Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I realize this isn't a very original premise, but hey, there's nothing new under the sun.
Warning: Proceed with caution. This is NOT for the faint of heart. Okay, that's a little dramatic, but really.
January 12, 2012
He used to bring me here all the time, and now, he's here with a gorgeous blond instead. He looks dapper in a handsome black tailored suit and she looks like she belongs with him, wearing an elegant sapphire gown. She's so heartbreakingly beautiful. Or maybe her beauty only breaks my heart because I wanted to be where she is right now. It was supposed to be my place beside him, not hers.
I feel the familiar tingle and I know that he's looking at me. My face burns and I tense, goose bumps prickling all over my body. My eyes meet his across the room and the surprisingly strong tide of emotion that sweeps through me leaves me breathless and a little teary-eyed. I can't show him that he affects me, though. And I can't pretend that he doesn't, so I take a deep breath to keep my emotions in check and prepare to flee.
"Ro, I've got to go." I tell my best friend, Rosalie, who brought me to my favorite place to make me feel better.
I gesture lightly with my head to where he's sitting behind her and she turns her head to glance at him and then back at me within a second. One look at my face and she knows it's just too much, too soon for me.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. Wait, just let me settle the bill and then I'll drop you off."
"No need for that. I'd rather walk. You know it helps me get my head straight." I say as I get up, trying not to make my escape too obvious.
Rosalie regarded me carefully before she nodded and stood up to give me a gentle hug, squeezing my waist.
"It's going to be alright, girl." She says in a reassuring tone.
"I know. Thanks." I know no such thing.
After I put on my coat, I step out of the fancy hotel and start walking. The night is so cold that my breaths come out in swirls of visible mist. I shiver and burrow my hands deeper into the pockets, quickening my pace. I just want to get home so I can wrap my hands around a steamy cup of hot chocolate and marvel at the absolute clusterfuck my life has suddenly become. As I stride purposefully on the sidewalk, I hear the clack of hurried footfalls behind me and somehow, I just know it's him.
The only problem is I can't face him. I don't want to. Not yet. But it seems like I have no choice and I'm out of time. So I suck it up and have a complete meltdown before he reaches me.
I don't turn around. I don't stop. I just keep walking, ignoring him. I don't know if it's juvenile of me that I'm not listening or if there's something wrong with him, that he thinks I would even listen to him after what he's done.
"Bella," he's beside me now and he grabs my jacket-clad arm gently but firmly. I shake it loose, suddenly livid at his audacity. Anger is good – it takes my mind off the overwhelming panic I was feeling before.
"Don't touch me." I'm thankful that my voice isn't shaky, maybe because I'm talking through gritted teeth.
He looks hurt but I don't care. In fact, it feels good in a vindictive way and when this feeling registers in my mind I'm instantly disappointed in myself. To think I'm reduced to this – a woman scorned. I snort lightly and start walking again.
"Please what? Listen to you? You weren't man enough to say anything when you should've. Now you want to talk?" I laughed sarcastically, though there was no element of humor to be found in this fucked up situation. Only deep, gut-wrenching pain.
"Bella, you don't understand." He said and I stopped walking.
"You're right. I don't. And now, I don't even want to. Nothing you have to say will make this right, Edward." I turned to him completely and I realized I was crying but I didn't care, "What are you going to tell me? She's cheating on you, too? It was an arranged marriage? You don't love her anymore?"
I shook my head and continued, getting a little hysterical with every word, "Your words are meaningless to me now. You gave me a fucking promise ring, for God's sake. What was it for? A promise that it'll come to an end and I'll feel like a fool for ever trusting you?"
"Please don't say that, Bella. I love you." His voice was nothing but a whisper as he took a step forward and I involuntarily stepped back.
"Don't." I closed my eyes tightly, shaking my head disbelievingly, "You've betrayed me in the worst way, Edward. You hid the fact that you were married the whole time. I feel so wretched. I -" the sobs wracking through my body were making it hard to carry on. Edward raised his hand to comfort me but let it drop when halfway through. Good thing that he did. I'd lose it if he touched me now.
"Please don't feel bad. It's not your fault. It was all me. I just – I couldn't – I wanted you, Bella, and I just couldn't stay away from you. You're such a good person and I knew you'd never even look at me twice if you knew I was married."
"Are you hearing yourself right now? That's how you justify yourself? Cheating on her and never having the guts to tell me that I'm involved with a married fucking man." I was getting disgusted the longer he talked. "You shouldn't have come after me in the first place. And if you had to, like you seem to believe, you should've been truthful from the get go. You of all people, Edward. You've made me commit something terrible – something I never even deemed myself capable of doing."
"Bella, she -"
"I don't care if she's difficult. I don't care if she's got fangs. We did her wrong. I did her wrong and I'm not even sure I can forgive myself for that, let alone, you."
"Bella." It was a plea, a prayer and sheer agony.
I sucked in a shaky breath and straightened my back because what I was going to say wasn't easy, "Nothing, Edward. Not a word. You broke my trust and completely shattered me in the process. It's left us at a point of no return."
AN: *Crickets chirping*
Anybody with me? It's just one of those things that wouldn't leave my head, so I consulted the awesome PoeticBrunette and posted it. Let the chips fall where they may.