As Fiona sat on top of the Ferris wheel with Imogen, she could feel the lump in her throat growing, she was losing her nerve. "Okay, Imogen, in case I die on this thing, there's something I need to tell you." She heard herself saying the words but she suddenly blanked. Imogen was looking back at her with a nervous expression, but she managed to respond with a simple "okay…" urging Fiona to continue. "I…um…well…I…" Fiona was fumbling; she couldn't do it. She knew this was as good as a time as ever to just come out and tell Imogen how she felt, but she just couldn't. She was a coward, and she knew it. The thought of losing Imogen, even if she was just a friend, was too much for her. "I'm going to miss you over break" Fiona finally said, exhaling and looking back out over the frostival. Imogen's face fell. "I'll miss you too", she replied. Oddly, Fiona swore she saw a look of disappointment flash across her friend's face.
5 Months Later
Fiona had been cleaning the loft when the package came: her cap and gown. She was graduating in three weeks and she couldn't believe that the moment was finally going to happen, let alone that it was going to happen at Degrassi. After spending winter break, plus a few days, in New York, she convinced her mother to allow her to return to Canada, especially since she was so close to graduating, and another transfer could have interrupted that once again. Fiona had been happy to return, especially to see Imogen, but she had spent the past several months constantly kicking herself mentally for never saying anything on that Ferris wheel. Imogen had acted weirder than usual when Fiona first got back, and Fiona wondered if she had started to suspect her feelings, but after a few weeks everything had gone back to the way it used to be. Somehow, even though they remained platonic friends, Fiona had absolutely fallen head over heels in love with Imogen, and she still didn't know just quite what to say. So, she continued to say nothing.
Imogen hadn't dated anyone since her failed relationship with Eli, which meant her and Fiona spend most of their time together. There had been so many incidents when Fiona should have just done something, said something, put away her fears and just gone with it. There were touches, and comments, and looks, and moments; Fiona dismissed them all. Even so, when Imogen showed up at Fiona's place for an after school, final study session with something to tell her, Fiona could have never guessed what she was about to hear.
"I'm going on a date," Imogen blurted out as she sat down on the couch, before she began to play with her hands as she anxiously awaited a response. "What?" Fiona's eyes were probably bugging out of her head before she remembered she was supposed to be the excited best friend. She quickly recovered, "I mean, yay! Who's the lucky guy? Please tell me it isn't Eli again…" Imogen sighed, "No it's not Eli. They don't go to Degrassi." Fiona's mind was racing, who on earth was Imogen talking to who wasn't from school? Where did she meet him? Why hadn't she heard anything about him before? Never mind, she told herself, she had to keep playing along, "Ooh juicy! Is he cute? What school does he go to?" Imogen's eyes continued to dart around the room before she finally settled them on Fiona, "Stacey is a freshman UT, and yeah, I guess she's cute." Fiona felt like she was going to puke.
"Stacey…as in…" Fiona couldn't say it, she couldn't handle this. It was one thing when Imogen was with Eli but this… this was too hard. "As in a girl, yes" Imogen finished for Fiona, "Please don't ask me to label myself either, because this is all new to me. She was really nice though and when she asked me out…there was an attraction, so I said yes." Fiona looked like someone had ran over her dog and it took everything in her not to break down right there. "So, uh, where did you meet her?" she asked. "At UT's student orientation last week. She was in one of my dad's classes and we ran into her on campus. He suggested we get coffee sometime so I could talk to her about next year, so we did and it was nice…and then she asked me to dinner," Imogen finished. Silence. Fiona was avoiding her gaze, thinking about how the only thing she wanted to do was drink. She knew it was her own damn fault that she was feeling like this, but she didn't care, and she needed a drink. Imogen broke the silence "I thought you would be more supportive, I mean after all, you're a lesbian. I thought I could talk to you about anything…" the way she said the last part made Fiona's heart break. "I'm sorry, I just forgot I have an, um, appointment with my therapist that I need to get to. I'm happy for you though, Immy." Fiona lied as she grabbed her coat and opened the door, "You should go too, this may take while". Imogen picked up her bag and walked out, but before she did she paused in front of Fiona, spat "Thanks a lot, Fiones" and with that she was gone.
It took Fiona less than fifteen minutes to return to the loft with three bottles in hand, and as soon as she set them on the counter she burst into tears. She hated this, she hated that she would stoop this low once again. Yes, she was upset, beyond upset, but it was her own fault. On top of that, she had worked so hard for her sobriety, and another relapse, just a year after the previous, would make her feel even more pathetic. She couldn't call Imogen; she would have to explain why she was so upset. Holly J wasn't answering, so that left Eli. When she told him she was about to drink, he questioned why Imogen wasn't her first call. When she told him why she wanted to drink, he told her he would be there in a couple minutes and to do anything but touch those bottles.
Fiona sat on the couch trying to get herself to stop crying when she heard the pounding at the front. "It's open" she managed to call out, and she heard the door fly open. Except it wasn't Eli who came charging into the loft, it was Imogen. She didn't even stop to look at Fiona before marching into the kitchen, opening each bottle, dumping the contents down the drain, then slamming the bottles into the trash. Fiona stood, "What are you doing? Where's Eli?" she questioned. "He called me. I was closer." Imogen walked up to Fiona, put her hands on Fi's arms and looked her dead in the eye before she asked, "Why are you so upset." Fiona didn't care anymore. She leaned forward, wrapped her hand around Imogen's neck, and kissed her.
Imogen was kissing Fiona back for a moment before she pushed away from her, "why would you do that Fiona?" This is what Fiona had dreaded all along, being rejected, but what was done was done. "Because I see you as so much more than a friend and I pretty much always have. I'm sorry, just forget it, I'll get over it, just don't stop being my friend. You're all I have, Immy," Fiona answered, and she noticed that Imogen now had tears in her eyes. "I meant why now. You had so many chances, like on the Ferris wheel. You were leaving for good and you still couldn't say anything. You literally left me hanging," Imogen replied. Now Fiona was confused, "Why would I have said anything? You were with Eli…you were straight…" Fiona didn't have a chance to finish her thought. "Well obviously not" Imogen interrupted her "You never gave me anything. There were so many moments when I was trying to show you or hint to you that I liked you and you never…never did anything to make me think it was mutual." Fiona was speechless; she had really screwed this up, this whole time she could have been with her. "Then let me be obvious. I like you. Actually I love you, you're my best friend and I think you're beautiful and you make me happy…so will you give me a chance now?" Fiona said, reaching for Imogen's hand. Once again, Imogen pulled away, "It's too late Fiona, we're going to University in a couple of months. I'm not going to deal with the drama of long distance only to break up three weeks later. I can't…" All that Fiona heard after that was the door slam, and the urge to drink was back, even stronger than it had been earlier.