A/N: I take so long to write now a days. Especially sex scenes. Wow, I really can't write them for shit, lol. But actually, I like how this chapter turned out. It's got a lot going on, not as long as the last, but still pretty lengthy. Also pretty plot twisty. I really hope that you all enjoy it and please let me know what you think in the review box. Every single one is appreciated.
Chapter 14: Abeyance
Being stuck in a dream is like fulfilling your innermost ideals and wishes, yet remaining completely oblivious to the fact that it's all a sham. In the end, nothing comes out the way it happened. You'd slowly realize that, and then slip into some kind of small depression until you got over it. Making sure that the saying, "it was only a dream" comes into light. Though sometimes, the dream lingers and festers in your mind for the whole day, as if mocking you, being certain that you know just how fake it really was, or sometimes, how real.
And of course, I knew all of this. I dreamed just like everyone else did. The Sandman visited me some nights, leaving traces of gold dust on my pillow when I woke.
But this night, the night after everything had taken place, after I had met up with the boy who had thought me to be dead. It'd been three whole years, and he still loved me. It probably wasn't any kind of realization either—I wasn't blind to that. The inner longing that I had spoken about…well either the Sandman decided to make fun of me in my own head, or it was just something I had seriously wanted.
Obviously, the second one made more sense. Maybe Sandy didn't have much to do with it at all.
I remembered it so clearly, like it had really actually happened.
Hiccup was lying on the bed before me, completely naked and exposed to my hungry eyes. He was young again—the small boy that he used to be. So fair skinned and freckled and erotic. And I was fucking him senseless.
The way he breathed, heavily causing steam to swelter in the air, had me desperate for more contact. The way being inside of him burned my skin made a cold sweat break over my brow. My eyes clenched together, but I would open them again, if only to see his face.
"Keep your eyes open," I begged him, "I want to see them."
He tried to obey my request, but the corners of his lids were twitching terribly. The brunet seemed to be in pain, of course he was. I knew it. I was hurting him.
With fast, jerky motions, I moved my hand towards his erection and clasped onto it tightly, a forbidding look casting over my features. "Say my name…" I whispered into his ear, heavy seduction drenching my words. As I pounded into his tiny body once more, he cringed, his features distorting and a cry of agony bubbling up from his throat.
"Jack…I…" I was pumping hard on him, my hand slipping up and over his foreskin, then back down again in a rapid motion. He was covered in our spit and a decent amount of his pre-come. My eyes narrowed and I lusted for more. More of him. More of this. I'd never have enough.
And even though I thought it to be impossible, in an instant, everything crashed. Hiccup blanched, his whole face turning white and his eyes were as round and wide as the moon. Then his lips moved, with no sound. Yet I heard another voice inside my mind. A deep, discerning, insensible voice that had me grinding my teeth in resentment.
"Give up. This will get you nowhere. You are better off alone. You were always meant to be alone."
"NO!" I yelled, just as Hiccup closed his eyes and mine filled to the brim with tears. "No…no, no, no!" I began to shake his body back and forth, but he was cold and lifeless. With my whole core I feared for the worst. Inside my head, confrontations screamed at me, tearing me down and breaking my heart.
You did this to him…you did this to him! You couldn't hold it back! You've killed him! You were never meant for this. This isn't what you were meant to do!
With my eyes closed securely, I slowly pulled out of the boy; cautious and careful, then seized his body and held him close to my chest. "Why did you bring me back…? Why didn't you just leave me dead?" I had no idea what I was saying in the dream, though there was something that had forced me to speak. I didn't even realize who I was talking to at the time.
The voice just chuckled sardonically and I could sense the indifference in his outlook. "You are Jack Frost. There is a need for you in this world. That is all."
His response had revolted me. While still clinging to the one dear to me, I stood up and glared up at the sky. It was night and it was cold. Suddenly there was nothing but darkness.
I shouted words at the top of my lungs; to whoever it was that had challenged me. "I've had enough! I don't want to BE Jack Frost any longer! I want to live, and I want to be with Hiccup, forever!" Tears streamed down my face in tendrils of liquid that felt too hot against my chilled, icy flesh. Snow fell to the ground in clumps, and started to cover my friend's legs too hastily.
Another laugh and Hiccup was almost fully buried. The voice decided to say one last thing to me before I woke up…and the words had echoed my thoughts since.
"There is no forever, when you are human."
I woke with a start after that, skin hot and heated, feeling as if I were about to burst from overcompensation. My irritated eyes went straight to the sheets that covered my body and I instantly threw them away from me, as far as I thought possible. It was so sweltering in that room, the fire was growling deeply in its pit, spiting flames that seemed to burn my retinas. Sometimes, I guess I appeared to forget that I was Jack Frost.
Shaking hands trembled on the temples of my skull, and I tried to massage myself out of misery. Though of course, that wasn't working at all what with my half stiff hard on causing a tent in my pants and the obscure, seducing dream haunting my thoughts.
The being that I had been speaking to was utterly obvious now that I was awake. I'd heard that voice only once before in my life, yet I never truly forgot it. It was the moon…and my dreams were only insulting, triggering me to stumble in my own self-pity because I knew that he would never truly speak to me again.
My fingers tugged at the hair on my head and I quickly stood up from the bed. This caused my lower back to shout at me in pain and question why in the hell I would even think of standing up after the beating it had taken the night before. I winced, my eyes starting to water and a few muffled noises of anguish fled my lips in my attempt to find something to lean against. Moments after, my perspicacity went straight to the boy who was rustling himself awake, doubtless because of my clamor. Though, looking at him once again, really focusing…I realized that he wasn't who he used to be. Hiccup wasn't much a boy any more.
His green orbs stared at me in sleepy confusion. "You're…you're up, hey…" A yawn interrupted his speech and I looped around the bed towards the window.
My lips tried forming words but nothing really came out. My hand rested against my spine, failing at its attempt to soothe the area. "Uh…mhmm." A sharp breath jetted through my nose when I felt another twinge of pain and I wished that I didn't have to look at him, for some reason. Probably since all I could think about was how fast he had grown and how I'd never get those three years back. That time was lost to me and I hated that so fucking much.
I saw him rub his tired eyes from my peripheral vision and he started making his way towards me. I decided to cut to the chase, knowing that I wasn't in any kind of mood to be around him at that moment.
"It's too hot in here. I'm going out."
Hiccup looked taken aback and I glared at the floor with a pointed stare. His voice was raspy and so much older sounding, it made my heart clench and halt its incessant beating. "Are you…are you okay, Jack?"
