Author: A.M. Glass
Copyright: November 6th – November 10th, 2012.
Ratings: (USA) T / (UK) PG / (AUS) PG
Fandom: Lost Girl
Couple: Lauren/Nadia with mentions of Bo.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual. I ripped off this disclaimer... so did I, but I do want to add: "Lost Girl," is on Showcase. It was created by Michelle Lovietta. It is developed and produced by Prodigy Pictures in association with CanWest.
Author's Notes/Spoiler Alert: This takes place during the second season episode "Truth and Consequences." I never liked how the show handled Nadia's death. We don't know what happened to Nadia's body; we never really saw, from what I recall, a funeral or any mention of one. And as I don't have the episodes, I cannot go back and review them to make sure I have everything straight. So please bear that in mind if you see any inconsistencies in the story, or if you want to tell me, "What about the time Lauren asked Bo to hold her in her arms like Nadia had before." I couldn't even say if I remember that correctly. So I ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt, this story is my interpretation on what should have or could have happened. Oh, before I forget, I've given Nadia a last name because I can't remember whether or not she had one. As the actress who played her, Athena Karkanis is of Greek heritage, I've given Nadia a Greek last name.
Special Thanks to: Eblane for making the story read so much better.
Lauren calmly picked up her cell phone, placed a call to her assistant at the lab and waited for him to answer.
"Medical department, how may I help you?"
"Jacob... I'm... I'm sorry to call..." she said haltingly.
"Dr. Lewis? Is that you? Are you alright?" she heard him ask.
Lauren took a deep breath, "I'll be fine, Jacob. I need you to bring the van to my house..."
"Jacob, please... just… just bring it," she said. "There's been an incident."
There was a slight pause before he answered, "I'll be right over. Do you want me to call..."
"No... no. Just get here as soon as you can."
"Alright Dr. Lewis, I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Thank you," she said as she ended the call and tossed the phone onto the couch.
She felt... empty, lost, out of sorts.
She had cried earlier, had no more tears to cry, not now.
Now, she had to deal with the removal of... Lauren swallowed convulsively as her throat tightened and her mind reeled.
She squeezed her eyes shut and slowly counted to ten breathing deeply; and by the time she had reached ten, she was once again in control.
Able to handle what needed to be done. Always ready to do what had to be done, no matter the price. And she had paid; rather Nadia, too, had paid dearly tonight.
She covered Nadia's still warm body with a white sheet where it lay on the exact spot where she died.
Where Bo had... ended Nadia's suffering.
Lauren did not notice when Bo finally left, but knew it was for the best. Lauren had no idea how she would have handled Bo if she had stayed behind.
It wasn't Bo's fault she kept telling herself.
After all, she had begged Bo to end Nadia's pain...
Nadia had pleaded with Bo...
Lauren was sure that Bo felt she was left with no other choice...
Just as she had no choice but to take care of Nadia's remains...
What an impersonal word that was.
That word could not embody the person that Nadia was.
Nor could it articulate the love they had shared or the life Nadia had lived. It could not describe how Nadia's smile and laughter would light up her day. It could not explain how Nadia's touch would have her crying out for more, or how Nadia would take her to the edge only to pull her back driving her mad with desire and need.
No, the word remains could not even begin to show any of that.
It could tell no one what Nadia had wanted to accomplish, what she would never be able to.
Lauren shook her head.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Nadia should be upstairs sleeping, while she finished some Fae-related project or another...
What should have been a normal day wasn't.
Lauren gazed down at her hands and saw how they trembled. She turned them over mesmerized by the blood that stained them.
She got up slowly and walked into the kitchen where she scrubbed her hands until her skin was raw.
Her emotions had turned off.
She watched the blood swirling down the drain with such a clinical detachment; had it been anyone else, Lauren would have said the person was in a state of shock.
She would have offered her condolences.
She would have explained how these reactions were normal under the circumstances.
She would have said this if she were dealing with anyone else.
But Lauren was not dealing with anyone else.
She wasn't dealing at all.
She turned off the water and dried her hands barely acknowledging the ache she felt as the coarseness of the towel irritated her hands.
