Author's Notes: So, I probably should have mentioned this when I first started doing post-eps, but I'll do so now since I imagine the wonderfulness that was shared in "We Take Care of Our Own" will spark more than the usual number of post-eps. In order not to be influenced in any way by directions that others choose to take their stories, I do not read any post-ep by any other author until mine has been written and posted. Even if it's one that I'm pretty sure will not come close to the direction I'm going, I refrain from reading until mine is completed. That being said, what a WONDERFUL and AMAZING episode! Can't wait to see where it goes from here. I hope you enjoy this story.
Disclaimer: The show Flashpoint and its characters were created by Mark Ellis and Stephanie Morgenstern and belong to them and its respective networks. I am making no money off this story and it is for entertainment purposes only. However, this particular story is my creation and should not be used without my express written permission.
How It's Gonna Go
"I should have gone with you."
Jules put her fork back in her fried rice and glanced over at her boyfriend. He'd been almost too quiet since they'd gotten home from their shift. Quiet to the point she could hear the wheels turning in his head. She'd been waiting on him to decide to share those thoughts with her since they'd settled onto the couch to eat their take-out hibachi. She frowned.
"You didn't really miss much, Sam."
He didn't look convinced. "I missed hearing her say you were pregnant."
She picked her fork up again and reached over to his plate and speared one of his broccoli florets and popped it in her mouth before he could protest. As she chewed and swallowed, she gave him a few of her carrots in exchange. Then she wiped her mouth with her napkin. "Sam, after three positive home pregnancy tests I don't think either of us really needed to hear the doctor say I was pregnant. Seriously, there wasn't anything earth shattering that happened. I had to pee in a cup, which you wouldn't have been able to watch; the nurse took blood, which you would have refused to watch; the doctor asked a bunch of questions and wrote out prescriptions for prenatal vitamins, which would have been boring to watch; and I made the next appointment, which is now in your calendar."
When her fork once more found its way over to his plate to steal another bite of broccoli, Sam grinned and gave her what was left of the green vegetable, even though it was his favorite as well. He knew, or at least was pretty sure, that this wasn't a craving. But considering she was carrying his child, he was willing to give in to her whims a little, especially if it was something that was good for both her and the baby. "I still should have told Ed and Sarge I couldn't make it this morning and gone with you instead. What if your doc thinks I'm some sort of deadbeat who doesn't care."
"She doesn't. And if you had canceled on the guys, they would have been suspicious. I wish I could have gotten a different time but she was working me in this morning as it was so I didn't have to take off from work. When the receptionist told me that it could either be today or next Thursday, I jumped on today without even thinking about it being your coffee morning with Sarge and Ed. I'm sorry. I just didn't think either of us would survive the suspense if I had waited." Ever since the Kovacs call and Sam had threatened to leave the SRU, Sam had been meeting with Sarge, Ed, and a few other veteran cops that met to discuss those cases that really got to them. She knew without Sam having to say that their coffee mornings since the shooting on the roof of the Royal York had been more important than usual, especially for Ed. Sam didn't like to miss them.
"No, I'm glad you took the appointment today; not knowing for sure was driving me crazy. Just rotten timing, that's all. But I don't care what's happening, I'm coming to the rest of your appointments. I want to be there every step of the way."
Jules reached out and cupped the side of his face lovingly in her hand. "You have been and you will be. Sam, you are going to be an amazing father. This baby is going to be so lucky to have you in his or her life just like I am to have you. So no worries. Okay?"
Sam reached up and trapped her hand between his own and his face. "Okay. But I mean it, I want to be there. Even if it's running out at two in the morning because you just have to have a mustard taco with grilled livers and horseradish sauce."
Jules wrinkled her nose. "Do me a favor; if I ever make a request like that at ANY time of the day, please don't rush out to get it. Be the voice of wisdom instead and get me something that actually makes sense to eat."
Sam chuckled. "Yes Ma'am."
They returned to eating but Jules noticed that Sam's eyes kept drifting down to her still very flat stomach. Each time they did, his grin would widen just a little more, like he knew a secret no one was supposed to know about. The almost boyish look on his face was endearing.
When she'd first realized it was possible she was pregnant, she'd been reasonably sure he would be excited about the idea, especially after their conversation on Valentine's Day. Still, that had been a few months ago. She was also pretty sure Sam had given up trying to figure out her schedule after that. Her playing with the dates to avoid being on her cycle for Valentine's day had necessitated another change to avoid the same problem on their vacation. In April when it hadn't come, she'd contributed it to her own body being confused by her manipulations to its normal routine and hadn't given it much thought. But when it hadn't happened this month either, she was pretty sure she knew the reason. She hadn't even tried a cute way of telling him the possibility existed. She'd simply handed him the empty birth control pack and said, "Now, we can call it an indicator."
