Author's Note

This story's title is based on a line from one of the poems of the ancient Roman poet, Catullus. It means I love yet I hate. The words are meaningful and although this is a Narnia fanfiction, it's a very personal piece of writing. Just a short disclaimer: none of the characters are mine, nor any plot elements from the books or films, nor any quotes from them either.
I really hope you enjoy this, though it will be a case of if you don't like it, then just walk on by...but do review and leave criticism, I'm open to both positive or negative AS LONG AS IT'S CONSTRUCTIVE!

Chapter I : A Turn for the Worse

Susan still had not returned from dinner with Rabadash. Edmund looked at the time as it passed and felt uneasy. Prince Cor was sitting with Tumnus discussing battle tactics from the Defeat of the White Witch. There was an ill feeling about on that day in Tashbaan.

The Gentle Queen had spent the day with her paramour visiting the famous sites of the city in all their heady beauty. Rabadash never strayed from her side, not once did he remove himself from her delicate, white person. The proximity of the two on previous occasions had made her younger brother instruct her to be alone with the Prince, without a chaperone. He would realise that he never should have permit his pretty sister to be without his comforting presence with the deceitful rogue.

Much time had passed since the time when Susan ought to have returned or sent word as to her delay, so Edmund left the uncomfortable cage of their rooms and went in search of his sister. When he eventually found her, under a soiled, ripped fragment of ancient carpet, he knew the world for the Pevensie four had just become a more dangerous and evil place.

"Susan!" He shouted, over and over, trying to revive the beaten woman lying beneath him whilst being aware of her wounds and bruises and being cautious of her.

He bent down to her bare bosom and listened with such willing ears for the sound of her breath and the rise and fall of her chest. It came and the king breathed a laboured sigh of relief that his sister at least lived.

The broken queen whispered, "Ed..."

"Hush, Su, it'll be all right now, I'm here," though he spoke the words, the youthful king had no idea how he would fulfil them, "I'll take you home."

Susan had not heard his last promise, she had already sunk back into unconsciousness. Edmund lifted his precious sister away from the dirt and grime in which she had been abandoned and gently bore her back to their rooms to be tended and nursed by her own.

The queen had woken intermittently over some days, but had not yet gained the strength to utter more than a few sounds. Tumnus had informed his liege lord that several of her ribs were broken, she had acute concussion and that her entire body had been battered.

The faun had to tell the king of another piece of news, grave news, but for once the words eluded him, "My king," he looked down uneasily, "the queen, your sister, has also endured another injury, which is more serious than the others..."

Edmund saw the faun shake under the immense pressure of relaying his news and encouraged him, "Yes, Tumnus?"

"Forgive me, sire, there is no easy way to inform you that your sister has been assaulted," he breathed a sigh of relief, but waited for the fury he knew was to come.

"Yes, I know, Tumnus. That much is obvious." The naive king replied.

"No, your majesty, I'm sorry that you do not understand...Queen Susan has," the faun uttered a great sob, "been raped.