So yeah, this is from yesterday. forgot about it.
So I fell asleep, I was writing and just fell asleep. I woke up and the letter was sitting by me, and I was in my room. Hopefully nobody read the letter and saw that I was writing to my dead mother. They would think that i'm weird or crazy or something. It's a good thing I still have father. I don't know how he can stand being alone for so long. I haven't seen him in forever. I feel really sad. I miss him. I'll be going home for christmas and hopefully my friends will come with me. Instead of going to Ron's house like we normally do every year.
It's December now too, feel asleep on November thirtieth and Woke up on December first. which means that christmas is only twenty-four days away. I'm excited to see father again. It'll be nice. I as was saying before I miss him. But I also miss you and I don't understand how I'm supposed to find you. Those three little girls have been killed and I was told that I need to kill the three of them. I don't know how I will end up doing it. I'm hardly capable of killing anybody. Even though I want revenge on your killer I'm even concerned about that one.
Also the three girls could be lying. They might not even know you and I doubt you know who they are but I don't want to take any chances I need to do whatever I can to find you and your killer. I will mother, I will defeat your killer and I will find you I promise. I know you may not want me to. But I feel like I must and if I feel like I must do something It has to be done.
I'm not sure If I'm going to let Harry, Ron and Ginny come with me. I'd feel so bad if anything bad, anything at all were too happen. Harry has already told me that he would be there for me and help me no matter whar. I'm not sure if I want to let him come though. I know Molly would never allow Ginny to do such a thing and Ron still practically hates me so I doubt he'd even think of coming. I really do miss him and having his company, being his friend. Now that I think about it. It's really truly awful. I never intended to hurt him. It's been over a month since the two of us have had a proper conversation. He hasn't visited me once in the hospital wing. I do miss him at times and at other times I am very glad that he isn't here. Although, those time rarely occur and don't last for more than a few hours.
I've heard Harry calling my name at the door. Its's a saturday and nobody is in the room. I wonder why he doesn't come in if he knows I'm in here, boys aren't really allowed in the girls dormatoires but thats never stopped him before now. I'll write to you later mother, miss you lots. Best wishes.
I walk over to the door. "Hermione." Harry smiles. "How are you, sleep well."
"yeah, it was okay, what time is it." I ask him.
"Almost noon, I was just going down to lunch, I stopped by to see if you would like to come with me."
"Yeah, I'll come. Just let me get ready I'll meet you down in the common room in Ten minutes." I state.
"Okay," Harry replies. "See you."
I shut the door and start to get ready for lunch. I think back on everything, am I only here for one reason. My mother used to say that everybody was here for a reason. Is this mine? Is this the only reason Im here, to find and kill these four people. Then I'll die. I sigh, why am I living, if the only purpose it has is to kill other people. I'm not a murderer, and I don't want to be remembered as a murderer.
I quickly finish up getting ready and walk down to the common room to meet Harry for lunch. "Hey, you got ready fast." He smiles.
"Yeah."I say solemly.
"Whats wrong? You're sad, aren't you."
I look down at my feet. "Can I stay here, I'm not hungry, you go..."
"Come on Hermione, not this again. You can't start not eating, not now."
"It's not that, I just don't want to go. I... I don't feel good."
Harry cocks his head. "Hermione... Come on, go to the hospital wing already."
"No, It's not like that."
"Then what, Hermione. I don't know anything If you won't tell me, I can't read you mind, or sense your feelings."
"Fine then, just leave me alone."
"GO." I yell. I turn away and walk back up to me room.
I watch Hermione walk away. I suddenly feel bad. But she'll be alright, I'll come back up and check on her. Once lunch is over, I'll ask Ginny if she can help me figure out whats wrong with Hermione.
"I though you were bringing Hermione with you." Ginny states.
"No, I asked her. She told me she didn't want to come."
"Harry! You can't leave her!" Ginny yells
"What! Why not?"
"What do you think, she's sad, she doesn't want to come to eat."
"Ginny, No, don't even think about that, she wouldn't even think to do anything like that."
"She could..." Ginny replies.
"Ginny, it's Hermione, shes just not like that. I'm not worried."
"You're never worried about her..." Ginny says. She gets up and leaves.
"Ginny wait!" I call leaving the table to follow her. "Where are you going?"
"Im going to find your girlfriend. Well maybe she'll hate you after this and she won't want to be your girlfriend."
"Ginny, I never told you that I wasn't worried about her. she simply didn't want to come so i didn't force her too."
Ginny shakes her head. "You need to pay more attention to her, before she wastes away to nothing. You can't let her get sick again. You need to help her."
"Things are more complicated than you know they are."
"Yeah, Harry like what. I don't know anything so please imform me of this mysterty situation you and Hermione are in!" Ginny retorts.
"Ginny, I can't tell you. If you tell somebody they'll never let us go."
"GO where?" Ginny practically yells.
"I, can't say. I promised her that I'd keep it a sceret!"
"HARRY POTTER, you tell me right now. If this is something that could result in Hermione getting hurt of killed or something I want to know!"
"Ginny I can't promise you that. You could get hurt doing anything."
Ginny walks away from me. "Yeah well whatever it is Harry, I'll talk her out of it!"
I laugh. "Yeah" I call after her. "good luck with that. SHe was the one who asked for my help in the first place."
"Youre a liar" Ginny calls behind her. "and lairs never prevail." She finishes.
"You just keep thinking that." I call after her.
Soon I have to follow Ginny up to the common room. Once she's there I see that she's already manages to get Hermione out of the bedroom and onto the couch. "Hey." I call at the too of them.
"Harry." Hermione calls happy. "I'm glad you came back." She smiles.
"I would never leave you." I say.
Ginny scoffs. "yeah right." She mumbles under her breath.
"So, you ready?" Harry asks. Hermione shakes her head. "Not really Harry, I'm nervous I don't know if I can do this."
"You can, I know you can. Lets just not think about it we don't have to leave for about another week."
Hermione nods. "I know but it feels so much closer than that."
HI put my hand on her shoulder. "You'll be alright Hermione. You're a great witch and I'm sure you'll succeed. You always do."
Hermione smiles back up at me. "Thanks Harry,
I'm a bit tired, I think I'll just go get some rest."
I sit alone on my bed in the small bedroom I now share with four other girls. Yet nobody else is ere I guess the rest of the school is still out to lunch. Now sitting and eating just became something that I do less and less of with each passing day. I'm alone was again. Just like I am most of the the time.
I think about my mother a whole lot lately. I missed my mother. I want to be with my mother. Right now. I almost feel like I have to be with her. I mean sure i would miss my friends and my father and everybody else. But they'd eventually get over it. I would get to be with my mother instead of killing all those people. I've never ever considered this as an option before. Never, not to anything. But I don't want to kill people. I am not a murder and this may be my only choice.
I fell a little nervous about the whole subject. Harry would come for me soon. He would see my laying the calm. Motionless. Dead. I can't explain it though. How would he react. Would he even miss me dearly. He wouldn't have to help me anymore. He could just sit there and be alright with everything. He wouldn't have to do anything for me.
I could do it. But how. She could use her wand. But somebody might hear her and everybody would know how I died. Unless I could cast a silencing charm over the room. But I would have to do it now. Before he came. Before anybody found out.
I open my scrapbook. Her and Harry and Ron. Her friends. The school, notes she had written, one everyday since my first day at the school. I start to read them. Smiling and crying over what her eleven year old self had written in the first few weeks. All my feelings through the years. The Yule ball the triwazard tournament. I slowly felt my eyes close and I hug my book tightly to my chest.
Hope its okay.