A/N: I finished it. This is the last chapter. It's been a long time, I know. Way too long. I started this fic in November. So…it's been close to a year. I honestly can't believe it. It doesn't seem that long at all. I still don't understand why you guys read this in the first place, but I thank everyone who did. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, you all mean so much to me. This story probably wouldn't have ever gotten this far without the support I've gotten over the months from all of you. Also, sorry but this chapter is short, shorter than others. I really hope I didn't forget to tie up any loose ends as well. (If I did and you notice, I'm so sorry. X_X)
!Warning!: The end is very depressing. Seriously. Just read the very last bit with piano music, and you'll see what I mean.
I want to thank you all again for a wonderful time. Hijack is, and always will be, one of my favorite ships ever, even if it does make me cry like a small child.
Hope to see you all again sometime~
Chapter 15: Finally Visible
Eyelashes kissed my cheeks. They were his. Soft, like butterfly wings. He felt nothing like usual, but everything like I had wanted. How I had longed for this man to be close to me again. His extended, strong arms wrapped around me. The dark embrace wasn't calming, but intriguing. With silent lips, I tried to speak to him, though I ended up sounding broken.
"My sister is expecting me home."
He had heard me, I knew, but only grabbed my chin between his fingers once again and lifted it towards his lips. He coated them in breath tinted with the smell of honey and pine needles.
When he spoke, I couldn't feel much of my upper half. "I don't want to let you go, though," he paused and pushed further towards me, his body glued to the front of mine. I fit like a puzzle piece that had just found my other half. "I'd very much rather take you back to my home." I felt his fingers inching up and under my poncho, past the fabric of my sleeve. The touch was electric. I tried not to shiver.
Nothing moved, the air was silent, filled with everything except what I was truly feeling.
Talking to him was difficult. Like trying to speak over the rain.
"But I promised…"
I swallowed hard. "That…I would be home for my sister."
He paused, hands resting on my hips, and then licked his lips. His eyes were like golden steel.
"Okay. Then I'm coming with you."
That shocked me. I wasn't really sure of the reason, but it did. "But…why?"
He laughed, causing me to quiver a little. "Because I want to?"
Sighing heavily, I looked to the ground. I wasn't sure how well that would go down. I was hardly ready to introduce Pitch to my family. Not right now. Not without a proper warning and time to prepare things.
So I decided to suggest another option, "You just…wait at your house. I'll come over in a bit."
He pulled my chin towards him once again, forcing me to look directly into his eyes. "If that is what you wish." Pitch kissed me without any second thought. It sent chills down my spine and nerves deep into my stomach. For some reason I couldn't tell if I liked kissing him or not. Like it was something so very roguish and crude, as if I shouldn't ever be doing this in a million years but still felt like…it was something I never wanted to stop.
The man snuck his tongue out and pushed it passed my lips. Warm and invigorating. I trembled like a scared rabbit in his clutches. His hands inched towards my waistline; the only thing keeping them out was my belt. My fingers went straight to his, halting him, or at least trying to.
"Please…not now, okay?" God, was my voice rickety.
His breath was heavily scented with lust. "How I've missed you…"
My eyes trailed to his boots, and lidded over with the chilly air.
This isn't going to be easy…
"Jack! There you are. We're still going ice skating, right?"
I placed my staff in the corner and ruffled my hair a little with the palm of my hand. My sister was bubbly as ever. I wasn't sure how to act around her after what had just happened.
"Uhm…that-that might need to be pushed to tomorrow."
And there was the pout. How I hated it. She knew exactly how to push my buttons. "But Jack!"
I tried to be stern with her, even though it was hard. "Don't 'but Jack' me…I have some things I have to take care of before we do anything, alright?"
"What's more important than this?" Her eyes begged.
I shook my head and smiled. "Nothing is more important than you, sis. But…that was my old friend back there."
The room went quiet for more than a moment, I thought that maybe I'd said something weird or wrong to make her think he was more than just a friend. My heart beat was going so fast. But then…she seemed interested. "…Old friend?"