They'd bought the home pregnancy test - a full three pack. Every morning for the next three days she'd started off her morning by peeing on the little stick provided. Each time the result was the same, thus her call to the doctor. Now, all their speculations had been confirmed and everything seemed much more real and even more exciting. Part of her had been a little worried that his feelings about having a baby might have changed but the almost giddy look of glee on his face clearly said those worries had been foolish.
After Sam set his take out container on the coffee table, he pulled her in close to his side so he could hold her as she finished hers. She wasn't surprised when his hand traveled under her red sweater to tenderly rub her stomach. Not wanting to move from the very comfortable position for even a moment, she reached her hand back to place her own container on the little table behind the couch. She rested her head on his arm and twisted her head to look up at him.
"You're thinking again." She accused lightly. "Care to share?"
He grinned down at her. "When do you think it happened?"
Jules rolled her eyes. "Please tell me you haven't been thinking all day about all the times we've made love trying to decide which one resulted in this baby."
He blushed slightly. "Well, not all day. I did manage to concentrate on work just a little. But yeah, aren't you curious?"
"If the doctor's calculations are correct - and it was a little harder because of my doubling up on my pills those two months - the best guess is that conception took place around mid March so I'm thinking while we were on vacation."
Instead of buying each other Christmas presents, they had decided to put the money they would have spent toward a nice vacation. They'd driven two hours to the Blue Mountain Ski Resort. The highlight for the trip for her had been the second night. A shiver of remembered delight ran up her spine as she thought about how Sam had made that particular night even more special than the rest of the trip. He'd taken her to a romantic dinner and then dancing - a special treat in and of itself. Then after dinner was over and they'd returned to their room, Sam had suggested that she take a nice long bubble bath in the spacious tub their room boasted. She'd half expected him to join her and had been a little disappointed when he hadn't. That was, until she'd emerged afterward to find he'd turned down all the lights in the room and started a fire in the fireplace. While she'd been silently fuming in the bathtub that he wasn't making use of the space with her, he'd been busy ordering room service with all kinds of romantic appetizers which he'd set up on the coffee table. He'd also spread out pillows, a comforter, and a sheet on the floor in front of the warm fire. She'd never felt more loved than she had as he'd made slow, gentle love to her right there on the floor of their room as the fire crackled nearby.
She flushed slightly from the heat of the memory, as she gazed up at him and ran her tongue lightly over her lower lip. "Unless someone can prove to me otherwise, I'm certain this baby was conceived that second night of our trip."
Sam leaned down and kissed her softly. Though they were usually careful about public displays of affection, the news that she was pregnant had brought out his demonstrative side today. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd kissed her since hearing the news; he just couldn't get enough of kissing her. Fortunately, she hadn't seemed to mind; in fact she seemed to welcome them as much as he wanted to give them.
"I love you so much. I know you are excited about the baby like I am." Sam assured her when he broke off the kiss. "But you told me before you wanted things to be in the right order, the whole 'first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Jules with the baby carriage.' Are you disappointed things aren't happening that order?"
Jules shook her head. "No. The moment I knew for sure there was a baby on the way, none of the other mattered. We've got the first part and really that's the most important. We love each other and we're going to love this baby. You told me you had a plan and I want you to stick with that. I want a proposal and a marriage to come on our terms not in response to the impending arrival of this little bundle of joy."
"It wouldn't just be in response…" Sam started to protest but Jules shushed him with another kiss.
"I know that but it still wouldn't be the same. I don't want you to feel like you have to rush into something. There's no hurry. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. We've got time to be excited about the baby and figure out the rest later."
Sam smirked. "Tomorrow?"
She slapped at his chest good naturedly. "Something like that. I'm not trying to be Scarlet O'Hara or anything. I just want to enjoy the moment without worrying about all the details. Is that wrong of me?"
Sam shook his head and kissed her again. "No, I know what you mean. There are things we've got to face but I guess they don't really matter as much as the fact that you've got a baby growing inside you; a baby we created. That's pretty amazing."
Her grin matched his and her own hand covered his that was still caressing her stomach. Even though the baby was still way too small for either of them to feel anything different, it was reassuring to know that the life they had created was just under their hands. "Yeah, it is. All day long when I've actually had a moment to stop and think about something other than the job, it's like the idea that I'm going to be a mom just hits me all over again, like I'm hearing for the first time. Doesn't seem real yet."
"I know what you mean. Before the end of the year, we're going to be parents." Sam looked around the living room, trying to imagine it with baby paraphernalia scattered about.
