A/N: (14/09/13) I have decided to roughly edit the first few chapters of this fic. Follow me on twitter semraworrall , I follow back!
I haven't seen him since the war. He still lives in the Victors village with me and Haymitch but we never talk. We all have our own houses. I see him through the window sometimes.
It's not like I have anything to get up for anymore. Prim's dead.
Gale's works in District 2; my mother in District 4. The pain was too much for her to handle.
Greasy Sae comes from The Hob everyday to feed me. She begs me to eat but I can't remember the last time I had a full meal. A piece of bread every once in a while.
I've had less.
I sit in my bed all day. Occasionally I'll go downstairs but only when I need a drink and have to answer the door to Greasy Sae. I rarely get visitors, only Sae and Haymitch.
Part of me wishes his arms were there to comfort me but I know he doesn't want to speak to me. The Capitol ruined my Peeta, and although his doctor says he's fine to be around me, I am skeptical. Sometimes I hear him screaming from his nightmares. I feel like I should go and comfort him but I have my own nightmares to deal with too.
When I wake up I can't help the shakes that erupt from my body. Peeta was being killed by mutts. It's nothing new. I've seen him and all my family killed in my dreams a thousand times before. I take a glance at the window and I see his studio light is on. He's always in there painting.
I hear a knock on the door and reluctantly creep down the stairs, with my bow in close reach. I don't go anywhere without it anymore. The stench of whisky hits my nose and I know its Haymitch. I open the door and walk into the living room.
I just grunt and give him a scowl.
"How you holding up?" He gives me a sympathetic look.
"He misses you. More then you realise." His comment makes me go silent. Is it really that obvious? I grab my blanket and snuggle up on the sofa.
"Well I don't miss him so what does it matter!" I lie.
I can feel my eyes burn with the urge to cry but I still carry on. It's the first time I've voiced my emotions in months and I feel like someone needs to hear it. Haymitch knows me and he won't judge.
"I have lost everyone; no one cares about me anymore. Everyone I get close to Prim, Gale, my father even my mother are gone. They don't bother with me. I don't think I can cope with losing the one person left that I love. I have dreamt about him dying almost every day since that war, you don't know what that's like!"
By the time I'm finished I'm sobbing and Haymitch is looking at me, giving me the sympathetic look I hate.
"You know he said exactly the same thing. We have all gone through an unthinkable ordeal Katniss. I've never seen anything like you two. The doctors in The Capitol have given him the all clear, otherwise he wouldn't be back here, so near to you. Besides, if he wanted to kill you, don't you think he would've by now?" I look up. "Go and speak to him. You need each other."
Most visits are like that now. No one stays for long. I guess its hard being around someone who doesn't speak. I spend most of my day on the couch now.
I turn on the TV.
I turn it off and make myself a mental note to cancel the subscription.
I turn on the kettle and am just about to make a steaming mug of hot chocolate when I hear a knock on the door.
"Sae, I've given you the spare key!" I yell, jogging to open the door.
My jaw drops to the floor when I see Peeta standing in front of me on the porch.