Dean opened his eyes, frowning at the too bright light that was shining through the flimsy motel curtains. One day, he would force Sam into letting them go all out with their cash and actually sleep in a hotel that was actually decent and that didn't have a weird smell. Damn it, they deserved some comfort didn't they? Especially after all the crap they'd been through, losing Bobby, ending the apocalypse with all their sacrifices, Cas losing his grace and becoming human. They at least deserved a freaking thank you which Dean realised was never going to arrive off anyone.
He sighed, turning his head to the right, to stop the light from blinding him. Automatically he smiled affectionately at the mound beside him. As always, Castiel was sleeping chest down, the left of his face squashed into the pillow, his hand still having found Dean's stomach, noticeably under Dean's shirt. One of Dean's favourite faces of Cas was his sleeping face. He always had a childlike frown, his forehead creased in confusion, his lips slightly pouting. Even now, Cas still had a childlike innocence in him and Dean never wanted that to change. It strangely reminded him that, although he no longer was an angel, he still wasn't of this world, still had something special about him, even if he was just a lowly human now.
Not able to resist, he leaned forward slightly, kissing his creased forehead, lightly brushing his hand through his uncontrollable hair, careful not to wake him. But wake him he did. Castiel groaned, shuffling around uncomfortably.
"Morning Cas," Dean smiled, still stroking Cas' hair softly.
Castiel grumbled something incoherant, the left of his face squashing further into the pillow.
"Man, you really aren't a morning person," Dean said, amusement in his voice.
Castiel didn't reply, his eyes shutting even further, but his hand on Dean's stomach applied more pressure, his body seeming to tilt further towards Dean. His eyes snapped open when Dean chuckled quietly, Cas feeling the reverberations of it through his right hand, sending Goosebumps all up his arm.
"Good morning Dean," Castiel said stiffly.
"Morning Mr Grumpy," Dean teased.
"That is not my name," Cas said gravely, a hint of confusion in his voice.
"Alright Mr Grumpy," Dean teased further, turning his body towards Castiel, wrapping his arm around his waist, pulling him in closer.
"Dean," Castiel pleaded, "My name is not Mr Grumpy."
Dean fought the urge not to laugh at Castiel's seriousness and failed. There was something very amusing at making an ex-angel say Mr Grumpy, especially when his hair was akimbo, his face as serious as ever.
"Yeah Cas, I know," Dean murmured before kissing him slowly, pushing him in even closer, their hips touching. Cas moaned slightly, wrapping his one arm around Dean, the other in Dean's hair, letting himself get carried away in the kiss.
As the broke free, Castiel breathlessly asked, his hand still in Dean's hair "So what did you dream about last night Dean?"
Ever since Cas had turned human he had become fixated by the concept of dreams. Sure, he'd invaded other people's dreams before but he had never had his own. He was awed at the fact that when he closed his eyes and drifted off, his mind would take him to places, some of them being memories, others being brand new. At first he hadn't liked it, the idea that he couldn't control them, that his mind could carry on without his consent but after Dean had told him it was normal he had calmed to the idea. In fact, he had started to enjoy them. He was always intrigued as to what his mind would think of next, because the fact that he had lived for so long gave his mind a lot of things to work with.
"Nothing much," Dean said, brushing it aside. He was used to this question by Cas but sometimes he didn't exactly like the game of show and tell of his inner psyche, especially when the majority of his dreams weren't exactly plain sailing.
"I know when you are lying Dean," Castiel spoke softly, tracing Dean's features with his thumb, "Nevertheless, you do not have to tell me if you do not want to."
"It's not that, it's just…" Dean trailed off, sighing, not knowing how to word it. He'd never been good at this chick flick stuff.
"What Dean?" Castiel asked his eyes wide and dammit, Dean could never resist those eyes.
"My dreams aren't exactly the best dreams in the world, alright? Most of my dreams involve Sammy dying or leaving or turning into that damn demon blood addict again. And if it's not Sam, then it's you," Dean's voice cracked slightly but he carried on because he needed to finish this, "It's you Cas and it's not even you dying, it's- it's you turning your back on me. You realising all the shit that I have caused you, calling me out on it and then leaving and never coming back."
"Dean," Castiel started, his head shaking.
"No, but it's true Cas. Everything that's happened to you is because of me. You losing all your family, you dying, the way you were in the future, I mean, hell, you're not even an angel anymore! And that's my fault Cas and you should hate me for it."
