Contents of a Time Capsule

Lafayette, Indiana, 2012 AD

As Josh put his contribution into the time capsule, ignoring the looks from the people around him at what he had placed into its confines, an idle thought crossed his mind.

"I wonder if people will make a religion out of this." he pondered, then dismissed it with a mental shrug.

No one could be that stupid, after all even the people who believed in Cargo Cults had a logical reason to worship those would bring in the cargo.

There wasn't any reason to idolize a time capsule that contained various bits of nothing, not even a complete DVD set of Daria the TV show.


Awnanduale, the Third Kingdom of Rris, 3210 AD

His Serene Majesty, Trenkus IV maintained a cool mask as the ArkCynik Inku the Younger finished the damn blessing so everyone could sit down.

It had taken the old codger two and a half hours to finish the Rite of Pizza.

"That's it," Trenkus decided, "Inku the Younger hardly lives up to his name at seventy five anymore, it's time to replace him with a more... pliable candidate for the ArkCynikacy."

Even while the King of the Third Kingdom sealed his fate, Inku began to the recite prayers from the Bitter Tomes, and knowing that the copy in the old bastards hands was as close to the original scriptures as any currently known to the world, even the King felt a twinge of reverence.

"Amigas," Inku intoned in his wavering voice to the mostly noble and royal congregation of the Igh Chool, "We have gathered to taste of Her Indifference."

"So that the worthlessness of the world becomes apparent." The congregation inside the largest religious structure in the known world constructed a mere century after the Collapse, sang back.

"To sup upon Her Holy Pizza," Inku recited, "To dine upon the glories of Contempt."

"The Critique Be Hallowed!" the mindless mass sang back, even the secret atheist monarch began to feel an old familiar pull in his chest.

"We will not fear the Demons of the Higher Inlands," Inku began to thunder as well as any old man could do, "Their wretched names spit upon forever and ever by Her and Her True Believers."

"Hallowed are the True Believers." Trenkus IV recited with the rest, a slight smile upon his face at the prayers of his childhood.

Inku then finished the prayer and began his sermon, discussing the relevance of this particular Cynic's Day, which was of particular import for this Igh

Chool since it was dedicated in the name of Cc. Ahndreya the Black.

"Personally I prefer Cynic Mack the Spiteful," Trenkus thought to himself, "It's much easier to follow his saga of destroying the Demons of the Vaanse and the Lahwndaele than Ahndreya's philosophica ponderings."

But he couldn't voice this, the Igh Chool that had had the royal patronage for over a century was Igh Chool of the Blackened Dress, and his hold on the Third Kingdom's Throne was too tenuous to buck tradition.

"But if what my friend found is what we think it is," the King thought with secret glee, "Then I'll be a position of such power that no one in the Ninety Rris Kingdoms could oppose me."

As Inku prattled on, Trenkus IV wondered if the Pre-Collapse machine would hold out long enough to transcribe the treasure that had been recovered in the ruins on the borderlands between the Third Kingdom and the Fifth.

If it truly was an original, uncorrupted elekronic copy of Her Words, then the worshipers of Cynicism would forever revere those who had brought the 'lost teachings' to the faithful.

Trenkus just hoped that, if nothing else, it would confirm that the so-called Quiverwingers were heretics.

"Believing that She would throw away Her Sacred Friend, Yane for the Grand Demon Thom," Trenkus thought with disgust, "Well, we'll crush the heretics soon enough, and I will laugh when their flesh cooks as they burn for their sins."

Inkus then finished his sermon and the last part of the ceremony was about to begin.

The smells of Communion wafted in the air and plenty of noble mouths watered.

It was the climax of the Holy Day, the Consumption of the Flesh of the Daria.

Pizza and Fizzy Cola.

THE END