Hello all! Now, I know that you guys have all done your waiting for an update (like, 12 years of it in Azkaban), but before you all decide to come after me with pitchforks and other pointy things of that nature, I wanted to apologize for the ridiculous delay. I know that excuses are stupid, but life and school have really been kicking my butt since I got back from England in December and I've been (slowly) trying to get back into the swing of writing. Anywayyyyyyys, I hope guys enjoy this angst filled chapter!
Disclaimer: I own nothing having to do with anything.
P.S. Check out the new banner for this fic. My nauseatingly talented friend, Tara, drew it for me a few weeks ago :)
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and still Kate remained Loki's lover, sharing his bed every night. He lavished her with priceless gifts, clothed her in satin and silk, and had all but given her a crown. She was his Queen in every way but name…and Kate couldn't bare it. It was not as if she didn't care for Loki, she probably cared too, but the very thought that she was living in the lap of luxury while her friends were no better than fugitives filled her with guilt. She kept telling herself that the only reason she remained with Loki was to finally uncover some scrap of information that would be of use to her compatriots and their cause to take back Earth. But, she knew in her heart that as those weeks turned to months, there was more to her remaining as Loki's "prisoner" than the search for information.
As she lay in bed, Loki pressed against her back with his arms wrapped protectively around her as he slept, Kate could not keep her mind from wandering to the small comm device that Tony had given her during his short visit some months before, which was hidden safely amidst her recently acquired collection of gowns in the dressing room that Loki had conjured up for her use. She knew that she had to contact Fury and the rest of the Avengers sooner rather than later, but she had not actively sought out information, as per her mission, since the beginning of her "stay" in Loki's palace. She knew she was shirking her duties as an agent, yet she was torn between said duties and the feelings that she had developed, albeit grudgingly, for the misguided, psychotic, and somewhat despotic god in whose bed she now resided. As her mind roiled with uneasy thoughts, Kate let out a barely audible sigh without even realizing. It wasn't until Loki began nuzzling her hair and pressing soft kisses to the back of her neck that she realized she and awakened him with the noise.
"What troubles you, little one?" He questioned, using one of his favorite pet names for her as he waved his hand and caused a few of the candles in the chamber to light, effectively filling the room with a soft glow.
"Nothing at all." She replied simply as she placed her hand on Loki's arm encircling her waist and trailed her fingers over it half-heartedly.
"Then why are you not sleeping?" He whispered into her ear before nipping at the sensitive skin of her neck, causing Kate to close her eyes and hold back a small mewl of pleasure.
"I could ask you the same question." Kate responded, trying but failing to think of anything else besides Loki's skilled fingers, which had begun tracing over her body in an extremely distracting manner.
"You woke me, vixen." He growled, and a moment later, Kate found herself pinned beneath a naked, and very much awake Loki. "With your rather audible sighing."
"It wasn't that audible." She protested weakly. Loki only narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, before his face turned to a mask of seriousness.
"Tell me what is troubling you, Kate." He moved his hand to cup her cheek as he awaited her answer.
"Nothing." She stated again. Loki stared intently at her a moment longer, obviously sensing her lie, before he effectively changed the subject by leaning down to kiss her fiercely. The matter was soon forgotten completely as Loki drew sighs of a more pleasurable nature from Kate for the remainder of the night and well into the morning.
The rest of the week passed without any incident, yet Kate's troubling thoughts did not cease. In fact, they only multiplied. The guilt ate at her when she was awake and her sleep was plagued by dreams filled with unwelcome visions of her friends in danger and her powerless to help them. These dreams were bearable for the most part…until they turned to nightmares…
Her dreams started as they always did: with a scene similar to that of the Battle of London in which Loki claimed victory and named himself King of Midgard. She was fighting alongside her compatriots when Loki and his alien army completely overpowered them. She was forced to watch as her friends began to fall around her, beaten down by the sheer force and power of Loki and his army, yet she was unable to save any of them. No matter how hard she fought to reach them, she was not able to move. At this point, Kate would usually awake in a slight panic, safe in Loki's bed before she was subjected to watching her friends slaughtered before her eyes. Yet this time she did not wake. Instead she stood, frozen in place, as Loki made his way through the smoke and gore of battle and personally slit the throats of every single member of the Avengers including Thor, his own brother. Once he was through, he made his way over to her, a dark smile on his face.