Don't say my name; I don't want to hear it…
Though my whole being craved to tell him what was wrong and explain the dream, a small voice was telling me not to worry him. And that part won over the other, oddly enough. "Yeah. Just fine." But I wasn't fine. Not at all. I was in so much discomfort I could barely move, and intense, blaring thoughts were shredding apart my fucking brain.
"W-wait, before you go, I—" He cut himself off in order to move and head towards his dresser. I watched as those hands brought out rag with something wrapped up inside of it. He tripped over the floorboard in attempts to reach me once again. I inwardly smiled at that. "This is, ah…here…" He handed the object to me and I removed the white cloth, perplexed.
When the tooth box landed in my hands I instantly paled and sought to throw it back at him. Why was I feeling this way? I should have been happy to receive this treasure once again. Why wasn't I excited to have the chance to relive my memories and past for the first time in hundreds of years?
My chest was on fire and I detested the thought of opening this box.
Hiccup obviously saw my distress, and he lifted his hand to touch me but I recoiled too quickly for him to make any contact.
"What is with you today…? I thought you'd be happy to have your memories now…"
Great, I was worrying him. Good fucking job.
"Nothing, I just…" I turned the metal over in my hand and gripped the siding tightly, hating how it shined in the light from the window. "It worries me, I guess. You can…just keep it."
"They aren't my memories to keep, Jack," he retorted, shoving the case away when I was clearly willing him to take the wretched thing from me.
I growled a little under my breath and then tossed the container onto the bed. His eyes went wide when I looked into them for a split second in time. My voice scarcely had an ounce of emotion in it as I stated, "You've done fine keeping them this long." He seemed star struck, without answer or words to fill his throat with. I turned my back on him and put one leg out the window, the pain in my back growing less and less noticeable by the second. Something else replaced it, deep in my heart, causing my chest to throb and sting. "Don't bother following me. I want to be alone right now."
A short breath of silence and then, "Jack!" His hand shot out and latched itself onto my shoulder. I froze in his touch. "Please just…talk to me. If something's bothering you, you can talk to me about it…I want to help."
I sighed in unadulterated frustration which seeped through my lips and nose. In my irrelevance, I shrugged off his hand. Though I couldn't see the look on his face, I figured he was probably really hurt. I was being so utterly rash.
"You can't help me, Hiccup. No one can."
Hiccup didn't trail after me like I had much expected him to do. Perhaps he'd matured past the level of being incessant. And I guess I hadn't.
I rubbed my arm until it felt raw. Almost every single part of me started to feel that way. In my rush, I had left the room without putting my shirt on. Snowflakes were falling and melting into my skin, washing over me and allowing my breathing to resume its regular passage.
Tracing my eyes over the buildings, I noticed how little snow had accumulated in this village since I'd been gone. I bet none of them missed me either. I wander aimlessly, shirtless, hurting, and starting to preserve. Shortly, I had ended up in the main part of town somehow.
And after only seconds, for some strange reason, it felt like I was being watched by anyone and everyone who passed by. Their eyes lingered on me a little too long, as if they were seeing something that wasn't even real and had to second glance to be sure they weren't going insane. I immediately felt like a frightened animal—this wasn't supposed to be happening. People couldn't see me. No one could. Only Hiccup. And that's how it always was. So I started running towards the woods, somewhere I was familiar with, void of humans. As soon as my foot hit the first snow bank, my face also collided with something as well. And it hurt like a bitch; the rapid pace I was going hadn't helped whatsoever. As if I wasn't in enough pain to begin with. I stepped backwards, most likely bruised with a bloody nose and I gasped when I heard someone's voice.
"Watch where you're going, jackass!"
I tried to catch my bearings but failed so miserably that instead, my back collided with the wall of a house, and I knocked my head so hard into it that all I ended up seeing was the color yellow.
"Fuck…" I hissed through my teeth and gripped the side of my head, rocking it back and forth as the person who I guessed I had…ran into, approached me.
"Who do you think you are anyway? You just—!"
The female's voice halted when I brought my hand away from my face. I blinked once, twice more, and refocused my vision so that I could at least manage to look the person in the eye.
And from then on, I swear my life was nothing short of hysterical.
The girl, who was much taller than I last remembered, also a lot more endowed, stood straight with a look of unadulterated ire and revulsion mortared on her face. Mine was basically the opposite: confused, panic stricken, and downright astounded.
Okay, so there were two explanations for this. One: I was totally fucking losing my mind. Or two: people could actually see me now.
I honestly hoped, in this situation, that it wasn't the latter.
"You…Who are you…?" she asked slowly, anger pulsing through her words but I could tell she was just as stunned as I was.
I took a few shaky, uncontrolled breaths while attempting to find my words that were basically hiding inside of me. "Who…do you think I am, Astrid…?"
Her throat made a noise of bewilderment and she scrunched up her nose, I saw a red mark was blistering on her forehead. "You think you can just freak me out by saying my name?"
I used the side of the building to straighten myself up, and then placed a padded finger to the underside of my nose. Sure enough, it was leaking blood and I cursed the girl inside my mind. I guess I would always hate her for some reason or another.
The old me, the one she most likely thought about quite a lot and cursed my name in her sleep, decided to be snide with her and reply, "Yeah, I guess so. And it's working, isn't it?"
She laughed harshly, though before that she had looked very unnerved. She had quite the talent for masking her emotions. "Tell me your name or I'll make you bleed from somewhere else." In saying the words, she took an axe, unhinged it from her belt, and then aimed it fairly close to my stomach.
With my chin raised and a hand up in surrender I spoke my name to her, "J-Jack Frost."
Once again, the mask was on and the look of surprise only floated across her face for a few moments. After the initial tremor left her, she was covered in fury. The blonde started edging the sharp metal closer towards me, then spat words into my face as she kept pressing forward with no regards to my safety.
"You dirty son of a half-troll, rat-eating, munge-bucket!"
"Back off! You're gunna—!"
"Do you have ANY idea what you've done to him?! What you've done to me?! You're NOT welcome here!"
"Calm the fuck down and listen to m—"
"Get out! Leave! Before you…" she trailed off, and her eyes scanned over my bare chest which her sharp axe was pressing up against. I felt the very tip of the blade sink in and cut my pectoral. Her lips moved up and down as I tried to force the axe away by gripping the wooden center. "You…you were…Were you…?"
I eyed her willfully and was thankful when I managed to push the weapon back a little. "Was I what?"
Her cheeks flushed instantly, blood surfacing, matching the color of the inflamed mark. "Why aren't you wearing a shirt? What did…what happened?" I saw tears were forming in the brims of her eyes, but she was holding them back and trying hard not to fall over from what I saw.