I nodded and nervously sat beside her on the floor. "Yes. And I just…I just really have to talk to him right now, okay?"
She looked to the floor, away from me. "But…"
A small, elusive smile flashed across my face. My sister wasn't that easy to handle, but she was so full of life. I hated disappointing her. But if I didn't go and see Pitch…
"I promise tomorrow we'll go. I swear it."
Her tiny face fell and I could feel the guilt rising in me.
How could I choose Pitch over my sister…? Was I really doing that? Was this such a big deal?
I had no idea if I was even electing the right thing. As I stared at my little sister's solemn face, I had some kind of sinking feeling enter my gut. Like nervousness and a deep sense of foreboding all in one. What could Pitch possibly do to me, though…? I'd already given him my virginity and most of my sanity. I didn't have much left.
My trembling fingers were clenched at my side as I stood in front of his house once again. I remembered, over a year ago I was standing in the same spot, but only briefly. As soon as his parents had left that day, he swept me into his home and threw me down on the bed. For some anonymous reason, he didn't want to waste any time. Perhaps he knew he was leaving soon and didn't want to let the chance pass him by. That annoyed me, but only for an instant. Mostly it was just embarrassing and abnormal to me. The time we spent together in this house was messy and even somewhat…clumsy. Pitch wasn't one to laugh at much, nor did he really stop to say a word. I'd tried so long to push those memories out of my mind that remembering them now was basically unbeknownst to me. Like digging up old bones, I thought maybe they were best left forgotten.
It took me almost two full minutes to conjure up the courage to actually knock on the door. My head throbbed with pulsating blood; I almost wished he wouldn't answer. Either that or just go away, back to where ever he had gone so that I could continue to live my life in peace without all of this worry and dread and—
The door opened and I swallowed, my mouth was completely dry and void of any words as well. He looked down on me with lidded eyes, his elbow propped up against the side of the door. He had changed into a light gray shirt that showed his collar bones and low cut slacks. I instantly felt my face flush full of heat and more blood. My head was about to burst, I could just sense it.
The first thing that came to my mind was,
Are your parent's home?
He spoke haughtily, catching me a little off-guard, "You coming in, then?"
I nodded and lowered my head, trying my hardest not to look into his eyes anymore. His home was roomy, unlike mine which was only crowded and hardly fit to house two people let alone three. It was almost like Pitch had never left. A fire roared in the living room, casting the whole room in a dark shade of maroon and it smelled just like he did.
I felt jumpy and more anxious than I ever had before.
His arm wrapped around my shoulder and he led me over to the small sofa. I sat down like a statue in his grasp. My mind wandered. I wondered if he could tell how uneasy I was.
It was cozy warm, but too hot for my liking. I couldn't think of anything to say and that was making it even harder to be in the same room as him. The whole left side of his body was up against mine; suffocating me, as if I were in the flames and could hardly breathe anymore.
"You seem a little tense."
A little? Try a lot.
"I'm fine," I lied, pretending to seem stronger than I was, "Just shocked that you're actually here, and I'm with…you…" My words were starting to sound unlike me; either that or I was just downright senseless. "You…you know what I mean, right?"
Fingers entangled their way into my hair, massaging the back of my skull. It felt nice but strange, still. As did everything when it came to Pitch.
"Hmm. I understand. Are you upset?"
"No…" The word fell out of my mouth as if I wasn't sure I meant to say it or not.
I think he was being cautious with me, so it took him awhile to speak again. "You're a horrible liar, Frost."
My eyes moved and met with his. I hated how helplessly weak I felt nearby him. Whenever I was around my sister or even my friends I knew that I could take care of myself and them if it came down to it. But with Pitch…he just made me feel like a completely different person. As if I had no idea who I was in the first place. I didn't much like it…but why complain?
"I bet you are wondering where I went all this time, yes?"
"If you're willing to share," I told him, eyes shifting towards the decorated walls.
