Hi! So this idea just came to me out of now where. I love Ricky and Adrian together and I hate the fact that they barely get scenes together anymore. So I wrote this to kind of make up for that.:)


Hi Adrian.

Wow it's been a while. A year.

And yeah I know that I haven't really come to see you. Well I haven't really come at all. But this isn't really my scene if you know what I mean. And I'm sorry.

But today when I looked at the calendar and saw that it had been a whole year I knew that I just had to come and see you.

So I guess I should ask how things have been going for you. But it sounds pretty crazy for me to ask you that out loud or even in my head. But I hope you're fine and happy.

Well in case you're wondering, things are going pretty well for me, I guess. Amy and me decided that we're actually really going to get married. Yeah we're going to do it in front of everyone for real this time.

I wish you could be there because I know you would only believe it you saw it, but something tells me that even if you were here, you probably would want to come.

John's about to turn four in a few weeks. You should see him Adrian. He's so big now and he's talking in full sentences. I can't believe that he'll be starting Pre School next year. And you were right. He s starting to look like me. You can take pride in knowing that you were the first person to tell me that.

You should know that a lot of people miss you Adrian.

They really do, not that you'll be surprised or anything.

I heard that your mom's been taking a lot of extra flights and your dad's just a mess. After you left he didn't go to work for months.

I went over there one day. You know to see if there was anything that I could do for him. Your dad's been there for me a lot with everything with my mom and I just wanted to be there for him, just once. He's a good guy, you're dad. But when I looked through the front door window I saw him passed out, surrounded with empty beer cans. But you don't need to worry; I hear he's a lot better now. I heard he might even get promoted or something. I also heard that your mom got offered another job in New York and that she's considering taking it. I guess this place just holds too many memories for them. Maybe it'll be good for them to get away.

Ben was awful after you too. I know that thinks may not have ended so great between the two of you, but you need to know that he really did love you. And I probably don't even need to tell you that because you probably already know. You always know about everything.

Like how you knew about his feelings for Amy. Remember you told me that day in the library? You said something about me marrying the woman he loves. Remember how I didn't believe you, or didn't want to believe you? But now I realize you're right. But we've already established that part.

Ben's in love with Amy. He always has been and he probably always will be. And now I most certainly know that. I don't want to know it but I do.

He really leaned on Amy after you left and I hate to say it but they got close again. Amy claims that she has no romantic feelings toward him whatsoever anymore and I believe her, for now at least. I really hope she goes though with the wedding. I need her in my life. I love her.

But you know what they say. You never forget you're first love.

You know I got the weirdest call a couple of weeks after you left. It was from Max. Remember him?

You're former stepbrother?

The one that you were like in love with for like a week after we broke up?

Well yeah he called me, which is really weird because I hardly knew the guy. I only met him like that on time for like a second at your place.

But yeah but apparently he called me to say that he really did love you and he was going to miss you.

Now tell me Adrian why in the world would I need to hear that from some guy that I don't even know. And where the hell did he get my number anyway? But I guess you were important to him and he felt the need to express that one last time. To me for some reason.

Yeah you have that kind of effect on people. They just can't forget you. Take me for example; I'm here to see you aren't I? You're one of a kind Adrian, you really are.

Anyway I brought you flowers. I was going to get you red roses because well they seem more like you're type but they were out and I just didn't have the time so I sprung for the sunflowers instead. I hope you don't mind.

They also remind me of you. They're bright colorful, and cheery. All qualities and characteristics that you possess.

I thought the flowers would be a good way to say 'sorry I haven't came to see you for the past year. But I hope this makes up for it.' And well I guess I'll leave them here for you. Again I hope you like them.

Well I have to go now. I told Amy that I'd pick up John from nursery school. It was great talking to you. I hope you don't mind if I come to see you again.

Bye Adrian.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi Adrian.

It's been another two years since I've come to see you. I just haven't had time.

Well that's a lie.

It's not really that I haven't had time. It's more really that I couldn't find an excuse to come. I can't exactly tell Amy that I want to come her and talk to you now can I.

