A/N:- This is the final chapter of Privileges. I hope you enjoy it, because I certainly struggled enough with making it do what I wanted. I have more planned, for later stories.
Kensi sucked idly on her top lip, flicking a glance to the side of her sofa. To where Deeks sat, knees pulled up close to his chest, eyes intent on the television screen in front of them. Yet another movie he'd decided they should watch together, over beers and pizza. But it would have been nice if he'd even looked at her since she'd shut off the lights and hit play on the machine.
She shifted her attention back to the screen, in time to see some flipping and kicking and some weapon use that, quite frankly, made her a little ashamed to witness. It was almost as if they didn't know what they were doing. A soft growl from her lap protested the movement, no matter how small it was, and Monty twisted onto his side in his sleep. Deeks' dog lay in the gap between the partners, head lolling on Kensi. She let a hand drop, scratching the mutt leisurely on the bottom of the jaw. He rumbled in appreciation but didn't open his eyes.
Besides her, Deeks leant forward, grabbing a bottle of the table before drawing back and taking a swig. For the hundredth time, Kensi wondered how this was supposed to be better for them.
"Deeks," she said, as nonchalantly as she could manage.
He didn't even look over before replying; "Nope."
She pouted. "You don't even know what I was going to say."
"Yeah, I do. Week's not over yet."
It was Deeks' idea, spurred on by the events of Monday morning, as they'd arrived in Ops after the weekend – separately, of course. Both of them had forgotten that Callen and Sam had wanted to speak to them days earlier, the events of the case taking precedence, and it was only that day that Callen had broached the subject again. But given that it was Callen, he came at it from a different angle entirely.
"So," he said, as the partners took their seats. "On a scale of one to ten – ten being perfection, and one being the actual number you achieved – how successful do you guys think you've been at keeping your relationship secret?"
"S-secret?" said Deeks, voice going higher before almost strangling off. He gulped. "Relationship? Us? Secret? Me and Kens?"
Kensi sighed, looking between Sam and Callen. Both watched her back, eyes calm, almost amused. There was no covering this. "How long have you known?" she said.
"Well, how long you guys been…?" asked Sam, with an odd gesture to finish his sentence.
"About three months," admitted Kensi.
"About three months, huh?" said Callen. He turned to his partner. "How long would you say we've known, Sam?"
"'bout three months, G," said Sam, grinning.
"About three months," repeated Callen, to Kensi.
Deeks finally seemed to have found his voice. "So who else knows?"
"Just us," said Callen.
"And Eric and Nell," added Sam after a beat.
"In fact, I think everyone knows," confirmed Sam.
"Even Hetty?" said Deeks.
"Especially Hetty," the small woman said, appearing as if from N-Space behind the two senior agents. "Although I do believe the only person who doesn't know is Assistant Director Ganger."
"And that's only because he's not here all the time," grinned Callen.
"He does hold his cards pretty close to his chest though," said Sam. "He may know too, and just isn't telling."
"Look," said Deeks. "It's not what you think, it's…"
Callen held a hand up to forestall him. "It doesn't matter to us, Deeks. We just want you both to know that we know. And to remind you not to let it interfere with your work."
"We won't," said Kensi, without even thinking about that time in the elevator. Well, without thinking about it too much.
Sam stood, towering above their LAPD Liaison. "And to mention, Deeks, that if you do anything…"
"No, no, I got it," interrupted Deeks. "But as intimidating as you are, with your shaven head and your, uh, your huge muscles, in that instance I think I'd be more afraid of Kensi than I am of you."
Kensi watched the interaction with confusion, before it dawned on her; Sam was playing the big brother, warning Deeks that if he did anything to hurt her, there'd be hell to pay. A little too late for that, she thought to herself. Well, I made my choices, I'm the one who has to live with them.
Since then, Deeks had been… distant was the only word that Kensi could use to describe him. They'd still worked together every day, but there was a guard on his words, a distance in his banter. And they still spent most evenings in each other's company, but whenever Kensi tried to initiate anything, he'd turned her down. They hadn't spent the night in the same bed for four days before Kensi had finally had enough and decided that the best course of action was just flat out ask him to his face.