Perhaps I should have clothed myself before bounding out of his room like that. But it wasn't like I was planning on talking to anyone or…or even anyone seeing me.
What a fucking mess…
Shaking my head, I looked away and stated, "It's none of your damn business." I then gritted my teeth at her.
She went berserk. "It is my damn business, you asshole! You tell me or I'll—!"
"What? You gunna kill me? I'm immortal, so good luck." I knocked my fist on the side of her axe so that it fell and weighted in her hold. As I took a few steps away from her, my feet crunching in the snow, I fingered the tiny hole in my chest that was bubbling with blood. It pissed me off and so did she. "Why don't you go ask Hiccup? I bet he could enlighten you about what happened last ni—"
Astrid threw the axe and it whizzed past my ear, cutting off a lock of my hair. I watched with wide eyes as it drifted to the snowy ground. The weapon thudded onto a nearby tree, and I felt like maybe my heart didn't know how to work anymore. Heavy footsteps approached me, and soon I was pinned to the building once again, my head feeling the bruise now more than ever. The girl, who was about the same height as me, gripped my neck and pounded my back into the siding, the sleet fell and landed all around us.
"I missed that on purpose! Now tell me!"
"Let…go…" I succeeded in snarling at her.
She held firm, grip tight around my throat. "Not until you tell me."
This girl is digging her own fucking grave.
Instead of punching her in the gut and leaving her to rot in the snow like I wanted, I decided that bodily harm wasn't anything compared to the words I was about to convey to her. If I wanted revenge for whatever it was that Astrid ever did to me, then now was the time. And she was making it so easy, too.
The air was quiet and she was as well, aside from her heavy, baited breaths that came so fast I thought she might asphyxiate. With a bit of pride in my voice and a sneer firmly placed, I told her simply, "We fucked. And it was amazing."
Disbelief overtook her, as if she hadn't really heard a word I said. Where was her mask now? "You're lying…you're lying! Hiccup would never—!"
"You don't believe me! Fine! Then go fucking ask him!" I furiously pointed in the direction I figured Hiccup's house to be in, urging her away from me. I was so totally sick of looking at this woman.
"I fucking will!" she practically screamed back just as heatedly.
She let go of me in a fit of rage, and then stomped towards the tree which her axe was lodged into. With a grunt and a boot on the wood, she ripped it out and I scrutinized as she stalked her way towards Hiccup.
I had just wanted some time to think things over a little, was that too much to ask? Instead I'd received even more issues to worry about, I was even more upset and angry with myself, oh and Astrid was headed to Hiccup's with an axe and knowledge of our sex life. Plus, to top that all off, my revenge on the girl felt like nothing more than self-gain and immature, flippant behavior.
That day couldn't have gotten any worse.
Or so I thought.
Enough was enough, and I was tired and feeling worse off than I ever had in my three hundred years. The ideas and thoughts coursed through my mind like wild fire to a parched forest. It was absolutely burning me. I hated everything, even being on Berk.
My feet kicked the patch of snow in front of me which I then noticed to be more of gravel and dirt than anything.
"Fucking—!" I growled loudly as I watched the tips of my toes start to bleed. "Maybe you should actually get some motherfucking shoes, Jack Frost…"
"I could make you a pair…"
I whipped myself around and blinked rapidly at the teenaged male leaning against the tree. He smiled at me and I frowned. In the next second, he tossed my jacket towards me and it landed on my face, covering him from my view. I scowled beneath it but quickly slipped into its cold embrace.
"How long were you standing there? Don't sneak up on me like that…" I instantly took back what was said, only because I had kind of promised myself I would apologize to him for the idiotic way I had been acting earlier. "I-I mean…"
Stupid, just stop talking. There's no sense in fixing it now.
Hiccup only laughed at me, which I glared at him for. His smile soon faded though as he approached me. The brunet stopped about a foot away, and cleared his throat. I knew something was coming that I probably didn't want to hear.
"Astrid…came to my house. She was screaming at me…"
"I don't know why she can see me now…" I rumbled lowly and itched my forehead. Whatever I said sure didn't sedate him well enough, so I figured I'd add a little to it. "She had an axe to my chest. I kind of had to tell her…"
His eyes went large and he took in a breath of air that sounded more like a harbored gasp than anything. "She…did she hurt—"
"Just a scratch. It's not a big deal. Her expressions scare me more than anything." I tried laughing a little but he didn't join in.
His features were so stoic and focused. It was a big adjustment from the small boy who used to stumble over his sentences and cry for silly reasons. And I wasn't sure how I was ever going to get used to this. "I don't understand…She doesn't know why either—she told me. Though…I think she's probably just hiding the fact that she really does believe in you now."
"Oh goodie…" I expressed with disdain, "Can't wait till we can do each other's hair and talk about boys."
"I'd pay to see that." He laughed, finally.
I loved his laugh, albeit rich and vast, it was still Hiccup. He was still…Hiccup. No matter how many days passed by.
"Shut it. I was joking," I told him, though a smile was tugging at the edges of my lips.
It was strange, being his height. I could look into those eyes and really see the depth of them. They were greener than any forest I'd ever seen. Without noticing it, I started to count his freckles.
A strange smirk encompassed his lips when he spoke to me. "What're you looking at?"
I stopped counting and let out a puff of air, my eyes retreating from him and focusing on the dirt I so despised. "Nothing…"
"Jack…" I turned back to him with anticipation. "Astrid says she's scared of you."
My eyes narrowed. "What…? Why?"
His long fingers scratched at his hairline under the bangs and he looked away from me as well. "She says you're…just going to end up hurting me…"
That little fucking…
I stopped my rapid thoughts and tried to calm down. Astrid wasn't an idiot, as much as I wanted her to be. She was smart and she really did…care for Hiccup. She had watched over him all those years while I was gone. I owed her that much. The female Viking…she was terrified of Hiccup's pain.
And so was I.
I turned from him and took a seat on the cold ground. I'd somehow ended up on the hill where he and I used to sit all that time ago. The sun was lowering, and I was pretty sure it was planning on taking my heart with it. I advised it to, willed it actually. I wondered just how good a thing it had been to come back here, to this place and to see this boy once again. Hiccup sat beside me and leaned his head onto my shoulder, latching his fingers between mine, he held them so tight.
I knew that I was more in love with him now than I'd ever been.
Maybe it was my turn to cry for silly reasons.
"I don't care what Astrid says, Jack…I want you to know that…"
You're so stupid, Hiccup…
"I want to be with you. For as long as possible, I want to be like this…"
A stray, sordid tear dripped its way down my cheek and I turned my head away so I could rub my face onto the cloth there, hoping that he wouldn't see.
