Dean nodded and sighed tiredly, standing up and catching his breath. "Yeah, it's a lot of effort if you're topping," Dean joked affectionately. He walked into the bathroom and got a warm washcloth and brought it back to the bedroom, leaning down to clean off Castiel's skin first before his own, and he kissed Castiel's hipbone tenderly. "Love you," he whispered. "You doing okay?" The phone still hadn't rang, so that was probably a good sign but then again it was probably too soon to know for sure if something had happened to Gabriel.
Castiel hummed, feeling Dean kiss his hip. He helped Dean wash off the paint and cum before leaning back on the bed, watching Dean lovingly. "I guess," he shrugged. "I feel better though. Thanks to you. You always know just what to do." He kissed Dean lightly before curling up against the pillows. "I don't have work tomorrow. I don't have an audition until next week and my brother may or may not be dead. Strangely enough, I'm feeling okay. Just have to take this crap one day at a time."
Dean sighed sadly and wrapped his arm around Cas, keeping him close and soaking up the familiar warmth of his skin. "That's good," He murmured soothingly, stroking his husband's hair. "I'm sure we'll know something soon." Dean made a commitment to make everything as easy for Cas as possible until they found out something about Gabriel. He'd distract him and keep him in good spirits, because he hated seeing Cas unhappy.
Castiel hummed, leaning back into Dean's embrace, keeping his eyes focused on the wall in front of him. He wasn't sure how long he laid there but an unfocused blur popped up from the side of the bed, jolting Castiel out of his daze. He focused his tired eyes to see Panda pawing at the edge of the bed, trying to get up, giver her owner a sad look. He reached out for her, helping her on the bed and drew her close in his arms. "You're just like your mom," Castiel sighed as Panda tried to comfort Castiel in anyway she could.
Dean closed his eyes and started to doze off, even though he tried to stay awake and watch over Cas. He kept holding him gently, his fingers curling slowly through Castiel's hair, and Dean started to slowly fall asleep. He awoke slightly when Cas spoke and pulled Panda onto the bed with them, and Dean hummed softly and snuggled back down with Cas and fell asleep.
Panda mewed softly, noticing something was off with her owner. "Sleep, baby," he shushed her quietly, stroking her fur. "I'm okay. See?" he said smiling for her benefit. "We'll be okay. Whatever tomorrow brings we'll work through it." He kissed her forehead as Panda nudged against his cheek, mewing quietly. He fell asleep holding Panda wondering about everything tomorrow would bring. News of his brother. News of Pamela's decision. Tomorrow was a big day and Castiel wished it would never come.
Dean was relieved when he woke up in the morning without be awaken by a phone call from a heartbroken mother, but that didn't necessarily mean everything was fine. Cas was peacefully sleeping beside him, naked and beautiful with the sheets draped over his body and Panda curled up beside his hip. Dean decided to surprise Cas with breakfast since this was the first day in months that he actually had time to relax and enjoy some quiet time at home. He got out of bed and padded into the kitchen to begin cooking pancakes so they'd be ready before Cas woke up.
Castiel awoke to his phone vibrating on the nightstand beside him. He reached for it blindly, waking Panda in the process. He answered it tiredly thinking it'd be one of two people. His mom or Pamela. What he wasn't expecting was Gabriel to be on the other side of the phone. He shot up in the bed, going stiff as he heard Gabriel's voice on the other end. "You changed the locks? I can't get into the house." He sounded drunk. "And hello to you too, brother. I thought you were in Iraq?" Castiel asked coldly. He'd spent all night worried about the man but upon hearing his voice again he soon realised he'd wasted his night. His brother was still an ass."
"I was. They kicked me out seein' as I can't see outta my left eye. You gonna let me in or what?" Gabriel slurred, hiccuping occasionally. Castiel frowned. His brother was there. He'd survived. He let out a small breath in relief but didn't dwell on it too much. "We don't live there anymore. Mom sold the place months back. She's still in France," he said simply, stroking Panda absently.
"Then where do you live?" Gabriel asked before correcting himself. "Wait, I don't care. You probably still hate me for setting fire to that queers car," he grumbled. Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Gabriel," Castiel said sharply. "Michael still lives up in Illinois. Balthazar is around..probably with him. I don't know. Just go see them. I can't help you."
"I don't want your help," Gabriel replied childishly. "It's your fault I turned queer," he spat, making Castiel frown in confusion. "You're drunk. Go get some sleep," Castiel replied, unsure what Gabriel meant. "You and that stupid boytoy of yours, walking around. Makin' it look so easy," Gabriel grumbled. "This is your fault. I-I lost..I lost my man b-because he died trying to save me. He sacrificed himself out there and if you hadn't corrupted me with your stupid gay thoughts none of this would have happened." Gabriel was sobbing down the phone now and Castiel had to set the phone down with it on loud speaker, unsure how in the world he was supposed to respond to that.
Dean had finished cooking the pancakes, and he'd also made bacon which was a little risky seeing as he'd only bothered to slip on a pair of boxers. Luckily he hadn't gotten spattered with grease, and the food smelled delicious. His mouth watered and he turned off the stove, setting the food on the table before heading back into the bedroom to see if Cas was awake yet. His eyes widened when he saw Cas was on the phone, and he gave him a questioning look, not making a sound. The phone was sitting on the bed beside him on loudspeaker, and Dean heard someone crying on the other end, but Dean didn't recognize the voice. "What's going on?" He asked quietly, standing in the doorway tensely.
Castiel rolled his eyes. "Gabriel's alive," Castiel said bluntly. Gabriel must have heard because he started sobbing about how he wished he wasn't. "Gabriel," Castiel sighed, picking up the phone but still held it at arms length because the man was still sobbing loudly. "What happened, happened. You can't change that now." Castiel could feel himself caving. No matter how much time went by he'd never be able to stand up to his brothers. He'd always be there to give them a second chance. "Christmas is coming up. Why don't we all go to Michael's? We'll figure something out, okay?" He heard the man quiet down at that before a weak voice answered back. "Will Dean be there?" It didn't sound hopeful. He sounded hurt like them being together would remind Gabriel too much of what he'd lost. Castiel felt himself sympathising with his brother for once. He'd almost lost Dean, on more than one occasion but it'd been their choice. He couldn't imagine Dean getting killed in an explosion only a few feet away from him. "I..No. It'll just be the four of us. We'll have dinner and talk about everything okay? I'll help you through this."
Dean stared at Castiel in shock and didn't move from the doorway, holding his breath to try and hear the conversation more clearly so he could figure out what was going on. Gabriel was crying hysterically and Dean narrowed his eyes in confusion when Cas said that Dean wasn't going to come to the Christmas dinner, and it would be just the Novak brothers. Something was up and Dean didn't like it, because it had to be pretty serious if Castiel wasn't willing to share the problem with Dean. He backed slowly out of the room, giving Castiel a tight-lipped smile and nodding to let him know he'd have some privacy with his brother, and then he retreated into the kitchen where their breakfast sat untouched.
Castiel continued to talk on the phone with Gabriel for another ten minutes before getting off the phone with the man. He sighed heavily and padded out of bed, slipping on a pair of boxers and walked into the kitchen to find Dean sat uncertainly with their cold breakfast. "Sorry, babe," he said softly, running a hand into Dean's hair, tracing his finger over the scar across his scalp. "I ruined breakfast," he said sadly, looking at the cold food. "It's almost Christmas. What do you say we treat ourselves and go for breakfast down at the diner?"
Dean was fiddling absently with a fork on the table when Cas wandered in, and he looked up at him with a questioning gaze. "What happened?" He asked quietly, "He's alive but he sounded pretty upset about something, is he hurt?" Dean wasn't exactly one to sympathize with Gabriel, but he was still Castiel's brother and apparently had some personal problem that Dean didn't know much about. Dean poked the fork into a cold pancake sullenly and waited for Cas to tell him something.
Castiel bit his lip, sitting down opposite Dean at the table. "He..he lost his lover," Castiel cringed. It sounded weird to say but he didn't really know what else to call the guy. "In the explosion. He sacrificed himself for Gabriel. He's pretty upset he only got out of it with just a damaged eye." Castiel looked at Dean, feeling sick to his stomach. He was sort of glad the food was cold. "I have to go sort him out, Dean," Castiel said quietly. "It's...it's just easier if I do that alone."
Dean looked up at Cas uncertainly, not sure how he was supposed to feel. Gabriel had always been a complete bully to Castiel, but maybe he wasn't entirely to blame for his own cruel nature. Lucifer had made it very clear that it was wrong to be gay, and if Gabriel had been hiding his sexuality for years while Cas was out, it was likely to cause some major problems. But it still didn't excuse the way Gabriel had treated Cas all his life, and it was ironic how karma struck. "Yeah, okay. No offense but I really don't want to be there for that anyway," Dean nodded understandingly. "I'm... Sorry, but I don't really know what to say."
Castiel just shrugged. "You don't have to say anything. It's a weird subject and I'd rather not talk about it." He stood up, not sure what to do. "I'm just..I feel bad. This was supposed to be our first Christmas in New York together," he sighed. "Maybe you could hang out with Pamela. So you're not on your own," he suggested quietly, not wanting to bring up what he and Pamela had discussed the other day.