He'd seemed a little abashed by her question, trying to change the subject, but Kensi – master of that trick – refused to let him. "This is going to sound stupid," he said, finally, "but I just want to hang out for a while, just be friends. If everyone knew, I hate to wonder if it's affecting us on the job. So, just for a week, how about we just hang out? Just be the friends we used to be, before this all happened."
Despite this being the opposite of everything Kensi wanted from their relationship – hell, this was a step back as far as she was concerned – she had little choice but to agree to it. It was either that or admit to the man how she felt, and lose him forever from her life. But now, it was turning out to be the longest week of her life. She'd never been antsy for sexual release, she could usually take it or leave it (plus she had her little pink device if it ever got that bad), but since she and Deeks had been together, since she realised that he held a permanent place within her heart, she found she needed that physical connection to her partner more than she could put into words.
"I'm not saying all the way," said Kensi, sipping on her beer and feeling like a desperate sixteen year old even as she said it. "We could just fool around for a bit."
"Kens," Deeks said.
"I'm just saying, like, second base?"
He snorted a laugh. "Kensi, seriously, I had no idea you were this insatiable."
"Insatiable, huh? What you do, swallow a thesaurus?"
"I'll have you know I'm plenty smart."
"So you only look like you're homeless?"
"You know it, Princess." His face split into a wolfen grin, eyes sparkling.
"Deeks," she said, voice calming and gentle. "What's really going on here? Come on, you can talk to me. And don't say it's nothing; I've never met anyone who can read me like you can, but don't for a second think it doesn't work the other way."
For a second, a small sad smile ghosted onto his lips. "Oh, if only that were true," he murmured, before turning back to watch the TV screen.
Kensi's brow furrowed. If he wanted to play games, well… fine. She'd play games, and she'd win. Because she always did. Without a word, she leant forward, plucking the remote off the table before her, and shutting off the TV. Monty growled his protest at the movement, before slipping off the couch to curl into a ball in his bed set into a corner, covering his muzzle with a paw. Deeks shot her a puzzled look which only increased when she straddled across his lap. She raised her hand, pulling her hair loose from the tail at the back of her skull, letting it fall across her shoulders.
"So, you going to tell me yet?" she asked as demurely as she could manage.
Deeks' broke his gaze from her, looking off into the distance. "No, seriously, Kens, it's, uh, it's nothing for you to worry about." Despite his words of protest, he let his hands rest, palm down, on her thighs.
Kensi caught his chin in her hand, forcing his face back towards her, before leaning in close, almost nose to nose. She could feel his ragged breath against her lips, making them tingle with anticipation. "Am I going to have to torture it out of you?" she said, voice husky. "Cause I can do that."
"I already told you…" Deeks tried, but she cut him off by clamping her mouth onto his top lip and sucking hungrily against it. Deeks groaned, deep in the pit of his belly. His hands flipped over, rubbing once against her legs, before they raised to her shoulders and pushed her forcefully away. She grinned at him, before she sucked her own lips into her mouth and wiggled her eyebrows at him. She popped her mouth open loudly.
"You might think you're tough, Detective Deeks, but I know exactly what it'll take to break you."
Deeks locked eyes with her again, determination behind his icy blue orbs. "I told you, Kens, it's nothing you should worry about."
"I think," Kensi replied, pressing her plump lips fully against his, "that it's up to me to worry about what I should worry about." She ran her fingers through his straw locks, twining strands around the digits. She kissed him again, pushing herself into the kiss. Deeks sank into it, trailing his hand down her back, the fingers on her spine sending volts of electricity surging through her. Then, as suddenly as he'd begun, he wrenched his hand away, pulling his lips from hers.
"Honestly," he said, voice thick and heavy, quivering with his efforts to restrain himself. His resolve wavering. "Honestly, it's nothing."
In response, Kensi tucked a stand of dark hair behind her ear, letting her hand drift to the back of her neck. She breathed in deeply, stretching theatrically, pushing her chest out towards him, the material of her top stretching tight.
"God, Kens," he breathed, eyes locked on her breasts. "You're gonna be the death of me."
