Hey everyone! Here is my second one shot. Hope you like it. :)
Artist: Taylor Swift
Album: Speak Now
Song: Last Kiss
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea and stuff that I made up! Austin and Ally, Taylor swift songs, and anything else, sadly, will never be mine...
Last Kisses & Big Wishes
-September 18, 2016-
I would have never guessed this is where I would be after six years of knowing Austin Moon. Never would I have expected to be curled up on the floor of our condo, his old shirt hanging loosely on my contracted body. Never would I have guessed he would make me cry, break my heart into tiny little shards. Tiny little shards that are impossible to removed because they've gone to deep into the flesh.
The memory's will never leave, that's why I sit here at two-a-clock in the morning with my back slumped against the wall. An emptied tub of ice-cream lays on its side at my feet, a slow, constant drip of the melted goodness occasionally falling to the carpet. I could care less however; I can barely have a clear thought anyway. They all are plagued by him.
My dreams, my thoughts, even my memories are stained with his smile, his eyes, his laugh, his voice. His name still lingers on my lips like bitter sweet syrup. He has wormed his way into my head, and it's anything but healthy.
I cry over the fact that he's gone, that he won't peacefully be laid to rest in my heart and mind. He always comes popping out of the grave, no matter how deep I dig it. It's almost like he's the undead.
Day's like this-or should I say nights-I rack my brain for ways to get him to miss me. Too bad he doesn't, that he won't. He's got a big record deal in Los Angeles, a room full of professional songwriters, both of my best friends, and my heart. The heart he pried out of my chest, one that was a working perfectly. It was a heart that was innocent, one beating and alive; one that never knew the pain of being smashed to pieces. Now I know better. Don't put your trust in even the closest friend. Because it ends up that no matter what, a better deal will come along and rip your sense from your head. Fame, power, and money begin to take over. Ego can change you into a monster. The devilish objects of the world that can be taken in a flash become priority. That's why I never left with him, because he changed into an egotistic monster who craved to have more fame, more money, more anything. Anything but me.
Every time he chose to spend time with the people that would act as a latter to the top, over me, a piece of my heart broke every time. I want to know why I was able to convince him to leave. I wanted him to live his dream. But, why, if I was so important to him, did he go far away? Why did he agree if he's not supposed to be able to live without me?
This brings me to wish he didn't say those three words that make the difference, because that's where the tragedy and heartbreak begins.
I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know You told me you loved me
So why did you go away?
-January 21st, 2013-
"What are you looking at?" I giggle once I catch sight of a certain blonde staring at me through the darkness. His eyes are lit up dimly by the moon shining in through windows of the practice room. Even through the darkness it isn't hard to pick up on his reddened cheeks. His eyes glance down for a minute, a smile forming on his lips. Every time it makes my heart skip a beat.
My eyebrows crinkle together. Austin is not one to blush, especially not around me.
Silence hangs as a burden in the empty air.
While I wait expectantly for his answer I glance at the digital clock perched atop of the piano we sit at. The glowing numbers read: 1:58. I sigh, it's been a long night and all I want to do is crawl under my welcoming covers at home. Besides, being around Austin this long, in this close proximity, sends my mind fogging over.
He just doesn't allow me one clear thought; he just has to be so dang perfect, handsome, and caring. All of this mixed together, plus my unhealthy attraction to romance, equals a very fluffy Ally. And I prefer staying friends over risking our friend ship. That's what makes this situation so dangerous. I must force myself to stay calm and collected, sadly, that's not my strong point in life.
Again I look up from the ivory keys that have now caught my interest and glance over to Austin. His eyes are, once again, trained on me. They are glimmering with something I can't decode, which drives me crazy. Seeing how I usually can read Austin frontwards, backwards, and upside-down, these new moods that surface annoy me to no end. I can't read him, leaving me desperately wondering what's going on in his crazy little head. His crazy, little, adorable head.
Right when I open my mouth to remind him of my question he leans into my ear. His chest is flush with my arm and his cool breath runs up and down my neck, leaving shivers in its wake. "I have something I need to tell you, Alls." He whispers softly into my ear. His tone holds his playfulness, but deep inside I catch the huskiness held within. I'm forced to intake a sharp breath of air, a blush inflating over my cheeks. However the blush reaches my ears and neck when his warm hand comes to rest on my thigh. Quickly I find my bottom lip and incase it with my teeth.
"Wh-what is it?" I barely croak out, not daring to take a one peek at the boy pressed flush against my arm.
Austin chuckles while he runs his fingertips up my spine. He starts at my lower back before ending on the curve of it. He firmly flattens his palm on it, creating warmth I'm suddenly craving.
Quickly I suppress the gasp of air my lungs are dying for, because frankly, it feels as if I'm barreling down a rollercoaster hill. My nipping at my lip only worsens, to the point where I know I'm leaving bite marks. "Ally," Austin breaths directly into my ear. His hand travels up to cup my hot cheek in his hand that previously rested on my thigh. He slowly turns my head towards him.
Our faces are so close, to close. His breath, it smells like mango, and his body smells fresh like a summer's breeze. And on cue the mind numbing thoughts begin to take over. I force myself to speak as Austin's lips inch ever closer to mine. "A-Austin, what are you doing?" I ask. I can hear the crack in my voice. I want this so freaking bad it's ridiculous. Austin only answers my whispered question with by pressing his lips fast against mine.