Dean's heart sank and he thought longingly of the plans he'd been thinking of for Christmas. Now it wasn't happening and Dean couldn't help but feel like a little kid who's just been told Santa doesn't exist. He shrugged and then leaned back in the chair a little, not looking up at Cas. He knew it was selfish, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't even ask Sam and Ruby to come up to visit, because they were going to another party at college and visiting friends. "I'll probably try to get some extra hours at the bar and hang out with Pamela," he said with a small shrug.
Castiel shuffled over to Dean and curled his arms around the other man, bringing Dean's head to his chest. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I'll make this up to you. I promise," he said, knowing that very soon he and Dean might be getting a surrogate sooner than expected. "Anything you want. I'll do it. We'll have a couple days to ourselves before I go. Okay. We'll have some fun."
Dean smiled sadly and leaned into Castiel, not saying anything for a few minutes as he was comforted by his husband's warm embrace. Suddenly, he remembered something he'd overheard on the phone call and he sighed again. "He hates me a lot, doesn't he." He muttered sadly, recalling the tone of voice Gabriel had used when mentioning Dean. He clearly didn't want Dean there and he supposed there was reason for that, because Dean and Gabriel had never got along since high school.
Castiel sighed, holding Dean tighter. "It's more complicated than that," Castiel said, pulling away to go over to the fridge to busy himself with pouring a glass of orange juice for himself. "You're the guy in the movies, Dean," he shrugged. "The guy that comes along, sweeps the girl off her feet and helps her through her problems. They become childhood sweethearts and everything is easy a-and carefree." Castiel looked at his orange juice, picking up the glass before saying quickly. "He doesn't hate you. I think he likes you..well, the idea of you. He's jealous I found someone and was happy." He swigged his orange juice, using it as a distraction so he couldn't speak.
Dean shook his head and stabbed absently at the pancakes again, not wanting to eat them. "I'm not," Dean argued quietly, "I'm a pathetic self-serving dick who used you to impress my friends. I've got so many problems I don't even know where to start, and most of them have to do with my personality." Relationships had never been difficult for Dean, mainly because he knew how to flirt and pick up girls, but he could imagine it wasn't so easy for other people.
Castiel shot Dean a glance, swallowing his juice. "Don't you dare go down that road, Dean," he warned, voice low and serious. "Don't make me leave this house. I want a nice day with my husband not another fight over how amazing you are." He set his glass down and ran a hand through his hair. "Come on. Get dressed. We're going out for breakfast, my treat," he decided, padding back into the bedroom to change.
Dean rolled his eyes and dropped his head into his hands with a heavy sigh, suddenly feeling close to tears for some inexplicable reason. He didn't want to move, but he forced himself up and headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth, leaving the pancakes untouched. He felt low and he didn't know why, but he was going to ignore it and enjoy the morning with Cas.
Castiel changed quickly and headed into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth whilst Dean changed. Castiel grabbed his scarf and wrapped it around Dean's neck, using it to pull him close and kiss him tenderly. "I love you," he said softly, just spending a minute to hold his husband. "I know this isn't what we wanted but what's happened. Happened. We got to make the best we can of the situation."
Dean looked down at their feet and nodded before making eye contact and forcing a small smile. "You're right," he said, "Gabriel's your family and you need to help him out." Dean bit his lip when he realized he still was calling Gabriel Castiel's family and not accepting him as part of Dean's family.
Castiel smiled tightly, taking Dean's hand and they headed out to the diner down the street. Castiel ordered a tall stack of pancakes for them to share. Once they arrived, Castiel sadly over at Dean. "You gonna smile for me?" he asked hopefully. "Don't make me come over there and tickle you until I see one."
Dean still wasn't hungry but he smiled at Cas as he settled into the booth. "Sorry. It's been a weird morning. Not the best start to the day, I guess." Dean put a bite of pancake into his mouth and found a little comfort in the sugary sweetness.
Castiel smiled a little when Dean seemed to relax. He ate with him, slowly, sipping at his coffee. "I know," Castiel nodded. "I'll fix it." He pulled out his phone and text Pamela who responded almost immediately. He smiled a little and put his phone away. "I'll go see Pamela, talk to her about Christmas. You go to work and flirt a little. Have some fun and tonight we'll watch a movie and if you're tired I'll just massage your body while you fall asleep in bed."
Dean chuckled softly and sipped at his coffee, smiling gratefully at Cas. "You don't need to spoil me, I'm just being a whiny brat. You should really tell me to just shut up, it'll make me feel better." Dean offered Cas a small teasing smile and put another bite of pancake in his mouth.
Castiel chuckled. "Shut up. I'm spoiling you. Deal with it." He ate two pancakes before putting his fork down and leaned back in his seat, looking out the window at the snow that was falling. "You'll be getting your Christmas present sooner," he commented, looking back at Dean with a smug smile. "That's gotta be a plus."
"I wanted to wake up with you on Christmas morning and see if Santa had come," Dean said with a slight pout. "We haven't even decorated the tree yet, babe." Dean looked at Cas with a sad smile and sipped his coffee again.
Castiel gave Dean a secretive smile. "Trust me, babe. This'll make up for that," he said, leaning over the table to kiss Dean sweetly. He set some money on the table and got up to leave. "I'll see you tonight. You better be ready for a cozy night in with yours truly."
Dean smiled softly into the kiss, tasting the syrup on Castiel's lips. "See you tonight," he said back, putting on the scarf he'd been wearing as Cas left. The waitress came over and took the money, thanking Dean for the business.
The days went by, leading up to Christmas. Castiel had left to go home two days before Christmas leaving Dean all alone. Castiel had already talked to Pamela about his plans for Christmas and she'd agreed this would be a fun way to tell Dean. She'd arrive on Christmas day to Dean's apartment, a huge bow in her hair and a gift tag around her wrist. She knocked on the door and waited giddily.
Dean was lounging around the apartment wearing a pair of Castiel's flannel sleep pants and an old, oversized hoodie. He was a bit lonely but it was relaxing to be able to just lay around all day and relax, watching the old Christmas specials on TV in the cozy apartment. When he answered the door, he was pleasantly surprised to see Pamela standing there with a wide grin on her face and with a Christmas bow and tag on her wrist. Dean rose an eyebrow at her appearance but pulled her in out of the hallway for a warm hug. "You look festive," he commented fondly.
"Not just festive, sweetie," she giggled nervously, hugging Dean back. "I'm your present from Castiel!" she announced, not sure how Dean would take the news. Castiel had just assured her everything would go well. "I'm your surrogate mom! Surprise!" She kept grinning, holding her arms out showmanship style waiting for Dean to react.
Dean frowned in confusion as Pamela announced she was his present from Cas, not quite understanding what she meant. But then his eyes widened at the words "surrogate mom" and he staggered back a little in shock. "You're... what?" He breathed, the news taking a moment to sink in. "For real?!" He exclaimed, grinning widely. He hugged Pamela again tightly, feeling close to tears even with the huge smile on his face. "Pam, I can't believe it!"
Pamela shrugged. "Cas mentioned he was looking for someone. I offered to do it. We see each other enough it'd be nice to have your support when I get all tubby," she smirked. "Plus I could use the money. You guys are my friends I don't see why I shouldn't do this for ya."
Dean shook his head in amazement and then ran his hands through his hair. "Pam, you're amazing and I love you," he told her, "Cas and me are gonna have kids!" Dean pulled her into the apartment and led her to the kitchen to get them some wine to celebrate. "I thought we were gonna have to go through the whole process of interviewing people and getting matched up and all that business and it would've been from a complete stranger which seems a little strange, but we know you and it would be amazing to have your help with this. I can't thank you enough!"
Pamela chuckled, closing the door behind her and took the tag and bow out of her hair. "Don't worry about it, Dean," she smiled. "I'm just glad to help out. I want to take some time out from dancing. This is a perfect excuse. Can't dance with swollen ankles," she said with a teasing grin.
Dean sipped his wine and handed a glass to Pamela before heading back into the living room with her and collapsing on the couch, still feeling stunned. "So you're really doing this?" He asked timidly, "You've never even had kids and this is going to change your life and screw with your body and it's a huge commitment, are you absolutely sure?"
Pamela took the glass handed to her and followed Dean over to the couch. She shrugged. "I don't mind kids. I just don't think I'd ever want my own and if I do..I guess this would be the way to find it out. I wouldn't have to commit to raising a child if I felt it wasn't right for me. This is like a trial. If that makes any sense?" She sipped at her wine and smiled. "I wanna do this for you guys. You've become really good friends to me this last year. I wanna repay the favour and help you out."
Dean grinned widely as he felt his heart racing with nervous excitement. It was finally happening, they were going to have kids. All thanks to Pamela for making it easier than it would've been to find a surrogate mom. "I'm so excited, Pam," he said in a quiet voice, "There's so much to do, we have so much to learn and doctors appointments and consultations and everything... it's scary. I can't believe it's actually happening."
Pamela chuckled, patting Dean's shoulder. "It's happening, hon. You and Cas are gonna make great parents," she said with a nod, taking a sip of her wine. She wondered how long it would be before she wasn't allowed to drink the stuff all together. "Merry Christmas, Dean," she smiled, leaning back against the couch and sighed contently.
