Sometimes I'd feel lost without you and I'd wonder how I'd managed to live my life without you by my side. Other times you'd drive me crazy, mothering me, and I'd wonder what I was holding on to. But one thing is for sure. There was never a day that I didn't think about you. Not a day went by where I didn't think about how much I loved you and how much I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.
I was never good with words, only I could flatter and offend in the same sentence, but that never fazed you, you embraced that aspect of me. You did that a lot; you saw the good in everybody, even if it wasn't there.
We were going to start a family, we were going to be everything you'd always wanted. We struggled and I will always blame myself for that, I couldn't give you what you needed, I couldn't give you a taste of your dream before you left.
That day, it was like my entire world came crashing in on me. I remember feeling like the room was spinning, losing my balance and sinking to floor. I felt empty and lost. That day, I lost my reason. I will never come to terms with that. No matter how many times people say to me 'it will get better' I know it never will, because I will never get to hold your hand again or wrap my arms around you. I will never wake up to your face and that beautiful smile of yours again. I will never feel your soft lips pressed against mine again as we share a lingering kiss. I'm never going to hear your voice again; the way 'I love you' rolled off your tongue.
You lost your life but in a way I feel like I suffered the biggest loss. Your pain is over and for that I am so grateful. But for me, this pain will never end. This is eternal. You have lost your life but I, I have lost my reason to live.