Well again in case you're wondering Amy and me got married. Yes we finally tied the not: in front of everyone.

The wedding was small. Just our family and friends. Just over fifty people.

We had the ceremony in my parents yard and then the reception in Amy's parent's back yard.

They're back together in case you're wondering: Anne and George. They're together again. I don't know if you already know but Anne realized she was into women but given her history with George she just couldn't forget him. And so he broke up with Kathleen and believe it or not Anne and George are married again.

Last I heard Kathleen was dating some lawyer and they got engaged.

The reception was fine I guess.

Grace came with Jack. They actually just got married about a year ago. I know Grace wished that you could've been there to be her maid of honor.

But their wedding was pretty eventful even without you.

Yeah right when the priest asked if anyone objected to the marriage Madison stood up. It was quite a show. From the minute she confessed her love to Jack to when she was escorted out by security. I don't even know why they invited her.

Ashley came with Toby. You're never going to believe this but they now have a three-month-old daughter named Taylor. Yeah, I know. Ashley is the last person you would expect to get pregnant. And she doesn't exactly seem like the motherly type, but you'd be surprised at how good she is with Taylor. She really surprised all of us.

Henry was there with Alice who now has a diamond ring on her finger. But like that's a surprise. We all know that they're meant for each other.

Lauren, Madison, and Grace were Amy's bridesmaids. Amy asked Ashley to be one too, but of course she refused to wear the frilly bridesmaids dress.

Jack, Ben, and Ethan were groomsmen.

You remember Ethan, right?

My foster brother?

The one who used to get into all that trouble?

Well you'd be surprised at how much he's changed. He actually hasn't done anything illegal for a while now. Him and Kathy stayed together even after she gave the baby up for adoption, and she even continued living in California with her grandmother to stay with Ethan. Ethan really loves her. More than I've ever seen him love anybody.

But it definitely felt like someone was missing. And I bet you know just who that person is, Adrian.

You know I was going to come se you the morning of the wedding. I just wanted to come and talk. We're definitely really good at talking. Like you said a million times: we understand each other.

I really did want to come but I just couldn't find the right moment o slip away. I just couldn't risk someone finding out or running into me. I mean could you just imagine the gossip? Me running to you on my wedding day. The shock.

So I decided not to come.

But I think that Ben did have a talk with Amy before the ceremony. I saw him slip out of her room before the ceremony began.

We've been married for about a year and a half now. And I guess that things have okay. We had another pregnancy scare about six months ago. Amy was late and nauseas. The pregnancy test even came back positive. But it just turned out to be a false positive when we went to the doctor.

You would think that being married would make this stuff a little less scary. But by no means does it. I was scared out of my mind.

The truth is I'm definitely not ready for another kid and maybe I'll never be ready. Didn't I tell you once that John was going to be the last one? Remember during one of our discussions about the future: getting married and having kids.

Well I really don't think I'm cut out for those types of things. But I think that Amy wants to have more kids and that really scares me.

Well I gotta go. I have to go study for a final.

Did I mention that it's my last year of college?

Well it is and Mr. Boykevich offered me a job at Boykevich International and this time I'm really considering it.

I know you would be happy for me.

Oh and I almost forgot. This time I brought you roses. I hope you like them.

I'll come see you soon. I promise.

Bye Adrian.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hey Adrian.

See I told you that I would come to see you soon.

This time I came within a month of my last visit. I came to see you the first chance I got.

The last month has just been filled with a crazy amount of tests and assignments. It's just been insane. And honestly I just need to talk to you. If you were still here, I would come to get your advice. Not because I would need it, but because I know that after I would talk to you, you would feel the need to give it to me. But having you just listen to me is just as good. Maybe even better. And if you could I know you would slap me right about now.

Anyway I want to talk to you. Things between Amy and me have been kind of rocky lately. To the point where we just can't stop fighting. And you know what we're fighting about? Well I bet you can take a wild guess.

Clementine.

Yeah, after all these years it's still about her.

Can you believe it?

