Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to read this. I'm kind of embroiled in writing a personal story at the moment, but I'm aiming to tie up some loose ends in some old S&B fanfics like Scars and Fairytales soon,and after that I want to carry on writing Every Moment with You.
My guess is that, if you're reading this, you're probably one of *the* fangirls, and I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank you all for being such wonderful friends. Wow, this is a little formal... love you all;)
Whoever Saves One Life
Rachel found herself thinking, almost amusedly, that Gill would've grumbled about her grave. Too close to the road, she'd have said. Nobody's even cleaned the leaves from it. It was funny how voices could exist inside your head long after the person had gone.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she said, "I've just never been here before."
"I should have rung you earlier. We shouldn't have let it get this bad; and you definitely shouldn't have felt like you weren't worthy of–"
Janet trailed off, and Rachel didn't attempt to fill the silence. There was a teddy bear on the grave, the bow around its neck faded, and a little laminated card stitched to its leg, 'love you forever mum x'.
"Gillian Seraphina Murray. Has a certain, um, ring to it."
"No wonder she preferred Gill, is it?"
"I guess not."
"Rach," Janet sank down onto her knees in the grass, "You do know how much she cared about you, don't you? She might've teased you a bit sometimes, but she would've done anything to help you, and she did. She thought you had the potential to go far, like she had done."
"She could've gone further."
"Yeah. She could've."
Rachel shook her head, "Sorry, I didn't mean that."
"I thought it was just a matter of time until I could move on. I thought, when you were a police officer, you hardened your heart. But it's true, what we tell all those families: there's no time limit on grief."
"That's why Gill still loved Dave, I suppose."
"He had the grace not to show at her funeral."
Rachel smiled, "He always was a bit of a tosser."
They both looked back towards the grave.
Hamatzil nefesh ahat, ke'ealu hetzil olam ma'leh.
"She didn't have anything on her will about what she wanted for her funeral. I suppose she didn't think it would be..." Janet shook her head again, "I chose it with Julie. We thought it was appropriate."
"What does it mean?"
Janet was quiet for a long time, and Rachel wondered if she hadn't heard, or if she was praying. Rachel began to think about going back to Janet's house and sending her and Adrian upstairs to talk.
About being reunited with the two girls she'd always considered almost daughters to her; about holding them both tight for the first time in a year, and kissing their foreheads and plaiting their hair.
About making cakes together, and eating them in memory of Gill.
"Whoever saves one life," Janet said, eventually, "Saves the world entire."