"And yet…" The wind blew slightly, snow was falling into the sea beneath us—the representation of my tears. "Losing you again is the scariest thing in the world to me…" His voice remained the same as he spoke further, though I was sure if I tried my hand at talking, I would be a mess. "So maybe I do care. Maybe I care about everything Astrid said to me. Even though I really just wanted to pretend like I couldn't even hear her..." I felt his fingers relax and then his thumb began making movements on mine. "It's funny…back then, the thought hardly crossed my mind. And now it's all I can think about. I've grown up and you're the same. I'm older…and you're the same. And I…don't want to grow any old—"
"She's right, you know…" I whispered between falling tears and dwindling snow. I was a wreck and I knew it. Why did I even try? The syllables flowed without much harmony, like the awful ache in my chest was bettering my sensible side. "She's right and…and I'm going to hurt you. This-this is going to hurt you again and I don't think I could handle that. Hiccup…this can't…" I couldn't say it. I wasn't going to. I'd just gotten him back, dammit! And now I had to say goodbye? This quick? Without anything resolved? No…I didn't wait that! I didn't fucking want that! I wouldn't allow it…
I knew his eyes were on me; they pulled me in and tugged at mine like a string. "Stop…" he begged, afraid of other harmful words. I wasn't even talking anymore, yet he couldn't break the repetition of his own fear. "Stop…stop it…"
A sigh trailed from my lips and I grasped onto his head. I pulled him close to my chest, meshing his hair against the frosted cloth. My tears dripped and fell between the strands. "I'm so sorry, Hiccup…I'm sorry, I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" I was choking on my words, sobbing into him. My back curled and I clutched onto his body for dear life. He did the same.
All that time spent in the darkness, and I still couldn't imagine one single second without him.
I wasn't ready to let go.
The moon was rising and I felt a heavy weight crush me. Maybe it was what I had been looking for the whole day. The dream, the girl seeing me, my immortality—everything pointed to him.
I tried to steady my breathing with as much resolve as possible. With my face lowered, I ran it across my jacket's sleeve and then stood up, bringing Hiccup with me. I held him near to my torso, my arms clutching at his sides and then…I addressed him.
"You've never spoken to me before…the only time was when you told me my name." I knew Hiccup was looking at me, tears undoubtedly mixing with sheer misunderstanding. "But you…you put me here, the least you can do is…is help me." I looked at Hiccup and I think he understood what I was striving to do. The moon glared down at me. It was full and bright now that the sun had vanished. If I could have pictured a face for it, it would have been a scornful and displeased one. As much as I hated the Man in the Moon, I needed this. I required Hiccup in my life and not just for a few years. It had to be for an eternity. My head shook irately, ridding myself of all doubt and I shouted piercingly into the night sky, "Make him immortal! I want to be with him forever! I know you can do it; you brought me back from the dead! You can do anything—I know you can, so just—!"
The teen beside me gripped my shoulder and I looked at him with unshed tears once again. His eyes told me everything his mouth couldn't. They were so full of emotion and kindness. I wanted to take back everything bad that had ever happened to his boy and make it good again. He deserved the best, he deserved his dragon back, and he deserved…to be loved.
I ran my thumb along his cheek and wiped a tear away. My forehead connected with his and I tried my hardest to smile. "If you were immortal, I would…I would make you happy for the rest of forever, Hiccup Haddock…"
A tiny breath came from his lips and he was trying just as hard as I was to put on a false sense of happiness for me. "I know you would, Jack…"
I dreaded the sight of her. And I knew that I couldn't do anything about it either. I wouldn't stoop so low anymore. Against my better will, I knew she didn't deserve anything I had to say.
I noticed her eyes light up when they met with Hiccup's, but my presence dampened those approaches quickly. With her hand on the weapon holstered to his waist, the girl stood from the steps of Hiccup's front porch and made her way to us.
"What are you still doing here? I told you to leave!" She remained livid, of course. And even though I detested her for that, I just had to realize that it was justified. Her reasons were unbiased and true. Which in turn, only made me feel like more of a burden.
My teeth sunk into my bottom lip and I was going to speak, but Hiccup beat me to it.
"Astrid…go home. You look terrible…"
His words were accurate. The female seemed totally out of it, like she hardly possessed the will to throw the axe at my head anymore. She snarled deafly and that glare just wouldn't stray. "No. I'm not leaving you. Not until he does!"
My whole body winced at the way she addressed me. Weren't things problematic enough? It seemed like her sole purpose was to make everything harder on me. Though, maybe I was just searching for someone to blame, and she was the easiest target for that venue.
I watched as Hiccup held onto her arm which was somehow strictly pointed at me, and he tried lowering it. "Please, Astrid…I'll see you tomorrow. It's late and—"
"I won't let you two be alone! I…I won't let you!"
Hiccup fought to keep her in his hold, she wasn't making it easy. "Just stop! You aren't my mother! You can't tell me what I can and can't do, Astrid, just—"
"NO!" she shouted so loudly that a few lights came on in the houses around us. My eyes drifted and landed on someone with a candle who stood almost too close. I feared they would hear us, and also…that maybe they could see me as well. If Astrid was able to…then who knew just how many other Vikings might as well?
The girl was a mess and the brunet knew that. He looked to me for help and I nodded towards him.
"Let's go inside. We can talk…alright?" I tried on a look of compassion; she brushed it off as something to scowl at. Yet I knew she couldn't turn down my offer.
Soon, the three of us were poised in Hiccup's room. The fire was breathing heavily down my back. I silently begged for it to stay away from me.
The blonde placed herself closely to the side of the love of my life, and I tried my hardest to stay a decent distance away from the two. Besides…I was the one in question here. Astrid wouldn't have been so angry; Hiccup wouldn't be holding back tears, if it wasn't for me.
"What do you have to say for yourself, winter spirit?" her eyes were like stones and I hated looking into them. My lips pursed. I didn't want to talk, despite my former invitation. She reminded me of some kind of animal, one that wasn't looking for a fight but would lunge if given the right opportunity.
Sweat trickled down my neck as I opened my mouth, desperate for cold air but was given no such relief. "I just…I want to say I'm sorry…"
Both stares were hard and pressed onto me. I fidgeted beneath them. This would have been so much easier to deal with if we were in an igloo. But I wasn't about to have the whole town questioning the noise or Hiccup turning into an ice block. Because with the way things were going, Berk was likely to have at least a few feet of snow that night.
For some reason, after the inevitable silence and heated gazes, Astrid almost looked like she was about to question my motives. Either that or ask what the hell happened to the real Jack Frost. Not that she would want him back.
