My friends forced me to eat again. I told them I wasn't hungry. They never listen to me, It's not that I haven't eaten anything. I had a muffin and a sandwhich in the past three days. I sigh knowing that tomorrow will be a challenge again. Maybe I should just leave at lunch instead of sitting at the table with my friends trying to force food down my throat.
I rub my eyes. Too tired to even think, I don't even feel like starting the homework I've been assigned. Thats saying something for me because I always finish Eveything on time.
November 1st (Morning)
It's been hard being away from you this long. I never thought this day would come so soon. I'm alright here. It's been a great first few months back at school so far. Once I come back for the christmas holidays father said that he would take me to see you. I have some really important exams coming up soon. I know I'll do great I've been studying all month.
As soon as I get the results I promise that I'll tell you how I've done. I know whatever happens you and father will be very pround of me. Nobody will ever know what else I've been dealing with. Like today. My friends were forcing me to eat. They basically shoved the food down my throat! I'm not even that small. It's not like im even anywhere near anorexic.
I'm not trying to sound needy but it's like my friends dont even care about me. They don't see whats beneath all this starving. They don't know the cause and it seems that they don't even want to find out. If you can help me out, even just a little bit that would be great. I love you and father both very much you must understand that. It's just been too hard on me. I know my friends love me. I just think that they won't understand it. I can't tell them... At least not yet.
I tie the a little red balloon to my letter. My mother always loved those... I watch as the balloon floats away into the sky farther and farther away until all I can see is a small dot far away up in the sky.
"Hey!" I hear from behind me. "Hello" I smile turning to face him.
"Are you alright? you haven't even eaten in days... why didn't you show up at breakfast today"
I laugh "I'm fine, just not very hungry." I tell him.
"You've hardly been eating in days! what am I supposed to do? I'm not sure that I can even do everything! You have to tell me whats wrong. Why aren't you eating?"
"I can assure you that I'm not anorexic... Alright? good enough?"
He sighs "Hermione, I care about you a whole lot and I just can't have you sick like this."
I shake my head. "It's not like that. I don't think I can tell you why yet. You might not understand."
"Hermione, you can tell me I'll undersrtand, If something is hurting you..."
I cut him off "No, it's not like that, I'd tell you if it was like that... I promise."
He nods. "I understand. Make sure to tell me when you're ready alright?" He asks me finishing off in a questioning tone.
"Let's go down to the great hall 'm sure they'll still give you something to eat before classes start."
I look at him like he's crazy. "You're not going to trick me that easy" I say.
"Come on, please at least have a glass of juice or a muffin, toast, friut... anything really, you need something.. You don't want to do bad on your exams do you?"
"I haven't eaten in three days.. a forth one wont matter."
Harry looks at me like I'm crazy. "You do want to pass fifth year don't you?" He asks
I glare at him. "Finals aren't until the end of the year, I could be better by then, I don't plan on being sick forever you know."
"You need calories, at least have something to drink." Harry tells me.
I roll my eyes at him "Fine" I say caving "I'll drink, but this doesn't ,mean I'm going to eat anything"
I walk down to the hall with Harry and meet Ron along the way. "Hey" He smiles "I'm going to pick up a few things then head off to the library, Exams tomorrow"
"We'll come with you" I say turning around.
Harry looks at me. "Don't think I forgot where we were taking you, you need to eat or drink something."
Ron scrunches his nose "Whats wrong with her?"
I scowl at him "I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with me" I say crossing my arms "I just haven't been hungry and Harry is taking it much to seriously."
"Come on Hermione, let's go" He says pulling me by the arm.
Once we are in the great hall. I choose a table to sit at and Harry follows. He pours me a large glass of juice.
"Am I supposed to drink ALL of that" I ask.
"Yeah" He nods "You should, and you should eat something too, you are goning to get very sick very fast if you continue like this"
I get up from the table leaving the glass untouched "I'm leaving, Ron told us to meet him in the library and just like him I have exams to study for and you should be studying too, there's more important thing in life than food and eating"
"Yeah, like health. You're very smart, I know that. It's time to use that knowledge. What do you think you should do?"