Warmth bursts from my covered lips, escaping from the top of my head, to the tips of my fingers, and then flying out my toes. Without hesitation I wrap my arms around Austin's neck, pulling him closer to me. I press my lips harder against his, almost putting my entire weight into it. My eyes dance with the bursting colors passing by. It's like a laser show topped with fireworks. Even with my eyes comfortably shut, I am nearly blinded. However, all too soon Austin pulls back, his forehead pressing against mine. He tightens his hold around my waist which I have failed to realize in the rush of the moment. "I'm doing something I should have done a lot sooner." He whispers, his heavy breaths coming out in hot puffs over my face. This brings no relief to my burning cheeks. "Ally Dawson, I'm in love with you." He whispers.
My ears can barely pick up his hushed words. When they do, I can't contain my gasp. The air comes rushing into my mouth while I search for the air in my lungs. Something in my chest bursts though, releasing billions of colors never found in a rainbow. Happiness floods my body and the wide smile taking my face is not stoppable. Those three words are ones I have yearned to hear roll off his tongue. I have waited impatiently for the day when he would confess to me his feelings. At times, over the wait, I lost hope, other times I regained it. But now I know my desperate waiting was not in vain. My smile widens. "I love you too, Austin." I admit. The words fall from my tongue with ease and I love it.
Austin's face beams. He smiles, one that I know I will never forget.
I do recall now the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement I ran off the plane
That July 9th The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms
-July 9th, 2014-
Lazily I scroll through my phone, trying to push back the feeling of guilt washing over me.
This time I'm actually doing it. After three letters from MUNY begging me to join their music program, I couldn't resist. Of course I have my carrier with Austin that I plan to continue, but this is my big break. Besides, technically, I'm helping Austin as well. A better songwriter makes a better singer.
Austin seemed to be excited for me anyway. He urged me to go, a smile on his lips, however, not in his eyes. He reasoned that video chat would be a perfect way to keep in touch. I could still write him songs, sing them to him, and send him the music and everything. We will even keep our relationship going for the four years I plan to stay in New York. Somewhere deep inside me knows it won't work out though. Deep down in my gut I know this won't end well for anyone, including me.
The guilt just keeps coming.
No matter what excuse I use I will always know life in New York will never be as good as Miami. It has cold, damp weather. The sun will be blocked out by the hovering clouds during winter. Smog polluting the air is thick enough to cut with a knife. Not to mention Trish, Dez, and Austin aren't going to be there.
Finally tears prick at my eyes when I scroll over my favorite picture that I have in my photo album. It's one that was taken by Trish. Austin and I are nuzzled up to each other on my family room couch. We had both fallen asleep after a long, grueling, documentary Trish forced us to watch with her. Usually I was up for a new learning experience, but not this time. It just had to be a drawn out documentary about one of my least favorite authors. Within five minutes of it starting, I couldn't keep my eyes open.
Austin apparently fell asleep along with me however, because when my eyes inched open my head was tucked into the crook of his neck, one of my arms slung around his torso. His head rested firmly overtop mine, soft snores sounded like a growling bear coming from his throat. One of his arms held my waist tight, the other hand entangled with my fingers. And apparently Trish snapped a few pictures before we woke. Not that I'm complaining, this is by far one of my favorite pictures of us.
I inhale deeply, trying to rid the tears from my eyes. However, when I do, the damp sent of new rain tickles my nose. Suddenly my fingers begin to twitch, the anxiety growing in my body. Suddenly the walls are closing me in and my breathing takes a steep dip. My mind can't even process my actions. Quickly, I leap out of my seat, people's eyes instantly fixed on me. "Hold the door!" I call towards the front of the plane. The sturdiest instantly drops her hands when she whips her head around to see me, her eyes growing wide.
Hastily I turn around and open the luggage over hang above my stiff blue seat. The cabinet pops open, nearly knocking me in the jaw, luckily I duck in time. My shaking fingers wrap firmly around my carry-on handle. With a quick tug I successfully yank it out of the small compartment. The bag comes tumbling down, crashing against the seat underneath. On impact, a small, neatly folded lined piece of paper floats down to the cramped isle of the plane. Without having to look over the letter I know what the neatly scribbled, all caps, handwritten words say. I love you.
I snatch up the paper as quickly as possible before dashing off the plane.
The black tarmac glistens with a smooth coat of moister from the previous rain. The terminal door I waltzed through still sits propped open. Small drops of rain stuck to the surface run down the reflective surface.
Suddenly I realize he may not be there anymore. He could have left a half hour ago, making his trek back to the music store twenty minutes away. The knot clogging my throat only grows, causing every swallow to sting. A single tear trickles slowly down my cheek. Swiftly I wipe the wetness out of my eyes, before dashing off the plane. The crashing of my feet hitting the metal steps leading off the small plane sounds like a drum in my ears. I run across the puddles formed by new rain, racing to the terminal door. An occasional drop of rain hits my face, mixing with the tear currently running away. The suitcase at my side dances with my movements as I run, bouncing off my legs in the process.
I pray that he's still there, for some unknown reason. I pray he's waiting there for me, knowing I couldn't go through with it. However, that could be my big wishes.
The burst of air from entering back into the terminal cools the droplets of rain dangling on my face. My strides only lengthen with new found speed as I race through the airport. I desperately push past people in the crowds beginning to clog the large halls. Mentally I count down the terminals, counting down the minutes till I can be wrapped back in his arms, hopefully.
Once I pass gait A-6 I begin to see the outlines of the escalators leading down to the waiting lounge. I push harder, desperate to make it there. My hope of him still being there never leaves my heart.
There. The escalators are right there, through a small crowd of people that I easily break through. I go bouncing down the escalator, hoping it will quicken my speed. Once my feet hit the bottom, I stop, surveying the crowd. My heart drops when I don't see him sitting in one of the seats.
My teeth nip at my lips as another tear slips from my eye. Slowly I step farther into the lounge, my chest heaving from the run. When I don't see him, I break.