She went to the supply cabinet took out a bucket, a mop, a scrub brush and a gallon of bleach and put them on the kitchen counter.
She wanted to have everything ready. She knew the stain would not come out; that it would always be a reminder of what had happened.
But cleaning Nadia's...
Lauren swallowed again.
Cleaning it was the only thing she could do and she would not let anyone else do it for her.
A part of her viewed her need to clean as a form of penance. Penance for not telling Nadia the truth.
Not admitting to herself that no matter how much she had wanted to give their relationship another chance, some more time, Lauren had held back.
She could not give herself completely to Nadia.
No matter what it might have looked like to other people, Lauren did not feel the same emotions she had once felt for Nadia.
And each day she spent with Nadia was another day spent living a lie.
Lauren spoke about Bo, how much her friendship meant to her, but she never told Nadia what her true feelings for Bo were.
Now she never would have the chance.
She gripped the kitchen counter until her knuckles were white and she began to gasp for air.
'Get your shit together,' she told herself. Her eyes began to burn and her vision blurred. Lauren wiped at her eyes angrily, upset that she could not maintain control over her emotions.
She turned as she heard a knock on the door.
"Dr. Lewis, its Jacob."
Taking a deep breath she called out, "I'll be right there." Walking from the kitchen to the front door Lauren paused as she gazed at Nadia's body.
The sheet Lauren had placed over Nadia was no longer white.
A crimson stain had bloomed across the fabric.
In that instant it became real.
This was not a nightmare – at least not one she would be able to wake from.
This wasn't some "body" lying still – inert, waiting for her to use her skills to determine the cause of death.
This was Nadia.
This was someone she knew – someone she loved.
"Dr. Lewis, please open the door. If you don't I'll be forced to break it down."
Without taking her eyes off of Nadia, Lauren continued to walk to towards the front door. She unlocked it and stepped back.
The door opened.
"Dr. Lewis, are you alright?" she heard somewhat distantly.
She felt very tired.
All she wanted to do now was to take a nap. Yes, a nap sounded very good about now.
Lauren slumped against the wall and began to slide down as her legs could no longer support her.
"Dr. Lewis... Dr. Lewis…"
She saw Jacob, her trusted assistant squatting down in front of her.
"We've got a body," she heard in the background. The voice sounded familiar but she simply could not seem to focus enough to see who had come with Jacob.
Nor could she suppress the sob which escaped from her.
"I'll be right back Dr. Lewis," Jacob told her.
She could not follow any of the conversation nor could she tell how much time had passed since Jacob's arrival.
She felt herself being helped up from the floor
"We're going to take you both back to the compound. I'll have someone come back and clean up for you..."
"NO!" Lauren cried out. "I'll... I need to do it myself."
There was silence for a moment, "As you wish Dr. Lewis."
The drive to the compound was a blur; when they arrived Jacob had given her her lab coat. "There's blood on your clothes," he explained as he helped her put it on.
"Thank you," she replied as Nadia's body was being wheeled inside the lab. "Where are you taking her?"
"Go on," he told Vincent before turning back to her. "We're taking her to the autopsy suite..."
"Oh... yes of course. I'll get ready."
"Dr. Lewis... Lauren," he said softly. "Dr. Rogers will be performing the autopsy."
He nodded, "Why don't you have a seat in your office. I'll let you know when she's finished."
Lauren reluctantly went to her office and looked around. Normally this place was her sanctuary, this was home to her; it's where she felt the most in control. Now, nothing called to her, nothing captured her attention.
She was alone with her thoughts.
She knew it would be a while before the autopsy was completed, so she sat and waited.
Lauren must have dozed off; she did not notice when Jacob came into her office.
"Dr. Rogers has finished, if you'd like a moment..." he told her.
"Thank you," she replied. She stood up rather stiffly and walked to the autopsy suite.
Nadia's body had been covered once again with a clean white sheet.
And for a moment, Lauren could not imagine that Nadia was lying beneath it. She walked over to the table and pulled the sheet down.
Nadia looked as if she was sleeping.
