What is this...a brain-hiccup?


Note: I'm aware of terrible OOCness. That's just part of old Konoha, though. (cackles like Obitopede...does Obitopede cackle? lol)

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine. After all, I nearly wrote "California king-sized" in a world without California, and also included scones. What the...scones?

Oh, and I would've made Rin somehow live, via crazy Orochimaru. That, and why does Kabuto look like... Marilyn MonKaburoe? (new Chikara arc)

Chapter 18: Konoha's Nighttime Residents

"You're going where?" Tobirama asked. Well, it sounded more like "Yer gowen wharf?" because he was brushing his teeth. Earlier, he had been purposely singing in an extremely grating voice while he showered, so now Mariko was sulking on the bed rubbing her temples. Let it be known that the Senju had the voices of angels, but when Tobirama wanted to be annoying, let it be known that the Senju (at least some of them) were experts in that field as well.

"To a party."

"A party?" Tobirama spat out his toothpaste and ran the sink, glancing at the girl sitting just through the door on their bed. From his angle, all he could really see was a head of blue hair, the long tresses cascading to cover a large portion of the covers.

"Yes, Tobirama. A party," Mariko confirmed, rolling her eyes to herself.

"What kind of party?" he asked suspiciously.

"You know, the Hyuuga party I've been telling you about?" Mariko twirled a lock of blue hair around her fingers.

"Oh, that one?" Tobirama gargled and spat.

"Yeah, Tobirama." Mariko turned to glare at him. "You can't come, by the way."

"Why not?"

"It's a girls' night out," she informed him, smiling deviously.

"When is this party again?" He wiped his face and tried to figure out why he had a bruise on his neck. When he remembered, he made a face, smirked to himself, and then went back to wiping his face off with the towel.

"Tomorrow night."

"What time?"

"Around 7 or 8 at night."

"Uh. I can't let you go, then," Tobirama said simply, turning off the bathroom light and sauntering over to the bed. He plopped down unceremoniously, accidentally leaning on her hair. Mariko yelped, surprising both of them.

"Don't pull my hair!"

"I didn't mean to!" Tobirama rearranged himself so that he didn't accidentally pull any of her hair, and then gave her a consoling kiss on the forehead, murmuring at apology. Mariko stroked her hair, and then snuggled into Tobirama's chest.

"Wait…I can't got to the party?"


"Why?" Mariko stared at Tobirama.

"Uh. Konoha at night is dangerous," he explained.

"Why, are there creepers in all the corners?"


"The only creeper that I know will come for me is you." Mariko narrowed her eyes, and Tobirama averted his gaze, rubbing the back of his neck.

"No, Mariko, I worry for your safety."

"I can handle myself."

And so, Mariko went to the party, setting out at 7pm and walking down the streets of Konoha with a spring in her step. The streetlights flickered on all at once, a few delaying while a few more just didn't light up. Several shops began closing, while a few others remained open, and a few more just began to pull their blinds open.

Mariko was halfway to the Hyuuga complex when there was the creepiest howling noise in the history of Konoha. It was closely followed by a few chants, and then a fierce "WOOOAHHH!" that sounded suspiciously like Kagami.

"That…was weird," Mariko muttered to herself. She continued walking, until she heard a clattering behind her. Whipping around, blue hair flying, she eyed the street corner. Only the lamp overhead flickered, and a few flies buzzed around it quietly. Mariko turned to start walking again.

"WOOOAAAHHH!" came the cry. Mariko nervously skipped a step, the hairs on her neck standing on end. There was a hoot, a scream, and then more of a clatter. Mariko picked up the pace, and was about the turn the corner when a mummified face thrust itself in front of her and howled.

Mariko was so terrified, she couldn't even scream. Instead, her automatic instincts pushed a pulse of chakra to her palm, and suddenly an icicle materialized in her hand and she thrust it at the figure. It impaled the thing in the stomach. It screeched, but Mariko didn't stick around long enough to hear it, because she had taken off at a dead sprint towards the Hyuuga Clan's gate.