"Dean, you must understand that none of what has happened to me is your fault. In fact, you opened my eyes to free will, the fact that we can change destiny and that is something I am forever grateful for. You did not force me to do any of this, it was all my own choosing. Yes, you helped me onto this path but I chose it, not you. And understand this Dean, I would not want to be anywhere else," Castiel frowned, holding Dean's face, forcing him to give him eye contact.
"How can you think like that Cas, how can you not hate me?" Dean asked softly, trying to understand.
"Dean, in all your life you have made many sacrifices for your brother. You went to Hell so he could come back to life. Do you hate him for it, resent him the tiniest bit?"
"Course I don't," Dean retorted back instantly.
"Then why is it so difficult for you to see that I would not resent you, the same way that you do not resent Sam?"
"Because it's different, he's my brother. Even when he was doped up on demon blood or was a weird psychic thing, he was still my brother and I would do anything for him without expecting anything back because that's what families do."
"Yes," Castiel agreed, "You did all those things because you loved him."
"Yeah, I.." Dean trailed off when he realised what Cas had just said because damn it, he couldn't argue with that one could he? Even though Dean often struggled to understand it, Castiel did love him and it was true, you did things for the people you love with no thought, with no expectance of getting anything back. Hell, he'd done the same to Cas without a thought and he didn't hate Cas for it, quite the opposite in fact.
"I love you Dean and I will never hate you, nor will I ever leave you," Castiel murmered, kissing Dean softly on the lips.
"Not even when I steal your burger?" Dean asked, trying to lighten the mood because he was already feeling much better, a sense of a heavy burden lifting off his shoulders.
"Even when you steal my burger Dean, although I do not enjoy when you do that," Castiel tried to keep a stern face but the corners of his lips quirked upwards. Dean grinned before kissing Castiel again. Dean broke free quickly which made Castiel pout but Dean just looked down, before looking up to Castiel's confused eyes.
"You know I, er, you know I love you too right?" Dean asked, his voice softening. Damn it, he was starting to sound like a girl but Dean realised he was actually past caring because this was Cas and he needed to know.
Castiel's face lit up, flashing a rare grin that showed his teeth, "Of course Dean."
"Yeah, well, good. Come on, we best get ready. You know Sam, he's probably been up since dawn and he's waiting for us to get our lazy asses out of bed," Dean said, sitting up. Ever since Cas and Dean had gotten together, Sam had automatically taken it upon himself to get a separate room. After a rather loud night, Sam had called a new rule, one that made it so there was always at least one room between theirs. And it worked for both, Sam no longer wanted to rip his eardrums out (although what his poor ears heard that time still came back to haunt him) and Dean and Cas could be as loud as they wanted.
"Okay Dean," Castiel said, rather unexcitedly, sitting up too, but making no effort to get out of the bed like Dean.
"Oh, wait," Dean realised, "You never told me your dream."
"My dream?" Castiel smiled, running his hand through his hair as Dean fought the urge to just pounce on him.
"Yeah, what did you dream about Cas?" Dean sat down back on the bed, trailing his hand over Cas', waiting patiently for Cas to start.
"My dream entailed of us in Heaven. You had died of old age, as had Sam, after living a long content life. I was still an angel so when you had passed over, I joined you straight away in Heaven and the three of us, team free will as you like, stayed together up there for eternity. I would occasionally bend the rules for you, as I have done in the past many times, and made it possible for you to meet up with lost ones such as Bobby and Jess for Sam, and of course your parents. And that was my dream," a ghost of a smile hit Castiel's face as he recalled it.
Dean sat there dumbfounded for a while. Even in his dreams Cas was doing everything for him and Sam and he felt the pain come back again but then he remembered what Cas had said only minutes ago and quashed it.
"That sounds like a pretty good dream to me Cas," Dean said and he felt his cheeks flush as he realised that he was near tears.
"It was Dean, it most certainly was. I can only hope it happens in the real world."
"Me too," Dean replied, closing the space between them.
And for a moment he truly believed it could. That they would somehow get Cas back into angel shape, that they could live to till they're grey and old. Sure, it was more than likely never going to happen but it was Cas' dream and he was going to fucking believe it until he was proven wrong. And then he was going to fight for it still because damn straight, they deserved it. They deserved happiness.
But as he kissed Cas, trailing his hands over him, he came to the quick realisation that he didn't need the dream to come true because he was happy right here and right now.