Disclaimer not mine. I do not own Spooks. BBC and Kudos own all.

Baby Blues.

Harry sat on the bed watching Ruth as she moved around the room. He still didn't really understand what had been going on since Gracie was born. He knew Ruth was tired and so was he. A new baby and a teenager in the house was always going to be exhausting but Nick was a good kid and Gracie had been sleeping through the night for at least a fortnight. He knew Ruth was pushing him away but he had no ide a why, only that he must have done something to upset her. He sighed heavily, Ruth was not the sort of person to hide what she was upset about, not with him anyway.


"Did you read that report Beth left on your desk? Erin said she was gong to have that intel for me by the morning."


"Nick's got a try out for the school cricket team on Wednesday."

"I know." Harry got up from the bed and crossed the room to her. "And yes, I read the reports and I have spoken to Adam and Ros. I also know Squeak has her baby jabs next week." He rested his hands on her shoulders as her eyes fell closed. She was unbelievably tense, but after the last few months he could understand why. "Ruth."

"I'm tired." She pulled away from him as his heart started to break.

"No." Harry kept his voice low, determined not to wake the children. "No, you're exhausted. It's me. I've done something and I have no idea what but you're exhausted of having an old, stubborn fool like me around." He stepped away from her, retrieved hs pillow from his bed. "Wake me before Nick gets up for school, I don't want him worrying." He headed towards he bedroom door.

"Harry." Ruth realised what was happening a second after he reached the door. "Where are you going?"

"The sofa."

"No. Not with your back." Ruth smiled slightly. "Please."

"Ruth, I don't know what to do." He sighed. "I should be used to you pushing me away but." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Pregnancy makes you tired." Ruth sighed. "I know the baby is nearly four months old and." Ruth looked away as tears filled her eyes.

"Ruth?" Harry was suddenly more confused than ever. "Darling?" He rested his hands on her shoulders and pulled her towards him. "Talk to me. God Ruth." He hugged her to him as she buried her face in his shirt.

"How?" She started. "How can you look at me? How can you feel anything like that towards me?" She looked up as his eyes filled with confusion. For a moment he was certain his heart had stopped in his chest.

"I love you."

"I'm 42 and I'm frumpy, since the baby my body is." She shook her head. "I look disgusting."

"You do not and never could." Harry brushed her hair away from her eyes as he spoke. "You Ruth, are stunning. Always have been, always will be."

"Harry." She sniffed as he held her gaze.

"No, Ruth. You are still the same woman I fell for the day you walked in the Briefing Room and dropped all the files everywhere."

"All those other women. Jane, Juliet. Even Elena Gavrik."

"Don't." Harry hated to think his past hurt her so much. She had met all three former lovers and knew what they all now thought of Harry. He had to admit it was only Juliet he had ever been able to remain on relative speaking terms with.

"All of them. Thin, glamorous. Me? Short, podgy."

"With amazing eyes and the most gorgeous figure. Ruth, listen to me because I am only going to say this once." She sighed, knowing he had slipped into what Catherine called Grid Mode. She straightened up to her full height.

"I love you." He smiled.

"Well, if you are going to say that just the once." Ruth could see the smile in his eyes before he kissed her gently.

"That will be repeated until the day I die. You are not frumpy or podgy. You've had our daughter. That in itself makes you beautiful." His hands slipped down her sides and began drawing imaginary circles on the edge of her nightdress. "Don't ever think I could look at another woman." He sighed as her arms reached around him.

"Harry. I."

"Nothing has to happen tonight." He closed his eyes as her fingers began tracing the lines on his face. He sighed slightly as he felt one hand rested on his chest above his heart. She reached up and kissed him. She paused as his fingers found her stomach. She knew it had never been flat but since carrying Grace she was more aware of it than ever. "Don't." He sighed against her lips. "You're beautiful. Don't." He pulled away slightly and kissed her neck. "Ever. Think. I. Don't. Want. You."

"Harry." Ruth sighed. All her resolve fading. She had felt old, fat and frumpy in a world where her husband was surrounded with thin, young and beautiful women. She had never felt so unattractive but now, with his hands and lips turning her insides into mush she had to reevaluate that opinion of herself.


"You mean it." She stated rather than asked.

"I love my wife and I fancy you rotten." Harry watched as her eyes widened. "Ok, I could have phrased that better."

"Words never were your strong point." Ruth smiled as she took his hand and led him back to bed.


A/N Please review. Not sure what I think to this.