Just as she came within a block, a bloody, wrapped hand grabbed her shoulder, and spun her around to see the mummy. It pulled the melting icicle from its abdomen and groaned in pain, watching the blood drip off of the end in agony.

Mariko pulled a scroll from her pocket; it was the one Hashirama had given her, a special scroll that sprouted trees. But before she even got to use it, the figure glanced at the Senju seal branded on the scroll's side and hissed. Then, a white silhouette appeared and knocked the living daylights (if it was living at all) out of the mummy. The white man then scooped up Mariko and leapt to safety.

"I told you, there are a lot of creepy things here," Tobirama muttered, setting Mariko down.

"Is this some sort of horror movie?!" she demanded, staring at the spot where the mummy had been. The creepy creature had slinked away and disappeared.

"With the Uchiha around, you never know. See why I followed you, now?" Tobirama arched his brows, smirking.

"No. I could've handled him," Mariko huffed, crossing her arms. She glanced around, and supposed they were on some random rooftop. She could see the Hyuuga complex gate behind her, so she supposed they had already entered a part of the clan's area.

"Are you sure?" Tobirama asked doubtfully, guessing at the identity of the "mummy". "You would've been Hurricane Soufflé, if I hadn't rescued you." He struck a pose, rather proud of his hero role this time around. He grinned at the blunette, who poke him in the ribs, annoyed. Tobirama continued on about how he was the hero in this horror story…

"You see, Mariko? In the end, my suspicions were correct," he praised himself. Grinning, he added, "Is there anything you'd like to say to your shining prince?"

Mariko glared, tipped her head to one side, and studied him for a moment. He watched her contemplate her answer. When she had it, she smiled.

"How's that bruise going for you?"

Tobirama cringed.

"How was my yelling?" Kagami asked Izuna, who sat running his hands over the spine of a book he used to read.

"It was great," Izuna said, smiling. "It had a great, chilling effect."

"That's actually my battle cry," Kagami told the older man. "I was told I needed one—by Mariko-san, ironically—so I'm practicing."

"It's a good way to help release a great amount of chakra," Izuna commented, nodding. He set down the book and picked up a dull kunai, which he began grating on a stone to sharpen it. Being blind, the kunai was sharpened a little crookedly, but that was fine; it was effective enough. Izuna vaguely remembered what Kagami looked like. He was a fine-looking boy, with a square jaw and messy, short hair. It had been a few years, and he'd forgotten the fine detail, though he could imagine how the young boy had grown.

"Tell me, Kagami, how many tomoe do you have in your Sharingan now?"

"Two," Kagami said proudly. He'd awakened the second one during the chuunin exams, against a Hyuuga, actually. The battles of eyes.

"And you awakened these when you—" Izuna froze, and his head whipped towards the door of the study. "Nii-san?"

Kagami, curious, went quiet and listened carefully. Hearing nothing, he asked Izuna what he had heard.

"No, I didn't hear anything. I saw it." Izuna frowned then, and Kagami followed suit. How could a blind man see if his brother was coming?

"How did you see it?"

Izuna shrugged. He supposed it was some crazy, improbably Uchiha-eye-telepathy sort of magic happening. He'd glimpsed a fuzzy image of a bloodied hand and the hallway just outside this study, though it had disappeared in a moment. He was sure, though.

"I don't know. It was blurry…" Just as he finished speaking, Madara burst through the door, cursing to himself. His right hand, which was pressed against his abdomen, was red with blood. He snapped something at Kagami, who rushed to get a medic.

"What happened?" Izuna asked, in a rather bored tone.

"I wasn't expecting her to stab me," Madara grumbled. "Well, more like I hadn't expected it to bleed this much."

