Author's Note: This is a little drabble that I had to make for ShadowsOfPenAndPaper for winning my comment contest in my story Numb. I hope they enjoy it! They requested a Hichigo x Ichigo drabble having something to do with insults and this is what I did. Enjoy~
Pairings: Hichigo x Ichigo
Warnings: AU, cursing, OOCness, violence, yaoi, and lime
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I in no way own Bleach. I do not in any way own the characters from Bleach and am not making a profit off of this fic. I also do not own Linkin Park or any of their music.
Renji sighed as he walked across the courtyard of the high school. They're at it again. Anyone could hear their screeching insults that they were throwing at each other, but they didn't care. All they cared about was winning their little insult competition. Renji walked right past them and headed over to a tree by the front steps of the school. A shadowy figure stood there and Renji made his way over to the figure.
"Hey, Grimmjow." said Renji as he stood beside his friend.
The blue-haired man grunted in greeting and then stared off into the courtyard at the two bittering males.
Renji looked on at his two other best friends in the courtyard. Hichigo and Ichigo. Sure, they were his friends, but they were mortal enemies. They were always arguing, fighting, and throwing insults at each other. No matter where they were, they always had time to put the other down.
"They really should just get together already."
Renji blinked and looked over to Grimmjow.
"What?" he asked.
"They should really stop fighting and just be a couple already." Grimmjow repeated.
"Are you out of your fucking mind? I'm not against homosexuals or anything, but they hate each other's guts. Why would they make a good couple?!"
"They obviously love each other it's just that they don't know what to do with these feelings, so they argue and fight instead."
"I never knew you were a romantic sap, Grimm." said Renji laughing.
Grimmjow smiled and laughed too before friendly pushing Renji a bit.
"I hate you!"
"Aw, run out of comebacks, Strawberry?"
Ichigo growled and ran from the courtyard. He hated fighting with Hichigo, but that's all the guy seemed to want to do. If it wasn't a fight, then it didn't interest him. Ichigo ran all the way to homeroom and stopped before heading into the boy's restroom near homeroom. He splashed some water on his face before looking in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy from where he had been crying.
He had run away from Hichigo because of all the harsh things he had said. Normally, Ichigo could take some words and even dish a few out himself, but that was hard to do when the person you were fighting with was your crush. Ichigo loved Hichigo, but he knew that Hichigo would reject him if he just came out with it. So, Ichigo tried appealing to Hichigo's bad side by fighting and arguing with him to at least show Hichigo he had some spine, but the way things were going, it wasn't working.
Ichigo groaned and wiped some water under his eyes to get the swelling to go down before he stepped out of the bathroom and headed to homeroom.
The final bell rang throughout the school and the majority of the high-schoolers fled from the building to finally get home, while a few stayed in the courtyard to watch the action.
"Get him, Hichigo!"
Renji walked out of the school to see that unlike earlier this morning, his two friends were now fighting instead of just aimlessly insulting each other. Hichigo currently had Ichigo in a headlock and Ichigo was struggling to get free. They didn't seem to have any bruises yet, so the fight must have just started. Renji headed over to the tree he had been standing under with Grimmjow that morning to watch the fight from a safe distance, but just close enough to the fight so he could stop it if it got too physical. Renji heard a sigh from behind him and looked around the trunk of the tree to see Grimmjow holding a flower.
"He loves him. He loves him not. He loves him. He loves him not." Grimmjow said as he pulled out petals of the white flower.
"Uh, Grimm?" Renji said coming a bit closer.
"He loves him!" yelled Grimmjow as he pulled out the last petal.
"Grimmjow, we really need to talk about this romantic shit." said Renji.
Grimmjow finally turned around to see his friend looming over him and he blushed a soft pink.
"Sorry, but they just look so good together. I mean for kami's sake! They're names even rhyme!" Grimmjow said in frustration. 
"Grimmjow, you'll be a great matchmaker some day." said Renji tousling Grimmjow's hair.