Dean took a deep breath and let it out in a shakily excited exhale, staring over at the wall in disbelief. "Merry Christmas, all right," He replied, "That was one hell of a surprise. You're awesome, you know that?" Dean wrapped his arm around Pamela's shoulders and drew her in for a hug, planting a kiss on her cheek.
A week later and Castiel had returned from the most nightmarish trip imaginable. Putting him, Balthazar, Gabriel and Michael in the same place was never a good idea. Putting all four of them in the same place, at Christmas with alcohol was just even worse. Castiel barely managed to fix things. Gabriel spent the whole time crying and screaming at everyone. He felt like he was babysitting. Speaking of which...
"Dean..our k-kids won't turn out like that. Will they?" he whispered nervously to his husband, watching a crying child in the waiting room to the doctors. It was two months after Christmas and they'd been lucky to get this appointment. Castiel had no idea how busy these clinics could get around the holiday season.
Dean smiled reassuringly and squeezed his husband's knee. "All kids cry, silly." He said, "But I'm sure ours will be little angels." Dean had to admit he was nervous too, sitting in the fertility clinic waiting room. A young couple was in the waiting room along with their toddler, but other than that the room was mostly filled with adults calmly reading magazines. There was a lesbian couple across the room, and they looked just as nervous as Dean felt. He caught the blonde's eye and nodded to her reassuringly, and she grinned nervously and nodded back. Pamela arrived a moment later, walking into the room looking chipper as always, and she checked in and then had a seat across from Dean and Cas.
Castiel smiled excitedly when Pamela finally arrived and he nodded in greeting before the doctor grabbed their attention, calling Pamela in. They'd already given semen samples last week and had them frozen and put aside alongside the donor eggs. All that was left to do was mix the two together and put it inside Pamela as gross as that sounded. Castiel had almost gagged at the thought of having his cum inside someone who wasn't Dean..and not male.
Pamela couldn't deny that she was terrified of what was about to happen, but she'd been assured that it was perfectly safe. She had no idea what it felt like to be pregnant and have a baby growing inside her, but tons of people she knew had kids and had endured pregnancy, so it couldn't be that bad. She was a little creeped out by the idea of two men's semen and a stranger's egg cells being shoved up her vagina, but it was how it was done and hopefully it would work. She grinned at Cas and Dean before she left, and followed the doctor down the hall for the procedure.
Castiel smiled and gave a thumbs up, leaning against Dean and entwined their hands together. "You think it'll take?" he asked quietly. "We won't be able to afford to do this again for a while. What if Pamela changes her mind by then?" Castiel began to worry. "I mean we could afford to do it again soon but we wouldn't have enough money left for a deposit on a house back in Kansas. Dean, what would we do? Adoption takes years."
Dean squeezed Castiel's hand and sighed. "I'm sure it will work, babe." He assured, "Pam's a strong, healthy woman and the procedure itself isn't too complicated. We'll just have to wait and see, Cas. We'll be parents soon enough." Dean kissed Castiel's temple and then smiled softly. "So, we've got a boy name figured out. Nathaniel Austin, right? And if it's a girl I still really like Hope." Dean and Cas had been thinking about names for a while, but they were unable to decide between Mary Anne or Hope Katherine for a girl, and it was an ongoing debate that had caused a few arguments over the past week.
Castiel smiled a little, squeezing Dean's hand. "I still think Mary Anne is a better name if it's a girl," Castiel pressed lightly. As much as he loved the name Hope he wanted to honour Dean's mom by naming their kid after her because Castiel didn't have much in the way of family that loved him and he wanted to honour those who did. He wanted to make Dean happy.
Dean smiled tiredly and sighed, shaking his head. "It's one or the other, Cas. Hope Mary and Mary Hope both sound weird." Dean could understand why Cas wanted the name Mary for a girl, but Dean also wanted the name Hope because it was what had kept them alive and together all these years, and they couldn't have gotten this far without hope for the future.
Castiel shrugged. "I guess we'll just have to figure it out if it comes to that." Pamela came back out, twenty minutes later and Dean and Castiel stood up to greet her. "Is everything okay?" Castiel asked nervously. "Did the..you know..the thing go according to plan?" He bit his lower lip nervously and sighed a little when Pamela told them everything went okay. Now all they had to do was wait and see if Pamela was pregnant.
The procedure was pretty uncomfortable and embarrassing but once it was done Pamela felt much better, and she was instructed to perform a pregnancy test in 2-3 days and repeat the test throughout the week to confirm the results. Dean smiled at her and hugged both of them, pulling them close and sighing shakily. "Thank you so much, Pam," he whispered, "You don't know how much this means to us."
Castiel let out a nervous breath watching as Pamela just shrugged casually. "Anything for my boys," she smiled. Castiel felt guilty for being the nervous one. If anything Pamela should be the one that they should be comforting. "Right..lunch is on me. Where do you wanna go, Pam? There's that diner down the street that does great steaks. You wanna eat there?"
Pamela grinned and patted Castiel's back, nodding enthusiastically. "Steak sounds great. I've gotta change my diet to get ready for this baby!" She patted her stomach and then stepped between Dean and Castiel and hooked her arms through theirs as they got outside. Dean kept glancing at her nervously, looking her up and down. "Are you feeling alright?" He asked, "We can just take you home and let you rest a bit, if you want?" Dean knew he was worrying too much but you could never be too careful.
Castiel nodded in agreement but Pamela seemed fine to go out to eat. Castiel smiled nervously. He just wanted to know know if she was pregnant but he knew they'd have to wait at least a week or so until they could find out if the procedure had worked.
Five days later, Pamela was in the bathroom with a pregnancy test in her hand, hopefully waiting for the test to register. She'd tried it two days ago and didn't get any results but the doctor had said that was normal and she should try the test again a few days later. She looked at it, biting her lip, and her heart skipped a beat when it read positive, loud and clear. She set it down on the bathroom counter and then flushed the toilet, standing up and running to the phone to call Cas and Dean. "Guys, there's a bun in the oven!" She exclaimed happily as soon as someone answered.
Castiel had been making him and Dean their morning breakfast when Pamela rang. "Oh my God!" Castiel exclaimed, just managing not to burn himself on the stove as he turned it off with their bacon ready. "Dean!" he called out excitedly. "Dean! Come in here!" he put Pamela on speaker phone and set his phone on the counter so he could finish making them breakfast. "Are you sure?" he asked Pamela. "Did you take more than one test?"
Dean nearly had a heart attack when Cas suddenly screamed for him, and he ran into the kitchen dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel, having just gotten out of the shower. He stared at Cas in confusion and then understood, his eyes widening. "Pam? Is it good news?" He asked breathlessly, heart pounding hard in his chest. Pamela laughed through the phone. "Yes, I'm sure! This is the second test I've taken and they were both positive! You're getting your baby!"
Castiel was already crying, spatula in his hand. "We're havin' a baby," he breathed, looking at Dean breathlessly. "We're having a baby!" he beamed throwing his arms in the air to embrace Dean tightly. "I can't believe it," he whimpered, still crying with joy into Dean's damp shoulder.
Dean felt his own eyes filling with overjoyed tears as he hugged Castiel back tightly, feeling his body shudder slightly with sobs. "This is amazing," He whispered, holding Cas close. He reached over to the table and picked up the phone, holding it up behind Castiel's head. "Pamela, do you feel any different?" Dean asked, already starting to be fretful and worried. Their baby was conceived, it was unbelievable.
Castiel kissed Dean's neck, tasting his own salty tears against his husband's skin. "We're having a baby," he whispered excitedly. "Pam..Dean I love you so much," he sniffed, holding onto Dean's tightly. He could hear Pamela chuckling. "I'll leave you boys to it. I'll come 'round tonight? We can celebrate then?" Pamela said down the phone.
An excited sob escaped Dean's lungs and he held Cas tighter, pressing his lips against the cloth of Castiel's tee shirt. "Okay," he whispered shakily, staring at the phone. "We'll see you tonight." Dean hesitated a moment before whooping in excitement and then hanging up, tossing the phone down on the table and lifting Cas up to twirl him around, his towel dropping to the floor. He started to slip on a puddle of water that had dripped off him and quickly set Cas down before they both fell to the ground.
Castiel laughed a little as Dean twirled them. He got down on his knees and used the towel on the floor to mop up the water Dean had dripped everywhere. He looked up at his husband with an excited grin, kissing his hip before standing up and wrapped the towel around Dean's waist again, kissing him deeply. "We're gonna be a family," Castiel breathed excitedly.
"We're having a baby," Dean whispered, holding Castiel's face in both hands and staring into his eyes. "There's so much work to do," He realized, suddenly getting anxious. "Cas, this apartment is too small to raise a kid in, and we need to find a good school district and a good neighborhood... I don't want our child going to an inner city school, it's not the safest place for a kid anyway... God, we have so much to do."
Castiel couldn't stop crying. He was so happy. He let Dean hold him, feeling so close to the man. "I think we should move back," he said quietly. "Not back to our town in Kansas but somewhere close, maybe. It's a good area to raise kids. The price of houses is cheaper I..I just think it's time to go home."