"Hmmm-hmmm," she replied, leaning forward to kiss him again. This time, he reacted with more enthusiasm than before, grabbing her by the back of the head and pulling her closer to him. She moaned, heat blossoming in her chest, making her heart throb wildly. Kensi wiggled her hips, grinding her groin against him, and eliciting a fresh moan from his mouth. His lips opened, to let it loose, and she sank her tongue in. They wrestled in each other's mouths a moment, licking against tongues and lips, teeth clashing together gently.
The heat in her core was rising rapidly, fuelled on by the rampant need she always felt around Deeks. She moaned in the kiss, her lips singing with the sensation, and closed her eyes. There had been a point to this, she vaguely recalled; she had been trying to find out what was eating at her partner. But that all seemed to have slipped away in the fog that always overtook her brain when her lips were locked against his. All she knew was that she needed to pull the material of his shirt up, needed to feel the warmth of his stomach as the muscles tensed beneath her touch. It was hardly her fault, of course. It was all Marty Deeks. She shouldn't be held accountable. She couldn't help the way he made her feel, couldn't help that she always felt so undone around him. Couldn't help the fact that she loved him.
Beneath her, Deeks' whole body stiffened like a board, and his mouth stopped working against hers. She opened her eyes; his were open too, wide, shocked. With mounting horror, Kensi realised she'd said the last out loud.
Mind numb, recoiling, she slipped off Deeks' lap, onto the opposite side of the couch. Her thumb went into her mouth, teeth clamping down on it. She was aware that Deeks was still staring at her, blue eyes wide like saucers. Then they narrowed, his face twisting into an anger she thought she'd never see on him.
"Dammit," he snapped, launching to his feet, pacing back and forth.
"Deeks, I…" she began. She didn't know what she was going to say; the first thing to cross her mind was to deny it ever happened, pretend it was a game to try and wheedle the information she wanted out of him. But even as the lie churned through her brain, she rejected it. "I'm sorry, Deeks, I can't do this any more. I can't be… I can't be what we were. I can't be just partners with you, can't be just friends. And I just don't care any more. I love you, I've been in love with you for longer than I can remember. I need that out there, and I need you to know, and if that's going to ruin whatever we have… I don't care. I can't live another day without you knowing that, even if I lose you because of it." By the time she'd finished, her eyes were streaming with tears.
Deeks blinked, once, the anger slipping from his features in a second.
"You… you think that's why I was angry just then?" he said, voice shaking.
Kensi tried to fight the tears down, tried to battle the sob from her throat, but couldn't. Instead, all she could manage was a small nod.
He moved then, taking a seat next to her, his hand reaching for her jaw, palm resting tenderly against the flesh. "I wasn't angry, I was… Kens… I've been in love with you since the moment I met you. I tried to fight it, tried to hide from it, for so long. And then, when we were together… I'd never been so happy in my life. In my life. And then that whole… heck, I don't even know how it happened, but the next thing I knew, we were just friends with benefits. Partners with privileges, whatever. What idiot came up with that term, huh? I'd like to punch him in the bullet hole. Anyway, somehow, somehow, I managed to convince myself that that was what I wanted, what I was happiest with. But that didn't last long. I never thought I'd be with the most amazing woman in the world and be so…"
"Miserable?" she finished. "Yeah. I tried to convince myself I'd take what I could get, but…"
Kensi caught his eyes, cool blue. They held a softness, and gentleness that warmed the deepest reaches of her soul like nothing ever had before. And before she knew it, a bark of laughter burst through her lips. She clamped a hand over her mouth, thinning her lips, embarrassed that it had happened. Deeks cocked his head to one side, dog like, and observed her a moment. Then he too began to laugh.
They both sat there a moment, giggling and guffawing. Then Deeks' laughter subsided, and he shook his head, blonde locks whipping back and forth. "We really are both incredibly stupid, aren't we?"
Kensi pushed against his shoulder, sending him onto his back on the couch. "Speak for yourself, Shaggy," she said, grinning widely.
He returned the smile, mouth practically splitting his stubbled face in half. "I do though, you know?" he said, at last. "Love you. Not like you're my best friend, though you are. I am in love with you, Fern."
"I love you too, Marty," she replied, crawling atop him. "And I'm not just saying that to get in your pants. Though that might not be out of the question right now."