He took in a deep breath then started talking, with no rush, "As I said before, my parent's and I were traveling. We set up trade in lots of ports to make ourselves better known." Ah yes, his family was in some kind of trade business. I think his father built boats or something like that. "I went along to help, but didn't want to say goodbye before I left, because I suppose I was too afraid. I can tell you're angry with me, for having sex with you and not even letting you know that I was leaving." I noticeably cringed when he said the word "sex". He noted that, I think, but only smiled. "I hurried home as fast as I could. I didn't want to spend another moment away from you."
What a shock it was to hear everything he had to say. He sounded truthful, maybe. I was sure he could be lying. Pitch was good at that, unlike me. But if it was true…
He was leaning in to me, using his nose to nuzzle my neck. "I was wondering if we could begin where we left off all those months ago…"
I knew this was coming. It was inevitable. As long as I was around him he would want to sleep with me. I knew it, so then why was I so surprised?
My lips seemed glued shut and my eyes didn't stray. I honestly had no idea what to tell him. Things would progress from there if I didn't say anything…he would keep going.
And he did. I was powerless to his strange and erotic way of courting. Without much thought, he pinned me to the couch and began trailing small kisses against my neck. With one of his hands he pulled down the collar of my shirt and pushed further, deeper into my personal space. My eyes were lidded and blinking every second, fighting back the tears. Were they tears? Or just pent up emotion? I couldn't tell. I didn't have enough time to think it through.
His lips stopped at my chest. I saw him glance up at me. The blushing on my face was prominent. "Should I stop?"
I said nothing, again. I couldn't form any words. I hated that. Hated that he had that kind of power over me.
He brushed his lower half against mine in the next instant, I could feel that he didn't want to stop, or wait much longer at all. A small groan exited my lips, my head caught in dark storm clouds, trying to escape the vast expanse of blustery contemplations that circled like flies around my brain.
I desperately wished that I could at least understand what I wanted out of this situation instead of acting like a helpless child.
Pitch licked a circle on my skin and asked, "Will you accompany me to the bedroom?"
Wobbly legs led me to one of the backrooms and soon I was pinned to his sheets, thoughts still swimming, my mouth still dry and void of the English language.
Pitch grinned at me and began unbuttoning his shirt. I merely laid there like a lifeless doll. He watched me with those eyes. Eyes that could see right through me, even when I was clothed. The bed creaked when he resumed his former position, legs on either side of my hips. The way he looked at me, I could have been something very delicious to eat. Like apple pie, or fresh baked cinnamon rolls.
"Tell me something, Jackson."
Of course he was talkative now…
"What have you been doing until now?"
What an equivocal question.
I breathed out one puff of air and then another before attempting to make conversation again. "What…what do you mean?" My throat cleared and I felt chills settle on both my arms.
Fingers graced the side of my face, my temple, where he ran them along an eyebrow and then began twirling a piece of my hair. "All this time…did you find someone else?"
Surprise settled deep within my presence.
Was he…asking if I had slept with anyone else…?
"Why…?" I murmured, glancing at the door and not him. "Would you be jealous?"
In an instant, he had my chin in his hand and I was forced to look at him. My eyes went wide, the shock evolving into a deeper form. His features were set into something feral, the kind of look a wolf might give if you were to take away its food.
I shouldn't have asked.
"Yes. I would." I'd never heard his voice become so serious.
My mother had told me once that life was what I made it. I took that saying into deep thought throughout my existence. It was something that I held on close to, and remembered in the darkest of times. Though it wasn't helping me much at all anymore. I didn't blame my mother for that, of course not. But I did think of asking her for another adage. Maybe something a little more helpful.
A snow flake fell onto my cheek and melted, dragging itself across my face as if to tell me I should be crying. I didn't want to cry. I didn't feel like crying. But I was so very empty and lost. My backside throbbed with pain and each step I took was torturous. I'd only ever had sex twice now and it didn't really get any better the second time.
I kept remembering those words I'd told him when I saw him not even that long ago, standing in the forest, held close against his chest.