Dean looked at Cas with wide eyes full of tears, the power of the moment passing between them and taking Dean's breath away. "You think?" he breathed, "Back to Kansas it is, then. There's no place like home." Dean kissed his husband tenderly and wiped his tears away. "Just think, in about nine months we'll be holding our baby for the first time. Can you believe it?"
Castiel smiled breathlessly. "R-Really? You're okay with going back home?" Castiel felt bad. He'd been the one that wanted to move back to the big city. He'd been the one to convince Dean to follow him now he was telling him where to go yet again. "I-I can't believe we'll have a baby," he whispered in awe.
Dean nodded reassuringly and stroked his hands into Castiel's hair, looking at him with a soft smile. "Yes, I think it's a good idea to move back home and start a family in a nice neighborhood," he agreed, and then he pulled Cas back into his arms and squeezed him tight. "This is so exciting. Are you scared?"
"Terrified," Castiel breathed anxiously, holding onto Dean tightly. "We'll be in charge of a life." He took a moment to compose himself before smiling over at Dean. "Go get dressed. You'll catch a chill standing there dripping," he fussed, shooing Dean away so he could go back to getting their breakfast ready.
Dean watched Cas, biting his lip and holding his breath, and he sighed in relief when Cas seemed to relax a bit and push Dean away to go get dressed. Dean was beyond terrified, his mind racing with what-ifs and endless questions and worries, but he knew they had time to figure everything out and there were professionals to help them with he preparations. Dean quickly got dressed and headed back out to the kitchen to find the table all set with a delicious breakfast and coffee. "We'll have to go to one of those new parent informational classes," Dean commented as he walked in.
Castiel was chewing absently on a piece of bacon when Dean came back in. He was still shaking with nerves but he tried to keep it together. Nine months. Just nine months and a little baby would be in their care. Castiel was so overcome with conflicted emotions he didn't really know how to react over the initial excitement. "We'll have to buy a house," Castiel said, taking another bit of bacon.
Dean nodded and set his coffee down, noticing how Castiel was shaking nervously. He reached across the table and placed his hand over Castiel's fidgeting one, squeezing gently. "We'll start looking at houses right away," he promised, "Babe, don't worry. We're going to be fine. We have plenty of time to get settled, I'm sure we'll be able to find a decent home with a reasonable price. Something with three bedrooms, maybe? And a nice backyard? We'll get it figured out."
Castiel looked down at their hands and took a deep breath, exhaling shakily. "Y-You're right. We'll get a three bedroom place in Kansas no problem. Housing is a lot cheaper out there. We'll get more bang for our buck." He paused, looking up at Dean. "D-Dean? Is it wrong to be a stripper if I'm gonna be a..a dad?" It took too much energy to spit out the word. Dad. He was going to be a father. It still felt weird his dreams were becoming a reality.
Dean licked his lips nervously and lifted Castiel's hand off the table to hold it between his own. Cas was stuttering a little, something he hadn't done in a long time, and Dean knew it meant that his husband was really anxious. "Cas, we'll be fine. We've beat the odds too many times to count, we can definitely do this. And I guess it's fine as long as the kids don't know about it, so maybe for a few more years? Two and three year olds won't know or care if you're a stripper, babe."
Castiel nodded, biting his lower lip anxiously. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the warmth of Dean's hands. His mind was asking so many questions, mostly bringing up old memories and taunting him with them. "W-What if..what if something goes from with the pregnancy? W-What if Pamela's not pregnant. W-What if it's a-a-a false negative?"
Dean moved over to the side of the table Cas was sitting at and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling Cas close and resting his forehead against Castiel's shoulder. "Just relax, alright? Chill out. It's been positive two times and Pamela's going to the doctor soon for blood work to see if her hormones have changed and that will confirm the pregnancy. I'm not a doctor but I don't see any reason why there's be a problem with the pregnancy, neither of us have genetic disorders and we're not carriers, and neither is Pam, and she's fit and healthy, and the egg donor was screened extensively. I'm sure everything is fine."
Castiel sighed, melting into Dean's warmth. He embraced his husband, needing him close. "I'm just so scared," he admitted quietly. "E-E-Everything..my whole life whatever I get is cruelly t-taken away from me. J-Jimmy, A-A-Amber..even you, Dean. I'm scared something will happen and this dream will shatter too."
"Things are different now, I promise nothing bad is going to happen. After all the shit we've been through, it's time for things to go right. And the past few years have been amazing for us, Cas. This is only the beginning, we have so many amazing things ahead of us."
Five months later, in early May, the three of them were in the hospital for Pamela's first sonogram scan to see the baby, or babies. Their doctor was a bit curious about the abnormally large size of Pamela's belly for being five months pregnant, and there was the possibility of twins. She was very large for five months, but she was still pretty active and wasn't in too much discomfort. Dean and Castiel had been with her almost every day, constantly putting their hands to her belly and trying to feel the tiny feet kicking. It was unbelievably amazing to know that their child was inside of Pamela, and would be born in just four months. They move into their new house had gone smoothly, with the help of Sam, Ruby, Jack, and Jesse, and all they had left to do was decide on a name and buy baby supplies as soon as they knew the gender.
The Winchesters' new home was located in an older neighborhood with big trees in every well-kept front yard, the houses beautiful and quaint and well-spaced enough to allow for spacious, fenced in backyards. The neighbors were friendly and helped with the move in, and Dean felt safe here. There were other small children in the neighborhood and a few older kids. Many houses had pets and two cars in the driveway, which seemed like a necessity for Dean and Cas in the near future. The house itself had been built in the 60s but was recently redecorated and updated with new appliances, and it was beautiful and comfortable inside. There were three bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, a living room, and a finished basement, and it wasn't too expensive. Overall, the house seemed like the perfect place to raise a family. There was an elementary school nearby and they were close enough to walk into town, and the road the house was on wasn't very busy with traffic.
With everything settled, the moment of truth was right now, in the hospital examination room with Pamela lying on the exam bed with Cas and Dean on one side, facing the monitor, and the doctor leaning over her and squeezing sonogram jelly onto her round belly. She winced at the cold and shot a nervous grin to Dean and Cas before the doctor concentrated on the device and angled it to get a view of the baby.
Over the last five months Castiel had gotten more and more worried with each passing day. Pamela looked ready to give birth at just five months and the possibility of twins had never occurred to him. They'd been to scans in the past but today they'd be able to see the heartbeat and determine the gender and Castiel was a nervous wreck, holding onto Pamela's hand.
The doctor looked at the monitor before smiling and pointing to where two beating heats moved on the screen. "There are your girls," she smiled. Castiel swallowed thickly staring at the screen. Girls. They had two baby girls? He felt like he was going to pass out or cry or something stupid in reaction to gaining two more members to his family. "They're healthy and everything checks out okay," the doctor continued, watching the trio.
Dean stared at the screen with wide eyes, gripping Castie's other hand tightly as they saw the first glimpse of their children. The blurry image on the screen barely resembled babies, but the doctor was pointing out limbs and movements and heartbeats and Dean's lungs were so tight he couldn't breathe, let alone speak. Two baby girls. Pamela moved to see the screen a little more, and the room was silent for a brief moment before she turned to look up at Dean and Castiel with happy, shining eyes and Dean grabbed her hand and pulled Castiel close and just tried to breathe. "Hope Katherine and Mary Anne Winchester," Dean whispered in amazement, still staring at the screen with an emotional smile.
Castiel whimpered softly at the names. Months of arguing and they wound up with both names. The doctor printed off a few copies of the sonogram for them to take with them and she handed them to Dean whilst helping Pamela clean the jelly off her baby bump. Castiel remained still, watching the now blank screen. He let go of Dean's hand and Pamela's and carefully traced his fingertips over Pamela's stomach. A small smile tugging at his trembling lips. Hope and Mary. Their little girls. Their family.
Pamela couldn't believe it, she was going to give birth to twins! She beamed up at Dean and Castiel's awed expressions and watched as Cas put his hand on the swell of her belly. "Those are beautiful names," she murmured in amazement. Dean smiled and wrapped his arm around Castiel's back and put his hand on Pamela's tummy as well, lacing his fingers together with Castiel's.
Castiel still couldn't speak, watching as Dean carefully laced their hands together. This was their family. Their beautiful family with no health problems and no risk of anyone taking this away from him. He let go of Dean's hand and moved away from the room, clutching the photo the doctor had given him tight in his hand. He walked out the room, needing a moment to breathe outside. He needed to smoke, that's what he needed but he'd given up when he was around Pamela and had left his pack at home. So instead he stood outside near the smokers, breathing in the smoke in the hopes that'd calm him down instead.
Pamela sat up and pulled her shirt back down over her belly, watching as Cas left the room. As soon as he was gone, Pamela looked up at Dean with concern. "Is he okay?" She asked him softly, taking Dean's hand. Dean smiled dazedly, still looking down at the sonogram printout, and then he nodded. "Yeah, he's great," he murmured. "We're stunned. I can't... this is amazing, Pam." Dean helped her stand up off the table and he hugged her warmly. "Twin girls."