It wasn't that he was in extreme pain, but more like he was just a bit annoyed that the blood loss suddenly made him a little dizzy. He'd been about to pursue Tobirama, that interfering idiot, when he partially blacked out. Madara had glanced down, and realized that a good amount of his blood was pooled on the streets of Konoha, swore to himself, and retreated.

"That's what you say every time," Izuna sighed. He picked up a random jacket and threw it at his brother, quite accurately. "I still remember the one time you killed some Kaguya clan guy, and didn't realize his bones had stabbed you. So you walked home, and suddenly fell over. It was actually really funny."

"That was not funny," Madara growled.

"Well, we all laughed. So too bad." Only Izuna would dare speak to the crazy clan head like this. Kagami ran back with a towel and a medic, a short girl who went crazy seeing the clan head bleeding profusely. Madara tried waving all of the attention off, claiming to be fine.

"Um…Madara-sama, you're shaking." Kagami held a towel out to the clan head, but realized that the man was slapping away all attempts at caring for him. Kagami laughed nervously. Madara always made him wary.

"I am not."


Madara staggered against the wall, and Izuna smiled.

"Told you so."

"Shut up, Izuna. It wasn't funny then, and it isn't funny now."

"Well, it's true that it wasn't as funny as the one time Mito —"


Earlier that day, Toka had received a message from the Fire Temp via hawk messenger, and unrolled the report. She then brought it over to Hashirama for him to read, but to her surprise, the First was absent, and in his place, his younger brother was ruffling through his drawers rather nosily.

"Tobirama, what are you doing?"

"He's got a stash of food in here, I swear."

"That's where he keeps A-rank missions that he saves for—Hey!"

"Found it!" Tobirama whipped out a folder, and then stuck his team's files into them, before slamming the drawer shut. He locked it quickly and then reached into another corner of Hashirama's wooden desk—made by the Mokuton user himself—and pulled out a bag of old Halloween candy. "See?"

Toka snatched it from him and set it on the floor, glaring at the white-haired Senju.

"You just want him to assign you an interesting mission," she seethed.

"So what if that's true?"

"Your team's obviously not ready for an A-rank mission!" she exclaimed.

"I have decided that they are," Tobirama retorted. Suddenly, he was wary of the strange look his cousin was giving him.

"What's that on your neck?"

He slapped his hand to the spot right under his jaw, and said nothing. Tobirama was all of a sudden extremely interested in Toka's hair.

"Toka, your hair is interesting today. Do you tie that topknot differently every week?"


"See ya!" He hopped out the window.

"Um. Madara-sama?" Kagami leaned over the clan head. His first thoughts were: What if he wakes up, thinks I'm an enemy, and cuts my head off?

His seconds thoughts were: Those inferior Uchiha pricks (aka my cousins) will be so jealous when they hear that I've been spending time with the clan head and his brother. I'm so cool like that.

"What do you want, kid?" Madara cracked an eye open. He was lying on the couch, rather dejected after Izuna had brought up the Mito incident.

"I brought you…scones."

Madara cheered up slightly at this, and smiled.

"I like scones, kid. Thanks."

Kagami's thought number three: He thanked me! He freaked out on the inside, and also did a happy dance.

"Do you need anything else? Madara-sama?" Kagami smiled brightly. On the inside, Madara wished the boy would stop smiling at him like that, because it was getting a little annoying, but besides that…

"Get me…I know, steal the First's—"

"Madara, you can't tell the poor kid to steal anything." Izuna, on the opposite side of the room, reading a book in Braille, sighed.

"Okay. Get me…my Obito. That dear centipede should be around somewhere."

Now Kagami was extremely confused.

Was his clan leader…sane?

"Uh…yes sir."

He scrambled out of the room.

Oh Kagami, you.

I enjoy Kagami.

I also enjoy Kagami's superiority complex that I've given him (to his family members near his age, and teammates, at least) and his crazy love for the clan head's power... though he likes Izuna better than Madara, because Izuna's less creepy...I mean, less scary...?