I coughed a little too loudly and pulled at the neck of my jacket. It was so hard talking to her; the anxious feeling reminded me so much of when I would speak to North or the other Guardians. Like, if I said the wrong thing they would criticize me or try to correct my thoughts or actions. I pushed through the hardship, for Hiccup's sake.
When my eyes connected with his, I felt his warmth, and that's what I tried to focus on. Not the flames in the pit or the dreadfully piercing stare of the girl. Just him. And it helped.
"I'm sorry for…for ruining things. For fucking everything up, and for just…making Hiccup's life change so drastically. I know that I messed up, I should have never—"
"Jack, stop…that's enough you don't have to—"
I only cut him off because I felt what I was thinking ought to be voiced. Not just for him, but for Astrid as well. "No, Hic…I do." I sighed heavily and paced over to the window, which I opened and stuck my head out of. The two could probably still hear me alright, I hoped. "All of this…I'm sorry. I fell in love, and that's no excuse for corrupting everything."
"You didn't corrupt anything!"
I turned and frowned in his direction, my feelings getting the best of me. "Then what about Toothless? Huh? You know that if it wasn't for me he would still be here. And if we'd never met, then…then you wouldn't be in this situation either! You wouldn't have to hurt like this."
"As if you can put all the blame on yourself…I went along with you! I fell in love with you too, you know! It was me who put Toothless in danger. All because of my stupid actions! I shouldn't have done what I did, it's not all your—"
"Yes it is!" I shouted the words and they echoed through the tiny room. I then attempted to bury my head in my hands; I wished to rid myself of this world once again. "It is my fault…you're innocent, Hiccup…innocent…"
It was so quiet I could hear my own heartbeat. The wind was doing nothing to subdue my internal rage and frustration. I thought that maybe it should have been louder. As a gust flew through the trees and howled angrily, I could still hear Hiccup's sobs.
Astrid thought that perhaps this was the right time to step in, I guess. "As much as I want to blame you for everything you did to him, and trust me, I really do. I hate you so much, Jack Frost, and yet…" I saw her look at the boy who was seated on the bed, arms obscuring his face from both our views. She took a lenient breath then let it out slowly, her eyes reaching mine, which oddly enough, didn't turn me away. "Hiccup loves you…I hate that he does. I hate that this happened. I even hate the fact that I can see you now…"
Trust me, the feelings mutual…
"I just want this all to end…I want the old Hiccup back. I want him to be happy again, and I saw that in his eyes for the first time in ages today…I hate that you can make him so happy in a few measly hours when I tried for years and didn't get the tiniest bit of a response. It would have been better if you never came here, Jack. Better for all of us, especially Hiccup."
I half expected for the auburn haired boy to reply to her with an apology, something that he would have done a long time ago. But instead, he just stood and made the deepest connection with her eyes. The severity of his expression wasn't anything to trifle with; even I was shocked at how much he had changed. As he spoke, I could sense something else in his voice. Something had altered and eradicated it to make it feel so unlike anything I'd ever heard from those lips. "I'd rather die than live without him."
Astrid and I finally had something in common. The looks on our faces matched almost perfectly and I just about lunged for the boy.
"Hic, how…how could you even…?"
"How could you say something like that?!" she finished for me, cutting into my sentence like her axe had done to that tree. "Are you insane?! You've been living without him for three years and now this?! You…you just—!"
"Shut up, Astrid! Just shut the hell up, alright?!"
"Hiccup…" she said the name with such solitude; I would have never thought her voice could go that low.
The Viking's eyes shot from the two of us, leaving traces of anguish and pain everywhere the landed. "You think I was living? You just said that you didn't get any kind of response from me for all those years! And it was because he was gone!" Hiccup threw his hand in my direction and I edged further into the corner. "Toothless and Jack…gone. That wasn't living, no…Every day I wished that I could join them. Every second I wanted to be free of this damned island so I could search for him! But hell if I was going to take another dragon…because, because I was terrified of letting another die! Jack is here now, and I'm finally happy. So would you just…leave me alone for once in your life, Astrid, please…?"
Neither of us knew what to say. I had words in my mind, though it wasn't my time to speak. This was between him and the girl and I had no place in it. Even so, Astrid probably wanted to rip my throat out and use it for binding on a new axe. The look she gave me was enough to express that. Though there was something else there, too. Some other emotion…that closely resembled defeat. Perhaps she knew it was her time to give up, something I thought impossible for the girl to ever understand.
Without another word, Astrid moved forward and associated herself much too close to the boy. In an instant, her lips found their way to his and the fire was the least of my worries. I had almost forgotten what jealously felt like. But of course, Astrid would always be there to remind me.
My fists pulsed and my instincts were screaming at me.
Get that disgusting cunt off of him!
But I restrained myself. Hiccup was already one step…slightly ahead of me. I figured the initial shock was what held him back for those few extra seconds.
I watched as he pushed her away and she stopped her approach.
And to think I was actually going to thank this girl after I apologized to her as well. So much for that idea.
"I won't give up on you, Hiccup. Someday…Jack will be too young for you. And I'll be the only one who can make you happy."
Those words were sickly, molten hot knives that penetrated my heart and sank deep beneath the surface. I couldn't help the stunned look that covered my face.
Astrid put on her emotional mask and faced me again. Just before leaving the room, I saw a flicker of knowing etched into her eyes. She knew she was right. She knew it all too well. And perhaps…the girl felt some pity for me. A sliver of understanding. And then it disappeared, and so did she.
The perplexity and aftermath of the words that were said lingered in the air; making it stagnant and hard to breathe again. I wanted nothing more than to forget about all this nonsense and hold him close to me, without any kind of worry or care.
"I'm sorry you had to see that…I don't know what I'd do if someone decided to kiss you in front of me…" Hiccup sounded beaten, his head hung, eyes looking anywhere but at me.
I smiled, though it felt so phony on me. "It's fine…I'm not mad."
"You were. I could tell…so thank you, for not—ya know, uh…killing her or anything…"
"You've pegged me all wrong," I told him, smiling still and trying with difficulty to sound like a really didn't give a damn. "I'd only of…maimed her a little."
I think I heard him laugh, but I wasn't sure. The wind had died down since Astrid left, and it was starting to feel…somewhat normal again. I longed for that.
Please just let things be good. All I want is to spend some time with him…
"I know…that Astrid just kissed me but…I want you to, now…"
My eyes closed and when I opened them I stood inches away from his body. With a poised thumb, I moved it towards his lips and parted them, rubbing my skin along his and using the rest of my fingers to arch his chin.
"That's not a problem at all," I voiced and then went in for a kiss.