Tears freely fall onto my cheeks as I swiftly shuffle over to a row of seats. I plop down in one, placing my hands over my face as I lean forward. My lip begins to quiver for only a moment until his voice travels muffled to my ears. "Ally?" Instantly I snap my head up, searching for him. The sight of him brings a wave of joy over my body. There, across the lounge, he stands, his hair dismantled and eyes squinting.
My mouth doesn't allow any words, so I'm forced to nod my head in reply. Austin begins to hastily walk towards me, eyes still shadowed with fear. My body takes control from me almost immediately.
I pop out of my seat and sprint over to him. Once I reach him, the smile plastered to my face is reaching unknown bounds. I don't care about the stares I receive when I jump onto him, wrapping my legs firmly around his waist. My hands cup his face and I dip my head down to give him a hungry kiss to the lips. He returns it with just as much passion and love. And when we pull apart I can feel the drum in his chest jumping through his shirt.
But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
I do remember the swing of your step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in I'm not much for dancing
But for you I did
-November 28th, 2014-
"Come on Alls, live a little!" My boyfriend exclaims, a growing smirk gracing his lips. His arms extend out to me, beckoning me to stand from my seat and walk to him.
With a playful roll of my chocolate eyes I shake my head, slouching further down in my seat with my arms crossed tightly over my chest. "No," I answer firmly while crossing my legs to give him the hint that I'm not going anywhere, anytime soon. "You know better than anyone I can't dance. Especially in front of all of these people." I point out, my eyebrows rising.
Austin's shoulders slump down low, his hopeful eyes instantly turning into dismayed orbs. "But I taught you some of my moves last night." He reasons as he walks the rest of the way to me. Slowly he detangles my arms before entangling his fingers in mine. I have to suppress the hum of contentment threatening to spill across my lips.
"Yeah, remember how that turned out?" I question knowingly with another raise of my eyebrows.
Austin's mouth dangles open for a beat before he quickly replies, his voice now an octave higher. "My nose is fine! It didn't even bleed!" he argues defensively with a tug to my arms. Instantly I go flying into his embrace and out of my chair.
"No fair!" My voice squeaks. Rapidly I shove him away, no real strength behind it.
Austin only shrugs dramatically, a stretched face masking his true expression. Knowing that action all too well causes me to be well aware that he has something pushed up his sleeve. Instinctively I narrow my eyes at him, my gaze becoming cautious. "Well, since you refuse to dance with me, I'm just gonna dance by myself." He retorts, his nose flying into the air in mock annoyance.
Little red flags begin to pop up everywhere in my sensory system. I watch with curiosity as Austin makes his way to the center of dance floor with a swing in his step. He catches everyone's attention as he passes, most once sitting as wallflowers now gathering on the floor. I roll my eyes; he has always been the life of the party.
Without even realizing I find myself following the crowd. I keep my eyes glued to Austin as he hops up onto a small stage at the other end of the dance floor. A microphone soars through the air like a bird in flight until Austin snatches it into his hand.
Slowly I inch through the crowds openings until my hands are resting flat on the cool stage. Austin sends me a quick wink that makes my heart race, before speaking into the mic. "Hello everyone, I want to thank you all for coming to my birthday party. I really appreciate it." He announces, a warm smile resting over his face. "I want to show off some of my new dance moves," He says as he takes a massive step towards me. "and I would love to dedicate these moves to my stubborn girlfriend, Ally Dawson." The smile spreads like a wild fire on his lips, much like the blush blazing on my face, neck, and ears. Austin laughs out of the reach of the mic, but I can hear it perfectly.
My anger flares when my embarrassment wares old. Once Austin makes eye contact with me I release the daggers that wait in my eyes, ready to puncture. The rock-star up on stage only ignores my deathly glare before bending down in front of me, his face only inches from mine. Being how there's an audience watching my every move; I resist the urge to blow raspberries at him. Austin smirks, knowing he has me, before picking up speaking again, never leaving my personal space. "This one's for you, Alls." He states, his tone has the slightest quality of a challenge hidden within.
Hell bent on keeping my rock hard exterior present for Austin, I cross my arms over my chest while eyeing him warningly. A smirk appears on his face once he realizes that I'm up for the challenge. Austin circles his finger in the air, singling the DJ to play music. As the first beat of the base booms over the speakers I raise my brows at Austin, challenging him all the same.
Soon his feet begin to glide over the stage. It's as if he floats on air, only occasionally grazing the ground with his sneakers. His arms move punctually to the beat blasting through the speakers. And occasionally, throughout the song, he would make a point to glance my way, his hair always falling in his eyes. The crooked smile on his face stays present throughout the whole song, however. And once the final beat hits, he stops, earning a loud applause for the performance. Austin follows with a few low bows to the crowd, earning him an eye roll from me. He's always loved to be center of attention.
Austin hops off the stage, directly in front of me. He wiggles his eyebrows at me, waiting for my response. I know him all too well. "So, Miss. Dawson, may I have this dance?" he asks after bowing down and placing his hand out to me. A slow song begins to play over the speakers directly following Austin's question. He just had to plan it out.
"Nope." That's all I say, my simple answer, before turning on my heels. I'm going to make him work for me. I'll say its revenge for putting me in the spotlight. Automatically I feel Austin's hand on my wrist, tugging me back to him. Oh, how revenge is sweet, that is until I feel his hot breath over my neck. His arms wrap around my waist causing my back to press against his chest. Maybe revenge isn't so sweet.
"Please Alls, for me?" He asks, his tone husky and desperate.