"Please don't leave again…"
"Please don't leave again…"
"Please don't leave again…"
A shaky breath came from my chapped lips and I finally felt like maybe I wanted to cry. I held my arms close against me and wobbled onto my doorstep. I'd hoped that my sister and mother were asleep. I prayed that they were. I couldn't possibly bear to deal with anyone else right now.
Maybe not ever…
The candles were burnt out; only one flickered on the table. I blew it out before settling into my room for the night. But I didn't sleep, hardly at all. I stayed awake and pondered everything. His hands. His touch. His lips. Those eyes. The way he felt inside of me. The pain it brought, but also the pleasure. The sick, gut wrenching desire that I just wanted more and more of every second that I spent with him. The guilt that clouded me when it was over. The embarrassment. The utter humiliation. His embrace. His warmth. His smile. The soft kisses he left on my forehead. The content feeling of knowing someone is there for me. Someone cares. Someone actually wants me. The second thoughts. The realization that he doesn't really want me. He wants my body. The questions. The truth. The lies.
Was it worth it?
I had my sister to worry about, and my mother who needed me. She was helpless, ever since we had lost my father all those years ago. I had to keep everything together. I had to help them live and grow and prosper.
But Pitch. He had money. He didn't have anything to worry about aside from losing me. He could choose from anyone and he chose me…
I didn't know. Maybe I'd never know.
"Jack! You're as slow as molasses!"
Maybe if my butt wasn't in such pain this wouldn't be so har—
I slipped and fell and cursed. Ice skating was fun. And trust me, I loved having fun. But not now. Not since Pitch came. It was like he sucked the fun right out of me. I didn't feel like myself anymore. I felt like such a failure.
"So…" My sister skated towards me, unstable and looking as if she was going to fall as well. "Do you even know how to ice skate, big brother?"
I shooed her away with one hand and used my staff to help myself up. A jolt of pain shot through my lower back again. If my sister wasn't there I'd be cussing like a sailor straight out of hell.
"Just…just give me a minute to get warmed up, alright?"
Her arms crossed on her chest and she rolled her eyes at me. I raised one eyebrow at her and she smiled. I guess I was lucky she wasn't at that age yet where she was constantly asking questions. I was safe, for now.
"Alright, just use one foot to push yourself first, and then glide with the other. See how that works for you." I showed her my technique and she followed the instructions pretty well. Soon enough, she was skating with ease and I was able to sit down and rest.
It was chilly out, but the snow felt good against my skin. I wished that I could stay like that forever; just smiling at my sister and feeling the cold air lightly brush against my face.
Another hour or so passed by, and I told her it was time to leave. As we were walking back to our little house, I saw my mother on the porch, waving to us. She was a good mom, though slightly contrived, I think she tried hard but I somehow felt like it was never enough. She had lost a lot of her stability as a mother figure after my father died. I loved her to death, so I would protect her, even if she was a little lost.
My sister happily waved back to her and I was about to, when my wrist was caught in midair. My eyes went straight to his, and then to my arm.
Did he really have to do this now…? In front of my family?
"Jack?" my sister said my name gently, almost frightened.
I lowered my head, eyes focused on the snow. "Go home. I'll be there soon." I just hoped she could tell I was talking to her.
She did, and she followed my instructions.
My mother observed as Pitch dragged me away from her view, her face detached and blank.
He knocked me against the nearest wall out of my family's sight, and began feverishly kissing me. I hardly had time to breathe let alone voice my raging thoughts.
My hands crept up in-between us and I pushed hard on his torso in a dull attempt to get him off of me. "S-stop!"
He grabbed my wrists again; shoving them above my head he heatedly thrust his tongue into my mouth. I had difficulty breathing; spit was dripping down the side of my chin, mixing with the snow. I blinked out a tear.
He pulled back for a moment, eyeing me thoughtfully, perhaps. "What is it?"
My head fell and I took in deep, heavy breaths. "I can't…keep doing this…"
"I love you."
My head felt fuzzy. "What…?"
