Number: # 124
Type: Ground - Electric
Gender: 50% Male – 50% Female
Japanese Name: Maggyo
Human Friendship Level: Medium.
Description: Look at Stunfisk. Just look at its ugly, flat face and tell me you don't want to heave a sledgehammer and bring it down on that smiling face as hard as humanly possible, obliterating it into a million pieces of shredded sushi.
Joking aside, I don't know whether to take this chapter seriously or not. This never was a dead serious guide and of all of Unova's Pokémon Stunfisk is the easiest to take the piss out of by a long, long shot. If you're one of my frequent readers you would have probably flicked straight to this chapter with a grin on your face, knowing this this would be little more than a joke chapter at the expense of whoever seriously wants to train a Stunfisk.
Stunfisk is the biggest joke in Unova, absolutely nobody takes it seriously, not even the other Pokémon. It is on the lowest rung of Unova's social ladder and as such nobody has any respect for it, nor the inclination to have any. If you put one on your team, your other Pokémon are going to give you a look like "Are you kidding me?" if they don't outright protest. It's the same sort of reaction your friends would have if you chose the weak, spindly loser kid for your sports team in school.
"A fool eagerly steps on the Stunfisk's back." That's a popular proverb that's been around since Arceus knows when. While vague, it entails two morals. You see, since Stunfisk is looked down upon so derisively, one would assume that it's fine to pick on them. No one's going to stop you for several reasons, and just looking at its flat form on the ground is tempting for many just to stomp on it. It's expected of the lowest creature to endure hardships like that, right?
However, stepping on a Stunfisk will result in an electric shock that will certainly end your life. It may be a pathetic creature, but you cannot use violence against it without receiving harsh reprisal. The morals of the proverb are supposed to imply that picking on those weaker or more pitiable than you is going to bite you in the ass one way or another. Oh, and that stepping on a Stunfisk is a dumb thing to do.
What did Stunfisk ever do to deserve this sort of treatment? Nothing, really. It can fight like any other Pokémon, has normal intelligence and few personality quirks. The only reason people make fun of it is because of its funny looks and the way it lives. It is undeniable that Stunfisk is a strange sight, and to many people it is hideously ugly. All ugly Pokémon have a bad reputation to start with. There are plenty of sob stories about Grant the Good-Hearted Garbodor having rocks thrown at him and the like, but when they're a derpy-faced, smooshed-flat, fat-lipped fish that lives in grimy puddles, it's no surprise that humans and Pokémon selfishly declared it the dumbest Pokémon in Unova. Poor thing.
Now, as appealing as it is, it's almost impossible for a human to do any sort of damage to this Pokémon with a blunt object, which makes my opening sentence a mere fantasy. This is because of Stunfisk's tough skin. And by tough skin, I mean tough tough tough skin. As tough as the hide of a 60 year old man who worked in the sweltering sun as a slave on some privately owned Leppa farm since he was 12. You get the idea.
To be accurate, it's not actual 'skin' in the sense of the word, but rather a fusion of small scales and collagen-based tissue. The scales of its body are very similar to that of Feraligatr except much, much smaller, forming thick and tight mesh-like armour that can barely be seen by the naked eye. Just like the bricks of a house support each other and the house as a whole, the integrity of Stunfisk's scales dramatically increase resistance to external injury. Underneath their scales they have layers of elastic collagen and fat which act as a cushion to support the skin and protect its internal organs.
The scales defend superbly from sharp, piercing attacks like spears or claws, while the integrity of the anatomy defends from blunt, trauma attacks. As yet another defence mechanism small pores in Stunfisk's skin secretes a thin layer of slime that not only makes attacking or even grasping Stunfisk an even tougher task, it conducts electricity released from Stunfisk's body making it easier to electrocute you, even if it isn't in the water. I've heard there are other fish Pokémon that secrete slime to escape, but they haven't turned it into a lethal weapon like Stunfisk has!
You see, Stunfisk is an Electric type just like any other, however its form of electricity is much, much different from what is normal of Electric types. When we think of the Electric type most think of a Pikachu or Zebstrika striking their opponents with a Thunderbolt, or Zapdos or Thunderus calling down Thunder to obliterate their enemies, but this isn't how Stunfisk's functions.