"You okay?" a woman asked as Castiel found himself on the floor leaning against the wall of the building. Castiel looked up in confusion and nodded slightly. "Y-Yeah..I'm..I'm having twins," he mumbled, still shocked by the news. The woman smiled, blowing smoke up into the air before taking another drag of her cigarette. "Congratulations! Did you want a cigarette?" she asked, seeing the way Castiel was just staring at the smoke. He nodded feebly. "If you wouldn't mind." The woman smiled in amusement and handed him a cigarette, lighting it up for him. He took a much needed drag and exhaled in relief. "Thanks," he smiled sheepishly.
A few minutes later, Dean and Pamela found Castiel outside against the building smoking a cigarette. There was a woman standing beside him and watching Dean and Pamela approach. Pam hung back a little so she wouldn't breathe in the smoke, and Dean went right up to Cas and pulled him up to his feet to hug him tightly. The woman smoking looked at Pamela with a smile. "Congratulations, honey! Your children are going to be beautiful." Pamela shook her head and grinned back, pointing to Dean and Cas. "They're not my babies," She told the woman, whose eyebrows raised in understanding and she turned back to Dean and Castiel, who were still locked in a tight embrace, Dean murmuring sweet nothings into Castiel's ear. "You boys must be so excited," she said with a warm smile. "You both look so young to have children!"
Castiel found himself being dragged to his feet and bought into a tight embrace. He smoked over Dean's shoulder, still unable to speak to the other out of shock. He looked over at the woman and smiled softly. "Thanks but we're 25," Castiel grinned breathlessly. "I don't want to be in my late 40's, having a mid-life crisis only to have my teenage kids to pester me about money for a car." Castiel took another drag of his cigarette and looked worryingly at Dean. "We're gonna have kids. They're gonna grow up. This is terrifying."
The woman gave them a friendly smile and then stubbed out her cigarette to go back inside. "Good luck to all three of you," she said, "and congratulations!" Dean thanked her absently and then concentrated on Cas, taking the cigarette from his hands for a drag. "I know," he agreed quietly, "Twin girls, Cas. It's going to be so exciting."
Castiel smiled, running his fingers through Dean's hair. He looked so sexy when he smoked. It wasn't often he saw the man do it. He took the cigarette back after a moment and took a drag, blowing smoke into the air before stubbing the butt out. "We are not painting the nursery pink," he said straight away. "That's not happening," he said before Dean could argue. "I don't want to be one of those parents that smothers their girls in pink."
Dean rolled his eyes. "You think I'd use our hard-earned money to voluntarily purchase every pink baby item I can get my hands on? Let's paint the nursery light green or something. Keep it simple." Dean waved Pam over with a teasing grin. "We need a woman's input on nursery colors." Pam chuckled and shoved Dean's arm playfully. "Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I know shit about decorating," she retorted. "How about we go shopping right now while you guys are all hyped up on the news? We've got a few hours to spare."
Castiel blushed, biting his lower lip. "I have a few ideas," he said softly. "I know I haven't painted in a while but I'd really like to paint something on the side wall where the cribs gonna go." He looked at Dean and then Pamela and nodded. "I guess we can talk about it when we're looking around for stuff, huh." He squeezed Pamela's hand lightly and smiled gratefully at her before they all went to the mall to shop for baby things.
Dean didn't know the first thing about shopping for baby stuff, but he knew they needed diapers. That was the easy part, and once they had those put in the back of the car, they were moving on to baby clothes. Pamela had been cooing over every little item. "So, are you going to match them or dress them differently?" She asked, holding up two adorable tiny bibs for newborns.
Castiel shrugged. "Maybe? I mean I read that you go through a lot of clothes..'cause they grow so quickly and all that. So it might be cheaper to just get the same thing until they're a little older?" He looked at Dean seeing if that was a good idea before stopping at the onesies hanging up. He ran his finger over the foot of one of them and bit his lip anxiously. "They're so tiny," he whispered. "Is this right?" he asked Pamela. He took the piece of clothing a laid it against Pamela's baby bump, frowning. "It just looks so small."
Pamela looked down as Castiel held the onesie against her belly and she shrugged. "Newborns are really tiny, and twins are usually smaller than single babies. That will probably be good." Dean smiled softly and stepped closer to Cas, resting his hand on his husband's hip and leaning against him a little.
Castiel frowned, taking the item off Pamela's belly and put it in the basket, reaching up for another one and set it in too. "It's so tiny," he said again, looking at Dean with a soft expression. "We're having little girls. It's..so surreal." He kissed Dean briefly before looking around and spotted bibs. "They have little tigers on them. That's adorable," he smiled to himself, looking at the different packs.
Pamela rested a hand on her belly, smiling fondly at the two soon-to-be dads enthusiastically picking out baby clothes. She was beyond happy for them but she was also nervous for herself. Although she'd made the commitment, actually giving birth to two babies scared her because she didn't know what to expect. A small part of her was also worried that she might develop an emotional attachment to the twins and be reluctant to give them up after their birth, but she knew that they weren't her babies even though they had been conceived in her body. They were Castiel's and Dean's, and she was just a vessel to create the babies and nourish them with her body. "Cas, look at this," Dean said with an amused grin, holding up a bib that said 'Daddy's little angel'.
Castiel cooed, going over to Dean to look at the bib. "Aw, that's so cheesy and cute," he chuckled, snaking an arm around Dean's waist. "We should get these," he nodded, putting a pack in the basket. "Alright. All we need now is the furniture stuff like the cot and changing table and stuff but I think we should do that after we paint the room," Castiel suggested, giving Dean's side a squeeze.
Dean nodded in agreement and turned to look at Pamela. "Paint store?" He asked, and she nodded with a smile. They paid for the baby clothes and bibs and then walked to the nearest paint store to look at colors. Dean was so excited and wanted to do everything as quickly as possible, because they only had four months to get everything done anyway. "Cas, any ideas?" He asked his husband, looking around the store eagerly as they walked in.
Castiel shrugged. "I want to paint angels, over their cot. I.. I thought maybe a basic cream or yellow colour for the walls." Castiel looked over the different colours and shrugged again. "I have no idea. Maybe a nice blue colour? Blue is supposed to be pretty soothing."
"Pale cream sounds nice," Dean agreed thoughtfully, "I think we should do gender-neutral, not the pink and blue like people always do." Dean ran his fingers over the paint cards. "That would be amazing, if you painted angels, babe." Dean smiled warmly at Castiel and Pamela picked up a paint card and held it up. "What about this one?" She asked, "You know they always look darker on the walls so it's best to go lighter just to be safe."
Castiel smiled happily. Dean was okay with him painting for their children. It'd been so long since he last painted. He always painted such dark things. He'd understand if Dean was reluctant to allow him to paint. He nodded at Pamela's suggestions. "Good idea," he said, taking the paint card. "We'll get a couple tins of this. We can start painting tomorrow if you want," he said to Dean.
Dean grinned and hugged Castiel and Pam again, feeling happier than ever. "I'm gonna send a picture of this to Sam," he told them, taking out the sonogram photo and taking a picture of it with his phone to send to Sam. "I suppose you're gonna want to post this to your twitter?" Dean teased fondly.
Castiel pouted, scoffing a little. "That is ridiculous. I would never- can I?" He gave Dean a small smile, picking up the pots of paint as they walked to the checkout. "I have such a huge following now. I have like over 500 followers! Everyone has been asking about Pamela and the kid..well, kids."
Dean chuckled and put his phone back in his pocket, still holding onto the sonogram. "You're like a celebrity, babe. Might as well give your fans what they want." Dean exchanged an amused look with Pamela as they approached the checkout and Dean took out his wallet to pay for the paints.
Castiel grinned, taking out his phone and the photo. He snapped a picture and tweeted about having two healthy girls on the way. He put his phone back in his pocket and helped Dean carry the stuff out to the car. He got a phone call just as they were going home. "I've got to work tonight, babe. Candy is ill and they need another dancer. Sorry I can't stay and celebrate tonight."
Dean groaned a little when Cas told him he had to work, and he shrugged as they drove away. "Aw, okay," he said, pouting a little. "I guess I'll just stay here and hang out with Pam." Pamela nodded as they pulled into the driveway. "No alcohol for me, obviously," she said with a grin, resting a hand on her belly. "Gotta keep these two nice and healthy for you guys."
Castiel sighed, squeezing Dean's hand. "Sorry, baby," he murmured softly. They went into the house and Castiel ran upstairs to get his stuff together for tonight. "I'll be back late so please don't wait up for me," he said, kissing Dean softly before hugging Pam. "Take care of my boy," he grinned, resting a hand on her belly before adding, "And my girls. I'll see you guys later."
Dean smiled and ruffled his husband's hair. After Cas left, Dean led Pamela to the living room and sat her down on the couch. "We're going to watch movies and eat ice cream because I'm craving it and you look like you are too." Pamela laughed and nodded in agreement before grabbing the remote and switching on the TV. Dean got the chocolate ice cream out of the freezer and two spoons, and brought it back to the living room. "You pick the movie. We celebrate in your honor."