With a deep sigh I know what my answer is going to be. I'm not one for dancing, but for him I'd do anything. "Fine," I answer. I'm defeated. "but only for you."
Austin cheers before whipping me around and placing a messy kiss on my lips. "Cause you know you love me!" he exclaims like a happy schoolboy. He quickly begins dragging me out into the middle of the dance floor.
"Yeah, maybe I love you a bit too much." I mumble once he stops in front of me.
Austin only smiles with a shake of his head. His blonde hair flies into his brown eyes making it impossible to be upset with him. He places one of his warm hands over my hips, the other holding my right hand up. I rest my other hand on his shoulder, before softly squeezing our entangled fingers.
He looks down at me, an adoring glimmer catching his eyes. I have to catch my breath like I always do when I get lost in his chocolate orbs. That's when his glamorous smile comes out shining down at me. It's so much like the sun that I swear I can feel its heat.
I let my head fall to his shoulder, a smile gracing my lips. "Alls, don't hide that from me." The whisper of his breath skims my ear.
Popping my head back up, I crease my eyebrows in question. "What?"
"Don't you dare hide that beautiful smile from me."
His answer to my question makes my face light up again. His heartfelt statement causes joyful tears to glisten in my eyes. "Have I ever told you I love you?" I ask with playfulness in my tone.
"Not nearly enough," Is the answer I receive before a warm pair of lips meld with mine.
I loved your handshake, meeting my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something.
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions
-December 2nd, 2014-
"Hello Mr. Dawson, how are you?" Austin asks, while giving my father a firm handshake. With a polite smile I take my seat just as Austin does. I straiten my back as I reverently place my white napkin over my lap. I look up to my father, waiting for him to reply to Austin.
He gives him a curt nod before replying as he takes his own seat. "Well I'm fine, thank you Austin." He answers happily, a kind smile written on his face. Soon my face mirrors his, I just can't help it. My father's smile is contagious.
Soon Austin and my father begin to engage in polite chit-chat, keeping a dreadful silence at bed. I watch with a wondrous eye, keeping my focus solely on the conversation. I keep tabs on how my father responds to Austin; how Austin handles the business talk my father is throwing at him. It's almost as if I'm documenting a research paper in my mind. I let no detail pass me by and no hand gesture or facial expression goes unnoticed.
"So Ally, why are we doing this?" My father's question yanks me out of my mind, sending me searching for an answer. Wait what was the question?
My thanks goes to Austin for bailing me out. "I wanted to get to know you better, meet you like I think I should since I'm dating your daughter. I know we've known each other, but I still feel it important for us to talk more in depth about our lives." Austin's answer blows me away. How can he be so perfect? First, he has to be the sweetest man alive, he can play music, he's handsome, he cares about me, and is a complete gentleman. What can he not do? Simple, nothing.
I listen with a closed ear to Austin as we walk down the sidewalk after the meeting with my father. It went well, obviously. My father appreciated Austin's gesture, even if he thought it was unnecessary. The best part of the night however, was when my father pulled me aside and whispered in my ear; don't let him slip away, this one's a keeper. I couldn't love my father more than I did right then and there.
"So," Austin draws out while he shoves his hands deep into his pants pockets. He looks down at the cement almost as if he's bashful. I watch him contently, waiting for him to continue to speak. "Did your dad like that, or did he think it was stupid?"
Once I process the question, a chuckle passes my lips involuntarily. "Please Austin," I reply. I take a quick glance his way to see his questioning eyes. As quickly as my eyes land on him, they're gone, focusing only on the path ahead of me. "I don't think anyone could not love that gesture."
Just barely, like whispered words, a chuckle breaks the short silence. I smirk helplessly. "I just had to make sure that I wasn't over doing it." He assures.
His reasoning widens my smile. At times he may be childish, but he also has a caring serious side. Both are huge parts of Austin that make him the perfect person he is. "My dad even said not to let you slip away-that you're a keeper. I think he's right, I'm never going to let you go." As soon as the words leave my mouth I wish I stayed quite. Sure we've been dating for over a year, but I don't want to push Austin. Because when he's pushed too hard, he tends to back away without another word. I will do anything to make sure that never happens.
Nervously I jump right into an explanation for my words. "Um, no, I didn't mean it like that. Like if we were to be together forever I wouldn't mind. Oh-wait-um, I didn't mean that either. If we were to be in a long term relationship, which we are-I guess. Anyway, if we didn't stay together, I guess I would be upset. Well actually I would be super sad and stuff, but I'm not saying we have to. I just don't want-" My rambling is cut short when Austin slams his lips into mine, holding my shoulders steady with a firm grip.
Without a thought I melt into him, my arms coming up to rest on his solid chest. The kiss is short-lived, but the tingle acts like residue on my lips once we pull apart. "You talk way too much sometimes." Austin mutters breathlessly, the sixtieth smile I've seen tonight tugging at his lips. With all of my happiness I return the same smile once I lean my head against his.
I mutter back my apology, with pink tinted cheeks. "Sorry."
Austin only shakes his head in reply before tapping on my front door. Wait, when did I get home? So much for being in-tuned with my surroundings. Shooting Austin a halfhearted smirk, I begin to search my purse for my keys.
Tonight is coming to a slow end, meaning a goodbye is in order. Defeated, I slump my shoulders with a pout. Slowly I swing my arms around Austin's neck, giving him a goodnight hug. I tuck my head into the crook of his neck, never wanting his sent to leave my nose.
The ruffle of my hair and the feather-light touch of fingertips on my scalp sends a wave of shivers coursing through my body. Austin nudges my temple before pecking it gently. "Yes," he breaths into my hair. At least that's what I thought he said.
"Excuse me?" I ask, never daring to lift my head from his neck.