"It is over, Kate." He stated, his eyes glowing with madness. "You are now truly mine, and mine alone." Kate stared up at him in abject horror as he wrapped his fingers possessively around her neck.
"You've taken my world and now my friends." Kate rasped, attempting to pry his fingers from her throat. "What more could you possibly want from me."
"Oh, I think you know what I want from you." He muttered darkly as he leaned his face towards Kate's, his nose only inches from hers. She fought for breath as he tightened his grip and…
Kate awoke with a gasp and sat bolt upright, clawing at the pair of imaginary hands around her neck. Her body shook with the aftershocks of her nightmare as she took deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. She hesitantly turned to see if she had disturbed Loki, but he appeared to be still lost in slumber. She then quickly and quietly got out of bed, dawned the thin shift that Loki had removed from her earlier in the evening, and made her way hastily out of his chambers. Once she was in the cold, stone hallway she picked up her pace. She needed to clear her head. She needed air. With that thought in mind, she made her way up the massive spiral staircase and up to the roof of St. Paul's massive dome. When she finally reached the top, she was out of breath and shaking, but the moment she threw open the door to the outside, she was greeted with a cold gust of wind and even colder sheets of rain. But, the rain and the wind did not bother her. In fact, it made her feel more alive than she had in months. She made her her way to the railing of the narrow walkway that encircled the giant dome and peered out over London, bathed in darkness and rain. Her breathing was still coming in ragged gasps, and it wasn't until she was able to calm it that she was able to think straight once more.
The Loki she had seen in her nightmare was not the Loki she had come to know. This Loki was dark and deranged, with not a hint of the capacity to do good that was buried deep down in the Loki she had given herself to completely. It was as if she was seeing a glimpse of what he was truly capable of. Of the monster he could potentially become. Kate had been so distracted by her growing feelings for him, that she had nearly lost sight of his true, and extremely dangerous nature. She could not allow herself to do so again. The number one rule of being an agent, is to not let your heart cloud your judgement. And that's exactly what Kate had been doing since she had started her mission. She was utterly and thoroughly compromised, and she needed and extraction plan. Fast. She was just about to begin contemplating her exit strategy when she sensed a presence behind her and stiffened.
"What in the name of Hel are your doing out here, little one?" Loki questioned. "And in the rain, no less."
"I needed to think, that's all." She replied shortly without turning to face him.
"On the roof in the middle of the night?" He closed the distance between them and placed his hands on her shoulders.
"Fresh air helps me think." She said as she discreetly attempted to shrug his hands of her shoulder, but he just tightened his grip and turned her to face him.
"Well, perhaps you should have picked a better night to get some 'fresh air.' You're soaked to the bone." He then promptly conjured a thick, forest green cloak out of thin air and draped it over her shoulders, effectively shielding her from the rain. "Much better." He muttered. "Now why don't your tell me what has been the cause of your sleepless nights, my Kate."
"I haven't had any sleepless ni—" But her cut off her protest with a wave of his hand.
"You cannot lie to a liar, my darling." He smiled smugly at her. "Do not think that I have not noticed your restless nature, both while awake and asleep. Something troubles you greatly and I intend to find out what." Kate's head drooped as she let out a resigned sigh.
"I've been having extremely—disturbing dreams."
"Care to elaborate?" He raised an eyebrow in question. "What have these dreams been about?"
"I don't really want to talk about it." Kate whispered, head still bowed. After a brief silence, Loki finally spoke once more.
"I'll tell you what, little one." He stated. "Why don't we make a bit of a trade: I'll tell you about that horrid nightmare you woke me from some months ago if you tell me more about your dreams." Kate lifted her head to stare at him confusedly.
"Why are you being so—well, nice?" She questioned, all thoughts of fleeing momentarily forgotten with the prospect of finally gaining a glimpse into Loki's thoughts and fears, and maybe even a chance at attaining some real intel.
"I'm always nice." Loki retorted, an expression of mock effrontery on his face. Kate snorted and smiled half-heartedly.
