Author: Raven Shadowrose
Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.
Chapter One... Jeff.
It has been a rough day, two stabbings, a few minor injuries and several hoax calls throughout the day. Dixie and I have put the ambulance back into the garage and given it the last clean of the day. I settled myself down on the sofa in the rec room and waited, Dixie had some paperwork to finish off before we went home. I watched the other paramedics coming and going, over the years both Dixie and I had worked with them but somehow we always ended up working together.
We looked out for each other on shouts, Dixie has been there for me throughout the worst times of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. It wasn't always that way, I remember our first shift together and she hated me calling her princess. Princess is usually what I call Dixie these days, she doesn't mind it so much now. I always worry about Dixie when we aren't working together, she only puts me with someone else when she's annoyed with me. We usually kiss and make up by the end of the day though, sort of. Dixie can't be without me really, even if she won't admit it. She says that I will only get in trouble if I'm left to my own devices.
The days after the college shootings were the worst, I didn't know how I was going to get through them. I tried to convince myself that everything was okay, that I could get through it all. The quiet moments were when it would all come flooding back, I tried to keep busy just to escape the thought of being a coward. It was Dixie that snapped me out of it, she saw that I wasn't dealing with it and helped me to see that I was human and that is all I can ever be. She forced me to take some time off and talk to a counsellor, I wasn't sure that it would help me but it did. Dixie gave me a look that said 'I told you so' when I told her that I was feeling better having talked about it.
The strangest part of all this is that my marriage to a lesbian works better than my marriage to a straight woman. At the end of the marriage I was glad that we decided to divorce, it was hell knowing that she was cheating on me with someone that I had once considered a friend. I cheated on Lucy to make myself feel better but that feeling didn't last long. In the end I gave up sleeping with other women, seeing Dixie at work made me feel better than having meaningless encounters with different women.
I remember when we were trapped by those dogs, we thought they were rabid, I promised Dixie that I'd protect her and never let anything happen to her. I also remember saying that I loved her, I thought we were going to die, but I meant it. Dixie is my best friend, I don't know what I would do if anything happened to her. I know that nothing will ever happen between us but that woman means more to me than anyone. That is the only time that I've ever told Dixie my feelings, I thought we were going to die and I didn't want that to happen unless she knew. I'm not sure that Dixie took me seriously, at least I don't think so anyway.
I know that people don't get the relationship that we have but it works, we share almost everything; the house, the dog, work, and even our social life. There are times that we go out separately, I'd hate to be around all those women when they've had a few glasses of wine, they might molest me. I use that time to make the most of the quiet and have complete control of the TV.
I always know when I'm in trouble as Dixie uses my full name, hearing 'Jeffrey' is enough to fill my heart with fear. You don't mess with Dixie, I know that she wears the trousers in our relationship, it is in my best interest to do as she says. Little Abs knows when I've done wrong, he always sides with Dixie and I'm in the doghouse with them both, he'll only sit near me again once I've apologised to Dixie. She only gets mad when I've gone into a situation that she views as dangerous, she's only doing it because she cares and doesn't want anything to happen to me, it's nice to have someone that cares about me.
We've had our fair share of ups and down over the years, the ups make it all worth it. 'Jeff.' All in all we have a good life. 'Jeff.' I don't know how many people can say that they live a good life, I count my blessings every day. I do a job that I love and it completes me. 'Jeffrey!' I jumped as Dixie almost yelled in my ear. 'Where's the fire princess?'
'That's the third time I've called your name, you were in a world of your own.'
'I suppose I was.'
'Are you ready to go?'
'Yes, I've been waiting for ages, honestly Dixie, couldn't you get that paperwork done faster, I'm starving.'
'If you don't watch it Jeffrey you'll be doing the paperwork in future and I'll go home and put my feet up.'
'Oh yes I would.'
'Come on then princess, let's go home. I think it is time for a takeaway.'
'Another one? I thought you were cutting down.'
'Come on Dix, please, just this once.'
'No, we agreed once a week and that's final.' I tried my best look to get around her. 'Don't look at me like that Jeffrey, it is for your own good.'
'Okay, okay, but you're cooking.'
'Only if you take Little Abs for a walk.'
'Deal.' I opened the car and watched Dixie get in, I climbed in the other side and started the engine. I wonder if Dixie had any idea of the extent of the feelings that I had for her, I do not want her to change who she is for me. I love her with everything that I am but I'll never tell her that.