Harry looks at me sadly. I shake my head at him disaprovingly. Finally after a few moments of akward silence he speaks. "Fine, I can't force you to do anything, make the right choices though, alright?"
"I make good choices" I say. Turning around to leave Harry all by himself at the table. "If you need me you know where to find me" I say without turning around to face him. I keep walking until I find myself at the library. Draco Malfoy, is sitting with some other slytherin students in a corner. A few first year hufflepuffs sit right in the front. The ravenclaws are in thier usual spot. I walk to the back and find Ron, sitting with Lavender in our usual corner of the library.
"Oh, sorry Ron, I didn't realize you'd be busy, I'll just go back up to the common room, If Harry comes tell him where I went" I smile turning around.
"Hermione wait! Come back, I was waiting for you, Don't leave"
I smile. "Thanks Ron" I take a seat down at the table. "What would you like to do first?" I ask him.
He shrugs "I don't know, I have Charms, Potions and History of Magic"
"I'm finished those, but if you want some help... I would be more than happy to help you with it."
"Thanks Hermione, I Have a few questions that I couldn't get and if you could go over my charms essay and the report for history of magic that would be great. Oh and I'll be back in about an hour Lavender told me that she would like to show me something. Good luck, Thanks so much... see you soon" Ron tried to say really fast as Lavender was basically pulling on his arm dragging him out of the room and away from me.
"Oh" I say softly, My voice is barely audible. "I thought we were going to stay here together and go over some things and study"
"I'm really sorry Hermione, I really am. I'll be back soon and then I'll be more than happy to help you study."
I look over at him sadly and I nod. Keeping my head down afterwards. I rub my left eye with my right hand. Looking down at Ron's papers. "You going to be okay?" He asks. Working hard to resist Lavender's pulls.
"Yeah I'll be just fine" I say.
One harsh pull away from Lavender and Ron is free he comes over and hugs me. "Thanks Hermione. I owe you" He says. He returns back to Lavender. She jumps up excitedly and giggles. "Ready?" She smiles at Ron. Lavender just giggles.
After both Ron and Lavender are gone I shove everything aside and take out my writing set.
November 1st (Afternoon)
Harry tried to make me eat today. After I caved and told him that I would at least drink something, I Didn't. After that I was supposed to go and meet Ron in the library. But he was with Lavender and according to him. I still matter. I just matter less than some people. Mostly Lavender. I don't know why she likes him so much. He doesn't seem to like her very much. It almost pains him to be with her. My theroy is that she's just dragging him down and he's to nice to say anything to her.
I wish he would rather hang out with me instead of her. I'm know that he's very appriciative of what I always do for him. But it couldn't be that bad could it? I am doing his work after all. The very least he could do is stay and hang out or sit or chill or whatever he wants to say. He should be here with me. I swear if he doesn't show up in two hours I will go hunt him down and tell him what I really think. I don't need him dragging me down. I can fight for myself. I don't need to do anybody's work but mine. Ron can find somebody else to help him with his school work or at the very least he could consult a book.
I guess today hasn't been too bad. Harry was nice enough to come right out and tell me he cares about me. He doesn't want me to get sick. I know I should be eating mother I really do. I just don't think that I can. I've been so sad lately. I really wish you could be here with me. I really need help with my schoolwork I want to do the best I can. I'm just the smartest I guess, If that sounds arrogant I'm sorry. None of the older students would help me. (I am smarter than some of them too) I can't wait until christmas break and until I can go home.
Well I hope you get this letter. I promised Harry that I would meet him for Lunch, Hopefully this time I won't be forced or pressured into eating anything today at lunch. But sometime I will have to face this. I promise you that I woun't be joining you anytime soon. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. My friends need me too. Maybe I will eat a little bit today. Only to make them happy. Not alot but a little bit. I have to start off slowly don't I. Little by little I promise you I will get better.