"I will stay with you forever, because I want that to." And with that he pulls me back, gazes into my eyes, and then places a sweet kiss to my forehead before hopping off my porch. He's gone from my side like the wind. "I'll see you tomorrow Alls!" he calls through the night air once he leaves my sight.
After my shock wears off I slowly make my way inside and to my room. As soon as I'm inside, I lock the door and run across the room to my bed. The comfortable mattress bids me a sweet hello and the pillows perched atop my made bed softens my squeals of delight.
I don't ever think I will miss Austin irrupting me once and a while, even if it is the tiniest bit rude. I can, without a doubt, handle it.
And I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are
-March 10th, 2016-
Two a-clock in the morning and I'm lying in bed, the sheets tangled from my thrashing, all of my pillows thrown to the floor. Only one remains tucked under my head and it smells like him.
It's been a month since he left for his record label, taking Trish and Dez along for the rollercoaster ride Los Angeles has to offer. Of course he wanted me to come, begged me even, but I had to convince myself that his life will be better without me. If he's going to be a big shot, my mediocre songs won't do him much good. I'm bound to get fired by the record deal anyway. It was safer to stay at home, where I'm familiar with my surroundings. And because of my decision to stay home, Austin and I broke off our relationship. It was mutual of course; well as mutual as it can be when internally I'm begging him to keep me as his and only his.
This breaks down all of my exterior walls, and leaves me feeling as if nothings left on the inside. The mind is a dark place for me right now; I can't be caught in its web. Sadly, I've already fallen into it, getting caught like a fly.
Tears spring freely to my eyes, but I don't bother to wipe them away. Instead I let them freely drip down, fallowing the same path as the previous ones.
Despite the tears filling my eyes, I close them in attempt to fall asleep. The Sandman must hold a grudge over me though, because nothing comes but Austin's face. He's burned into my mind, a third degree burn that will never fade. He will always be there, never leaving and right now, I need him to leave.
My impatiens to fall asleep reaches the maximum when three strikes the clock. I know deep inside I'm not going to be able to fall asleep at all tonight, so I end up flinging my covers off my lower half.
Through the darkness in Aus- my condo, I waddle into the living room. My fingers skim the walls in search of the light switches. As soon as I find it, I turn one single light on; the spotlight for the archway over the fireplace. This is where all of Austin's and my pictures are proudly displayed. As I walk by, I don't hesitate to run my finger over his face inked into the papers. The want to feel him again is beginning to feel more like insanity to me.
The whole night I watch our life displayed within the picture frames, just like I used to watch him fall asleep next to me, and I'll feel him forget me every second of the heartbreak.
I face darkness, complete and utter darkness. My left cheek feels frozen and the rest of my left side feels stiff. Slowly I allow my eyelids to slide open to reveal my white kitchen tile in my face. The white spotlight from the sun streaming in through open blinds pains my eyes. While I push my stiff body up I blink numerous times, trying to rid the spots from my vision.
A half empty tub of ice-cream sits at my feet. The contents are now melted into a thick glossy surface. Smudges of the multi-colored luxury paint the tiles in various sized puddles. A picture of Austin and I -my favorite- is clutched tightly in my right hand. His face stares at me, taunting me with what used to be. What used to be a warm body, a glamorous face, a wonderful person that would sit next to me, is no longer there. All that's left is empty space.
With a feeble sigh I run my fingers through my tousled hair, the knots and mats infesting it acts as snares to my running fingers. Painfully, I yank my fingers out of the hopeless tangles covering my head. My yelp of pain goes unheard by any nearby. No blonde comes running up to me, questioning my health, and if it hurts. Funny how you can take the pestering nagging of concern for granted.
My muscles ache as I push myself from the chilling tile flooring. As soon as I'm up, I roll my shoulders in attempt to ease some of its stiffness. However, standing stationary proves to be my down fall.
For the past month I've restrained myself from calling Trish or Dez and asking about their lives, actually, about Austin's. And it's not like I don't care about their accomplishments in the past month, but I've got Austin looming above my head; it makes a clear and focused thought incapable. And now, I'm face to face with my cell phone. Contently it lays on the cleared counter, pulling me by a rope to it.
I find myself watching my actions as if I'm a by-stander. Once my fingers unlock my screen, I'm dialing Trish's number in record time. Finding myself listening nervously with the dial tone, I panic. Just as I'm about slam the end box, I hear her voice. Trish Delarosa sends her greeting, "Hello." She states, a bubbly tone helping her, currently, friendly voice.
I clear my throat quickly, hoping it doesn't sound scratchy. "Hey." I reply into the receiver, hoping she recognizes my voice.
"Ally!" She screams happily, her voice so loud in my ear I end up juggling the phone in my hand. "Oh my gosh, how have you been? How's Miami? Does Mr. Dawson miss me yet? Did you get any rain last week? How's the beach? Are you still living in the condo? Have you been crying, it sounds like you've been crying?"
All of Trish's questions come out in a rush river of words. They melt together, and I can barely figure out what she said most of the time. I laugh at her questions and answer them one by one. "I'm fine. Miami's great. He misses you in his own special way. No, it didn't rain." I pause quickly. "What would make you think it rained?"
"I don't know, just thought it might." She answers. Even over the phone I can practically hear the shrug of her shoulders.
With a slight shake of my head I continue. "I don't go to the beach anymore, but it looks perfect as usual. Yeah, I'm living in the condo; I plan to move out though." Ok that was a lie. I don't think I'm ever going to move. Then I remember her last question. "No, I haven't been crying. Why would I be crying? There's no need for me to be crying, so why would I be crying?" I curse myself. Trish is going to be able to pick up my lie from a mile away, or more like a thousand.
