Author's Note: Hi everyone, I'm sorry my fan fiction isn't progressing all that quickly, I've been having a bit of writer's block. I decided to take a break from my usual fan fiction and wrote something funny to try and get me over the writer's block. Try not to take this short story seriously, it's a little semi-meta-fiction / semi-self-insertion comedy – or is it reverse-insertion? I mean, I'm bringing the characters of my fan fiction into my real life instead of inserting myself into my fan fiction. Do they have a name for that? Anyway, self-insertion is what Fursonas are for. You'll also learn a few tidbits about my fan art decisions.
A fan fiction writer sat at his computer, staring blankly into the screen. "I have no idea how to end this story," he mumbled, banging his head against the keyboard in frustration.
Kopa walked up next to the writer and took a seat. "Hey, Asante, are you busy?"
Without lifting his head, Asante groaned. "No, I'm not busy."
"Good, because I got a few questions about your fan art."
Asante lifted his head and stared at Kopa "What is it?"
"Well, first of all, why didn't you even try to make me look unique? You gave me a muscular skeletal structure that's identical to my dad's."
Asante gave Kopa a morose stare. "Firstly, good word use. Secondly, so what?"
"Come on, man, no one looks this much like their dad, it's unnatural! I'm just another friggin' Simba-clone. And you did the same thing with your Fursona, giving him Nala's shape. Kiara's got her own unique shape, so how come me and Fursona-Asante look like clones of our parents?"
Asante waved a hand dismissively. "You were already a Simba-clone in that Disney children's book series, The Lion King: Six New Adventures. And as for my Fursona, you and Kiara are so similar to Simba that it felt like Nala wasn't getting any biological input, so I designed my Fursona to look like Nala to even out the parental characteristics some."
"But you changed my eye color. In The Lion King: Six New Adventures illustrations, me and Dad had the same eye color, but you changed my eyes to aqua-green, the color of Mom's eyes in the first movie."
"Well, yeah, that was to make you look less like Simba."
Kopa waved his paws in exasperation. "But that's my point! If you were willing to the change my eye color from the Six New Adventures illustrations, why not change my whole look – maybe give me a more prominent chin and bigger muscles?"
Asante sighed. "Well, originally I was just going to accept your Six New Adventures design as a whole and give you reddish-brown eyes like Simba's, although much darker. I had the designs all finished in Photoshop and it then occurred to me that you just looked way too much like Simba."
"My point exactly!"
"But I didn't want to go back and redraw all my illustrations of you so I just changed your eye color in all the Photoshop files."
Kopa glowered at Asante. "You couldn't redraw me? You are such a lazy fan artist."
"Hey, it takes me two hours to draw one picture of you guys – and then another six hours to trace my line drawings in Photoshop, so get off my back!" Asante took a deep breath. "And why are you complaining anyway? You should feel lucky to look so much like your dad. Simba's the best looking lion in the whole franchise."
Simba poked his head into the room with a grin. "Say what now?"
Kopa slapped his forehead. "Dude, what did you just do?"
Asante glanced at Simba and then back at Kopa. "What?"
"Do you have any idea how big his ego is off-screen?" Kopa scoffed. "Hearing you say he's the best looking lion – ugh, there's going to be no living with him now."
Simba sauntered over to Asante's other side. "So, what is it you find particularly good looking about me?" he asked, leaning against the table in a theatric pose.
Kopa shook his head at Asante, warning him not to answer.
Asante didn't notice. "Well, I'd have to say it's your mane. It looks so smooth, soft, and thick – I just want to nuzzle it," he reached out and petted Simba affectionately.
"Oh, go on," Simba purred, flicking some of his mane back stylishly. "I use a special conditioner, you know."
"You didn't give me a smooth silky mane," Kopa muttered. "You were 'too busy' to draw me a unique shape but apparently had enough spare time in your oh-so-busy schedule to give me Goku hair. Do I look like a damn DBZ character to you?"
"I thought a messier mane would make you look more roguish," Asante explained.
"I have perpetual bed-hair!"
"Kopa, stop mouthing off to our author," Simba said with a distracted smile, but then he grimaced, his face contorting into a stony, disgruntled expression, "otherwise I'll put my foot up your ass!"
