He hadn't moved from his curled position. Nothing struck a bone of fear faster through Jack than his linguist being silent.
"Easy, Danny," Jack whispered soothingly, worried. Had Daniel forced himself into this? It hadn't felt like it, though Jack was ashamed to admit that he had stopped paying attention. Remorse filled him. "Sorry, so sorry. You shouldn't have forced yourself, Daniel. Remember that talk we had? You were supposed to tell me. I was relying on you to tell me."
Daniel shook his head. "I'm not sorry, and I didn't force anything- not really. It's just taking a while to realize, to accept, well- It was the first time I've ever done that, willingly. And it was wonderful. So wonderful. I just needed to make sure it was you. And it was, and you were beautiful, Jack. Giving yourself to me that way. Letting go, just for me. God."
Jack remained silent now, desperately wanting to comfort his lover, but realizing that Daniel needed to work through this his way. He contented himself with rubbing his hand up and down Daniel's back, trying to calm him. Jack didn't like the signs he was seeing. This was too close to shock for his liking. But Daniel kept talking, even through the tears that had started to fall.
"I had to replace the memory. You've seen the worst my mind has to offer. And you're still here. Still holding me, as tightly as ever, and still offering that haven of safety I can find nowhere else. I had to give something back, Jack. You've given me so much, this small thing didn't seem like such a big deal. It's not, really. It's not much, Jack, but it's a thank you, none the less."
Jack nodded slowly, squeezing the younger man to him. Not much? Ha! He knew exactly what it had taken for Daniel to offer what he had. As thank yous went, it was probably the hardest thing his lover had ever done. In his own way, Daniel had finally given him what Jack wanted even more than the physical connection. Daniel was starting to believe, on some basic level, that Jack was here for the long haul. Two such awesome gifts in one sitting humbled him.
"Thank you, Danny."