"About as nice as the bubonic plague." She muttered.
"Do you wish to make a trade or not? I would like to go inside at some point tonight." He commented haughtily. "I'm getting positively drenched."
"If you are willing to tell me about your nightmare, then I am willing to listen." Kate said, attempting not to sound too intrigued. Loki nodded and moved to stand next to her near the stone railing.
"Know that I do not divulge these details to you lightly, Kate." Loki cautioned sternly. "What I am about to tell you has not been shared with another living soul, but I feel, however foolishly, that I can—trust you with this." With these words, Kate mentally grimaced as she became awash with unwanted guilt. Think with your head, not your heart, she mentally reminded herself. Loki must have taken her silence as a sign to continue, for he took a deep breath and continued with his tale. "The dream that I had was not by any means the first of its kind. I have been cursed with those damned—visions ever since I made a deal with him." He spat, his voice laced with both anger and fear.
"Him?" Kate asked, brows furrowed in confusion. "Him who?"
"Thanos." He whispered, his voice haunted. "The Mad Titan." Although Kate had no idea who Loki spoke of, just the sound of his name caused a shiver to travel down her spine in instinctive fear.
"Who is Thanos?" She urged him to continue his tale.
"He was the one who found me, after I was cast from Asgard. He was the one who ruled over the dark abyss into which I fell, and in my hate-filled and vengeance clouded state, I made a deal with him. He agreed to supply me with an army as well as the power needed to conquer Midgard, and in return…I would show him the way into Asgard and help him defeat the Alfather. As you could imagine, the allure of both power and vengeance was too much for me and I agreed readily to his demands. And since the moment I agreed to be his ally, my life has been a living Hel." Kate watched silently as Loki hung his head in a combination of fear and regret. "He tortured me, Kate. For what felt like years, he tortured me until all I knew was my own pain. He told me that I was weak and pathetic, and that the pain would make me stronger." He muttered.
"And the nightmares are—," Kate started to say.
"His way of reminding me of my end of the bargain and the consequences I face should I fail to uphold it." Loki finished.
"Why have you not yet given Thanos what he wants?" She asked.
"Contrary to what your comrades must think of me, I am not completely heartless." He stated sharply. "There are still those that I care about on Asgard who I would not see harmed for my past sins."
"Frigga." Kate said and placed a comforting hand on top of his as he turned his head to stare at her in confusion.
"How did you—?" He asked.
"Thor told me of the bond you shared with her. It's only logical that you would not wish any harm to come to her. What are you going to do, Loki?"
"I do not know." He stated simply, effectively ending the conversation. Then they were both silent for a moment, lost in thought. So much so that they did not realize it had stopped raining until Kate broke the silence and suggested they go back inside. Not until they were once again ensconced in Loki's chambers did either of them speak.
"You are shivering, my love." Loki muttered hoarsely. "Why don't we return to bed." Kate nodded and wordlessly heeded his advice. Only when they were lying next to each other in bed did Loki allow himself to relax, if only a bit. He turned his head to stare at the woman lying next to him, suddenly remembering something. "I was so caught up with my own troubles, that I almost forgot about our trade. Do you wish to tell me about your dream now, Kate?"
"I think that story can wait for another night." She murmured as she turned to lay on her side, facing Loki. "Sleep now." She reached up a hand to rest against his cheek before leaning in to kiss him softly, trying desperately not to think about the fact that this would be the last kiss they would share, for Kate knew that the intel that she was now in possession of was of vital importance and she could stay no longer. As Loki drifted into a fitful sleep, Kate crept silently from the bed and to her dressing room where she quickly dawned her clothes before riffling through one of her drawers for the hidden comm device. When she found what she was looking for, she made her way out of the dressing room and towards the bed the she and Loki had shared for those past months. She allowed herself a moment to stare down at her sleeping lover for a moment before she placed a hand softly against his cheek, so as not to wake him, and whispered,
"I wish you could understand that what I must do now I do not only for my planet, but for your own good as well, my sweet prince." And then, quiet as death, she slipped out of Loki's palace and into the night.
Hope you guys liked it! Reviews are always cool :)