It was strange how quickly things moved forward, in a very sensual direction. Well, not completely strange but also…interesting and entirely amazing in my opinion. I remembered how I used to wish desperately for things to happen this way, and the years had really made that happen. Thinking back, I probably couldn't have waited such a long time if not for the events that took place that had crushed the option altogether.
Speaking of crushing…
My body was against his, and his back was to the wall. He was eagerly trying to push me away while I kissed and licked at his lips, passionate and feverishly learning every inch of the inside of his mouth. I loved the way we fought for dominance, yet I hated it at the same time. I wanted him to just give up already and let me do everything that needed to be done. But, still…the way he kept latching onto my shoulders and gripping tightly, frantic for the control that he'd had before…was such a turn on for me.
"You need to calm down…" I spoke into his ear, biting onto it, exciting him further.
"Shut up…I couldn't wait for Astrid to leave so we could do this again…" I heard a moan and a slight yelp resound from his throat when I finally connected my hand to the growing lump in his pants.
"You're so impatient. What about everything we talked about today…?" I didn't want to ruin the mood. I wasn't searching for an escape or planning a confrontation. Honestly, I had no idea what I was after.
I noticed his eye lids close for a long moment and then reopen only to do the same once again. My movements were affecting him more than I intended. Or maybe not. I loved doing this to him. I loved seeing him this way. Hiccup was the sexiest human on the planet, and I would never have enough of him. Nothing could ever satisfy the need to have more.
"I'm tired of all that…Just…" Hiccup moaned loudly and gripped my jacket, pulling at it once again as if that would remove the clothing. "Fuck me…I want you to fuck me, Jack."
My nails dug deep into his neck, a cry escaped from him. I couldn't really move much. There was a roaring in my gut, the all too familiar feeling of super charged hormones that I couldn't stand to keep in any longer. I'd been waiting so long to hear those words, and now that he had…well I was almost too shocked to do anything about it.
"Jack…" Hiccup touched my face and looked into my eyes. I got lost in his green orbs and had to blink harshly to refocus. "You wanted to…didn't you?"
My fingers decided to move again and this time they inched into his pants, past the belt which was on much too tightly. I wiggled them until I felt the little bit of hair. "Fuck yes…but I thought you didn't…?"
I saw him shake his head and then grin. "I got my chance…"
"I'm…" My breathing was irregular and hazardous. "I'm not going to waste mine…" In an instant, I hefted his body up into my arms and lowered him onto the bed. My hands ripped at his clothes and his chest was exposed. His pants were the next thing to come off; it wasn't long before he was wearing nothing but underwear. My lips began sucking on different parts of his chest. I licked his nipples, playing and teasing him before circling around them and sucking. Those noises were absolute bliss to my ears; I wanted nothing more than to make him scream my name. Finally I was in control, and he was letting me be. It was amazing. He was amazing.
I want all of him.
One of my fingers pinched the last piece of clothing he had and I brought them down, lowering it to the floor. I couldn't see him yet, but I knew he was hard. My actions had caused mine to stiffen somewhat as well. But I wasn't done toying with him yet. All the wants and needs exploded inside of me as I kneeled in-between his legs and balanced my head there as well.
Hiccup sat up and gave me a questioning stare. He didn't have any time to speak before I opened my mouth widely and pushed my lips over the head of his cock. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw his head shoot backwards, hopefully in sheer ecstasy.
"Shit…" he grinded the word through his teeth, I let mine run along his skin. As my lips traveled further downward, I felt his hand shift into my hair. It buried itself there and then began to tug and pull. I didn't mind at all. It only fueled me further.
I let the spit drip and fall onto my wrists which were stroking him as well, adding extra heat and vertigo to the act. Once I took almost half of him in my mouth, I felt Hiccup's hand push me forward just a bit. I grinned at this. The boy had no patience at all when it came to anything sexual. So as if to teach him a lesson, I bit down gently, which caused him to yelp in pain.
I smirked. My tongue was a weapon and I used it to my advantage. Licking the tip calmed him and sent him back into the stupor. Though I wasn't going to keep it up for long. With saliva trickling from my lips and one last shift of his hips, I pulled away from him. The look on his face was close to murder.
"Don't stop…" he complained to me, his member twitched next to my cheek and I simply reached for it then climbed on top of him.
He seemed apprehensive and a little frightened. Thus, to fix that, I stuck my pointer and middle finger inside his mouth.
A few muffled noises and an, "Tha fawck?"
"Just lick them, okay?"
The uneasiness turned to bewilderment, though when he noticed the smile on my face I supposed he figured it was easier to just go along with everything I had planned. Hiccup licked my skin; his tongue was practically matching the movements I had just performed on him. My eyes were lidded as I stared, his tried to avoid mine as much as possible. I could tell the boy was embarrassed beyond all reason. Though I knew deep down, he was enjoying it. Just as I had the night before…
I'd had enough though. I loved teasing him, but I wasn't going to sit there and let him blatantly do it to me. So I drew my hand away from him and continued on with my intentions.
Hiccup's apprehension came back and he instantly tensed like a taught wire when my fingers touched his entrance.
"W-wait…I have to take my…my prosthetic off, and-and don't you need that aloe?"
"I'm fine with this, alright? The spit should lubricate it enough for now…" But I leaned back then and eyed his leg. "Go ahead," I told him quickly.
With his eyes on the walls, he nodded and sat forward, pushing himself back against the pillows until he could reach his metal foot well enough. I waited until he was done and then moved in closer, stripping myself of my jacket in the process. I was pretty sure he tried to withdrawal from me some more, but was regrettably met with the backboard and cushions.
"You look scared," I mused.
"Like you weren't," he countered.
An amused smile comprised my appearance and I laughed at him. "Touché."
The look on his face was so overtaken by his insecurities. I hardly ever saw him like this anymore. "This…how does it feel…?"
Great. That's basically the worst question to ask right now.
I tried to tell him the truth. "Feels good, after a while."
"Yeah but! But what about the time before that? What—?"
"If you're just going to sit here and ask me questions, then we might as well put our clothes back on." He gave me silence along with an intense stare and I sighed. "Look, it's really not that bad—just embarrassing and awkward. The pain fades. You'll get used to it, I promise."
"Sounds marvelous…" His sarcasm was noted.
I shook my head at him then leaned forward, putting my nose against his. "Trust me. Alright?"
With a deep breath Hiccup nodded and said, "I do. I trust you, Jack."
My smile was bright and full. The other noticed and beamed right back.
Fingers still wet, I once again lowered them and slowly inched in the direction of my detestation. It was a little difficult with the way he was sitting, so I use my other hand to lift his leg a little. This caused his face to turn bright red and I saw the young Hiccup again. The realization pushed me, which also caused my fingers to move faster. Before either of us knew it, I had already inserted a full digit inside his tight hole.