She scoffs into the phone. "Please, Ally, your babbling says it all." Trish informs. My face flattens into a look showing I've been caught.
"So, how's life in California?" I ask casually, hoping to change the subject.
"Oh, it's been great. Dez has gotten to work with that one dude that's his hero or whatever. Austin hooked me up to meet Demi freaking Lovato's manager. How neat is that? And Austin-Wait! You're trying to change the topic!" Trish exclaims.
Nervously I laugh. "No, but really how's, Aus-I mean everyone." I question again.
Through the phone I hear the crackling sigh from Trish. "Austin's fine, Ally. He's making it big, just how he wanted. But, he hasn't been the same." She answers, obvious stress wearing down her voice.
Quickly I clear my, suddenly dry, throat. "What do you mean?"
Trish sighs again. "Ally, you aren't gonna like what you hear." She states. Trish's voice is only a mere whisper.
"What, Trish, tell me," I pause, waiting for her answer. I desperately hope that the rumors circulating around the internet and gossip channels aren't true. So instead of letting Trish answer, I answer it myself. "The rumors are true, aren't they? He's dating that new actress."
The line is silent, only the periodic crackle from the reception is heard. "Yea," She answers.
I'm dropping, flying through the floor on the hundredth story of a building. My stomach drops to the floor, only after my heart-which shatter's on impact. Then I'm gone, the pain circles my head, making my thoughts blurred and my tongue turns to Jell-O. From the inside out my chest caves into the now vacuum like hole where my heart used to live. I can't stop the crystal tears that run in rivers down my already tear-stained cheeks.
Quickly I pull the phone away from my ear, making sure Trish can't hear my choking sobs. My hands fumble up my chest to my heart as I try to hold what is no longer there in place. White covers my knuckles from the pressure I put under it as I squeeze the life from my palms. With all I can muster, I quite my sobs, for now. Swiftly I swing the phone back up to my ear while trying to clear my clogged throat. "Oh, that sounds great. I hope he's happy." I state, my tone monotone until it cracks towards the end.
"Alls, come on, you don't have to act like this with me." Trish says softly. I shake my head quickly, willing the tears away. "If you're not ok, you can talk to me."
"I didn't call to talk about me. I just wanted to make sure that everything is all and well." My words come out rushed and begging for a diversion in our current conversation.
Again Trish sighs. "He doesn't love her. He doesn't look at her the way he would look at you. Don't give up cheka; he's still head over heels for you." Trish's words hit me like a bullet, because I know he doesn't love me. If he loved me, he wouldn't have told me he did. If he loved me, he wouldn't have kissed me. If he loved me, he wouldn't have broken off our relationship. And if he loved me, he wouldn't have walked into Sonic Boom that summer day and introduced himself. He doesn't love me.
"I would believe that if he loved me to begin with." I state bitterly. Trish's voice squeaks, signaling she's about to speak, I cut her off. "But I hope you're happy there." I continue, placing a fake smile on my lips until I remember that it's unneeded.
Trish groans before sighing out, once more. Her frustration is evident in the action. "Life is good. Not as good as it could be. We are in fact missing a team member."
I shrug while beginning to take slow strides towards the living room. "I'm sure your fine." I reply.
A door opening and closing sounds in the speaker against my ear. Instantly I begin to hear the laughs and rustle of clothing. "Austin, Dez, quit messing around! I'm on the phone!" Trish screams, her voice muffled from what must be her hand covering the headset.
My stomach drops all over again when I hear Austin's name. I nibble at my upper lip while I wait, nervously, for Trish to stop telling them off in Spanish. She ends up doing that when she's upset.
After hearing muffled apologies, Trish returns to the phone. "Sorry Alls, I had to tell off some bimbo's." She informs.
I giggle momentarily, which surprises me. However my second of happiness is stomped down when I hear Austin's voice calling in the background. "Trish, that's Ally?" His tone is rushed and sounds slightly panicked. There's a short pause, which must be caused by Trish nodding. "Give me the phone!" Austin screams. If I thought it was rushed before, it's defiantly rushed now.
My stomach jumps and my body is emptied of any small sliver of confidence left inside. Not caring who's on the other end of the phone I hustle my goodbye. "Sorry Trish, I got to go!" With that I slam my phone down on the counter after hitting end quickly. My accelerating heart rate slows only by a few beats. It still pounds out of my chest.
Immediately I sprint off to my room, leaving my phone far behind.
And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in the weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind
-September 18, 2016-
That blasted ringing. It won't go away. No matter how hard I try to push it out of my slumbering mind, I can't. With a heavy sigh I walk up from the icy darkness that usually shadows my dreams over. Grumpily, I slam my hand onto the carpet below me searching for my phone. When the slick surface never touches my fingers, I crack my eyes open. My living room is still dark; the tub of ice-cream is still where I left it, on the carpet, when I fell asleep on the couch. What is different however, is the howling wind outside and the rustle of the palm tree's shaking outside the window. The waves crashing on the shore sound louder and heavier now, more violent then peaceful. I scrunch my eyebrows together in confusion.
My phone's ringtone is still banging in my head so I quickly sweep my phone up off the floor. I squint my eyes in attempt to adjust to the new light glowing from my screen. As soon as I make out Trish's caller-I.D I slide my lock screen to answer.
After placing the phone up to my ear I grumble into it. "Trish, why are you calling? It's-" In one swift glance I look to the cable box behind me to find the time. "it's three-fifty in the morning." I groggily snap while rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"Ally, please tell me that you're not at the condo." Her voice comes to my ears, loud and full of concern. In the background I hear the muffled questions of two male voices.
