I just continued to sit at my desk as Gerry walked out of my office and back to do some work. Well, to start some work may be a better description. Despite being cooped up in this office, I can still see the three boys in the office. I don't know why I decided to hide myself away in here this evening; I suppose I just have got a lot on my mind. And that little visit from Gerry didn't help matters.
I've been trying to work him out for so long now, trying to get beneath this high-spirited character of his and see what he is really like. I know he can't be as content as he makes out most of the time. Yes he moans, but that always comes across as a joke; I just want to know what he is really feeling.
I'm not sure I really know why I've been so concerned about how Gerry is, but that awkward conversation we just had may be partly to do with that. Its times like that when I'm pretty sure he cares, and I know that I care about him. But I just want him to open up to me, like he always wants me to do to him. I suppose he is just as stubborn as I am.
I've spent many nights trying to work out why he seems to go looking in all the wrong places for girlfriends, and when he does find one he just lets them go. He's always been 'Gerry Standing, the ladies man' but I know there is more to it than that. I think he is scared. Beneath all of that Standing bravado I think that he is scared of getting hurt, after all, three divorces has got to affect a man's confidence.
You let all the girls go
Makes you feel good, don't it?
Behind your Broadway show
I heard a voice say please don't hurt me.
I don't think he knows he's doing it deliberately. What am I saying? I don't know he's not doing it deliberately; it's all just speculation on my part. I just like to think that I know the real Gerry Standing; working with someone for nine years gives you a pretty good insight into someone's life, beyond the act they put on. But I just want him to open up to me and to tell me how he is really feeling inside, something I know he doesn't think he's good at. But I know he could be.
You've carried on so long
You couldn't stop if you tried it
You've built your wall so high
That no one could climb it
But I'm gonna try
I want to help him, just like he wants to help me. I want him to stop pretending that everything in his life is wonderful and just let me in. I want to be the one to show him that he doesn't have to be scared of finding love, and once you've found it to just go after it.
I laugh to myself quietly, what am I doing trying to convince myself that I can help Gerry Standing? This is me we're talking about Sandra! You are the worst one for opening up and committing yourself to something, especially when it comes in the guise of love.
But I feel like I know Gerry better than I know myself sometimes, and I am going to be the one to make him realise that he is not alone. I am going to be the one to show him that there is more to life than chasing women who don't deserve and appreciate him.
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now boy, take it off now boy
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight
Now I just need to think of a way how.
Thanks for reading, hope you are enjoying this so far! The last chapter will be up at some point soon. Feel free to review!
Team_NewTricks and Beth xx