The pain that had been etched on her face was now gone.
Lauren reached out and touched Nadia's hair. She always loved the texture of it; she could recall the many times she used to caress Nadia's head and listened to her contented sighs.
The memories were bittersweet.
Lauren bent down and placed a final kiss on Nadia's lips feeling a chill down her back as she pressed her lips against Nadia's.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry," Lauren cried as she laid her head on Nadia's chest, holding on to her.
Lauren wiped the tears from her cheek, "I love you," she whispered. Taking a few deep breaths, she turned to face Jacob.
He was unlike any of the other Fae who worked for the Ash. He had never looked down on her for being human. Nor did he ever speak to her with distain, as other Fae had done.
"I… um, I took the liberty to look into Miss Costas files. I see that she wanted to be..."
"Cremated," Lauren said. "We both wanted something simple. Isn't that right?" she said softly as she looked at Nadia one last time.
"I'll take care of it," he told her.
Lauren nodded. "I'm sure Nadia's parents will want her ashes," she said more to herself than to Jacob.
It suddenly hit her.
What was she going to tell them?
Did they even know she was out of her coma? She had asked Nadia before if she had gotten in touch with them but never got an answer.
For all Lauren knew, Nadia's parents were still in the dark.
What was she going to do?
She had never given it much thought.
In all the time Nadia had been in her coma Lauren never imagined a day when she would have to inform them that Nadia had...
Lauren's mind was in turmoil, getting through this evening was one thing; possibly lying to Nadia's parents was another.
"Mr. and Mrs. Costas... I'm sorry I have to tell you this but Nadia has died. Her body suffered from organ failure. Her body shut down. We did everything we could to try and stabilize her, but we could not keep up. There was nothing more we could do."
Of course that so much better than saying:
"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Costas I'm calling to let you let you Nadia came out of her coma... oh yes, she was fine... what was that? Oh, yes, I did say was didn't I? Yes, well she was fine until she was possessed by an ancient evil called the Garuda...and then subsequently killed a succubus I slept with... No, this isn't the grief talking and no, I'm not crazy..."
Lauren heard a slight cough.
"All the paperwork has been filled. Dr. Rogers signed the death certificate," Jacob said. "As this was Fae related, the paperwork has been expedited. There should not be any complications later on."
Lauren nodded. Of course this was Fae related.
The Fae were nothing if not efficient.
"We'll take her to the Gunderson and Sons Funeral Home; they said they will make the necessary arrangements."
Lauren nodded recognizing the Fae run business. "They're good," Lauren responded off-handedly.
"You should go home and get some rest. I'll call to give you all the details."
Lauren looked at Jacob. "You've been very kind and understanding though all of this," she said. "I'll never be able to repay you..." She watched as he ran his hand through his hair.
"There's nothing to repay," he said as he looked around before continuing. "I've lost friends and family. I may have had more time with them, but it's never easy. I'm sure if the situation were reversed you would have done the same for me."
"I don't understand."
"We're not all bad. We don't all think of humans as simply food or sport. I've known many during my lifetime and I have never regretted the time I've spent with them," He smiled. "I think I'm a, if you'll excuse the expression, a better person for having known them."
"Thank you Jacob, thank you very much."
Lauren slowly opened the door to her home. She hesitated before stepping inside and closing the door behind her.
Her eyes went directly to the blood stain which marred the floor. It had turned brown and Lauren knew the blood had seeped beneath and into the flooring, that no matter how much she scrubbed at it, some would always remain.
A reminder of what had happened.
She went into the kitchen and filled the bucket with water and bleach. She grabbed the scrub brush she had taken out earlier and walked back into the living room.
After setting the bucket down, Lauren kneeled next to it. She stared at the stain before dunking the brush into the bucket; droplets of water and bleach fell to the floor as she retrieved it and began to clean.
The water became murky and the smell of bleach stung her nose.
She wondered if she could scrub away the guilt she felt in her heart.
She did not notice the tears cascading down her face and onto the floor a part of her briefly reuniting with a part of Nadia only to be scrubbed away.