My name is Katniss Everdeen. I was in the 74th Hunger Games. I was in the third Quarter Quell. My fathers dead. Prim is dead. My mother is in 4. Gales in 2. We killed Snow. The Hunger Games are over. I have Peeta.
It's hard to sum up the events in my life. I would need many books to be able to accomplish such a task. However, that's something I don't need. It was difficult enough to write the above statements without all the gruesome images coming back into my mind. I don't want to remember the horrors of the Hunger Games, or the loss of all the people I cared so much about. Why am I alive? Why are they gone. I don't think I will ever understand the reasoning behind the way everything has unfolded. Everything is different now.
I see a therapist twice a week . Everyone suggested that I do. Peeta and I both go. Her name is Feya, she was the one who wanted me to keep this journal. At first I laughed and thought it was such a ridiculous idea, but somehow Peeta convinced me it could be helpful. I am not an easily persuaded person, but with Peeta I'm different. I am mesmerized by the sound of his voice, he has the ability to make me see the positive in every situation. We are both learning to adapt to this new way of life.
I am hunting again, by myself of course. Gale left, without even the integrity to tell me goodbye. I contemplated bringing Peeta along. But that was ruled out as I remember my experiences in the Hunger Games when I tried to hunt with him at my side. He's much to loud. So I go by myself. The woods is one of the few places, I feel calm and at peace. I don't get that feeling much anymore.
Peeta's arms are another place I feel at peace. I always have. It is hard to say what is going on between Peeta and I because I'm not sure myself. He never sleeps at his own home anymore though. He sleeps at mine. Without each other our nightmares would take over. If I wake up from images of dying children or deadly mutts, him arms are there to comfort me. And I do the same for him.
However nothing more then us sleeping in each others arms and terrifying nightmares goes on in my bedroom. Peeta and I are not there, at least not yet. Last night was the first time in months we even kissed. It was spontaneous and unexpected. I had just woken up from a nightmare and was trying to settle back into sleep. My head on Peeta's chest. I could feel his strong hand under my night shirt rubbing up and down my back. It sent chills running through my entire body. I new he must have thought I was sleeping because he placed his lips right on my cheek. As I opened my eyes, they met his and I could tell he was startled I was awake. I then reached up and kissed him gently on the mouth before snuggling back into his warm chest. I felt my heart beating rapidly after our lips had touched, and I new his was to. I could here it. But no words were said after that.
I'm now sitting at the edge of my bed, the day after we had kissed. There were no cameras this time, just genuine feelings between Peeta and I. I felt butterflies in my stomach and a spark as our lips met. I know Peeta loves me, he reminds me all the time, but I never know how to respond. Now I'm sitting on my bed, where he is sleeping, wondering if I love the boy with the bread?