"I love you, Jackson Frost…"
His hands let go, then held me close to his chest, as if I were going to float away and never come back. My breathing slowed and once again my mind was full of confusion and utter vacancy.
Pitch…he loves me…?
I spent hours with Pitch. The strange feeling of discomfort was still there, but it had seemed to fade, a little bit at least. I was happy. Finally I didn't have to look at him and be afraid. He had opened up to me and told me something that was probably very difficult for him to express. I wasn't sure if he had expected me to say it back, but I didn't. Love wasn't something I was familiar with feeling. I loved my sister, and my mother, but that was it. None of my friends came close to that. And Pitch had been gone for so long I had tried to forget him all that time. Perhaps I could grow to love him…but even then I wasn't sure.
So instead I just lay in his arms and drank expensive chocolaty drinks out of a mug in front of his fireplace. It was calming. Pitch started talking to me more and more. He told me about his travels, where he went and who he met. He spoke of sandy beaches and rocky shores. Also he spoke of horses, black stallions that he cared for in stables while his father was doing business.
"I will take you for a ride on one someday, I promise. It's the most amazing thing you'll ever experience."
I listened, happy to have this new Pitch by my side. Almost all of my fears had been washed clean. Perhaps he just needed to tell me that he did in fact love me…in order to be himself around me.
It was strange, a weird way of doing things, but I wasn't complaining. He finally didn't scare me as much and I could breathe like a normal human again.
A clock chimed and I asked him for the time, I knew it was pretty late.
"Must you go?"
"My sister needs me, so does my mother."
"You're quite responsible for your age."
"Like you're so much older than me."
He laughed and I grinned.
"So can I see you again tomorrow?"
I thought for a moment, and then told him, "As…as long as you properly say hello to my family this time."
He agreed and I left his home again, this time feeling as light as a feather. I felt like nothing could ruin this for me. It was all turning out to be okay, after all. Pitch loved me. He really loved me, he wasn't joking. Everything he had done up until now was because he loved me, it was just his way of showing it. I was starting to trust Pitch more and more. I hoped that was something I wasn't going to regret.
I watched with nervous eyes as Pitch shook my mother's hand. How strange…those hands were just recently touching my—
"Jack! Can I meet your friend now?"
"Calm down, sis. Yes, you can meet him."
Pitch knelt down and smiled at the small girl, "Pleased to meet you."
My sister's eyes narrowed and I thought for a second she was going to spit in his face. But then her mood changed like always and she proclaimed, "I like you. Will you play dolls with me?"
Pitch's laugh was deep and toned; it calmed me down a little. "Yes. Of course I will."
I held my hand up quickly, as if to try and stop him, "You don't have t—!"
She had already dragged him into the living room and sat on the floor. Pitch beamed at me and I shook my head, giving my mother a small smile in which she returned.
We played with my sister's dolls for almost an hour. Pitch actually wasn't being as stiff necked as I thought he'd be. He would laugh and make his voice go deeper or higher for each doll. I joined in as well, even if I knew I was too old for toys, just seeing my sister smile so much was good enough for me.
Pitch helped my mother and I cook dinner as a few of my sister's friends stopped by. When we had finished eating, I decided to take everyone out back where the shed was.
"My sister and I used to put on plays for the kids around here. I haven't done one in a while though…" I told Pitch as I handled two antlers from a deer my father had shot many years ago. I would use them as props.
"Not really," I said softly.
I saw him grin mischievously. "I hope your lying never improves."
With the antlers positioned up on top of my head, I walked out in front of the kids and began quoting a story book that my mother used to read to me when I was younger. I danced and laughed, the children sang along with me a few times. And every time I looked over and saw his black hair and golden eyes, I became less and less uneasy.
The next few days went by in a haze. Pitch was there with me almost all the time, making my sister laugh, helping in the kitchen or watching me dangle from a tree with just my legs.
"You can't have fun all the time, Jack," my mother scolded me a few times. I would roll my eyes and laugh at her. I never wanted the fun to end.
