Minga was a Jedi
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine.
Note: I got this crazy idea from watching the second Kuroshitsuji musical. There is a line that Undertaker says that sounds like "Minga was a Jedi". He's speaking Japanese and saying the words kind of slow, but that's how it sounds to someone who does not know Japanese. The subtitles say he's actually saying something like "A human was incapable of committing the murders". But I decided to run with the plot bunny, to see why Undertaker was talking about a Jedi. In case anyone is curious, the sentence in question is shortly after Sebastian sings the "love" song.
This story takes place during "The Most Beautiful Death in the World". For Star Wars, its set during the Prequels, before the Jedi discover Palpatine is the Sith Master.
Minga stared down at the tight and uncomfortable dress she had been forced to wear while on this mission. Before the Jedi Council had called her forth and assigned her this mission, she had never heard of this backwater planet or of the being called Undertaker. How the Council knew he even existed, she didn't know. But they were desperate and that called for desperate measures. Since she was human, she could fit in among the locals and pass by without odd stares. Still, she didn't like it.
And so she found herself walking the dirty streets of London, her Jedi Starfighter hidden in a nearby forest. A corset was tightly wrapped around her chest, constricting her movement and her breathing. The Council had been very specific about the mode of dress, saying she had to wear this, that and so forth. Each item had been worse than the previous one. But she put them on anyway without grumbling.
She lifted her heavy skirts as she stepped up onto the next curb from the muddy street. The long gown with the heavy skirts was far different from the lose Jedi Robes she was used to. She would have a hard time running or fighting in this outfit. An outrageous hat was tied onto her head, her long hair arranged in a fancy hairdo beneath it. The hat was tied on with a long ribbon that went under her chin. White gloves went up to her elbows and the strange shoes made her feet ache. She was a Jedi and thus was trained to handle all sorts of hardship. She would not complain over such minor things. Still, she wished for a planet that was more advanced. Why she had to hide her origins from another star was not completely understood.
After several more blocks of old fashioned buildings, carriages pulled by horses rolling by, she finally reached Undertaker's office. She spied the huge sign above the door and sighed with relief. Pulling it open, she hurried within.
It was dark inside, the interior lit with burning candles. The Jedi Council had warned her of this, saying it would be extremely primitive. But by the Force, she had hoped they might have at least electricity! Wooden coffins decorated the room, some lying flat on the floor and others leaning up against the wall. The more she saw, the more confused she grew. How could this Undertaker ever help the Council?
"Hello?" She called uncertainly to the empty room. "Is anyone here?"
"Hehehehe…" A voice laughed as a coffin lead creaked open. Long fingers appeared then, the fingers tipped with impossibly long black fingernails. "Welcome!"
The man climbed out of the coffin, a goofy grin on his face. He wore a long black robe and a black nightcap with a very long tail was on his head. His hair was as white as snow, a few long braids in it. And his too-long bangs covered his eyes. She could just see the remains of a scar on his face. "Do you want to have tea and cookies with me?"
"Are you Undertaker?" She asked as she stared at him in surprise. She hadn't known what to expect, but he was not it. She reached out with the Force towards him and sensed he was not human. Weird vibes came off of him and she didn't know what to make of them.
"Yes, that is me." He grinned, showing yellowed teeth. Reaching into an urn meant for deceased peoples' ashes, he pulled forth a cookie shaped like a bone and offered it to her. "Cookie?"
Minga accepted the cookie to be polite. "The Jedi Council has sent me for intelligence. I presume you know who they are?"
The strange man nodded. "I know all sorts of things, my dear. What is your name?"
"Minga." She replied as she carefully seated herself on a closed coffin and arranged the long skirts about herself. She took a deep breath, trying to get air into her lungs. The tight dress and the corset were beginning to affect her. She should have taken a carriage to Undertaker's shop but she didn't have any of the local currency. Besides, she was used to physical activity and she never dreamed the odd clothing could affect her so much.
