This little fanfic is a unique experience for me as it came to my mind in English. The story is dedicated to Major Bachman
who once brought me an interesting idea about the reincarnation in the world of Hannibal and Clarice.
I am a white shining point in the dark. It seems absolulety black, but only at first. If you look deep you will see blue, green, brown, even some yellow... The dark is not thick – there are other shining points, just like me. They are whispering... Those souls living on the Earth call us 'dead'. But really we are not. We are just another side of those 'alive'. Some day we will change places. At the time He had chosen for us.
Sometimes I hear Him talking to me in his kind but powerful voice. Today He speaks about you. He tells me about all the murders you did in my name. The name I had on the Earth when I was your sister.
I wish I was a human again. I wish I could become sad. I wish I could cry for you. And I wish you could hear me. But you cannot. Even in your dreams.
You disappointed Him, I know. He says that you didn't understand your Way. And that He would never let you return to the Source until your purpose is reached. I ask him to let me go to you. He says no.
And I start to give more light hoping that one day you would look at the stars and see me. I remember the days we spent on the Earth in our latest lives when I was your sister and you were my brother. When you used to take me in your hands nursing, playing, telling stories. You used to protect me until my last minute on the Earth was over.
I remember His words – that you must do your own mission, without me. But I cannot leave you alone. We have always been connected with different bounds and different kinds of love, living through all the centuries and empires of the Earth. I will follow you everywhere, even to the coldest dark of the killer's mind. I need you as much as you need me.
I ask Him again if I can go to you. This time He agrees. He says I will be born again, but my life is going to be bitter. I will learn what loss, pain, loneliness are. I will suffer a lot and will prove myself again and again. Because I should take courage and strength from my pain, and I should use them for protecting others. If I can do it, if I can prove it is possible – then He will let me see you. He says I should know that your mind is filled with memories of my previous life. He says you will probably kill me. I know you will not.
Now I go. Throwing away my shining light I become a human again. I go to you. This life will be hard but not harder than others. Now I can see them all. This time it will not be like in Florence when you said I ate your burning heart. This time it will not be like in Lithuania. You are not a six-year-old boy anymore and you will save me.
Dark is not black. You look deep and you can see blue, green, brown, even some yellow... I look deep into you.
Now I am born again on the Earth. At this moment my parents see a falling star. Its light is beautiful and clear, and I have my new name. It is Clarice.
Don't try to revive me from your child's memories. Don't look for a place for me – I am already here. With you. And for you. Because some of our stars will always be the same.