It was late out, and I was kissing him again. This time on my own accord. I climbed on top of him, running my hands over his slick frame. The fire crackled and popped at my side, fueling me with intensity and passion. As I licked his neck he spoke to me, "Are you happy, Jack?"
I leaned back, a little shaken by his words. "Yes…of course."
His head bowed and stared at the flames, they reflected in his eyes, bright and profound and shimmering. "I don't ever want that happiness to go away."
My eyes grew sad, seeing him this way. So I told him the truth, something that scared me, but also made me glad to voice. "I don't…think that it will…as long as I have you."
His fingers adorned my face, tracing invisible lines where only he could see. "I shall never leave you again, my love. Please just don't ever leave me."
I reached up and grasped his hand, nestling my face into it. "I won't."
The birds were chirping and the sun shone through my window as I yawned and faced another day. My sister and I planned on going out ice skating again, this time I was ready to teach her spins.
I made breakfast for my family, and then swung my ice skates over my shoulder, making sure my sister also had hers. Before we left I heard my mother's voice, soft but joyful. "Be careful."
The small girl was pulling on my sleeve, trying to get me to go faster. With a light laugh I replied, "We will!" before closing the door behind us.
I should have known. I should have seen it beforehand. It was too warm out. Too sunny. The ice had melted too much…But I didn't see it. And that's why it happened. I was foolish. I was stupid. And I was careless.
I can't have fun all the time.
My sister stood with her skates on above splitting, thin ice. The look in her eyes told me she had no idea what to do, and I was the only thing in the world that could save her. Without contemplation, I threw off my own skates and put my bare feet onto the freezing surface. It cracked around me as I shifted my weight.
"Don't look down, just look at me."
"Jack! I'm scared…"
"I know, I know…" The ice began cracking more, further out around me. I tried to smile, anything to make her feel comfortable. "But you'll be alright. You won't fall in." The wind whipped my hair around as I watched her from across the lake. I thought, for a short moment, fleeting. Had to think fast. "Uh…we're going to have a little fun instead!"
Her voice dropped, she was still terrified. I didn't blame her. I had to save her, if anything I had to save her life. "No we're not!"
Again I smiled while dying inside. "Would I trick you?"
"Yes, you always play tricks!"
"Alright, well not-not this time." I held my hand up in front of me, reassuring her, calming her. "I promise…you're going to be fine." Her mouth hung open, scared breaths escaping into the cold air. "You have to believe in me." This changed her mood for the moment. I thought of an idea. "You wanna play a game? We'll play hopscotch! Like we play all the time. It's as easy as, one…" I took a step, lightly, the ice split and I cringed, my eyes growing panicky, but then I looked at her and took another, "Two…" I lost my balance a little, but pretended to laugh about it. She did as well. She was laughing with me too.
Good. It'll be okay. She'll be okay.
My feet connected with solid ice. It was stiff under my feet and I'd never been more thankful for that. I reached for my staff, knelt down, and told her firmly, "Okay. Now it's your turn."
I saw her nod as she moved forward, and I held my staff out to catch her. "One…that's it…" She was faster, quicker than I did, the ice could break. My heart was beating so fast. I couldn't lose her. I wouldn't. "Two…" She was beginning to look too nervous. Like she knew death was upon her. No. she wasn't going to die here. One more step and I knew I had to act; the ice was breaking too quickly. "Three!" I lunged forward, and felt the brunt of my staff connect with her body, causing her to slide away from the thin ice.
At that moment I knew I had saved her life. She was going to be okay. She was on the thick ice now, away from danger. I promised she wasn't going to fall in.
I looked up at her and smiled. She laughed and so did I. And then…I saw him.
Pitch was walking towards me, in mid step; a strange look befell his face. I went to stand up, to greet him, to tell him what had just happened, to celebrate my sister's life. But it was too late.
The impact had softened the ice and it cracked and fell beneath my feet. My chest hurt, the air was knocked out of me, and Pitch's hand went out in front of him, as if to reach for me and bring me out of the water. I stretched for it at the last moment, hopeful for any kind of contact, but nothing came. Only the cold. The freezing cold enveloped my body and I screamed. My lungs filled with water.
