[Written in 2007]
All of us have little tropes, cliches and the like that we use in our stories. Little patterns that creep into our fics. This challenge is to have the characters in the viggie realize they're in yourfic and have them react to those little idiosyncracies.
It can be any era, any characters, any genre. Serious, angsty, a total parody... just one rule.
*Whispers* They know they're in the fic!
Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to Disney and is the intellectual property of George Lucas; he created the sandbox. I'm simply destroying the sandcastles.
Title: Leprechaun Magic
Characters: Kyp Durron/Inyri Forge
Summary: An entry for the Self-Realization Challenge at TFN in 2007 and a crack!ship. Thanks to Striker from TFN for putting this one on - it was such an awesome challenge and really fun to write!
Author's Note: George is my muse; yes he's a leprechaun. Deal with it ;)
"I hate you!"
The words echoed through the clearing as Inyri Forge screamed at the tall, imposing figure with startlingly clear green eyes the color of summer leaves. "You're a cad, Durron. A heartless, spineless cad - breaking up with me through a note!"
Kyp blinked. He didn't remember sending Inyri a note, let alone having ever gone out with her. "Not to sound inane, but, what note?"
She yanked a piece of flimsi from her flight suit pocket and waved it at him, tears lining her lashes. "This one, you jerk!"
Kyp stared at the note a suddenly sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He took in the details with sudden dread.
The middle of nowhere. A beautiful woman who was angry with him, but one he'd never even considered as a match in the romantic sense. A blanket was spread on the ground a few feet away in the shade of a soaring tree, a picnic basket on one corner.
His heart sank. They were in a Jade_Max fic. Please no. "Inyri-"
"I don't want to hear it," she shot back, her expression furious. "You've been making me promises from day one and haven't kept any of them." She mimicked his deeper voice. "I'll change Inyri, give me another chance. I'm just searching for myself Inyri, things will get better. We Kessel rejects need to stick together." She took a step towards him, her hand lifted as if to strike. "You're smooth, Durron, I'll give you that, but no more!"
He crossed his arms over his chest, arched his eyebrows and then glared at the sky. "I'm onto you, you miserable woman! There are more ways to be intimidating than crossing your arms over your chest!"
Inyri stamped her foot. "I am not a miserable woman and at least do me the courtesy of looking at me when you're talking!"
Kyp looked back to her and smiled faintly, his lips tilting roguishly. "I wasn't talking to you, Ms. Forge. I was speaking to that twisted individual who gets pleasure out of sending us on an emotional roller coaster."
She stared at him blankly. "What are you talking about?"
"We're in a Jade_Max fic."
Inyri cocked her head to the side. "Jade_Max? I've never heard of him."
"Her," Kyp corrected deliberately. "Don't you see. You start off mad at me, then, me being the smooth operator I am, I talk you down. We've a lot in common with both being Force Sensitive and coming from Kessel and being superb fighter pilots."
Inyri was starting to look flattered and Kyp made a face. "See? You're already softening towards me."
"Do you mean it?" She asked with a faint smile, hope glittering in her eyes. "You think I'm a superb fighter pilot?"
"For the love of-" Kyp raked a hand through his hair, taking a step back. Inyri followed, watching him with an almost dreamy look on her face. "Inyri, we're not well suited."
"I was starting to think so too, but you're really quite handsome and you're good for my ego. That's important for a fighter jock."
"Oh brother. I- Ouch!"
The sound of something hard hitting flesh was audible in the clearing and Kyp stumbled, having struck something behind him.
"What is that?"
Kyp turned to see what Inyri was pointing at and blinked, rubbing his eyes almost comically. A large black pot filled with golden round things had materialized behind him; he was absolutely positive it hadn't been there when he'd scanned the clearing before. As they watched, the golden round things - coins - began to shake. Kyp shifted Inyri behind him, ignoring the pull of her hand across his back, and palmed his lightsaber.
A small head popped out of the coins. It was masked by a flat-topped green hat with a shamrock. Slowly, a small body followed the head until the creature, which looked like a man but stood no more than four inches tall, was free of the pot. He brushed himself off before lifting his gaze. Green eyes were set in a fat little face, a short green beard running down along the plump jaw line. The figure was less than athletic, but dressed completely in green right down to the small pipe sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Black, on his shoe buckles, hat buckle and belt - golden buttons - broke up the shades. In the small, almost cherubic hand was a black polished walking stick.
The creature glared at both Kyp and Inyri, who were staring at him in shock. "Jade's mighty displeased with ye, Master Durron. And so am I!" The little walking stick thumped into the golden coins.
The creature puffed out his chest and then bowed; sweeping his hat from his head to expose a shining bald patch underneath before the hat was replaced. "George the Leprechaun - Jade's muse - at yer service."
Kyp kept his lightsaber at the ready. "Then you're the one to blame for this mess."