Grimmjow slapped Renji's hand away.
"This is serious, Ren!"
"We have to get them together! They are made for each other!" Grimmjow said in exasperation.
Renji blinked at him.
"Yes! Now, let's go!" said Grimmjow as he took Renji by the elbow and led him away.
"That'll teach you to mess with me!" called Hichigo as he left Ichigo beaten on the ground.
Ichigo pulled up his knees to his chest and sighed as Hichigo walked away. He didn't really care about the wounds. He'd had much worse, but he really needed a way to get Hichigo to notice him.
"C'mon, Ichigo!" called Grimmjow as he grabbed Ichigo by the arm and lifted him from his spot on the ground.
Shocked, Ichigo tried to break free when Renji grabbed his other arm and the two of them, started to drag Ichigo away from the school.
"What the hell is going on?" he cried.
"Just go along with it. Grimm, will explain everything when we get there." said Renji.
"Wherever, we're going."
It turned out that wherever was actually Grimmjow's house. We led his two guests up the stairs to his room where he sat Ichigo on the edge of his bed. Renji took the office chair that was near the desk and sat in it so, that his body was facing the back part of the chair. Grimmjow went over to his closet and crouched down to grab a small box from the floor. He grabbed it and closed the closet door and walked back over to Ichigo. He sat in the floor right next to the edge of the bed where Ichigo sat.
"May I ask what's going on?"
"Simple. We're helping you get together with Hichigo." said Grimmjow as he opened the box and looked through its contents.
"WHAT?!" shrieked Ichigo.
"We know you like him. It's so obvious."
"Renji, why are you doing this?!" said Ichigo looking over at his friend.
"He asked me to help him and I'm tired of seeing you two fight." said Renji casually.
"…How did you know?" whispered Ichigo as a faint blush rose to his cheeks.
"Know what? That you like Hichigo? Simple, again. You fight with him because you don't know any other way to get him to notice you." said Grimmjow as he frantically looked through the box.
"Oh…" said Ichigo looking down at the floor to cover up his darkening cheeks.
"What are you looking for, Grimm?" asked Renji as his friend shook the box.
"Aha!" shouted Grimmjow as he pulled out a magazine.
He closed the box and pushed it to the side as he flipped through it. Renji looked confused while Ichigo tried not to look at them. Grimmjow skimmed the pages of the magazine before he stopped on one page.
"How to get a guy to notice you in 26 easy steps!" 
Renji blinked at his friend again while Ichigo swore his cheeks had never been this red before.
"Now, of course we won't use all the steps. Only the most important ones." said Grimmjow as he covered his face with the magazine and began to read.
Renji stood from his chair and walked over to where he was standing behind his friend and was able to read over his shoulder.
"You know this article is for girls…right?"
"Of course, I do. It'll work. Trust me."
Grimmjow skimmed the page a bit.
"Okay! Step 4! Try to become his friend. Ichigo, you need to stop fighting with him and just talk to him. Be his friend. You have to be confident, happy, and most importantly, you have to be yourself!" said Grimmjow.
"How am I going to be his friend? We fight and argue all day. He'll never be my friend." said Ichigo sounding doubtful.
"See? You're already doing it wrong. You have to be confident. Say things like he will like me or he will notice me. Now, the whole fighting thing can easily be solved. He's always around his friends when he fights with you right? Who are they again?"
"Aizen and Gin." Renji supplied.
"Yeah, those guys. They're always with him during your fights right?"
"Yeah…" answered Ichigo.
"Well, they're not with Hichigo during homeroom are they?"
"Okay then! During homeroom, go talk to him. Learn what he likes and dislikes, you know. Okay, Step 7 is to smile and make eye contact. That's not too hard. Step 8, be cute. Ichigo's got that covered. Especially, when you blush like that." said Grimmjow as read down the list.
Ichigo blushed and tried to remember all the steps Grimmjow was reading off. He really doubted this would work. No, be confident. He will like you. He will notice you.