It was dark. And it was cold. And I was scared.
Then I saw the moon.
It was so big, and it was so bright. It seemed to chase the darkness away. And when it did…I wasn't scared anymore.
I looked down and I saw the tooth box. My hand clenched it, tight enough to break. My breathing was soft, head pounding loudly in my ears.
I felt something on my back, it was a hand. It was warm and I knew who's it was.
Soft words left my lips, quiet, barely audible, "I saved her…"
"I saved her…" I repeated. Hiccup hadn't seen what I did, that was for sure. He didn't see any of it.
I turned to him, his eyes as green as ever. Freckles still there, even after his aging. And I couldn't help but hug him.
"Let's go home…"
"No wonder Pitch was so obsessed with you…he loved you…" Hiccup's face was buried in a pillow, mostly hidden from my view. I regarded him with lidded eyes, growing more tired as the moments passed by.
"In a past life, he did. Even if he did remember all of that stuff…I doubt there was anything left of the old Pitch."
"It's strange to hear all of this…"
"It was weirder living through it."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
Silence. I couldn't tell if he was upset. Upset about Pitch maybe. Perhaps I had told him too much. It was all so confusing and abrupt. I had a sister…and I rescued her from an untimely demise. But I died in the process. And then there was Pitch. If I hadn't died so suddenly back then…would I have spent the rest of my life with him?
What a fucking ridiculous thought.
"I was a different person back then. And so was Pitch."
Hiccup smiled towards me, looking worn. "Did you figure it out?"
"Figure what out…?"
He shook his head and turned over on the bed, now staring at the ceiling. "Your purpose."
I brainstormed for a moment. "Maybe I don't have one."
"I think you do."
"Huh?" I glanced at him, his eyes landed on mine.
"You're a true Guardian."
Time will always pass…
Hiccup grew older, as the years went by. I spent as long as I could with him. Every second by his side was one I'd never forget, and cherish for the rest of my existence. Something amazing happened. He found a baby NightFury. You should have seen the look on Hiccup's face. As it grew, as well, I helped him teach it to not eat humans.
Things went by slowly in Berk, as they always did. The storms died down, but they were continuously there, blustering in the distance, covering the island with snow. I smiled everyday around him, but some days were harder than others. When I would look at him and see something change, something that was irreversible. He grew too fast—much too fast. Lines began to form on his once perfectly soft face. Every night I would run my hands along them, but I wouldn't cry anymore. I couldn't cry in front of him. Not yet.
As his dragon grew, so did his smile. I stuck around long enough to see it. Every day I tried to distance myself more and more, slowly separating the bond. It pained me, more than anything, but I figured that would be easier than just cutting it off quickly.
His father died and we mourned. Hiccup became the new chief, which made him busier. Every day, for months, he would go up to the grave and pay his respects, and cry. I felt horrible for him, so did the dragon. Nights were colder. I spent less and less time in his home and more in the mountains.
Astrid never gave up. But I gave up on fighting with her. It was pointless. Hiccup loved me more than he would ever love her, so what did I have to prove? She still tried, though, which I guess I commended her for. She was willing to fight until the end. Stubborn, more stubborn than anyone I'd ever met.
Hiccup showed her kindness, especially as the years progressed. I'd watch them talk for hours, about nothing in particular. I think Astrid began to stop believing in me, day by day, little by little. I'd say something and she wouldn't reply, or sometimes wouldn't even look at me. Though I really couldn't tell. Maybe she just grew to hate me that much.
The brunet was always so happy to see me, though; even when his voice became gruff and he had stopped shaving his beard. He'd give me weird arm hugs from the side, as if we were old friends. I laughed with him and shared stories around the fire. Some people thought he was crazy; the ones who would see him. But he never told them about me. I liked to think that maybe he wanted to keep me to himself.
Sometimes we would lie on that hill, just staring at the stars. Hiccup loved to talk to me, even with his age, he never stopped talking and loving me.
