Sarutobi Konohamaru: Naruto may be your rival but, that doesn't mean that you can run from your caretakers at bedtime in order to stake out his apartment in order to determine the most opportune time at which to attempt an assassination.
Ebisu: It would seem that I would have to yet again remind you to keep better track of your student. At least he isn't trying to assassinate me with cardboard shuriken this time.
To All Current Genin: I am yet again sending out the annual reminder that you not inform the recently graduated Academy students of the final test and what said test might entail. Any Genin caught handing out information will immediately be placed on bedpan duty at the Shinobi Retirement Home for the next six months. The same goes for all those above the rank of Genin. We do not need a repeat of last year when only one team passed because all of the others cheated.
Hatake Kakashi: If I have to remind you to show up in order to test your prospective team on the actual day of the test one more time, you will be sent back to the Academy for remedial training. You seem to have missed out on a few basic skills when you blew through there the last time around including the ability to read a clock and a calendar.
Umino Iruka: Please note that your complaint regarding one Hatake Kakashi's tardiness has been received and been given the due consideration it deserves. I will not however be placing Jounin Hatake in the stocks as you recommend as that would only serve to further delay him in his duties. The fact that the stocks seem to have gone missing since they were last used more than fifty years ago did not play a part in this decision.
To those who have completely filled Konoha's emergency shelters: The fact that Hatake Kakashi has passed a Genin team is not a sign of the apocalypse. As the shelters are reserved for real emergencies, I must ask that you please vacate them immediately.