Castiel headed to work, not really in the mood to dance. He wanted to be at home celebrating the news of their baby girls. He wanted his husband to fuck him until he couldn't get out of bed. They hadn't had sex in a long time and it was driving him insane. Nevertheless, he headed to work, greeting Benny at the door with a big hug. He got his old job back and he was glad to be back with his second family, the ones who'd watched him grow up. He felt safe here. It was nice to have that security. "Got some good news, Benny," he hummed, fishing his sonogram photo out of his wallet. "We're having two little girls," he announced showing the photo happily. "Went for the scan today."
Benny grinned and slapped Castiel's back fondly as they hugged. "No way, let me see." Benny took the picture out of Castiel's hands carefully and stared at it, a smile on his face. He gave Cas a crushing hug and then patted his shoulders after he handed the photo back to him. "Kid, that is great. I'm really happy for you two. You got names picked out?"
Castiel grinned, hugging the man back. Benny was like an older brother to him. His opinion mattered and he was the sweetest guy he'd ever met. "Hope Katherine and Mary Anne," he said proudly. "And you," he said, pointing a finger at Benny. "Are coming to dinner on Sunday. You're going to meet the lovely lady carrying our kids. I think you'll really like her and I'd like to start hanging out with you more outside of work. I know we do nights out with the girls but there's only so much alcohol I can drink," he smirked, pocketing the photo again.
Benny chuckled and patted Castiel's arm again. "Alright, Hot Wings. If I didn't know better I'd think you were tryin' to set me up on a date." He smiled proudly at Castiel. "You sure as hell ain't the shy kid you used to be. Look at you now, all grown up, starting a family... it's crazy how time flies. You're doing well, little Angel."
Castiel held a hand over his chest. "Set you up- Benny, what kind of man do you take me for?" he chuckled, rolling his eyes. He smiled a little at that, nodding in agreement. "It sure has been a hell of a ride," he hummed, patting Benny's arm. "I'll catch you later, big man. Might come out for a smoke later," he said before heading inside to get ready for tonight.
Benny laughed heartily and shook his head. "Get in there and work out all that excitement. I'll be here like usual." Benny fondly shooed Castiel away and then went back to his post, taking a cigarette out and lighting up.
Castiel chuckled, walking around back stage, hugging everyone he met and showed them the photo. "Twin girls!" he beamed. "Happy and healthy!" Everyone congratulated him and squealed over the photo making Castiel just as excited. He'd promised they'd go out and celebrate and the end of the week after work. Tonight, Castiel was just going to cover the shift and head home. Which he did, returning home to his beloved husband around 2am. He wasn't sure if Dean would be awake but he headed upstairs as quietly as possible, grinning excitedly. He slipped into bed, kissing his husbands neck as he wiggled out of his pants. "Baby girls," he whispered, kissing Dean's neck again. "Two little girls to call our own."
Dean was half asleep when Castiel came home, but he woke up excited as soon as his husband crawled into bed beside him, smelling of perfume, smoke, and sweat. He turned to face Cas with a wide grin and pulled him closer to let Cas keep kissing his neck, each little touch sending sparks of excitement through his nerves. "Our babies," He whispered back. "We're gonna be dads." Dean kissed Castiel's forehead and ran his hands through his hair. "Wanna celebrate?" He asked softly, gazing over at Cas with a suggestive glint in his eyes.
Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean's nose. "Maybe," he said softly. "I'm so excited, baby. You're gonna be a daddy!" He kissed Dean properly this time, grinning. He couldn't stop grinning. "Benny's gonna come over Sunday for dinner to meet our kids and Pamela," Castiel said briefly before kissing Dean again. "Everyone at work is happy for us. They can't wait to meet the little ones..or at least photos of 'em."
Dean rolled over so he was above Cas, and he ducked his head down to kiss him passionately, feeling the smile on Castiel's lips as they kissed. "This is unbelievable, Cas!" He murmured happily, rubbing his nose against Castiel's cheek before leaning down to kiss him again. "Benny's gonna love Pam, I think they'll get along really well." Dean smiled happily and rested his head on his husband's chest, breathing in that familiar late-night after work scent and closing his eyes.
"Me too," Castiel hummed in agreement, wrapping an arm around Dean as the other rested against his chest. "Didn't mean to wake you, daddy," he murmured, kissing the top of Dean's head. "Get some sleep. We'll have some fun when you can stay awake long enough," he beamed, stroking Dean's hair gently.
Dean smiled sleepily and hummed. "We're not gonna have much time for fooling around when the girls are born," He mumbled, eyes closing as he yawned widely. "I love you so much," He added, wriggling closer to his husband and sighing in contentment as he wrapped both arms around Castiel's body, hands sliding around his waist and fitting perfectly against his hips. "You are so beautiful and stunning and sexy and perfect," He sighed.
"We can make up for time," he assured, stroking his hand down Dean's back as he yawned after Dean did. He closed his eyes and started to fall asleep. Too tired to do much else. "You're a wonderful man, Daddy Dean," Castiel murmured sleepily, clutching Dean's hip to keep him close. He fell asleep soon after that, tired from the excitement the day had brought.
Dean fell asleep with a warm buzzing happiness in his chest and a smile on his face. He slept comfortably throughout the night and woke with a soft smile on his lips, still blissfully comfortable and warm. Stretching and yawning, he opened his eyes and looked at the warm sunlight outside before leaning over to kiss Castiel's neck, right below his ear. "Good morning, beautiful," He mumbled, kissing his way down to Castiel's shoulder.
Castiel awoke slowly, feeling Dean pressing kisses down his side and shoulder. "Mm, morning daddy," he said, peering one eye open and gave Dean a teasing smile. He leaned forwarded and kissed Dean briefly, ignoring his morning breath. "You working today?" he asked, leaning back and watching Dean from his pillow, smiling over at the other.
Dean chuckled softly and nuzzled against Castiel's shoulder again, draping his arm over his husband's stomach. "Mm, I have to go in for a few hours this evening," He said sadly, groaning a little. "I just wanna stay in bed with you all day, though." He murmured. "It's cute how you keep calling me daddy but I can't really reciprocate because it feels weird to call you 'Dad'." Dean cringed at the images that put in his mind. Whenever he thought of 'Dad' all he could see was John Winchester's face.
Castiel just chuckled. "I like it when you call me baby," he said, running his hand into the other's hair. "I love you," he murmured, kissing Dean's forehead, holding him close. "Maybe you should just cancel work today. Have the day off and celebrate. We didn't really get too yesterday. We can spend the day painting the nursery, give Pamela some time to herself. God knows how she's put up with us this whole time. We can have a glass of wine or two with dinner and celebrate the good ol' fashion way."
Dean grinned and pressed his head closer to Castiel's hand like a cat begging to be pet. "Alright, baby," He murmured lovingly, "I guess I can call in and get somebody else to cover my shift tonight. We can spend the day together and just relax." That did sound very nice and Dean wanted to have a lazy day just for the two of them, because before they knew it they'd have their hands full with baby girls.
Castiel grinned, kissing Dean's forehead. "Good," he praised softly. He chuckled, grinning idiotically. "We're gonna have to shower a lot today. This morning. After we paint the room. After I fuck you so hard you'll be all sweaty and sticky," he chuckled, kissing Dean sweetly.
"We ought to shower together to save water, then." Dean suggested flirtatiously, kissing Castiel back. "We're gonna get all clean just to get dirty again. I love it." Dean stretched again, reaching his arms up above his head, and his toes curled with comfortable pleasure. "Well, let's get up and have a good day, baby."
Castiel laughed, kissing Dean briefly. He nodded and stretched himself, getting up slowly to get ready for the day ahead. He liked days like this. Where he and Dean could just hang out and just take a step back and relax for a while. It was what he needed after the hectic day they'd had yesterday.
The smile never left Dean's face as he got up and got ready for the day. There wasn't actually much point in showering before they were going to paint the nursery, so Dean just freshened up a little in the bathroom and put on an old pair of shorts and didn't bother with a shirt. All of the furniture in the nursery was already pushed to the middle of the room, it just had to be covered in plastic tarps to protect it from the paint. While Castiel was getting ready, Dean pulled sheets of plastic over the furniture and began putting up painter's tape on the walls.
Castiel brushed his teeth and splashed water on his face. He put on a pair of old sweatpants and left a shirt off seeing as Dean hadn't bothered with one either. He went into the nursery and looked around and pointed at the far wall where the cot would go. "I want to paint there," he said, pointing at the middle of the wall. "We'll paint the walls today then tomorrow I'll start on the angels. I've already got a few ideas. I can draw them out on paper if you wanna see first?"
Dean jumped down off the stepladder as he finished putting the tape around the top of the wall and looked at where Cas was pointing. "That will look great, babe." He agreed, nodding thoughtfully. He scanned the room to make sure he hadn't missed any spots with the tape and then he took a deep breath. "Alright, let's do this." He popped open a can of the pale cream paint and then poured it into two paint trays, handing a roller to Cas.
Castiel took a roller and started on a wall, painting the cream colour across the plain walls. He started singing softly under his breath, happy and content just to spend some time with Dean. He loved spending time with Pamela and their babies but very soon he wouldn't be able to get moments alone with just Dean and he wanted to take advantage of the time he had.