I think that Amy is even more jealous of her then you were, Adrian. And that's really saying something. But yeah she says she's suspicions. She thinks that there's something going on between us. But trust me, there's not.

She's totally convinced that Clementine s in love with me or something and that I like her back.

I mean come on.

I'm married. I'm not that same Ricky anymore.

You know the one that slept with every girl in sight.

You know the Ricky I was when I was with you.

And I want to say I'm sorry. I never wanted you to feel like you were nay less than Amy. But maybe I did and I'm really dory about that. But maybe if you were here you would take Amy's side. I don't think you really like Clementine either, did you?

But I'm really worried about my relationship with Amy. It's really taken a bad term and I'm terrified at what the outcome is going to be. I just hope that everything will turn out to be okay.

Well John just turned six and he really is a mini me. You should see him. I just know that you would love him. And I know that he would love you too.

He's going to first grade soon. God he grew up so fast. It's like he was born yesterday. I can clearly remember the day he was born. That was the day you told me you would be there for me no matter what. And you did carry out your promise. You still kind of do. Even though your not here, you're still here for me. I know that's seems crazy but in some weird way it really is true. And I want to thank you for that.

Oh and I think I forgot to tell you this the last time I came to see you. They dedicated a bench in your honor. They put it in the middle of the park. It's a great way to remember you, but its not you. If they wanted to dedicate something to you they should have named a tube of lip-gloss after you or maybe put the bench outside of a nail salon. Now that would definitely be more you.

But the area is peaceful and I've gone to study there quite a few times. Sometimes I even sit there when I bring John to play at the playground. Amy doesn't really approve but she can't exactly say something about it, can she?

The place makes me feel close to you. I can't believe it's already been three years since you've been gone.

Sometimes it feels like it's been forever since the last time I saw you.

But sometime sit feels like it was just yesterday.

Well I should get going or Amy's going to think I was with Clementine or something.

Bye Adrian.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi Adrian.

I'm just here to tell you that it's over.

It's officially over between Amy and me.

It's done.

We're done.

I can hardly believe it. I bet you can't believe it either.

Yeah, after months or years of fighting it's finally over.

It's been over for about six months now.

And you're probably wondering what happened.

Well I know that this probably won't surprise you, but Clementine kissed me.

Yep. You heard right. She kissed me.

And it was in the worst possible place at the worst possible time. She came to see me while I was working at the butcher shop. I don't know, something just happened between us and Clementine just leaned in and kissed me.

Yeah it happened right about the time that Amy was coming downstairs with John. And I guess that was just the lasts straw for her. Things were already really rough between us. And the kiss just marked the total end of our relationship. So she marched upstairs before letting me or Clementine explain. She started packing her and John's things in a suitcase.

And you know who she called. You cannot believe who she called.

She called Ben!

Of all people she called Ben! And I guess she must have asked him to come and pick them up because he was there in like ten minutes.

She went back to her dad's house. And we did talk. We actually talked a lot. And we decided that it was just best for all of us if we decided to separate. We both agreed that the kiss wasn't our only problem. We had many others that we just could not sort out. So with that in mind I signed the divorce papers.

And you know Adrian, after I signed them I felt free. I felt like nothing could hold me back. I hadn't felt like that in the longest time. A long, long time.

The divorce was both a happy and upsetting point in my life. And I wanted to come see you right after it happened. You know like all the times I would come over when I was upset and we would have sex? I even got in the car and started driving to your parent's house when I realized that they didn't live there anymore.

When I realized that you didn't live there anymore.

It's not really that I was looking forward to the sex. No, really I was just looking to talk to you face to face. And you have to admit that kind of talking with us usually led to sex.

Well it's been a while now that I've been single and I'm kind of getting used to life this way. I still live in the little apartment above the butcher shop. We were planning on moving to a bigger place but there's really no point now. I don't really need much space. I get John on the weekends like I did before him and Amy moved in. And I have to say I'm really liking the arrangement. I love the alone time I get to spend with him. It just feels like he's growing up so fast. I still go to see almost everyday at Amy's though. It's kind of like how it used to be when you and me were still together. The only difference is that you're not spying on us through the kitchen window.