A long breath trailed from his lips, his head was so close to mine that I could feel the warmth his mouth produced. His body trembled in my embrace as I asked him, "You okay…?"
The affirmation reverberated behind his sealed lips, and so I continued.
He was so warm and wet, the spit was dripping downward and so was his pre-come. I wanted to touch him again but my own needs were overwhelming me. I had to be inside him, and soon or else I would burst.
His body writhed against me, arms clutching at my sides and finger nails digging deep into my skin. It seemed easier, the second time doing this with him. Though the experiences were still so new and fresh to me. I didn't want it to ever end.
Two fingers were inside and Hiccup's lips hadn't parted. Even though I could hear the muffled sounds, it wasn't enough.
"Why aren't you—?"
"I think I heard my dad come home…not too long ago…"
Oh. Well that would explain it.
"Doesn't he have…chief things to do?" I irritably inquired.
Hiccup shook his head, his hair brushing against my cheek. "Some days he comes home early…"
"Will he come up here…?" I feared the answer.
"I don't k-know…maybe? He usually doesn't have any reason to, but if we're loud, then…"
I didn't want to let this ruin the way things were going…but I also didn't want Hiccup to get in any kind of trouble. If his father walked in on us...and what if he could actually see me? It'd be a nightmare.
"Do…you want to stop, then…?" I had to ask him, even though every single ounce of my libido was telling me otherwise. It's the right thing to do, Jack. That's all.
I heard him sigh and he leaned back, once again to rest against the headboard. "We just…we have to be quiet. That's all."
"Doing this for the first time…Being quiet is going to be tough, Hic…"
He looked frustrated, putting an arm over his face and hiding it from view. "So just…I don't know. Just don't let me."
"Don't let you…what?"
"Don't let me scream!"
"Like that?" I laughed and without comprehending it, pushed my fingers deeper into him.
A sharp hiss arose from his lips and he glared full force at me. "I'm sorry…" I mouthed.
"Just get on with it, alright?"
I nodded but from then on felt like his dad was seriously going to come waltzing through the doorway at any moment. And that made me nervous; I kept my ears on high alert, which in turn caused every little sound from the male beneath me to resonate even louder.
Though, I think we soon disregarded the fact that we could have been discovered. I just couldn't stop looking at him. The way he tried keeping those noises in was arousing, and so I put his hand on my erection then urged him to undo the buttons.
He did and I slid out of the binds. Hiccup and I were once again, naked on his bed and this time I was the one in charge. And I was just too overstimulated and aroused to think logically about any of it.
The boy just wasn't really giving me any opportunity to. He was way too distracting.
"Feels so weird…" he complained, a hand covering his nose and mouth. My fingers were moving in and out, swiftly now and smoothly. With my eyes on his hidden face, I began stretching the hole. This caused him to accidentally move his arm and I got a look at his features, which were flushed and completely breathless.
My sex drive soared then I sped up my movements, I didn't want to squander any more time.
"Hand me that oil now…"
"What…?" he asked, eyes mortified, "A-already…?"
I was starting to lose my patience. "Yes, already." As I said the words, I started to try and position him in the best way possible. My gut was growling in anticipation. Nothing had really prepared me for this moment aside from utter lack of sexual release. What Hiccup had done to me previously wasn't entirely beneficial, in my part. I wanted and needed to be inside of him. The impulse was too much to ignore, especially with that look on his face. It called out to me and pleaded for my attention. And I wasn't going to pass it up.
My hard on was poking at the formerly stretched hole, and Hiccup put his hands to my chest. "Wait…wait, wait…"
Once again, my endurance was tested and I tried my hardest to not thrust into him as I wanted to. "What is it?" I asked with all the tolerance I had left.
The moment I looked back at him from closed eyes, it seemed as if Hiccup was focusing definitely on the ceiling, afraid to look at me, or just completely zoned out. He was frozen beneath me and a shiver wracked my body. The word different appeared in my head.
"Give…" Hiccup spoke, in a tone that didn't match his own. I watched as those lips began to move, unlike him, unlike what he would do. The air felt thick with falsity and some kind of strange malice that had me reeling in reverse.
What the hell is…?
"Hiccup…are you okay?"
Something inside of me jerked forward and about an inch penetrated the Viking. And he didn't move—not one bit.
When I tried blinking my eyes and re-opening them, attempting to rid myself of the vision, of this event, of the strange intoxicating paranoia, I saw…
He was younger. Hiccup was fifteen again. And every time my eyelids fluttered back down and up, he changed bodies. Like the nightmare was evading my mind. As if it had never really left me. I started to tremble and shake uncontrollably.
Was I never meant to do this…? Am I not allowed? Would I really hurt him…or even kill him if I did…?
What the fuck?
His eyes were whitened, the pupils missing and shot from their regular place. I closed my own, trying to rid the picture from my view.
This can't be happening…
I was in complete shock and disbelief and when he finished saying the words…
"There is no need for you here. I am human. And I am going to die."
I was gone.
"Get out of my fucking head!" I screamed my maddened and hate filled words into the sky, where the moon reigned. It looked down at me with nothing more than a discriminating glare. I growled and the wind blew my hair in circles around my head. "You don't fucking own me! Stop toying with me, you fucking bastard! You think you can just speak to me through Hiccup? Like that's a fucking good idea?! You're sick! You're fucking sick and I hate you! I fucking hate your guts, you…fucking…" I fell to the ground and my knees hit the rocks and dirt there. I felt nothing but sadness and fear. Pain and misery. I wallowed in those feelings. I cried my heart out and nothing stopped me. The moon felt no sympathy. He created me for his sole purposes—nothing else. He probably had no emotions at all. So the words I screamed and the rips and tears to my throat meant nothing in the end.
This cliff had two meanings to me, and I couldn't differentiate between either of them anymore. What did this all mean, anyway? That I was doomed to wander the earth for the rest of my life with no one to love or hold dear to me? That the Man in the Moon cared little to none about my wellbeing, only pursued his own selfish gain and sought to torment me every step of the way?
"I'm so tired of this…" I gasped out the words between chattering teeth. I was cold again, and it was my fault. The snow fell in handfuls, drenching the town in my sorrow. "Please stop this…make me…make me mortal, I don't even care!" And at that point in time, I really didn't. I would have done anything to just be free from the shackles and able to live a somewhat normal kind of life.
I thought of Hiccup and how shocked he would be to notice that I had left yet again. Would his father walk in? Would he see the boy, naked on the bed, alone…? How would he even explain that to him?