Dean smiled to himself as Castiel started happily painting the wall, and then he took the other paint roller and started on the opposite wall. Several times he glanced over at Cas, occasionally humming along to whatever Cas was singing, and he felt giddy with happiness. Here they were, painting the walls of the room that would soon belong to two baby girls. After about an hour, Dean had finished the wall and he set his roller down to go and grab two bottles of beer from the fridge so they could take a little break. Dean's arms were slightly sore and he had broken into a light sweat, and a cold beer sounded amazing.
Castiel stopped painting once Dean had come back in the room with a beer for them each. He smiled thankfully and set down his paint roller and took a bottle, uncapping the top and took a long swig from the bottle. "Thanks, babe," he smiled with a soft sigh. "Good job so far," he praised, looking at their work. "We'll wait for this to dry then add another coat I think. Then we should be good to go."
Dean wiped his forehead and nodded in agreement as he took another gulp from his bottle. "Yeah, it looks great. I can't wait to see your personal touch, though. Do I get a preview or is it going to be a surprise?" Dean smiled affectionately at Castiel and then dipped his finger in the paint pan and dabbed a bit of paint onto Castiel's nose.
Castiel chuckled, batting Dean's hand away before he could put anymore paint on him. "Hey," he pouted, sticking his tongue out at the other. "You can see if you like, I suppose," he said with a teasing smile, wiping the paint off his nose with a spare piece of cloth. He took another sip of his beer, exhaling softly. "I've got an idea about the main piece but your input would be nice too."
Dean laughed softly and wiped the paint off his finger. "As long as you don't paint me nude with wings and a halo floating among clouds with a harp, I'll be happy. I think that would be a bit uncomfortable." Dean smiled teasingly and finished off his beer, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He set the bottle down and then stood up to stretch his arms, his shoulders aching pleasantly.
Castiel laughed, hanging his head back before composing himself and moving to go into the other room to get some paper. He grabbed a pencil and quickly sketched out his idea. It was of two baby angels dressed in robes because, well, naked babies are just creepy. Each held a horn with a banner coming out of it with each other their babies' names on the paper. Castiel handed over the design to Dean and shrugged. "I know it's a little...religious..but I think that's something we both need right now. He pointed at their daughter's name in answer. "Hope."
Dean smiled as he studied the sketch and nodded in approval. "It's nice," he commented, holding it up and looking at the wall thoughtfully. "I'm not very religious but do you think we should get into that a little more? When the kids are old enough? I feel like it might be a good idea to at least take them to church for the holidays and get them a basic knowledge about it."
Castiel nodded. "My father was very religious. He made us attend church every Sunday. There were so many rules and it drove me insane. Drove me to...punishing myself for breaking his rules." He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "I just feel like our children should have prayers. Have that comfort that wherever they are someone is listening." He sighed, looking down at the drawing in Dean's hand. "When I found you..that Christmas, dying in the snow. You thought I was an angel. I...I don't know..I just thought maybe in some way I was. Maybe in some way I will be for our children. Always looking out for them, you know?" He sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "It's stupid, I know, I'm sorry."
Dean looked up at Castiel with a soft expression as he listened. "It's perfect," he said in a quiet voice, looking at the empty wall and imagining Castiel's artwork painted over it. "I think we should raise our kids having some faith," he agreed, "So they can feel safe if we're not able to make them feel safe sometime." Dean shook his head and took Castiel's hand. "It's not stupid, baby! I think it's a really nice idea. I'll help you, if you want. Buy paint colors or something. I can't wait to see what you can do."
Castiel took a deep breath and squeezed Dean's hand. "I-I'm sorry..I just..I think about that day a lot. How I prayed for God to save you and how I've done so little in return to thank him," he said softly. "I've tried. I give to the homeless when I can. I give to charity. I did a few runs last year, remember? For cancer and that. I try to pray more but I just feel..disconnected given my line of work. It feels a little weird." He let got of Dean's hand and nodded. "Yes, that'd be helpful. Thank you."
"I get it," Dean nodded in understanding, knowing just how Dean felt. It was hard to be a stripper and also have spirituality and religion, because the two canceled each other out. Dean had never really been very religious, especially after Mary died and his family fell apart, but he was okay with it. He did believe in some kind of God, though, although he didn't think he owed him anything after all that had been taken from him in his life. But he was also grateful for all the good things in his life. "You're the miracle in my life, you know that?" Dean told him. "And soon we're going to have two miracles of our own. I know I'm not exactly the praying type but I am so grateful to have you."
Castiel's feature's softened. His hand pressed against Dean's chest, caressing the skin softly. He moved his hand slowly up to Dean's shoulder before sliding down his forearm and down to link their hand together. "Don't worry, my love," he whispered, squeezing his hand. "I'll start praying enough for the both of us," he assured softly. "Our girls too. I'll pray for them. Our sweet little miracles."
Dean leaned forward and rested his forehead against Castiel's, closing his eyes as Castiel's hand slid down his arm so their hands linked. "It's amazing, isn't it?" He murmured dazedly, "Who'd have thought that two emotionally unstable high school boys would grow up into this? We're happily married, we've got good jobs that we like, a house of our own, and now two girls on the way. It's unbelievable, really. We are a miracle, Cas."
Castiel smiled a little, closing his eyes and rested against Dean as the other did. "I can't believe I have all this," he admitted quietly. "Sometimes..sometimes I'll pretend I had to work for an hour later and just...drive the car back home and just sit outside and...cry...sometimes I'll just sit there but I'll be out there. Just amazed and overwhelmed by the fact that this is my life. My life is positive and..this is something I never thought I'd say but..happy. I'm happy, Dean. Truly happy." He let go of Dean's hand and moved away, opening his eyes. "Sometimes I feel the urge to cut too but that's when I'll come inside. When the memories start to consume me. What was the past and all that." Castiel started cleaning up, trying to busy himself and not look at Dean.
Dean's eyes widened in surprise. "Baby," he murmured sadly, not knowing what else to say. He understood that feeling, the need to just sit back and observe everything from the outside, because every once in a while this all felt like it was too good to be true. Neither of them were completely trusting of the good things, because there was always a dark shadow following behind. But there was no darkness this time, and it was understandable to be a bit suspicious every so often. After all, it always seemed like nothing good could last and happiness was just an illusion. If that was true, Dean intended to enjoy it for as long as he could. Standing up and walking over to stand behind Cas, Dean wrapped his arms around his husband's waist and kissed the back of his neck. "I love you," he whispered into Castiel's skin.
Castiel sagged back against Dean's body with a long shaky sigh. His eyes closed as he continued to speak softly. "I love you too," he replied. "So much. I don't know what I'd do without you." They stayed that way for a long time before Castiel heard the front door open, meaning Pamela was back. "I want to pray with the kids," he said quietly, silently pulling away from Dean to head downstairs, not caring he was covered in paint with only a pair of sweatpants on. He just needed to be close to his babies right now. To feel close to his future. He was beginning to feel like it was a dream without them around.
Dean watched as Castiel left the room to go greet Pamela. As soon as Castiel was gone, Dean whispered, "I'd be nothing without you." He waited a few more minutes before taking a steadying breath and heading downstairs to be with Castiel and Pamela. Pamela greeted them both with a happy grin, hands resting on her belly. "The babies missed you, they're kicking!" She said happily, her face glowing with happiness. Dean smiled softly and walked over to place his hands on her stomach and feel the kicks of tiny feet. "There they are," he said, his smile widening.
Castiel placed his hand over Pamela's belly, feeling the babies kick. He started to murmur in French to them, praying under his breath. He knew Pamela wouldn't hear him but maybe Dean would understand what he'd said. He didn't care if he did or not. It was just a simple prayer, wishing the health of his family. He just liked to speak in French sometimes. It soothed him. He got onto his knees and rested his forehead against her baby bump. "I can't wait to meet you," he murmured in French. "I'll show you my book, I promise."
Dean caught a few words of the French murmuring and he smiled softly, exchanging a look with Pamela as Castiel got down on his knees in front of Pamela and spoke to the babies. "I wonder if they can hear us," Dean said thoughtfully, and Pamela shrugged. "It's possible. Some people play music to their unborn babies and they think it'll make them smarter or something. I'm not sure I buy into that but you never know." Dean ran his fingers through Castiel's hair absently.
Castiel felt a hand in his hair but ignored it, focussing on his children. He could feel them kicking in response to his words. "I'll show you the graveyard too," he promised in French. "Where miracles happen. Where we find faith in what love means to us." He stroked Pamela's belly once before standing up, moving away from both Pamela and Dean. He opened the front door and stepped outside, just needing some air, he began walking around the neighbourhood, his shirt still off.
Dean's smile faded when he heard what Castiel said, and he looked down at his husband and sighed sadly, still stroking his hair. When he got up and wandered out the front door, still shirtless and barefoot and covered in paint, Dean looked back at Pamela, who was frowning in concern. "What was that about?" She asked quietly as soon as the door shut behind Cas. Dean shrugged and picked at a spot of dried paint on his arm. "He's okay. Just needs some space to think, I guess." Pamela nodded in understanding, although she still looked concerned.
Castiel ended up walking around the neighbourhood a few times. He stopped when a ball hit his ankle, he looked down to see a little boy playing with a football with his brother by the side of the street. He crouched down to pick up the ball and give it back. The young boy smiled happily. "Thanks, mister!" he beamed with a gap-toothed grin. Castiel smiled softly, nodding as he gave the ball back. "No problem, sweetie." Suddenly he heard a woman calling the boy, ushering him inside, looking nervously at Castiel.