Ben's usually over there a lot too when I go over. Him and Amy are back together now. Like that's much of a surprise. We all knew it would happen eventually. Even me. He has always been there for Amy and he's always promised that he would be there for her. He's always been in love with her. I mean come on. The guy was just fifteen when he proposed to her even after he found out she was pregnant with another guy's baby. He married her at fifteen and he stayed with her after she had John.

They're like a story out of a movie. Now even I believe that they belong together.

I'm not really seeing anybody right now. Well I've been seeing girls but I'm not in a relationship. I guess you could say I've been sleeping around again and that I've gone back to my old ways. But hey, you of all people know that I can't live without sex.

You know Zoe even came over the other day.

You remember Zoe right?

She used to be one of my regulars. I slept with her once when we were officially together. When you found out about it you threw your cell phone through the window of the butcher shop.

Yeah, the only turn off of the night was that she kept running her mouth about you. I can't stand hearing someone say those things about you. I guess its because I know the real you and I know that all the things they say about you aren't true. So I cut it short and told her to go home. I know that you would've been proud of me.

I have a real job at Boykevich International now. After I graduated a few months ago. Mr. Boykevich let me join the company. I'm really happy to be working there and Ben doesn't mind either. I think he's even considering joining the company.

Well I guess you probably want to hear about the others too. I bet you're curious about what they're up to. I don't know if anyone else comes to see you, so maybe you already know all of these things, or maybe you don't.

Grace is pregnant. Her and Jack are expecting a baby girl in four months. Grace told me that Adrian is going to be their daughter's middle name. I told her that you would have been honored if you were still here. Both of them are really happy. Grace had a miscarriage a few months ago so this baby is really important to them. Right now their living in the Bowman's guesthouse while their new apartment is being renovated.

Grace's mom is now married for the fourth time. She seems really happy, but then again she always is when she's first married.

Anne and George are doing well too. Now that Anne moved back to the house its just like it was before everything happened between them and they got a divorce.

I already kind of told you about Ben and Amy. Amy's still living at home but she told me that her and Ben are talking about moving into an apartment together with John.

Ashley is engaged to Toby and their daughter Taylor is just adorable.

Leo and Camille are still happily married. You know that girl they adopted? The one that Jack saved from life of prostitution? Well yeah, she's getting ready to head off to college. They're thinking of adopting another kid from a rough childhood.

Right now Ben is living with them. He's been in and out of the house for the past couple of years. But Mr. Boykevich offered to help Amy and him find a place together. So Ben will be out for good soon.

Henry and Alice got married like six months ago. They're now thinking of moving to Texas after they both graduate form college. Madison is dating some guy in Utah where she's now going to school or that's what Amy told me anyway. And Lauren is back together with Jesse.

And listen to this: Ethan and Kathy are engaged. They're about to start college and they're engaged. He proposed to her at graduation. Sound familiar?

Your parents moved to New York where your dad is now a lawyer at some big law firm in the city. They come to visit every now and then. From what I hear, they're doing good and they're happy. But they miss you a lot though.

Well I probably should get going. I have a date tonight if you know what I mean.

I brought you lilies his time.

Bye Adrian.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hey Adrian.

This is probably the last time I'm going to come see you for a while. I know it's been a few months since the last time I was here. But it's really been a rough couple of months.

I've been doing some serious thinking these past months. I sat down and really thought about the directions that my life's heading in. And I've decided that I don't like where it's headed. Remember I told you that I was being the old Ricky again? Well I don't want to be that Ricky again. That Ricky wasn't happy. I don't want to go back to that time in my life.

Now remember that time that I told you that I didn't want you to understand me, I wanted Amy to change me? Well now I want to tell you that, that wasn't true. You didn't only understand me Adrian; you changed me. You helped me change from the old Ricky I once was.

That's why I can't become him anymore Adrian. This time you or Amy aren't going to be there to save me. No one will be there to help me. So I need to help myself before things get out of hand.