"Maybe even before Christmas." Jules agreed. How perfect would it be that they would be welcoming their child into the world at such a beautiful and magical time of year?
Now that they were talking about the baby, Sam's quiet mood seemed to have completely evaporated. "You think it's a boy or a girl?"
"I think it's early enough that he or she's not even absolutely sure yet." Jules quipped.
Now it was Sam who rolled his eyes. "Ok, but which do you want it to be?"
Jules thought about the question for several moments before responding. "Part of me hopes it's a boy; I grew up with four older brothers that looked out for me the way only an older brother can. I see what a great older brother you are. I'd like that for the start of our family as well. At the same time though, there's something about a little girl that appeals to me just as much. What about you?"
Sam shrugged. "I don't know. When I haven't been thinking about how he or she was conceived, I've been thinking a lot about the gender. Somehow a boy sounds safer. I can teach him things and ideas like him dating wouldn't scare me so much. But I'd be lying if I haven't been imagining how beautiful a little girl would be either. Both scare me a little. I can just see my dad pressuring our son to join the military and I would want him to be free to make his own choices. And there's just so much about a little girl that scares me."
Jules twisted in his arms enough that she could look up at him properly. "What things are you wanting to teach him that you couldn't teach a girl?"
Again Sam blushed and mumbled. "Things a dad can teach a son that he can't teach a daughter."
It was obvious he wanted to drop the matter but Jules pushed it a little further. "Like what? Dad taught me how to hunt and fish and pretty much the same things he taught my brothers."
Now Sam was a full red. "Okay, so I don't actually remember this because I was too little but Mom likes to pick at me about it. She turned potty training over to my dad. Said he put Cheerios in the toilet and taught me how to aim by trying sink them. Considering I don't have too many memories of Dad doing things with me, I've always liked the idea that he took that time with me. I want that experience with my son even if he's too little to remember it later."
Jules smiled and kissed his blushing cheek. "I think that's sweet; a little gross and I'm not sure I want to eat Cheerios any time in the near future now but sweet. And if this is a little boy, then you may have the honor of doing all the potty training. In fact, you can even have all the diapers leading up to potty training as well, if you'd like."
"Will we use cloth diapers or disposables? Bottle or breast feed? Are we going to be those parents that let the baby cry himself or herself to sleep at night or will we hold and rock him or her?"
"I love you Sam, but…" Sam's excitement and grin dimmed a little when she spoke. Belatedly she remembered the last time she's started off with that line. She kissed him again and then started over. "Sam, I love you and I love that you are this excited about the baby. I really do. That being said, however, you've got to slow down a little. Take a deep breath and relax a little. This is day one of us knowing we're going to be parents. We've got seven more months to go. It's a marathon, not a sprint; you're going to have to pace yourself. We don't have to figure everything out tonight. Although I'm pretty sure the 'you' in that 'we' would have a little bit of trouble with breast feeding. Just saying."
Sam hung his head slightly. "Sorry, I'm driving you crazy, aren't I?"
Jules shook her head, snuggling in closer to his side. His hand rubbing circles on her stomach was relaxing her to the point she could feel herself getting sleepy. For a moment she tried to picture the coming months as her stomach started to swell with the new life growing. Would this be how they spent every night for the next seven months? Her curled up next to Sam while his hand caressed her stomach, either soothing their unborn child or provoking it into tumbles and pokes while they discussed their plans and hopes for the future? She definitely liked the sound of it.
"You aren't driving me crazy; not at all. I've just been reeling all day from the thought that we're having a baby at all and here you are already thinking about practical things. There's so much involved with having a baby that it's a little overwhelming. If I stop to think about it all, I'm going to pass just being scared to downright terrified about all this. I don't want that. I want to be excited instead. So, is it okay if tonight we just concentrate on the joy of having a baby and worry about the practical stuff later?"
Sam's hand stilled for just a second. This wasn't the first time she'd alluded to the fact that she was scared. Was she really that worried? "What scares you, Jules?"
She shrugged and wiggled out of his arms. He almost tightened his hold so she couldn't but let her get up instead. He watched as she carried their take out containers and glasses back to the kitchen. He expected her to come straight back and when she didn't after a few minutes, he got up and followed her. She was standing with her back against the sink counter with both of her hands over her stomach. Her expression was so pensive and her lower lip was quivering as a couple of tears slipped down her cheeks.
Sam was beside her in an instant. He wanted to put his arms around her and hold her close but at the same time the way she was standing there scared him. Had something happened? Was something wrong with the baby?"