Castiel gave an odd look. "Just giving his ball back," he explained, then realized that's not why she was looking at him weirdly. He looked down at his paint covered torso. "We were just painting the nursery. I needed some air." The woman still persisted to take her kids inside, away from him. That didn't make Castiel feel any better. He headed home, head full of doubts and fears that maybe he wasn't the best role model after all. He was still pretty unstable. Unable to think clearly for more than a few days at a time.
He got back to the house and headed straight back upstairs to sit in the bathtub, running the water for the shower to wash the paint off his skin, wetting his sweatpants in the process. They don't want you. As soon as you admit to yourself you're living a lie the better. This family'd be better without you. "Shut up," he snapped. Dean's just humouring you. He'll keep Pamela for himself. Raise a normal family. Something you'd never be able to do. "SHUT UP!"
Pamela was still worried but Dean told her that Cas would be fine. Every once in a while he kind of went off in his own little world and just drifted around, and Dean told Pamela not to worry. They headed into the kitchen and Dean cut up a mango, and they shared it at the kitchen table as they chatted. Pamela wanted to go in and see the nursery, so after they were finished eating she and Dean went inside and showed her what they'd done so far. A little while later they heard the door open and footsteps on the stairs, and Pamela looked at Dean questioningly. "Cas?" He called, and when there was no answer Dean frowned in concern and then excused himself. He made his way to the bottom of the stairs and listened. He heard the shower running and after a moment an angry shout, and Dean wasted no time in running up the stairs and pushing open the bathroom door to find Cas sitting in the shower with his sweatpants still on. "Cas," Dean said carefully, "What's wrong?"
Castiel shook his head, rocking a little. "I JUST WANT TO BE A GOOD DAD!" he growled in frustration. He was close to tears by this point. The voices in his head getting to him again. He lifted his hand up to tug at his wet hair angrily. "I..I just want to wake up," he cried. "This can't be real. This isn't..." He couldn't continue, to upset to do so. He wasn't even aware Dean was in the room by this point, just staring absently at the wall.
Dean immediately turned off the shower and threw a towel around Castiel's shoulders before pulling him up to sit on the edge of the bathtub. Dean kneeled in front of him and looked up at Castiel's face, trying to make eye contact. "Cas, baby, look at me," he ordered, putting both hands on Castiel's shoulders and squeezing firmly. "I know it's overwhelming and everything feels too good to be true but this is real, I promise. I'm real, you're real, and our babies our real. This is happening, Cas. Don't you think after all the shit we've been through we deserve something good?"
Castiel was vaguely aware of being moved. He still refused to meet Dean's eyes though, shaking his head. "Nothing good h-happens. Not to me," he whimpered, hanging his head. The only thing keeping him sat upright was Dean's firm hands on his shoulders. "I can't even satisfy my husband," he said, unaware of his presence in the room. "I should have left him alone that day. I shouldn't have sung with him that day. I should have let him marry his childhood sweetheart."
Dean stared in confusion for a moment as he tried to process what he was hearing. "What the hell are you talking about?" He asked quietly, loosening his grip on Castiel's shoulders a little bit. He pulled the towel closer around Castiel's shoulders and then lightly cupped his face with both hands. "Please look at me, Cas." He begged, "You're talking nonsense. Just stop and look at yourself for a moment. Look at us, and tell me that nothing good happens to you. Remember how we were in high school? Look at us now, Cas."
When Dean cupped his face, he suddenly snapped out of his thoughts. He stared at Dean in confusion. "Hey," he said softly, worried why Dean looked worried. He'd forgotten most of what he was just talking about. He couldn't remember what he'd said to make Dean look at him this way and..why was he wet? "...is something wrong?" he asked, a little anxious about the way Dean was just staring at him.
Startled, Dean just stared at Cas for another moment and then narrowed his eyes in concern. "You don't... shit, Cas. I'm really worried about you. You just wandered out of the house and went God knows where and then you come back in without saying anything, jump in the shower with your clothes on and start yelling and muttering to yourself and you don't even remember?" Dean searched Castiel's face with wide, worried eyes, stroking Castiel's wet hair and his cheeks gently. "Baby, you're scaring me."
Castiel shook his head. "No, I know I went outside," he said as if Dean was talking crazy. "The woman looked at me funny for helping her kid so I came back and now you're yelling at me," he said, sounding hurt and confused. He moved away from Dean, grabbing his towel to keep warm as he tried to stand.
Dean sat back on his heels and watched Castiel with confusion. It took him a moment to collect himself and stand up in front of Cas and put his hands on his arms. "I'm not yelling at you, baby," he said in a quiet voice. "I'm just trying to figure out what happened. You don't remember what just happened a minute ago?" He asked softly, holding Cas still and trying to keep eye contact.
Castiel just shook his head. "Obviously not," he spat, getting annoyed. "What's the big deal?" He pushed back against Dean, getting passed him. "You don't remember every minute of the day. Why should I?" He headed into the bedroom, trailing water everywhere from his sweatpants which he wriggled out of, leaving on the floor as he curled up on the bed.
Dean sighed in frustration and followed Cas down the hall, throwing the towel down in annoyance. Pamela was still downstairs by herself and Dean felt bad for leaving her stranded without an explanation, but he couldn't just leave Castiel like this. "That's not the point, Cas. You basically blacked out for like five minutes, can't you see that there's something not normal about that?" Dean frowned at the wet sweatpants leaving a puddle on the floor. "You're cleaning this up by the way. I don't know what's going on with you but I can't help unless you tell me something."
Castiel just grunted in response, burying his head into his pillow. "I've black out before. It's normal to me!" he protested angrily, wanting Dean to just leave already. "Fuck me! You're so persistent sometimes! Can't you just let this go?" He knew he shouldn't be taking this out on Dean but he didn't care. He just wanted him to leave and give him so space. "You're my husband not my babysitter!"
Dean rolled his eyes, not in the mood to start this right now. "Fine, do what you want. So sorry for trying to be helpful and caring." Dean stepped over the soggy sweatpants on his way out of the room and closed the door behind him before he headed back to the bathroom to clean up the water. He quickly headed downstairs and gave Pamela an apologetic smile. She was sitting on the kitchen counter looking uncomfortable, and Dean felt bad. "Sorry," he murmured, helping her off the counter and hugging her gently. "You haven't known him as long as I have. Things were tough back in high school and sometimes it just comes back and haunts him. He just needs some space right now."
Castiel just grumbled, not really caring where Dean was so long as he wasn't here. He heard the cats mewing in distress under the bed from the noise and he crawled under there himself, wanting to keep them close. "Shh, it's okay," he murmured softly. "Daddy's got you. It's okay." Honey mewed, pressing her nose against his chin. After half an hour, Castiel began to calm down, realizing his mistake for yelling at Dean. He stayed under the bed for a while longer before getting up and cleaned the floor and dressed before looking for Dean, wanting to just hug him and pretend this weird mood swing never happened.
Pamela was a kind and trustworthy person, and a very good listener, but Dean was a little hesitant to tell her things about Castiel that he might not want Dean to share. So he kept it simple and told her a basic family history of Cas and how it had affected him, and she just listened with interest. Dean loved that she was such a good friend, he felt like he could tell her anything without being judged and he was so grateful to have her for a friend and wanted to give her something in return for being so kind. A little while later, Castiel came downstairs looking somewhat dazed. Dean and Pamela were sitting together on the couch and they both looked up at Cas uncertainly.
Castiel swallowed thickly, ignoring the voices in his head that said something was going on between Dean and Pamela. He shuffled forward and moved to stand in front of Dean, looking at his feet instead of the man. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I..I shouldn't have lashed out like that. I..I don't know what happened." He paused, scratching at his thumb absently. "I..I can't remember what happened."
Pamela bit her lip in concern and stood up to leave the room, wanting to give the two of them their space. She smiled tightly at Dean and he nodded at her gratefully, and then patted the couch next to him to invite Cas to sit beside him. "You just had a blackout and were talking about how nothing is real... Cas, you know that I love you and you're going to be a great dad. Please stop telling yourself you're not."
Castiel didn't sit down. He just nodded, biting his lower lip nervously. He wasn't aware he'd said any of those things but he felt them to be true. He wouldn't be a good dad. He was too unstable. He couldn't do this without Dean. "Not without you," he said softly, moving to hold out his hand to cup Dean's cheek carefully. "I-I'm so sorry," he whispered sadly, closing his eyes. "I-I didn't mean to scare everyone."
Dean covered Castiel's hand with his own and used his other hand to grab the front of Castiel's shirt and pull him closer so Dean could wrap his arms around his husband's waist and press his face against his stomach, sighing deeply. "We're in this together, baby. We can do this and we're gonna do it well."
Castiel sighed, moving his other hand to rest in Dean's hair. "I love you so much," he whispered, feeling Dean close against his stomach. "I'll try. For you," he whispered, crouching so he moved to have his eyes level with Dean's. "We're gonna be dads a-and that scares me so much but..I-I think I can do it. I want to do it. I want us to be a family."