Rather than use pure voltage to cause widespread damage and burns across the enemy's body, Stunfisk's electricity is designed to spread throughout the foe's body and destroy the central nervous system, damage muscles and impair the body as whole, either crippling them or killing them based on their resistance and size. Because of this victims killed by a Stunfisk will show no outward symptoms of injury, and may seem as if they have fallen asleep in a puddle. But if you cut them open, you'll find that every last nerve has been fried like a circuit board, even in their brain.
Stunfisk live in still bodies of water, the shallower the better. It is possible to find them in lakes of varying sizes, but they are most commonly found in ponds, marshes and swamps where they thrive. It is possible for them to travel on land between bodies of water for short distances by using their sad, pathetic fins to push themselves along inch by inch, but they risk drying out in the sun or being exposed to predators who wouldn't pass up such a vulnerable prey.
Since water is susceptible to weather, climate, seasons and human intervention, Stunfisk's home could very easily dry up or be destroyed, so they live what could almost be called a nomadic lifestyle, being forced to relocate to another body of water should the need arise. They kinda ruin the image of nomads though, when envisioning them I always think of little tanned people moving across the desert on the back of a Camerupt, not Stunfisk dragging it's ugly ass down a dirt path in exasperation.
The dirtier, muddier, more repugnant a water source is, the more Stunfisk is inclined to live in it. So long as it doesn't dry up, become poisoned and prey is available, Stunfisk will happily live in filth for as long as it wants. Heh, you didn't think they were called shitflippers for nothing, did you? It's also why drug users are called that on the street these days too; they live like degenerates too.
Stunfisk don't hunt for prey, instead it's the other way around. They wait patiently all day for some unlucky soul to step into the water they live in, upon which they will electrocute and stun or kill their prey, which they can eat at their leisure. Murkier waters allow them to conceal themselves better, so that a prey will never notice them until it's too late. If the water isn't murky enough they may burrow up the bottom so they can hide under a layer of dirt or sand, which has the same effect.
It may be impractical if not outright useless in battle, but Stunfisk is responsible for a moderate percentage of deaths in North-western Unova and is listed in the Top 20 most lethal Unovan Pokémon. It may not be up there in the Dangerous Seven, but for the government to recognize you as a prominent lethal threat is still an accomplishment, no matter how much it is looked down upon. It's a joke of a Pokémon, but it's a lethal joke of a Pokémon. Gratz Stunfisk, you did it! The little underdog fish is up there with the big boys! Good for you, you ugly bastard!
Personality: You think being a national travesty would teach Stunfisk a lesson about humility. Well, it hasn't. Stunfisk are as smug as it can be and have no problem elucidating people on how far they have their own flat head up their own flat ass. There's been many a case of a well-intentioned soul taking pity on a Stunfisk, only to dump it back into the mud hours if not minutes later in disgust of its nasty attitude.
In that regard they're similar to Ducklett, both are little shits that trainers oft regret catching, however Ducklett are ever so slightly tolerable and unlike Stunfisk they eventually evolve out of that behaviour and transform into someone pleasant to be around. You see that? You didn't think I would ever speak positively about Ducklett, did you? I guess everyone has something good about them. Except Stunfisk. And Juniper.
Lying in water all day waiting for prey to come by results in a very slow-paced easy going lifestyle; which causes Stunfisk to become overly complacent, lazy and ignorant in nature. It's like those stories you read about people who never leave their houses since they have everything delivered to them, sitting on their asses watching TV all day. It's not an enriching lifestyle and to be honest it's pretty sad. Although in Stunfisk's defence it naturally evolved to survive through these means, whereas lazy humans are just lazy humans.
But nevertheless Stunfisk learn that it's okay to be lazy, to slack-off, and to be selfish and inconsiderate. They get bored easily, so being a smart-ass to passer-by's is not only their most immediate form of entertainment, it serves to make a meal out of anyone who lacks thick skin. It's no surprise they're always fighting over territory when they behave that way even amongst their own kind.
On that note, you haven't experienced life unless you've seen two Stunfisk fight each other over territory. Go look up 'Two Stunfisk, One Puddle' on the internet and get ready to laugh. And no, that title doesn't implicate anything lewd, you sicko.
