I couldn't go on like this. I loved him, but it was because I loved him that I had to leave. He wasn't ever going to be completely truthful with me. I knew who he was. I had known for a while now, but he refused to come right out and say it. He was The Batman. It was obvious. Not to everyone, of course, but it was obvious to me nonetheless. Yes, people couldn't hide the truth from me, but for the most part, I tried not to let myself fall for him, but despite all the fighting to stop it, we pursued a relationship and I fell in love with him.
I never told him though. And if he loved me, he never told me. A part of me wanted to believe that he did, but would that keep me here? I had to leave Gotham City. Even though the department insisted I stay in Gotham to find out who The Batman was, I refused. I told them I could no longer stay because the situation had become too personal for me. They told me I couldn't allow my feelings to get in the way of the mission, and I said something I don't regret saying, but something I would never say on the normal occasion, "Screw the mission."
I hadn't told Bruce I was leaving yet, and it would be so easy to leave and not look back. I could just leave without saying a word to him, but that wouldn't be fair to either of them if I did. We both deserved closure, and leaving without a word would not give either of us that. I didn't want to leave, but I had to. I wanted more from Bruce, and he wasn't willing to give that. I could tell him I loved him and that I wanted a relationship with him, but for some godforsaken reason, I couldn't do that. I was a strong, independant woman, but I wanted him to take the initiative and say what he needed to say to get me to stay... but I knew I wasn't going to get that. That's why I had to leave.
Don't wanna leave it all behind But I get my hopes up And I watch them fall everytime
Another color turns to gray And it's just too hard to watch it all Slowly fade away
I'm leaving today 'Cause I gotta do what's best for me You'll be okay.
I reached my hand up, hovering just above the doorbell. Wayne Manor was a great estate, but it was nothing compared to the size of the hole this was going to leave in my heart. I didn't want to do this, but I knew I had to. I loved Bruce, but he wasn't in a position to accept my love and return it. A part of me wanted to believe that he did, but I couldn't sit around and wait for the possibility that he might come around. I had to do what was best for me, no matter what I felt for him or what we could possibly have together. Alfred opened the door, true to form as usual and let me in, requesting I wait in the den. It wasn't long before Bruce walked in, the usual light in his eyes there as usual. I almost faltered.
I gotta say what's on my mind Something about us Doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way Whenever we try, somehow the plan Is always rearranged
It's so hard to say But I've gotta do what's best for me You'll be okay
I've got to move on and be who I am I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday But at least for now, I gotta go my own away
I took a step back as he started toward me. He stopped, concern washing over his visage.
From anyone else, I usually considered that title derogatory. Yes, I was a princess, but it never seemed to be sincere when most people addressed me as such. With Bruce, not only was it sincere, but it was something he called me because I was as important to him as a princess should be to those addressing someone in that manner. It was as special to me as Steve's Angel had been. They were two nicknames I would only allow from men I was in love with. Curses!
"I've got to go."
"Go where?" I could tell he had no clue what I was doing or why.
Shaking my head, I remained as calm as possible, though my heart was breaking. "Things just … they're not working here. I've got to move on."
"Diana," Bruce started again, taking a step closer to me. "Why? What isn't working? Us?"
There was no us. There was, but not officially. We made love, but neither of us called it that. We spent time together, but it wasn't a real relationship. We were just two people with incredible chemistry and … Who was I kidding? We were in love. I knew we were. I could see it in his face. I was breaking his heart as much as I was breaking my own. But he wasn't going to ask me to stay. I knew he wouldn't. He wasn't going to ask me to be his and his alone, even though I was without saying, and he wasn't going to verbally commit to me. It was something he as incapable of, which is why I had to go.
I didn't like lying, but I didn't want him to think I was an insecure female, which in all other instances, I wasn't. I was a strong woman, not just physically. I didn't let things bother me, but this was. For some godforsaken reason, I wasn't the woman I was trained to be, the woman I was born to be when I was with him. I turned into an insecure little girl when I was with him and for some reason I hated and loved it at the same time.
"No. I just have to go. I've got to be true to myself, and I'm at a standstill here, Bruce. I hope you understand."
He shook his head. "Please stay, Diana."
It was only part of what I wanted to hear. "I can't," I whispered. "I've got to go."
He was now standing in front of me, his hands placed on my arms. I knew he wanted me to stay, but he hadn't said the words I needed to hear. I needed to hear them, but I knew he wasn't going to say them. He couldn't say them, so I knew this is what I had to do. Placing my hand on his cheek, I smiled.
"Maybe we'll meet again someday... when we're able to be in the same place."
Inhaling, he nodded. I could see the Adam's apple slide upward in his throat as he swallowed hard. It took everything I had to keep the tears at bay and to stay strong.
"Good bye," I whispered, stepping away from him and leaving him alone...
What about us? What about everything we've been through?
What about trust?
You know I never wanted to hurt you
And what about me?
What am I supposed to do?
I gotta leave but I'll miss you So, I've got to move on and be who I am
Why do you have to go?
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
I'm trying to understand
We might find a place in this world someday But at least for now
I want you to stay
I gotta go my own way I've got to move on and be who I am
What about us?
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
I'm trying to understand.
We might find a place in this world someday But at least for now, I gotta go my own way