I'm so sorry about the wait for this chapter, I've been really busy with exams and college stuff, I haven't had much chance to write. Thank you for all the lovely reviews, you're all stars and I hope you've had a lovely Christmas! Anyway, here we go...


20:43

Dean will not believe me that the angels have nothing to do with this. He says that Crowley is a son of a bitch whom he also has no trust for, but it's possible that the angels are up to something.

20:44

I do not think this is the case. The angels have no reason to interfere at present.

20:46

Crowley is up to something and it will end in Dean getting hurt, I am sure of it. Why won't he listen to me? Does he not understand that I cannot cope with this on my own, I need him. I need him to be happy and safe.

21:15

We are at the meeting place, Crowley is not here yet. Neither is Sam.

21:20

Dean is very tense, I suppose that is understandable.

21:32

We had a very loud argument which resulted in Dean telling me I shouldn't be here.

21:56

Crowley arrived eventually, and he has ruined everything. If I was thinking straight, I would have done exactly the same as Dean, except I wasn't because I was scared and now Dean is going to get hurt because of me.

22:17

Crowley explained what is happening. Apparently an angel pulled him out of hell. I do not believe him because we closed the gates of hell forever. This so called angel then explained to Crowley that he could free the rest of the demons if Crowley cooperated. Crowley, of course, agreed, but has now decided to transfer his loyalties because he does not trust the angels. The angels wanted Crowley to retrieve the last tablet. The tablet about angels. The tablet which would describe how angels could come to take the earth, without breaking the seals and starting the apocalypse. They believe there is a metaphorical 'emergency stop' button.

22:18

Sam never turned up.

22: 25

Dean, who had been doing this much longer than I, agreed to help Crowley find it, and destroy the tablet on one condition. The condition being I was taken somewhere safe and was not involved. Crowley smiled and said 'goodbye sweetheart' which I believe to be a term of endearment, and then I was here. It's very dark so I cannot make it out exactly, but it appears to be some kind of warehouse. It also seems to be lacking a way out and I am feeling very afraid.

Sometime later

I want Dean.

It's cold here. What if Dean is hurt?

Crowley was not telling the truth. It is a trick and Dean has walked straight into it.

This is all my fault, I will never forgive myself for letting this happen.

I have tried getting out again. This is further proof that Crowley has planned all of this.

I wonder what happened to Sam. I hope he found Dean. Someone needs to keep Dean safe.

I feel so useless! If I was still an angel none of this would not have happened.


Crowley turned up and explained everything.

I knew this felt wrong. I knew it.

There are no angels involved. There is just Dean and I and Crowley wanting revenge. I am so weak, I am so pathetic. Dean deserves to have someone who could protect him.

I tried to be angry, but I am just so tired. Crowley stood over me and told me he was not going to physically hurt Dean. I do not understand what he means.

Crowley left again and I am on my own. There is no food, nowhere warm, but that does not matter. I do not deserve to have any comforts when I have put Dean in so much danger. I deserve to be back in purgatory. I pray that Dean is okay.


I do not know how long I have been here and I have lost all track of time. I do not even know if it is or night or day outside, but in here it is still dark, I am still scared, and I still miss Dean more than I thought possible.

I think my pen is beginning to run out and I'm hungry. Crowley has not yet returned and I still cannot find a way out of this place no matter how hard I try.

What if Crowley just plans to leave me here? What if I never find out if Dean is okay and I am just left here to die? At least if that happens, and by some miracle Dean is okay, he can find someone worthy of him. Furthermore, if I ever get out of here I will leave and stop putting him in danger, because I am sure that as long as I am around Dean is not safe, and if I have ever had one purpose in my life, it is to protect Dean Winchester and I have failed too many times. I have to stop being selfish.


Crowley came back. He lost his temper and he kicked me over and over again and I could do nothing to fight back for I feel too weak to stand up, let alone fight. I think I passed out; I am not sure for how long. I ache all over and I think I lost a lot of blood.

What is Crowley trying to achieve by doing this? I do not understand his aims.

Nothing is changing here except I feel worse every minute. I do not even have the energy to continue looking for a way out. I don't think there is much point writing this anymore, but if anyone ever finds this, please tell Dean Winchester that I love him. Tell him that I always did and that I always will. Make sure he understands that, because it's the only thing that matters any more. Also, please make sure he doesn't blame himself, because he tends to do that and this is not his fault.


Don't worry, it's not the end! There's still plenty more to come if you lot still want to read it!