He growled back at her, pulling her in closer with his firm hands, clashing his lips against hers. Charges flashed across every inch of her body where it was pressed against the man she loved, heat pouring into the ache between her thighs. The kiss was hot and heavy, full of their need, their desire, and – Kensi was pleased to note – tinged with their expressed love.
Deeks was right, of course; how could they have both been so stupid? It had taken her long enough to realise she loved her scruffy partner, yet when it had finally happened she hadn't even considered that the reverse might be true. But now she knew the truth… it was like a veil had been lifted from her eyes. The signs had been there, if only she'd looked at them properly. They'd been so obvious. The others – Callen, Sam, Nell and the rest – they must have been picking up on them for months on end, while Kensi had ignored the facts, more than a little afraid to face them.
But now, now there were no more lies, no more deceits. Now, there was just her, and Deeks, and their love for each other.
She moaned his name around the kiss, as Deeks trailed his hands down her sides, tingles lashing against her rib cage. When he reached the bottom, his fingers curled around the hem of her shirt and began to tug it up. Kensi broke the kiss, sitting up and allowing him to pull the cloth over the top of her head. The break from him was too long though, and as soon as her shirt was clear, she smashed her lips against his once more. Desperate for him. His hands rubbed against the bare skin of her sides and the small of her back, the heat of her body boiling against the firmness of his touch. Kensi ground her hips, the need of her core rubbing against the stiffness forming between his legs.
"No, wait, wait, wait," Deeks said suddenly, pushing her away. His breath was shallow, deep and ragged. "Wait a second."
"Deeks?" she began, but he held up a hand to forestall her.
"We need to do this right," he said. "Okay, we do this right?"
"What are you talking about?" she demanded, feeling her heart hammering in her chest.
"Week's not over," he said by way of response. "And we're going to do this right. Friday night, after work. You and me, and we do this right."
"What are you saying? Are you saying… like, an actual date?" she asked, heart skipping a beat.
Deeks smiled, almost sheepishly. A faint blush touched his cheeks, and he cast his eyes down at his interlaced hands, rested on his lap. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."
Kensi paused a second before responding. "Couldn't we just have sex?" she said.
Deeks caught her eye for a moment. "Well, I guess we… No, no, this is good, this is… look, I don't know how to put this in words, but… but I want to do this. I think we need to do this."
"So, a date?" Kensi repeated. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed Deeks was right; they'd just fallen into situations with each other. They hadn't had an opportunity to be a couple. "Okay," she said, finally, smiling. "You got yourself a deal, Detective."
Deeks grinned, before catching her lips in another kiss. This time, there was no mistaking the love in his touch, in his caress. A moment later, he broke it, pushing himself from the couch. She followed him to the door, where he paused to kiss her again.
"I love you, Kensi," he said, softly.
"I love you too, Marty," she replied, the words feeling more comfortable every time she said them aloud.
He opened the door. "And make sure you bring your A Game on Friday, cause I sure as well will. You've never been wined and dined like this before."
"Sounds like a challenge, Deeks. I don't think you know what you're getting yourself in for."
"Only one way to find out, I guess."
With that, he smiled, kissed her again, and slipped out the door. Kensi closed it behind him, before pressing her back against the wood and glass. A wide grin split her face again, and she screwed her eyes up tight. A second later, she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, sucking on it, feeling the taste of him still on it. Even that sent a small surge of warmth through her body.
A date with Marty Deeks. After everything they'd done, she'd never thought about how much she wanted that. To dress up for him, to be out in public with him. To hold his hand, to kiss him, to laugh at his stupid jokes. It was exactly what she…
Her train of thought was cut off by a knocking on the door behind her. Confusion masked her face, her buoyant mood slipping away. Who could that be at this hour?
She opened the door, to find her partner still there. He scrubbed at his blonde locks, a sheepish smile on his boyish face. She narrowed her eyes questioningly at him.
"I, uh," he began. "I forgot my dog."
Kensi glanced over her shoulder, finally aware that Monty stood behind her, his head cocked to one side, tongue lolling out and his tail wagging.
She smiled, turning back to Deeks and grabbing him by the scruff of the neck, before hauling him back into her apartment. There was no way she could wait until Friday.