Being here just isn't good for me right now. I need to get away from it all. Even if it is just for a little while. There's nothing left for me here anymore.

I guess I'll give you another quick recap on how everyone's doing.

Ben proposed to Amy again. And of course she said yes. They're actually getting married in about a month. They moved in together a few weeks ago. Amy is in bridezilla mode planning the wedding. And Ben actually asked me to be a groomsmen and I actually agreed to be one. But I can't help but wonder how weird and awkward it's going to be being a groomsmen when I married his fiancée a couple of years ago. But Ben's my friend and I have to do this for him. Remember when we went their first wedding together?

Grace gave birth to a baby girl. They named her Tessa Adrian Pappas. She looks just like Grace. They just bought their first house together.

Leo, Camille, Anne, George, Kathleen, Alice, Henry, Madison, Lauren, and your parents are all fine too.

It seems like everyone's happy and satisfied with their lives.

Everyone except me that is.

So I've made the decision to leave. I can't go very far of course because of John. But I still have to leave. I don't plan on being gone for forever, but I need some time to find myself. And yes Adrian, I know that sounds totally cliché. But it's something that I have to do.

So I guess I'm just here to see you one last time before I leave.

But I promise you that this isn't goodbye.

I'll see you soon.

Bye Adrian.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi Adrian.

It's good to be back here.

It feels good to come see you again after all this time.

Three years.

It's been three years sine I've been gone.

Three years until I was ready to come back.

But the important thing is that I was able to come back. After all, this is my home, it's always been my home, and it will always be my home.

Well you're probably wondering where I went. Well like I told you I didn't go very far. I went to Los Angeles where I got a job working in a small company. I found a small apartment just outside of the city. I still went to go pick John up every weekend so that we could spend time together. He loved it there.

I left about a week after the day I came to see you. But of course I came back for Ben and Amy's wedding. So I guess I'll tell you a little bit about that in case you don't already know.

It was bigger than our wedding. They had it in this huge church. There was like two hundred people there. Ben was the happiest I'd seen him in a long time. He even told me it was the best day of his life.

In Los Angeles life was calm There were no distractions. Life was easy. And I have to admit; I didn't give up my ways completely once I got there. I did sleep around for a while. But it all stopped when I met her.

Yes Adrian, I met somebody.

Her name's Chelsea. I met her in a coffee shop in L.A. She's smart, pretty, funny, and has a bit of a wild side. She's perfect for me. When I met her everything changed for me. We started going out and it quickly became serious. After a year of dating I asked her to move in with me. And the best part is that she agreed to come back here. She uprooted her whole life in L.A. to come and be with me. This would be the part where you would probably roll your eyes at me.

But it's true. We came back here and found an apartment. And right before we left L.A., I asked her to marry me and she said yes. So I am now once again engaged.

I'm back to working at Boykevich International. Mr. Boykevich kindly let me have my job back and he welcomed me with open arms. So its like I'm back on my old routine. Chelsea and me get John on the weekends. She's really good with him and surprisingly Amy likes her. They've even hung out a couple of times. And after a long time, I'm finally happy again. I really love her Adrian.

Okay, so like I usually do, I'll fill you in on what everyone's' been up to.

Well Amy got pregnant about a year after her and Ben got married. They had a daughter who they named Mariah Hope Boykevich. She's about to turn two years old and she looks like a perfect combination of the two of them.

Tessa, Jack and Grace's daughter, turned three a few weeks ago. Grace threw her a gigantic carnival themed birthday party, which Chelsea and I went to.

They became good friends actually, Grace and Chelsea. But by no means is she replacing you as Grace's best friend. No one could ever take your place.

Henry and Alice moved back here from Texas about a year ago. They now have a six-month-old son.

Ashley married Toby and they actually bought a house across the street from her parents.

Lauren and Jesse just got engaged last month. We're actually invited to their engagement party next week.

Madison also came back here about a year after she graduated. Apparently she broke up with her boyfriend because she's still not over Jack. I hear she's waiting for him and Grace to break up or something.