Soon enough though, we didn't kiss anymore. Hugging was rare too. I missed it terribly, but I wasn't going to force him to do anything. I enjoyed the time with him, no matter what we were doing.
One day I asked him if he was ever going to get married. He just laughed.
A year later he married Astrid.
He assured me it wasn't because he loved her more than me, but because he had to continue on his family's name somehow.
With a tightened and broken heart, I smiled and wished him the best.
I wasn't there for the wedding.
I left for almost half a year after that.
When I came back, Astrid was pregnant and Hiccup's hair was turning gray.
A smile lit up his face and he hugged me. The feeling of going in to kiss him after that hug had disappeared, that was a long lost memory. We talked all night while Astrid slept. He told me of idea's he had for dragon training and about everything he planned on doing to keep the village in top shape. It snowed less, he mentioned, without really realizing it was because I had been gone.
After that night I didn't come back for a while. I spent a lot of time wandering from town to town, as well as visiting North and the others. Bunny and I spoke often; I visited him more than anyone, which was surprising, actually. But he understood me. He knew what I was going through, and even though I felt bad about sitting there and crying to him, he let me and never once pushed me away.
North allowed me help make presents a few years in a row. Every year I carved something different out of wood for Hiccup. It kept me somewhat busy, at least.
The days went by, and since I'd become a Guardian, I didn't even need sleep anymore. So it was all just one big blur of time. I caused storms and snow days everywhere I landed. I'd stay a few nights, then up and leave when I felt like it. Visiting Hiccup felt like a fairytale sometimes. A fairytale that I didn't really want to continue.
But I did eventually.
There were two kids. One boy and one girl. Both with brown hair and freckles. Hiccup was less happy to see me this time. The children were taking their toll on him, I think. Astrid scooped them up and that's when we talked. But it wasn't normal. Hiccup seemed drawn, so much more distant than before. Maybe I did as well. When he fell asleep, I left again and didn't return for a long time.
I found a home named Burgess, where I spent a lot of my time following the town's people, getting to know everyone in my own weird way. Perhaps I could find someone else who believed in me, or at least work my way up to it. I sledded and played with the children, attempting at getting anyone's attention. I was trying so hard.
I gave up and attempted to drown myself instead.
I thought it'd be kind of poetic.
All I got was lungs full of water and frostbite.
Some nights I stayed up and talked to the moon. It filled the empty gaps.
I began to become very distant, with everything. I tried to keep up my fun attitude; I'd fly around town and rustle up some trouble here and there. But it was getting old. The only thing that wasn't, was me.
I finally found the courage to visit Hiccup again.
Astrid was there, but Hiccup was nowhere to be found. The kids were all grown up, probably somewhere around fifteen.
I stopped and stood in front of the boy, my heart hurt for some reason. The more I looked at him, the more I realized…how much he looked like Hiccup. My chest clenched, feeling nothing but pain I ran throughout the house and shouted his name. No one answered.
With shaking hands, I flew up to the mountain top. There, at the very end, was a stone. As I approached it, I felt a heavy weight pull me down. Something hurt. Everything hurt. I knew what this was.
It was his grave.
I hadn't cried that much in years. I spent three whole days there, just lying on the ground. I hardly even moved until…
It was his son. He'd brought flowers. He had Hiccup's voice. And his face. But he wasn't Hiccup.
Hiccup is dead.
"Just thought I'd drop by…" The boy put the flowers next to me and I stared lifelessly at them. "Something weird happened the other day…" I watched the petals sway in the chilled breeze. "I think I saw Jack Frost."
I sat up and then looked at the boy again, eyes quizzical, waiting for something more. A smile lit up his face, and he spoke again, "He kept calling for your name. He sounded really upset. I think he feels bad that he couldn't say goodbye."
Tears flowed out of my eyes, unnoticed, ill-conceived.
"I think…" He looked at me then, eyes locked onto mine. Those green orbs stared straight into my being. "He's here with you. He really is your Guardian."