He had known that it would happen. It was inevitable. She had known it would happen too. She never doubted that it would happen. He just didn't think that it would happen this soon. It was the fate for most of them, but as Isaac sat in Support Group, listening to the list of children who had died; he didn't zone out. He waited and he listened.
Hazel Grace Lancaster.
How fitting that their names were together, tacked onto an endless list for children years to come to listen to. Children just like them. Children, who, one day or another, would probably join that very same list. Except, he wouldn't. Isaac would go to Support Group and listen as that list got bigger and bigger until, eventually, they started cutting out names from the top. He knew that they would never admit to doing it, but Isaac knew that it would happen one day. He only hoped that it would happen once he was eighteen and not able to go to that support group anymore.
He liked to compare it to Monica; losing Hazel and Augustus. When Monica left him, it felt like profound betrayal; it burned through his veins and ripped his heart apart. He knew that she would be happy with somebody else; somebody who could see. He felt like it was a senseless hurt; a pain that could have been avoided. Like he could have worn safety gear and not have a work place accident. It was a sort of pain that could be avenged; as it had rightly been done.
Augustus had been unfair, but not betrayal. He seemed to have so much life left in him. He seemed to be robbed of his future. His death seemed to have occurred way too quickly. Hazel was expected, as it had been since she had been diagnosed. She seemed to be slowly withering away over the months that Isaac had known her. Her future had picked itself up and fled from her. Her death seemed to have taken far too long to reach her.
Isaac really couldn't feel anger, betrayal and require vengeance for their loss. It was numbing; it had caused him to stop functioning completely.
He spent his time remembering. He would remember an unlit cigarette hanging from Augustus's mouth. He would remember how Augustus never did send him any porn to be read on his email machine in a German accent. He remembered how Hazel had loved An Imperial Affliction. He remembered how disappointed they both were with Peter Van Houten. He remembered the night of the broken trophies.
Support Group was hell to Isaac; being in the Literal Heart of Jesus was nothing to compare to that. He'd already outlasted two of these bastards; how many more would he have to deal with?
After Support Group, Isaac took the elevator with all of those who were dying and soon to be dead. It was different now that Hazel wasn't riding with them. Everything seemed different now that Hazel wasn't showing up to these meetings. He missed looking at her and sighing, probably even more so than he missed just looking.
His mother had suggested it, and Isaac had accepted it without a second thought. Snow had littered the ground overnight; a thin layer, not enough to stop Isaac from putting his hand on the recently uncovered dirt. She had been buried next to him. Just two names side by side written on white marble (or so his mother had told him). In a way, it seemed beautiful.
Isaac wondered when he would join them. Not soon, he hoped. He still had plenty of living to do for them. They never truly died. They'd live with him until his end.
Isaac smiled softly, before he picked himself off of the cold dirt, and was led back into the warm car.
I apologize for any faults; my copy of the novel has been in the possession of many of my friends for the past couple months, so I haven't read it in a while. Thanks for reading, and please review to tell me your thoughts!