However, their illusion of a safe, easy world is shattered whenever they are presented with circumstances wherein they can't win a battle. As such, they are absolutely terrified of Ground and Dragon Pokémon, as in both cases they either shrug off or are immune to Stunfisk's attacks, causing Stunfisk to freak out whenever they encounter one. Again, hilarious. Unsurprisingly, Seismitoad frequently hunt them down, viewed as the devil incarnate by these otherwise nonplussed flatfish.
Lifespan: A lifespan of 36 years really isn't impressive, although it's not really all that surprising considering whom we're talking about. This is the same fish that hunts for food by insulting people, after all, and someone like that would be lucky to survive that long anyway. Tell me now, have you ever seen a granny Stunfisk? Have you, hmm?
I don't even know why you'd want to own a Stunfisk for 36 years, or even 10, so lifespan doesn't really matter. You'll probably kill it before natural causes even have the chance. What you should be worrying about instead is how many years Stunfisk is going to chip off your own lifespan due to stress. Throw Ducklett in there and your lifespan is practically halved!
Diet: Stunfisk is omnivorous but primarily scavenges for food. And when I mean scavenge, I mean it waits for food to come to it, because leaving its comfortable body of water is too difficult a task, even if it is necessary to survive. That's not the true definition of a scavenger, but no one can be bothered making up a special case just for Stunfisk.
They are in no way picky eaters and will eat anything organic that has the misfortune or stupidity to step into Stunfisk's trap and succumb to its electricity. Their soft, beak-like mouth isn't strong enough to rend flesh from the bone, so they usually wait for the corpse to begin decomposing, which makes it easier for them to pick their meal apart. Understandably, they hate thick fur or tough carapaces as it makes feeding that much more arduous a task.
While this method requires zero effort and can provided weeks' worth of food in one go, it is highly dependent on circumstances and luck, and so it is definitely not a reliable source of nutrition. Sure, there's a fair chance that a Pokémon will stop by your pond to take a drink, but what if they don't? What if the word gets around that Stunfisk live in that particular pond and others warn them to stay away from it? Rather than do the rational thing and look for food, Stunfisk will sit there and wait until it's on the verge of starvation before making any attempts to preserve itself.
Feeding such a useless manbaby of a Pokémon like Stunfisk is no easy task either. It's used to enduring without meals for extended periods of time, so having meals provided for it on a daily basis will seem like a heavenly dream, one that it's going to selfishly take advantage of if you don't watch what you're doing.
You see, after catching it food is the only bargaining chip you have to assert any sort of authority over Stunfisk. You can't appeal to emotions, you can't appeal to friendship, and you can't appeal to strength. Stunfisk couldn't care any less about those things, but what it does care about is it's next meal, which, as always, you are expected to provide.
Since food is your only tool, you have to use it carefully and resourcefully. If you give Stunfisk too much food, then it will end up disregarding whatever you have to say as it will no longer depend on you. Rather, you have to keep Stunfisk is a state of being constantly hungry, so in turn you can maintain your authority. Of course, you need to keep your little tactic a secret from Stunfisk; otherwise it's going to have a fit. This does mean feeding Stunfisk separately from everyone else including yourself, which I know is a huge hassle. But, it's necessary.
Small morsels of meat is all Stunfisk really needs to survive, and so long as you keep any other food hidden from sight it will be happy to few a handful of morsels a day. That's it. One meal a day, a few scraps of meat of literally any type, and Stunfisk will be well fed enough to survive, but hungry enough to obey.
On an unrelated note, fried or sautéed Stunfisk is really delicious. But it's ridiculously expensive due to the amount of preparation needed before it's edible. Chefs don't really want to have customers electrocuted to death in the middle of their restaurants, after all.
How To Bond: Bond? Not possible. Form a shaky alliance based on necessary cooperation? Probably possible.
Refer to the Personality section. Stunfisk is a creature entirely focused upon itself, and it is for no reason going to go out of its way to aid you unless it's interests are relevant to yours. Knowing that, it's important to keep Stunfisk reminded of its dependency on you, so it will begrudgingly comply with any orders you give it out, but only if they are necessary. Stunfisk isn't going to help you do things like curl your hair even if you scream and stomp your feet at it.