"Jules, Sweetheart, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
She looked up and nodded. After wiping her eyes with the crook of her arm, she looked up at him. "What if I'm not good at this?"
"Good at what?" Sam asked shaking his head. Then her words from earlier hit him like a club upside the head: Sam, you are going to be an amazing father. This baby is going to be so lucky to have you in his or her life just like I am to have you. Did she need to hear those words reflected back toward her? "Jules, please tell me you aren't doubting yourself. Baby, you are going to be the best mom this baby could ever hope to have."
Now he did envelop her in his arms. She shook her head against his chest. "Will I? Face it, Sam; I have a tendency to be a little selfish at times. To put my own wants ahead of everyone else's. But this baby… he or she has no choice but to depend on me for everything. What if I get so wrapped up in myself that I do the same thing to him or her?"
Sam cupped her face in his hands and made her look up at him. Even still she wouldn't meet his gaze. "Jules, you aren't going to do that. Why would you even think that?"
"Today, you kept worrying about me doing the job but I kept putting you off. I was so concerned with you not treating me different, concerned that this pregnancy wasn't going to change the way I live my life. That's pretty damn selfish if you ask me. And even as I recognize that, I still don't want to give up SRU while I'm pregnant. What kind of mother does that make me?"
Sam didn't know what to say. He didn't want her questioning herself. Sure, the idea of putting her life - or the baby's- on the line scared him but surely there was a compromise where she could still do the work that she loved without the danger. He meant what he'd said to her before they left the headquarters that afternoon. He didn't want to tell her not to do her job. It wasn't fair. "Jules, just because you are devoted to your job doesn't mean you aren't going to be a good mother. If this baby is a boy, he's going to grow up with a healthy respect for what women are capable of because he's going to have the strongest most capable mom possible. If she's a girl, then she's going to know it's okay for her to want to be anything she wants to be and not to let anyone tell her it's not possible because she's a girl. And you aren't in this alone. We're in it together."
Jules frowned. "What makes you so sure? What if I suck at being a mom?"
Sam snorted and kissed the tip of her nose. "Because you have never sucked at anything a day in your life. You'll see, this won't be any different. Now, what happened to us just enjoying the idea that we're going to have a baby and worry about anything else tomorrow?"
Jules nodded and let him lead her back to the living room. Once again they snuggled in close together on the couch. Sam's hand once more found its way inside her shirt to softly rub her stomach, and once again Jules allowed the motion to relax her. She was about to drift off when Sam spoke once more.
"Is it too early to think about names?"
Jules smiled and opened her eyes to look up at him. "Probably but I have a feeling you're asking because you have something in mind. Go ahead."
Sam grinned down at her. "So if it's a girl, what about Sierra Joy?"
"No." Jules's response was immediate. At Sam's crestfallen face, she reached up to touch his cheek. "What were you thinking if it's a boy, Remmington Scorpio?" His eyes lit up and she shook her head. "Not happening, Sam. Sorry. We aren't going to name this baby after terms we use at work that have to do with taking lives. Is that really the legacy you want to give this child?"
Sam thought about it for a moment. "No, I guess not. Maybe we should start a couple of lists. One for names we absolutely don't want and one for names to consider."
Jules nodded. "Any you want on the not a chance list?"
Sam nodded. "Warren. It's a family name but not one I've ever been crazy about. What about you? Besides completely shooting down my first choices- with good reason, of course."
"Julia. Every time I hear that name I think about this cocky guy that tried to flirt with me when he first met me. Asked me if Jules was short for Julia. Then nearly got me killed a few weeks later by calling this guy holding me hostage a jackass."
Sam grinned down at her, remembering the conversation she was talking about, and knowing he would never live that training exercise down no matter how much time passed or how many real situations he skillfully negotiated. "Fine, no Julia. Got any suggestions for the possible list?"
Jules nodded. "What about naming the baby after your sister if it's a girl?"
Sam's eyes widened in surprise but he was touched at the same time. "I'd like that. Yeah, what about your mom? Would you want to name a daughter after her?"
"One of my brother's has already done that. I've also got a suggestion for a boy." She seemed a little more hesitant to say it so Sam nodded, his blue eyes searching hers.
Sam sucked in his breath. Both Matt and Lew were good men and Sam would be honored to name a child after them. "I like it."
"It's just an idea," Jules reminded him. "A name on the list to consider. Not something we're deciding tonight."
"Definitely a name to consider." Sam agreed. "So this is really gonna happen, isn't it?"
Jules's matching grin was just as bright. "Yeah, I guess it really is. You ready for it?"
"Not even the slightest bit. But at least we have seven months to get there."
Jules nodded. "Why do I have a feeling we're going to need every moment of that time?"