"Step 10; start up conversations that interest you both. So, when you become friends talk about stuff he likes. Step 11; hang out with him often, but not too often. Basically, don't be too clingy. Step 12, be assertive. So, Ichigo you need to make the decisions. Just don't be too bossy. Step 13; make him feel special. You chose him first so, let him know that subtly. Step 14; wear appropriate make-up. We can head down to the mall later." said Grimmjow as he continued reading the article step by step.
Renji had sunk down to the floor while Grimmjow was reading and was just about to fall asleep when he heard Step 14. He quickly shot up and gave his friend a look.
"We're really going to go shopping for make-up and then have Ichigo wear it?" asked Renji in disbelief.
"Just a few things. We can't over do it." said Grimmjow dismissively.
Renji rolled his eyes and sat back down. Ichigo was now looking at Grimmjow and was taking in everything he said.
"Step 15; don't be a slob. So, I guess we're going clothes shopping too. Step 16; just talk to him. We got that covered. Step 17; if he's looking you're way, give him something to look at. So, just look away shyly. Oh, he'll love that. If you ever are in a relationship, it's obvious he'll be the seme."
Ichigo's blush was back and even worse after that comment. Renji had wide eyes as he stared his friend down.
"What? I'm just telling the truth. No way is Hichigo going to be dominated, especially by someone like Ichigo. Now, Step 18; If you catch him sneaking glances at you, then he's probably interested in you. Watch for that, Ichigo. Step 19; don't be indecent. Everyone knows that less skin leaves more to the imagination. Step 20; Find out what kinds of things he likes and try to get into them too. Easy. Step 21; If you have never talked to this guy before, just smile at him when you pass by. Subtle hints, of course.
Step 22; If you notice that he's trying to flirt with you, don't ignore it, flirt back. Just don't be too obvious. Step 23; Try not to over-flirt. That says it all. Step 24; If you are afraid to talk to him, and everyone's pestering you to, talk to him when you feel comfortable about it, no matter how long it takes. We're not pestering you. Step 25; Be yourself, people always say to be yourself, but nobody listens to it. Number one rule. And last Step 26; Don't wait too long. You need to do this now, Ichigo." said Grimmjow as he finally finished reading the list.
"That's a lot to remember." said Ichigo.
"We'll be with you every step of the way. Right, Renji?" asked Grimmjow as he nudged the snoring red-head.
"Huh? Um, yeah."
"See? Nothing to worry about. Now, let's head off to the mall!" yelled Grimmjow as he rushed outside and was reluctantly followed by the two red-heads.
"Alright, just a little bit there and perfect." said Grimmjow as he applied a bit of blush to Ichigo's cheeks.
"Is this really necessary?" asked Ichigo as Grimmjow put some lip gloss over his lips.
"Of course it is. We're just bringing out your natural beauty. There. See? Perfect. Now, go try on the clothes we got you."
Ichigo looked himself over in the mirror before sighing and going to change.
"You really think this will work?" asked Renji after Ichigo had left the room.
"It has to."
The two waited for Ichigo to come into the room and their eyes went directly to the door when they heard it creak open. Ichigo stepped in looking beautiful. He wore little make-up, but just enough to bring out his natural features. He wore a new white, fleece sweater that was just a bit too big and hung off his lithe form making him look adorable. His jeans weren't too tight, but tight enough to show off his figure. On his feet, he wore some new white sneakers. Ichigo blushed when he saw that both Grimmjow and Renji were looking him over.
"So, how do I look?" he asked timidly.
"Hot." said Renji.
"Absolutely gorgeous!" squealed Grimmjow.
Ichigo blushed more at their praise.
"Alright, let's go get your man!" said Grimmjow as he pushed Ichigo out the door and Renji followed behind them.
"Just remember the steps and you'll be fine. We're in that class too, so if things go wrong we've got your back. Plus, I brought the magazine." said Grimmjow as he grabbed it from his back pocket.
"Good luck, Ichigo." said Renji as they walked into homeroom.