Because this 'bond' depends on obligation, Stunfisk will rebel at any opportunity it gets. If you're losing a battle and Stunfisk sees and opportunity to flee, it will do so without a second thought. You can't count on this Pokémon for anything! It's a hired, or rather, enslaved mercenary. Nothing more.
Love: If you have a look though the Unovan Civil Registry, you'll find there are no recorded Human/Stunfisk marriages. Likewise, searching it on the internet yields no results, even with safe search off. You know why? I think you know why. I don't think I have to explain.
Battling: After reading though this chapter and realising how much of a pain it is to merely possess this Pokémon, you must be thinking to yourself that surely there will be a reward for your efforts. Surely to compensate Stunfisk is an unparalleled warrior on the field, capable of destroying all in it's path!
Unfortunately, this is not the case.
During the civil war, soldiers and workers would dig shallow pits barely an inch deep all over roadways, paths and areas intended to be battlegrounds. After filling them with dirty water or letting them be filled naturally via rainwater, they would travel out into the wild and capture Stunfisk, bringing them back and leaving them to reside in these numerous holes. As enemies travelled across the land or charged onto the battlefield, they would unintentionally step into these puddles, to be shocked to death by the Stunfisk waiting within. Stunfisk would have its meal, and wait for the next soldier to come along.
However, these traps were usually in plain sight and since they were utilized by all factions, everyone knew the danger of stepping in one. Thus, they presented more of a nuisance as everyone did their best to watch where they stood during the heat of battle. But in rainy weather or storms when the whole land was swamped with puddles and deluge, these shock traps had an almost 100% kill rate.
That is about the extent of Stunfisk's abilities in battle. It's not designed to be mobile, or powerful or strong, it's designed to be able to be lazy and still survive, and there is no need for Stunfisk to engage in combat unless it is noted and attacked pre-emptively. Why go hunting for food when you can wait for food to step on your face?
So unless your battle strategies revolve around setting traps, Stunfisk is almost completely unless to you. In desperate situations you can throw it down and let it employ short range attacks such as Thunderbolt and Discharge, but ultimately every other Electric type in Unova does its job far better.
With Fellow Pokémon: Stunfisk has atrociously poor relations with other Pokémon. Most see it as worthless and have no problem with treating it like crap, and some younger Pokémon may decide that it's fun to antagonize the fish. Stunfisk's own arrogant attitude only worsens the situation as your other Pokémon go from condescending to outright spiteful.
No one but another Ground type can touch Stunfisk, and it will utilize that to aggravate everyone it can. Expect a lot of internal aggression and hostility as your Pokémon try not to lose their cool. Even if they decide they can't stand Stunfisk anymore they will hopefully have the common sense to not physically strike it. But, they may seek vengeance through other methods.
There really is no other way to remedy this other than removing Stunfisk, unless your Pokémon are extremely composed or apathetic. There's some feline Pokémon in Kalos known as the Constraint Pokémon… Maybe one of them would make a good partner?
Warnings: Patting Stunfisk is a no-no. Stepping on Stunfisk is a no-no. Being within touching distance of Stunfisk is a no-no. Being in the same body of water as Stunfisk is a no-no. Being in water when you can't find Stunfisk is a no-no. Literally any sentence that contains both you and Stunfisk is a no-no.
Summary: There are no positive implications for capturing Stunfisk. Not a single one. The only reasons I can conceive as to why you'd want to catch one is because you either want to do it for the hell of it, because of the difficulty, or because you adore memes and you're trying to build a meme-themed team. At any rate there is no logical reason for catching a Stunfisk; they're a novelty species, I dare say. It's a pity not all Pokémon are made equal, but that's just how the world works.
Next Time… Number 125 Mienfoo!
A/N: Sorry, sorry. This is the longest it's been since an update and I apologize, but college and daily life keep me busy, and writer's block doesn't make it easy to leap straight back into storywriting. I hope this long break hasn't killed off my readerbase…
For those wondering, I don't have anything against Stunfisk. Fuhri's opinion isn't my opinion. Although sometimes he has a habit of writing things in a biased manner, which isn't very professional. How is he a professor again?