Asante and Kopa balked at Simba.
Simba's face returned to normal and he stared at them blankly. "Did I say that? Where the hell did that come from?"
Asante sighed. "Crap, I thought this might happen. On my fan art page, I asked other artists who they thought would be the best actor to do Kopa's voice if my fan fiction was a movie. Topher Grace won."
Kopa nodded. "Oh, so that's why I sound so much like Eric Forman from That Seventies' Show."
Asante nodded. "It's also why you occasionally channel Eric Forman's personality and smart-aleck sarcasm." He looked at Simba. "And as your dad, Simba appears to be channeling Red Forman now."
Simba grimaced again. "Dumbass! Oh God, make it stop!"
Kopa gestured to the door, "Run for it, Dad! Save yourself!"
Simba bolted for the door, slamming it behind him.
Asante turned to Kopa. "You think putting some distance between you and your dad will stop you two from channeling the Formans?"
Kopa shook his head, grinning. "Nah, I just wanted Dad to buzz off."
Asante turned in his swivel chair so he faced Kopa. "Listen, Kopa, I'm sorry you have issues with your appearance but the fact is you look great. I love my design for you. Don't forget, you had those three lionesses fawning all over you in Chapter 4 of my second fan fiction novel."
Kopa sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Of course I'm right, I'm the author – which basically means I'm your god." Asante grinned proudly.
Kopa stared at Asante blankly. "Uh – no, dude, just – just no." He patted Asante on the head in a pitying gesture before he turned and made his way to the door.
Asante sighed in relief when Kopa was gone. "Finally, now I can get back to wor…"
"Asante," Nala snapped as she entered the room, "I have a bone to pick with you!"
Asante rolled his eyes. "F-k Biscuits."
Nala slammed a picture on the table in front of Asante. It was one of his fan art pictures. Nala pointed with an extended claw at herself in the image. "Those colors? Really?!"
Asante stared at Nala uncomprehendingly. "What's wrong with those colors. I color-grabbed them in Photoshop from a screen still. They should be accurate…"
"From the second movie!" Nala shouted. "Why the second movie? I look like I was dunked in a tub of bleach! You know I ate half the animators because of this."
Asante stared blankly. "No way, you ate the animators?" He thought a moment. "Would that be murder or animal attack?"
Nala shrugged. "The judge passed a ruling not to disclose details of the case to the general public. Anyways – those colors are awful! I want you to draw me using my colors from the first movie. You used the first movie coloring for everyone else – BUT NOT ME?!"
"Well, I didn't use the first movie coloring for Kiara, Kovu, or Vitani either…"
"They weren't in the first movie!"
"Well, according to Disney, Kiara actually was. You see, the filmmakers say that the cub presented at Pride Rock at the end of the first movie is Kiara, not Kopa. They were unaware of Kopa's existence in Six New Adventures…"
"Don't get technical with me!" Nala said.
"Look, Nala, I'm sorry if you don't like it but I prefer your coloring in Lion King II, so I'm not going to change your design."
"I can't work like this!" Nala roared, storming out of the room.
Asante sighed. "F-ing prima donnas," he grunted. "I bet non of the other fan fiction authors and fan artists have to deal with this crap. Now, back to wor…"
"Hey, Asante," Timon called.
"Rat-f-k sons of a bitches!" Asante snapped.
Timon came to an abrupt halt. "Uh, wow. That's one I've never heard before."
Asante took a deep breath. "What is it, Timon?"
"Well, the thing is, I was wondering – is Asante your real name?"
Asante blinked and turned around in his swivel chair slowly. He stopped when he was facing Timon. "That's what you want to know?"
Asante shrugged, his expression completely baffled. "No, actually, it's just a pseudonym I use when writing my fan fiction."
Timon nodded. "I thought so. After all, Asante is a Swahili name and you're – well you're not – um – you know…"
Asante narrowed his eyes at Timon. "Not what?"
"Not – of an African persuasion," Timon finished.
Asante stared at Timon a long time. "You're saying I couldn't really have a Swahili name – because I'm white? Wow, way to play the race card, Timon." With that, Asante turned about and returned to his writing.