Ichigo sighed and waited outside of homeroom like Grimmjow had told him to. He was supposed to wait for Hichigo to come and then say hi to him on his way in. After Hichigo went inside, he was supposed to wait a few minutes before coming in and sitting next to Hichigo. Be confident. He will like you. He will notice you. After waiting for a few minutes, Ichigo finally saw Hichigo making his way over. Ichigo brushed his hair into place and put on his biggest and brightest smile. Hichigo walked past Ichigo and looked him over.
"Hi." said Ichigo smiling all the way.
"Uh, hi?" replied Hichigo as he went into homeroom.
Ichigo was stunned. He said hi back. Grimmjow was right! It worked! Ichigo was so happy, but he knew he had a long way to go. He waited outside for a bit before he made his way inside. Renji and Grimmjow sat at a table right near the door and Hichigo was sitting near the back by himself. As Ichigo walked past Grimmjow, Grimmjow stopped him.
"So, how did it go?" he asked.
"He said hi back!" Ichigo whispered excitedly.
"That's great! Now, go over there. Talk to him." said Grimmjow as he playfully pushed Ichigo a bit.
Ichigo nodded and put on that smile again. He then made his way over to Hichigo. He stood in front of the seat next to Hichigo and smiled at him. Hichigo looked utterly confused.
"May I sit here?" Ichigo asked.
Ichigo smiled again and placed his books down on the table and sat down. Ichigo looked over at Grimmjow who was giving him a thumbs-up. Ichigo rolled his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, Ichigo looked over at Hichigo and saw that he was looking at him. Look away shyly. And that's what he did. Ichigo blushed and looked away. This won't get me anywhere. I need to start a conversation. Ichigo turned back to Hichigo.
"You know there's a Linkin Park concert in town this week." said Ichigo nonchalantly. 
"I love Linkin Park! Do you?" asked Hichigo seeming excited.
Yes! Something we have in common.
"Yeah, it's a great band. Um, I have an extra ticket if you know, you'd like to go."
"I'd love too."
Ichigo looked up at Hichigo and smiled to find that the smile was returned.
"So, what other bands do you like?" asked Hichigo.
"Renji, do you see this?! Do you?!" asked Grimmjow as he stared at the two males in the back.
"Yeah, Grimm. I see it. You did good." said Renji smiling.
"Did good? Did good?! I did amazing! I got them together! They look so happy and I just love this." Grimmjow squealed in delight.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah, just let me go to the restroom." and with that Grimmjow fled from homeroom.
"I sure hope he's okay." said Renji to himself as he watched the bluenette leave.
"We really do have a lot in common, don't we." said Hichigo and he even laughed a bit.
"Yeah, we do. So, do you play any sports?" asked Ichigo trying to get any information he could out of Hichigo.
"Yeah, I play soccer."
"My sister plays it. I'm a good kicker."
"That's cool. Maybe you could come and watch me someday or even come out and play."
"That sounds great. Maybe next week?"
"Next week, then."
And the two talked on.
"Okay, before I have a fucking heart attack, tell me what happened so, I can die happy." said Grimmjow as he, Ichigo and Renji stood outside under the tree.
"Well, we really hit it off. We're going to the Linkin Park concert this week and next week he invited me to come watch him play soccer. Plus, we really have a lot of things in common." said Ichigo with joy laced in his voice.
"That's great, Ichigo!" said Renji.
"Is he going to be okay?" asked Ichigo as he pointed at Grimmjow.
Renji looked over to find his friend sitting in the grass by the trunk of the tree and just putting his hands in his head.
"They're a couple. They're a couple." said Grimmjow over and over like a mantra.
"Yeah, he'll be fine. He's just really happy for you." said Renji.
Just then, Hichigo came out of the school followed by his right hand men, Gin and Aizen.
"There's Strawberry now. Let's go teach him another lesson." said Gin.
"Why not? We have nothing better to do." said Aizen as if he would be fighting Ichigo.