"I was right proud o' it, actually," retorted the little man. He jumped suddenly, startling Kyp, landing on the Jedi Master's shoulder with barely a sound. Kyp jerked and let out a yelp as the Leprechaun grabbed his ear and twisted. "And ye be makin' a fine mess o' it, m'boy!"
"Come on, Inyri? Why not Jaina? Or Tenel Ka? Or maybe someone closer to my own age."
"Inyri is closer to yrr age, ye half-wit," George told him with another twist of his ear. "And Inyri because of several things. Ye were both born on Kessel - ye'll understand each other. She needs a teacher and ye need a student. And I couldn't very well let her die a virgin, could I?"
"D-die?" Inyri was staring at the Leprechaun in shock.
George reached behind Kyp and patted the woman on the cheek, "Ye go out a hero, luv, but ye deserve some happiness a'fore that." He turned his attention back to Kyp. "And ye'd have had it too, if not for this lug over-thinking everything!"
Kyp turned to face Inyri, his tone acidic. "Is this the part where I express my undying devotion?"
George swatted the Jedi Master on the back of the head with his walking stick. "Manners, pup!"
"Pup!" Kyp reached up to grab the Leprechaun but George simply twisted his ear again.
"Manners! Don't ye think this young lady deserves to be shown the finer things in life?"
Kyp shifted uncomfortably. "Well, sure..."
"And don't ye think a woman who's going to sacrifice herself for her friends deserves to be loved at least once?"
"And don't ye think-"
"I'm agreeing with you, you little green monster."
Kyp yelped as George twisted his ear again. "Upstart. If ye be agreeing, why haven't ye done a damn thing about it?"
"This isn't going to follow the same sad story line as usual, is it?"
George's hand twitched on Kyp's earlobe. "Explain."
Kyp smiled apologetically to Inyri and proceeded to do so. "Well, we argue to start, until one of us manages to talk the other down. Then there's all that sexual tension you like to include, making it all but impossible to keep our hands to ourselves when we know we shouldn't because I'd be taking advantage of an innocent. You'll have Inyri try to seduce me, fail, and then I'll seduce her because I feel guilty about breaking her heart and hurting her feelings. You'll make your readers faint with the steaminess of the scenes which come horribly close to TOS violations!"
"What's wrong with that plot?"
"It's been done!" Kyp's words were exasperated. "You did it over the winter holidays for a Jaina with Zekk fic. Though why you'd pair her with that - Ouch!"
"Watch yer tongue or I'll shelve ye for good," George told him darkly.
Inyri looked from George to Kyp and back. "Should I just leave you two alone?"
"No!" Kyp's denial was almost desperate. "What do you say we just eat that picnic and talk, Inyri."
"Talk?" She looked at him skeptically and then shrugged when George voiced no kind of complaint. "Alright, I admit I'm starving."
"Of course ye are, luv," George told her smugly. "But not just for food!"
Kyp groaned. "Can't you just disappear again?"
"Ye've ruined it, m'boy, I've got to stay to ensure this story gets back on track. Ye've no choice in the matter you see."
"You're going to force me to seduce Inyri?"
George's laugh was almost an evil cackle. "Force ye? Ye'll be enjoyin' every second of it. Ye're already attracted to her."
Kyp wasn't about to admit it even if the Leprechaun was right. "Attraction doesn't need to be acted upon."
The Leprechaun cackled again. "But it will be. I can see the way she's looking at ye, m'boy. ye be a gonner." George hopped off Kyp's shoulder and began trundling back towards the pot of gold. "Just remember, m'boy; yer her first so be gentle!"
Kyp groaned as he settled to the blanket, hiding his face in his hands and shaking his head. He had to get out of there.
Inyri's hands slid up and over his shoulders, kneading tense muscles. He couldn't relax under the ministration for long moments as the Leprechaun's predictions rang in his head. The little green man was right, damn him. He was attracted to Inyri and the thought of being able to touch her, being the first to touch her, was an almost irresistible lure.
So he did what any sensible character does when faced with an irate muse.
He gave in.
Who was he to argue if the Muse decided he was going to seduce a beautiful woman? He finally relaxed to enjoy Inyri's ministrations and set about fulfilling his role for this particular fic. It was going to be a fun role indeed.
Author's Note: That... was not what I intended to write when I started this *laughs* Hope you enjoyed it - what a crazy, wild can thank laloga for putting me up to posting this.
Below is what one of my readers was generous enough to supply me with as a bunch of ideas that I tend to fall back on, in general, that I could play with.
Jade's self-realization stuff
1. They usually contain hot mush.
2. Your women are very strong-willed.
3. The leads tend to fight or experience some kind of tension before getting together.
4. You rock at crackships.
5. Finally, while I haven't noticed this so much, I believe someone once commented that you managed to get the leads out of their clothes a lot.
Since you write so well, these are all general characteristics and not cliches, so I don't know if they really help or not. But it was worth a shot.