I sit up on the couch, tossing the blanket from my body. I stretch before answering. "Trish, I live here, of course I'm at my condo." I sigh, quite frustrated and annoyed. "Why, what's going on?" I question while pulling myself up with a groan.
"A hurricane is coming up to the coast line, Ally! Haven't you heard the sirens? They must be going off by now!" The screams from Trish come like a bricks to my stomach. I listen carefully over the wind and I hear the whisper of the sirens screaming out.
I fumble with my T.V. remote and snap on weather channel. "Hurricane Jenny is barreling up to Miami's coast line at a whopping sixty miles per hour. Shorelines have been evacuated, for Jenny, which earlier today was estimated to die a hundred miles off coast. It is now estimated to create damage all of Miami's coasts. For those of you just tuning in, if you are anywhere in the evacuation zone, get out now. We guess this storm will be leveling some land. Back to you Baxter-" Right then I took off for the linen closet down the hall, my phone still pressed against my head. I yank the door open and grab the 72-Hour emergency kit before dashing off to my room.
Once inside I pull a bag out from deep inside the closet. The howling of the wind is only growing louder making me quicken my speed. I stuff random clothes into the bag, grabbing anything important along the way. I rush across the room to the bed and I stuff Doggy the Dolphin into it. I then grab pictures from the walls, my blanket, Austin's pillow and dump them into the huge bag as well. Quickly, I snatch up my song book, my purse, and some cash stashed under my dresser. As I sprint out to the kitchen I snag important little things here and there.
Before dashing out the door, I fling a jacket over my body. As soon as I'm out of the condo door wind and rain slice through my jacket and my skin. Trish is screaming in my ear, but it's barely audible over the crashing waves a mere hundred yards away. Saltwater is already beginning to stain the asphalt road.
I rush across the soaked grass in front of my condo and towards the one car garage just off the right side of the condo. The combination code is typed in easily and before I know it, I'm sliding into my black 2005-Mustang. I toss all of my bags into the passenger seat and start the car. However, the only sound emitting from the vehicle is the revving of the engine trying to start. Fear is setting in quickly now, and tears prick my eyes. "Really?" I screech as I hit the steering wheel with my fist. Sharp pain instantly thumps in my now sore fist.
"What's wrong?" Trish's voice speaks to me through the phone, anxiety dripping from her tone.
I take deep breaths, trying to calm myself as I begin to try to start the car. "My car won't start!" I scream -scared as hell- into the phone. My heart is beating so fast, I have to wonder if I'm going to have a heart attack.
Again the muffled voices in the background continue to chatter and I listen as Trish repeats what I just told her to who must be Austin and Dez.
"Yes!" I scream once my engine finally starts. Instantly I push the petal to the metal, desperate to get away from the storm riding my heels. I swerve through the empty streets, the wipers on my windshield going back and forth in a quick flash over my eyes.
"Did it start?" Trish asks in a rush, the chomping on the other side of the phone suggests she's biting her nails.
I sigh, relieved. "Yes," I answer, my tears now falling down. My words come out choked, but I could care less.
"It's gonna be ok Alls, just listen to the sound of my voice." Trish coos, worry still evident in her voice.
The rain pounding on my windshield makes it nearly impossible to see beyond it. Lightning cracks the sky into pieces over my head. Electrical lines around me are beginning to snap and tumble to the moaning earth. The force of the wind is pushing and tossing me across the lanes in the road. I try my hardest to keep a straight line going, but my fear is still taking up my mind.
My tears keep streaming down and mangled sobs rip up my throat. "Trish," I choke into the phone. "I'm sorry." I call into the phone, sobs raking my body.
"W-What for?" She asks, her tone now low and beyond concerned.
"I don't even know. For anything I've done to you. I want you to know-" I'm cut off by my own scream as I swivel around a falling tree. I make it under just before it falls. "I just want you to know that I love you guys, all of you." I pause, trying to contain my sobs; however I don't have much luck. "Trish, you're my best friend. I couldn't ask for anyone better to help me through hard times. And tell Dez, that even though he's a crazy goon, that he's the one I could always vent to without being judged. Tell him thank you for me-" Trish cuts me off.
"Ally, don't talk-"
"Don't, let me talk," I interrupt, before taking a hard right turn. "Tell Austin that I still love him. That breaking up wasn't mutual to me. I'm still in love with him. Tell him not to feel guilty either, because I want him to be happy. I'm so happy that he's happy and living his dream. But just tell him that I hope on one beautiful day he'll wish he stayed with me. Tell him that I hope he finds his way. Just tell him I love him so much it hurts." My mind is going into over drive. "I love you guys, don't-" Again, I'm forced to swerve around another falling tree with a scream ripping past my lips; however the wind tosses me off the road and into a small ditch. My head whips forward, luckily I put my seatbelt on. Suddenly the air is knocked out of my lungs by the airbag impacting my upper body. My neck now screams at me, along with the wind. So instead of trying to get out of the road side ditch I'm in, I lay my head onto the steering wheel. My surroundings are fuzzy and the shaking of the car from the wind isn't helping my condition.
"Ally? Ally! Ally, talk to me! Ally, where are you?" The quite cries of Trish through the phone are multiplied by two more voices now. They scream through the phone that is now sprawled out on the passenger side floor. I make no move to grab it.
A steady trickle of blood begins to run down my head as I begin to allow myself to sleep. The fogged over cries are now nothing but smudges of sound in the background. Slowly I allow my eyes to slide shut until blackness takes me away to an alternate land, a land where Austin stayed. And because he stayed, nothing fell apart.