Your parents actually moved back too. They bought a condo and your dad's now a judge at the courthouse.

Yeah, it seems like everyone's settling back to life here. We all get together a lot. And you're also brought up a lot in conversations. No one can ever forget you.

Chelsea and I are trying to set a date for the wedding. But we just can't decide. Well it's more like she just can't decide. She doesn't know if she wants a fall wedding, or a winter wedding, or a spring wedding, or a summer wedding. She doesn't know if she wants it to be in a church or not. Me, well I really don't even care where or when the wedding is. I just need the time and the place and I'll be there.

You know Adrian, I haven't really come out and said it, but I miss you.

I really miss you.

It took a lot for me to even admit that to myself.

Chelsea knows about you. I told her about you. I don't know why I did, but I did. I told her about all the times that I came to see you here. I told her about our entire relationship. She knows about how I left after I found out you had sex with Ben and about how upset I was when I found out you were pregnant with his baby. I told her about what happened with Mercy. I even told her about that time we went to therapy together. I also told her about how I loved you.

And she helped me realize something. As crazy as it sounds, she helped me realize that I still love you. And that's why I come to see you. And I don't know why, but it hurt to admit that I still love you.

But I do.

I love you Adrian.

I love you and miss you.

And you know the weirdest part? She was okay with all of it. And that's why I love her so much. She's so understanding. I feel like I can tell her anything. And I love that. She helped me understand my feelings for you.

I come here Adrian because I want to see you and talk to you.

I want to believe that you're still here with me.

I want to believe that you're not gone.

I come here because I feel like things were left unfinished between us.

I feel like we never got an end and that our relationship never got any closure.

I never got to tell you how I felt.

We ended before we even got a chance to begin.

And today I'm here to say sorry for the things that I never got to apologize for before.

I'm sorry for all the times I cheated on you.

I'm sorry that I kissed Amy. I don't regret my relationship with her. But I'm sorry for all the pain that the kiss caused you.

I'm sorry that we never got to get our time.

You know Adrian, the night I got the call that you were gone, I couldn't believe it. I thought for sure that someone had to be playing a prank on me.

You gone? No, that couldn't be possible. There was no way. It felt like you were a person that could never leave.

But my phase of denial soon ended when I went to go see you for the last time. You looked the same way that you always looked. Your lips were glossed the same way they used to be all the times that I used to kiss you when we were together. Your hair was curled like they way it was when we were in high school. You were dressed in the same sexy and revealing clothes that you loved so much.

That day I went home, locked myself in the bathroom, and cried. It was probably the hardest I've ever cried in my entire life. But I didn't want anyone to know that I cried for you like that. I didn't want anyone to know that I still cared that much.

I kept thinking back to the last thing I said to you, and I regretted it. I wished that I could do it over. I wished that I could have one last talk with you, knowing that it would be the last one. That way I could have let you know how much I cared before you left. But I knew that I couldn't, so that's why I came to see you the first time.

Right after you left I missed you all the time. I would get upset if someone even brought up your name much less talked about you. Which many people found strange because we hadn't been close in a long time. But for me it was just a reminder that we'd never be close ever again. I felt like I took our time together for granted.

I loved you and I still do. Maybe I always will.

I love how you listened to me when I told you about my father, and how you told me you would always be there for me, and how you genuinely cared about me when no one else did.

And I'm here today to let you go. Like I've told you a million times: I'll never forget you Adrian.

It's not fair that it's this way. But nothing can change the way things are. All I can really say is thank you for being a part of my life.

Bye Adrian.

Rest in Peace.


So yeah I feel like that kind of went off track. I have to admit it was kind of AU on Ricky's character. And I sincerely hope I didn't offend anyone with the futures of some of the characters. Its based strictly on my opinions and thoughts. It was basically a monologue so I feel like it might not have seemed like Ricky, but its kind of the way I would put things.

But anyway I do hope you guys enjoyed it and let me know what you thought!

Oh and I will be putting the second part of Remembering the Past up soon. Thank you to everyone who reviewed on the first part!