"Let's just leave him alone. He's a pretty cool guy." said Hichigo.
"Cool guy? He's our enemy, Hichigo." Gin said angrily.
"Well, I talked to him the earlier and he's alright."
Aizen watched as the two of them bickered. He looked over to Ichigo and saw that he looked a bit different. His clothes were new and his face seemed to glow. Aizen's eyes widened in realization. That little bitch. He's being flirtatious with Hichigo to get him to stop beating up on him.
"He's cool, I swear!"
"We're going to beat his ass no matter what you say!"
"Hichigo, do you like him?" asked Aizen calmly interrupting their argument.
Their arguing suddenly stopped.
"What?" asked Hichigo.
"Do you like him?" Aizen repeated.
"That's what I thought. He's playing you, Hichigo. He just doesn't want you beating him up." Aizen deduced.
"No, he likes me. I can never see Ichigo doing something like that. You're just trying to make me turn against him. You know what? I'm done. We're over. This whole friendship, if you can even call it that, is over." said Hichigo and he stomped away.
"C'mon, Aizen. Let's go kick his scraw-"
"Let him go, Gin. We'll find someone else."
Ichigo and Renji were talking by the tree while Grimmjow tried to calm himself down when Hichigo walked over to them.
"Do you guys mind if I hang out with you? I just found out that my friends weren't really my friends." said Hichigo.
"Of course we don't mind. We don't mind at all." said Grimmjow who had jumped up and was now shaking Hichigo's hand.
"Uh, okay then."
A few weeks passed and everything seemed right. Hichigo had gone to the Linkin Park concert with Ichigo and Ichigo had gone to Hichigo's soccer practice. They had had a great time together. Hichigo also, now hung out with Ichigo, Renji, and Grimmjow everyday instead of Gin and Aizen.
As for Gin and Aizen, they found themselves someone else to hang out with. A black, blind teen named Tousen.
Grimmjow now accepted the title of matchmaker and helped a lot of teens find their match. He had a 100% success rate. Even with himself. Yes, one day Grimmjow had approached Renji.
"Renji, now as a matchmaker I'd just like to say, I think we'd make a great couple."
And they did. The two of them were now dating and happier than ever.
Now, as for Hichigo and Ichigo well they're relationship was just beginning.
"So, we're going to the movies next week?" asked Ichigo.
Currently, Hichigo and Ichigo were sitting at a table in a very fancy restaurant waiting on their dinner to be served.
"I guess so. You want to see the movie, right?"
"Yeah, I'd love too."
"Good. Now, Ichigo. I have something serious to say. I'd like you to be my…uh…my boyfriend."
Ichigo stared at Hichigo in disbelief before giving off his trademark smile and finally bringing their lips together for the first time. Ichigo tasted sweet and Hichigo let out a moan. Ichigo separated their lips way too fast for Hichigo's taste.
"We'll continue this at home." said Ichigo and Hichigo could only nod.
 Grimmjow sounds like a shipper.
 I got all the steps and title from the Wiki-How page titled How to Get a Guy to Notice You.
 I really need to stop using Linkin Park in my fics.
Author's Note: Well there you go! Good Lord! This is the longest thing I've written on fanfiction! A 3,938 word fic! Wow.
I hadn't really planned on having Grimmjow be a matchmaker or any of this really until I sat down and typed it, but I like this idea better than my other one. I hope you enjoyed it ShadowsOfPenAndPaper and anyone else who reads this.
RQOTD: Was it Terrible, Bad, Okay, Good, or Great?
For those of you who are new to my fics, the RQOTD stands for the Random Question Of The Day. Basically, you answer the RQOTD in a review or PM. So, go ahead and leave me an answer!
I'd also liked to say that if you'd like me to write a drabble for you, leave a review or PM me about your idea and I'll see if I can do it. There's only one rule. It must be a fandom I know about. For a list go to my profile or just ask.
Thank you for reading.
*Looks over work and feels proud*