Light blanks out my surroundings as soon as I awaken. I blink, trying to find the walls and floors of wherever I am. And soon the lines are etched out and I can see where I am. "What the-" I question into the air as soon as I make out a hospital room.
Quickly I glance down at myself. Blue blankets cover the lower half of my body; a hospital gown covers my naked upper half from view. An IV is stuck in my right arm, a steady bead of liquid flowing down occasionally. My right index finger has a pulse clamp on it. The throbbing pain in my head causes my left arm to inch up where the hurt is. However, instead of feeling my own skin underneath, I feel cloth. Frantically I look up. How did I get to the hospital? I recall everything, hitting my head, falling asleep, having Trish on the phone. But how did I end up in the hospital?
"Oh," A startled voice calls out. I snap my head around to see a plump nurse walking in, clipboard in hand. "You're up." She states.
I nod my head slowly. My eyes plea with her to give me answers. "How did I get in the hospital?" I question, my voice horse and scratchy.
The nurse slowly sits down while pulling a pen out from behind her ear. "Well, first do you remember anything of what happened?" She asks, pen at the ready.
"Yeah, I remember everything. I was trying to get away from the hurricane. I had my friend on the phone and I swerved out of the way of a tree or something and ended up in a roadside ditch. I remember falling asleep and that's it." I answer with fear branching from my wonder.
The nurse nods her head before scribbling something down. "Alright, well, Miss Dawson. We got a call from one of your friends saying that you were driving out of the storm. Lucky he took a good guess at which road you where on or else we might not have ever found you untill it was too late." She explains.
My eyes go wide before quickly returning to normal size. "Oh, so what time is it?"
"Seven thirty." My nurse answers as she tucks a small piece of sandy hair dangling in her eyes behind her ear. "You are fit for release at eight. Your father is waiting for you outside and he has all of your things."
I glance down at my hands folded neatly in my lap for a second before returning my gaze. "Thank you, miss." I reply.
She returns with a curt nod before walking out of my room. Only, she pokes her head back in. "Would you like to see your father?" I nod dramatically, having it only add to the throbbing in my head.
Next thing I see is my father walking through the door. His eyes are glazed with tears. He lets the bags in his hands drop before he rushes over to me and scoops me into a gentle hug. I cry loudly into his neck, knowing that I could have died out there. And the realization scares the crap out of me.
"Is there any place you want to go honey?" My Father asks, as he drives down the glimmering streets of downtown Miami. Luckily, not much of Miami was damaged in the storm; only the coast was leveled over.
I take a quick peak up at the sky. Out of the shadows of the grey clouds, the sun shines. It gives a beautiful light to the town as we drive by. However, not nearly as many people are out as usual, and those who are out are helping with what did happen to get damaged by the storm.
I sigh, hoping my father doesn't turn down my suggestion. "Could you take me to my condo, or what's left of it?" I state, my tone soft and small.
From the corner of my eye I see my dad nod his head silently. "Sure, Sweetie."
I stand there, my arms wrapped tightly around my torso. My toes are touching the door to my condo that barely dangles by the hinges. I don't dare go in, but I find myself doing it anyway.
Slowly I open the door. The hinges scream at me to leave them be, which I do once I'm standing in a large puddle in the foyer. I look around to see the furniture scattered across the house, tipped on their sides and backs. Some of the windows have been blown out and shards of glass lay like ice crystals over the floor. No longer does the house have a roof, which allows the still dark clouds to show above. Mushy puddles fill the house and water drips freely down the walls. The crashing of the waves in the distance tells me the small hurricane is still causing the tides to slam roughly against the shore.
Tears begin to gather in my eyes as I roam the condo. My lip quivers as I remember the short span of my life that I lived here. Most of the days were spent with Austin. Flashes of us spraying whipped cream at each other in the kitchen go across my eyes. The remembrance of crawling into bed together, holding one another close as we would drift away into a deep slumber. Memories of our movie marathons spent curled up on the couch run across my mind as well. Now all that's left is a broken home. Nothing but dingy walls and floors, all of our pictures I left have been thrown from the walls. Our accidental handprints next to the mirror in the bathroom have now faded into nothingness. Everything I loved about this place has left, been broken, or lost.
With a quick shift of my eyes I look up to the clouds looming over head. They crack in the sky to allow the Miami sun to shine through. I smile up at the beautiful sight. Hopefully today will be a beautiful day.
Quickly I whip out my phone from my pocket. I touch the screen until my photos show up. The first one that pops up is my favorite one of Austin and me. I gaze at it, long and hard. That's when I realize that even though I didn't realize the storm was coming, I could have planned for it. But no matter what, I could never plan on Austin changing his mind about us.
I then look over a picture of lyrics from my book. Lyrics I have been working on for almost a year now. Yet I still haven't figured out the proper way to end the song. Instantly I go to my notes app and open up a new note. I plan to copy the lyrics to my songbook later.
I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss
Forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips
Just like our last
"Ally, my God! You're alright!" A very, very familiar voice calls out to me right when I was about to write down the last word to the song. I whip around, almost dropping my phone in the process.
Right there, a mere five feet away, the Austin Moon stands. I gasp, my heart jump starting. "Austin?" I question while squinting my eyes to get a better look of him.
He only nods before rushing forward and enveloping my in a bear hug. His breath fans over my ear as he buries his nose into my hair. "You where, right. It's a beautiful day, and I really wish I would have stayed."
So, I hope you guys like this :) It took me FOREVER to write, but I think it turned out pretty nice. But my opinion doesn't matter! It's yours, so please please please review! :D Also, if there is a special song you want me to do, then request it via PM or review. It doesn't matter to me. Thanks! :) Also, don't be afraid of telling me what you don't like about my writing. I can handle it :)