"Welcome Minga." He grinned and set about making some strange drink he called earl gray tea. When it was ready, he handed her a cup of the stuff, the fine china cup setting on a saucer. "Now what can I do for you?"
"The Jedi Council is in desperate need of aid. They said you have ways of knowing things…" Minga paused, a hand on her chest. It felt like she was running out of air in this clothing. "They need to know who the Sith Master is. Do you know?"
"Hehehehehe…" He chuckled as he lifted his cup of tea. "Of course I do! I know all sorts of things you see, but I do not give information away for free. You must pay me."
"Pay?" She asked as she gazed down into the dark reddish liquid in her cup. "What do you desire?"
"Laughter! I want you to make me laugh!" Undertaker leaped up from his chair and jumped about, excited. His long white hair flew around. "I'll do anything for a good laugh!"
Minga stared at him in shock. He wanted her to make him laugh? How was she to do that? She didn't know any jokes as she was a serious minded Jedi.
Undertaker paused in his gyrations. He bent over and peered at her. "You are going to make me laugh, yes? It is but a cheap price to find out the information you seek!"
"Of course." She replied but her mind was blank. She couldn't think of one funny thing, not a single thing. How could she when there was such turmoil in the galaxy? And she was not the type to joke around anyway. She had studied hard in all of her studies and practiced long hours. But surely she could think of something, anything? "Ummm…Master Mace has a purple lightsaber?"
"That's not funny at all!" Undertaker declared with a frown, waving a hand at her.
"Anakin Skywalker has filled the Jedi Temple with droids?"
"No… that is horrible!" Undertaker said glumly as he collapsed onto the coffin he had been using as a chair.
"I'm afraid I'm not good at this sort of thing…" She said as she tried to rake her brain for anything remotely funny. But nothing made her laugh. Jedi were trained to be serious.
"Well, you can either keep trying or come back later…" Undertaker told her.
Minga tried all sorts of things for two hours and the only affect they had on Undertaker was to put him to sleep. He lay on top of the closed coffin, loud snores issuing from his open mouth.
Defeated, Minga rose and silently left his shop. She would make her way back to her hidden ship and call the Council. She would then ask for them to supply the necessary jokes to get the desired information. The sky overhead was growing dark, people hurrying home for the night. She thought of the long and torturous walk ahead of her, frowning. The shoes were pinching her toes painfully and the arch of her foot was hurting from lack of arch support. She half suspected facing a Sith would be preferable to this ancient footwear.
She conversed two more long blocks, the yellow glow of streetlights casting their light onto her. Her steps echoed loudly as she made her way back towards the distant wooded area. She tightly gripped the heavy skirts in her hands as she walked, the material making a soft swooshing sound. Once again she became short of breath, this time black spots dancing before her eyes.
She paused, leaning heavily on a convenient streetlight post, the metal of the post cool in the evening air. She gasped for air open-mouthed. This archaic form of dress was going to kill her if she didn't get it loose somehow! She looked about, hoping to see someone, anyone…
A nicely dressed man appeared then, coming around the corner. He wore a dark suit, a white shirt and a loosely knotted tie. Black gloves covered his hands.
"Good Sir," Minga cried out to him. "Could I have a bit of assistance please?"
"Sure…" The blonde man smiled at her somewhat crookedly as he approached. "You won't have any problems anymore…"
The next second he whipped out something long, swinging it at her. She had the brief impression of an edge with small teeth on it.
Then everything went dark.
Undertaker was examining the latest murder victim to be brought to his shop. He recognized her, of course. It was Minga the Jedi. He found her hidden lightsaber within her heavy skirts and tucked it away in a safe spot, grinning. He never knew when such a thing might come in handy.
The bell above his shop rang and he turned to regard the new visitors. To his delight, it was the Earl Phantomhive and his demon butler. At least they could make him laugh. Still, he decided he wanted something different this day. He had listened to way too many lame jokes from the Jedi and couldn't stand the idea of sitting through more of them.
And so Undertaker threw an unexpected trick at Ciel Phantomhive, shocking the poor boy.
"I want to experience love!"