I had too many questions in my head that it literally hurt.
My teary eyes trailed on the soil mixed with slush, and landed on the edge of the cliff. With my hands against the snow packed ground, I inched forward, dragging my knees and digging my feet into the earth.
Nothing was going to stop me. Not unless the moon had another tricky idea up his sleeves. I was teetering on the edge of sanity and lunacy. There was no one to tell me no. There was absolutely nothing in my way. Everything inside of me was ordering me to do it. So why shouldn't I?
You won't die.
"I know that…"
It will hurt. You'll hurt even more. Nothing will end.
"I know…I fucking know that!"
Somehow, bloody palms held my head form falling off its hinge. The muscle inside of me called a heart was leaking and pulsing, capturing me in a state of solitude diversified with grief. It told me again that nothing was going to change. It challenged me to fight.
But I was tired of fighting. Tired of the hurt and pain and years left empty and alone.
You like being on your own, it said.
What about fun times? What about snow days and blizzards?
"I'm through playing your game…" I spat out, feeling as if there were bile in my throat. "I'm not anyone's play thing! I'm Jack Frost! I am me! Not…you didn't create me just to…to…"
But did he? He might have. You don't even know. You're too much of a coward to face your past.
"My past…" I whispered and from behind me I heard a voice that halted my movements altogether.
"Hiccup…" I whispered his name. It was welcomed to my ears but not to my mind. The space there was befuddled, yelling out accusations and fairy tales that I thought never existed. I kept hearing that voice. It was smooth and keen, I hated it. I hated the sound of it. The moon was shining in my eyes and consuming my whole being.
"I brought this…you need it, Jack. Now more than ever. You have to know!"
I landed my shifting, scared eyes on that golden box in his hands and lashed out at him. "No I don't! I don't fucking need that thing!"
It could help.
It could hurt.
It might destroy you.
"I'm scared…" I admitted it. Of course I was. The fear had encompassed me for three hundred years and kept me safe. Kept me cool in its embrace, made sure that nothing could harm me.
As it stared into me just as the moon did.
Prove him wrong.
Soon, Hiccup was in front of me, kneeling down and pressing his warm hand into the icy, paled side of my face. "Do it for me…Jack."
This boy was beautiful, whether he was fifteen, eighteen, or…or a hundred. And I would do anything for him.
My head nodded on its own accord and I directed my hand to advance, to clasp that metal in my hands once again. Only this time I would figure things out. I would finally know just what happened to me. How did I become Jack Frost? Who was I before all of this?
"Who am I…?" I asked it, as my fingers nudged the middle, pressing down with a feather light touch. It opened and Hiccup's face was shrouded in light. I watched as he dissolved into a million pieces, diamonds floating in the air all around me. They dances and twirled, like the northern lights. And behind them grew pictures. Moving pictures of a place covered in green.
And then, Hiccup was gone.
I thought maybe I should be frightened, but my gut instinct told me otherwise. This was supposed to happen. He wasn't alive three hundred years ago. Hiccup wasn't there…but I was.
My hair was brown now, golden when it shined in the light, the specks glistening in the sun. Beside me was a girl, she was small and hardly half my height. Her hair matched mine. My clothes had changed, everything was different but yet…familiar too.
"Jack!" I looked to my left, the girl was tugging on my sleeve, and her smile was radiant like recently fallen snow. She was my sister. "Will you teach me to ice skate today? You're so good at it!"
My head nodded and I smiled back at her. Everything was natural, the flowing of a creek, nonstop. I didn't have to think about it at all. "Of course. But I…" Something caught my eye and I instantly turned towards it.
There he stood, the woods and trees around him faded into the background, like noise in a busy crowd. His silhouette was fixed and steady, unlike the leaves around him. I fidgeted as my heart skipped a beat.
"I just have to take care of something really quick, okay?" My voice cracked a little, it sounded so strange to my ears.
My sister was observant as always, and turned to look at what I had been staring at.
Though I tried to quickly shoo her away, she held her ground and made eye contact with the boy. "Who's that?" she asked curiously.
I only shook my head. "Just go home for now, alright? I'll be there soon, I promise."
"Do I know him? Does he live around here?"
"Would you just do as you're told?"
She puffed her cheeks at me and then turned around, finally listening. "Okay…but hurry up, brother! I won't wait forever!" She waved a hand in the air and then skipped back home. My eye stayed on her for as long as they could until I was almost certain she had made it back safely.
So then all that was left to do was approach him. It was a little challenging to compel my feet to move quickly enough, as if I really didn't want to see him, but still yearned for the interaction all the same. He was young, only a few years older than me. His hair painted jet black and it fell into his face, yet still looked tamed and well groomed. The skin that graced his body was paled and an off color, somehow dark but more or less like a dusty gray. Though what I liked the most about him were his eyes. They were deep with the color gold.
"You've grown…" he mentioned, hands in his pocketed vest. He wore such elegant clothing while mine looked like rags in comparison.
My eyes strayed and landed on his feet. "I haven't seen you here in over a year…"
"My family's been traveling a lot. How have you been?"
"Just fine…" I was having a hard time communicating with him. Whether it was my heavy beating heart or just my lack of conversational skills, I was feeling so downright awkward, standing there in front of him. Though I supposed it also could have been the fact that he was the first person I'd ever given myself to.
From time to time, I would still have flashbacks, erotic, but yet very alarming. I wasn't pushed into it. He had let me decide. But maybe regret still lingered, if only for the fact that he had left me shortly afterwards. I almost hated him for that. Almost.
"I missed you, Jackson…" I cringed a little when he said my full name. Only my mother called me that when I was in trouble. My whole body tensed as his hand came up and those long fingers started to play with a strand of my hair. "You're still so very beautiful…"
Breathing was steadied, but I felt like my bones would collapse in on me at any second and I'd end up a pile of slush right before his eyes. Against my better verdicts, I lifted my hand and grasped onto his, holding it close to my wind chilled cheek. "…Please don't leave again…" I began to shake and tears threatened me with no equilibriums.
Not a minute passed before he had gripped my wrist and pulled me into his embrace. And that's when I did melt. The tears squeezed out and fell onto his coat. I loved the way his hand ran itself through my hair, stopping and continuing, never too much and hardly ever not enough.
This man, he meant something to me. Sure, I could have chosen someone else; there were plenty of girls in my village who thought I was beautiful as well. But it seemed like none of them really meant anything to me. I tried to get to know them. I made friends with them, hugged them, kissed them. But it never sank in. I never really wanted them like I wanted him. Perhaps I was wrong to even try. Maybe the only one for me was Kozmotis Pitchiner.